Everything you say can and will be used against you by the narcissist. So be mindful, be careful.
“The courage you need is found in the muscle called the heart”
Kim Krans, The Wild Unknown Tarot Guidebook
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Everything you say can and will be used against you by the narcissist. So be mindful, be careful.
1. Gaslight you into thinking you are too sensitive and caused the drama
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically gas lighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
This happens in any sort of relationship, a parent to child lover, to lover, you know, any type of abuse, abuse, or to victim. There are some examples of gas light. Where they’re lying, saying negative things about you indicating inadequacies causing you to be defensive. there’s also disputes. If you attempt to call out a gas lighter on their lies, they will escalate their tactics even more.
Labeling the child’s feeling is another example, telling a child how they feel can disregard how they actually feel in a given situation denying the truth. Insisting that their child is making things up, questioning the child’s memory, insisting that only their version of the story is appropriate.
Shifting blame, blaming their child for their own mistakes. Dismissing the child’s needs rejecting requests in a cruel and vindictive or neglectful way. Gaslighting sounds like you need help. You’re so emotional. I never did that. You’re the one who’s lying. Why are you even here? If you think I’m so terrible, then stop feeling sorry for yourself. That didn’t happen. I didn’t say that. It’s not a big deal. It’s your fault. I was just joking. You’re remembering things wrong.
You sound crazy. Calm down. You’re so dramatic. Don’t be so sensitive. Why so defensive all the time. I wouldn’t have done that to you. You’re always twisting things. You’re imagining things. That’s a false accusation. Don’t get upset over nothing. I didn’t mean it like that. Obviously all of these phrases are subtle forms of emotional abuse and manipulation.
2. Mocking your requests and feelings discrediting you
And as long as you continue to react so strongly to the narcissist and continue to let them have the power of your mind over you continue to mock you and discredit what you truly feel inside. You give them the power to control you. You give them the power to tell you what to think and what to do and what to.
Narcissists rewrite history to escape, accountability, period.
3. Project their unacceptable behavior onto you and trick into thinking you did it.
They never apologize. And they always push everything back on others. You’ll hear more in detail about this in Thursday’s (7/7/22) podcast with Dr. Marni Hill, a wonderful guest. I’m so excited to share with you. And we talked about it last week with Nikki Eisenhower, M.ED licensed psychotherapist.
Everything you say can and will be used against you by the narcissist. So be mindful, be careful.
Don’t give them too much language. Don’t give them too many words to twist and turn back onto you.
They’re skilled manipulators because they know how to get certain behaviors out of another person they’ve been poking and pressing and experimenting and trying.
They’ve been plotting, but they’ve been plotting for bad versus for freedom. . So if you dare question the narcissist, they may call you crazy. So why waste your effort?
There is no better way , than to dismiss your point then saying you’re crazy. They love to say you’re crazy.
This projection it’s kind of goes hand in hand with gas lighting. So the phrases are very, very similar.They’ll say “you’re crazy that didn’t happen.” “You need a mental evaluation.” “you need help.” “It was only a joke.”
4. Spinning an elaborate lie that you don’t know where to start to prove wrong driving you into frustration and anger
The problem is they spin an elaborate lie that makes you not know where to start to even prove that it’s wrong. And it drives you into frustration and anger. They blame you for being angry. They blame you for being the angry and unstable one
Accusing you of being the Narcissist and abusive. And then this is the most painful part is they ignore you. They disregard what you say in any argument, they stop talking to you. They shut you out and then there’s no repair. You feel like it’s hopeless, there’s no repair, but for some reason they’ve wrapped you around their little finger and all you want is to repair with them.
this is why I created the free boundaries workshop, because in order for you to stop this crazed cycle, in order for you to stop being tricked by their mind tricks, you have to develop a strong inner heart, a strong desire, a strong inner authority to know what your boundaries.
And you can’t let them be pushed. You can’t let them be crossed and you just have to truly believe and love yourself enough to know that you’re worthy of those boundaries. I know it’s some deep work. It’s some deep work that goes back to our childhoods. I get it. That’s why it’s a workshop. It’s not easy.
This is your next step to defeating the narcissist. learn how to master your boundaries, How to release responsibility for another’s emotional response. How to feel the power of your self sovereignty, free yourself from narcissistic abuse. and draw long lasting powerful boundaries Get your free How empaths can draw powerful boundaries workshop now at Raven scott.show/free-workshop
And remember —
The courage you need is found in the muscle called the heart.
Kim Krans
Always keep your unique light shining!
~Raven Scott
Transcript
Four Tricks Narcissists use to make empaths the problem
[00:00:00]
[00:00:03] Raven Scott: This is your next step to defeating the narcissist. learn how to master your boundaries, How to release responsibility for another’s emotional response. How to feel the power of your self sovereignty, free yourself from narcissistic abuse. and draw long lasting powerful boundaries Get your free How empaths can draw powerful boundaries workshop now at Raven scott.show/free-workshop
[00:00:38] Welcome to the empath and the narcissist podcast. Where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse. I am your host, Raven, Scott. And I welcome you here. To the show. If you are new and are enjoying this podcast. Help me help others. Rate and review. Take a screenshot and DME At Raven Scott show on Instagram. for a free human design reading.
[00:01:12] To answer your pressing question. About the root cause. Your future. And external forces that influence you.
[00:01:20] Raven Scott: The courage you need is found in the muscle called the heart.
[00:01:31] Today, I’m sharing four tricks narcissists use to make empaths the problem I’m gonna share a quick little musing that I wrote last night while my mercury is activated squaring. My neptune I feel stuck. I am held in a contract. Not in my right mind. [00:02:00] I need to be free. I want to be free of the emotional neglect, this pain and misery.
[00:02:11] I know it exists this deep adoration and bliss. I must make my own money. I must earn my own freedom in order to freely be unstuck. I call in the abundant love that is waiting to cherish and socialize with me. I patiently wait while I work on securing my freedom. I will rise. I will fly and chase the desires of my heart, rejoice in my cherished, joyful moments with or without.
[00:02:47] I crave to be free. I want to be free with all my heart. I plea bring the abundance for me to be set free.
[00:03:01] Narcissists, love to use their mind tricks. To keep us in control to keep us in the relationship, to keep us where they love us to be in the comfortable, cozy complacent spot. And when we’re complacent and we’re not on alert to their tricks, we stay we’re used and abused. We were neglected and we’re just like a little trophy on a shelf and they’ve walked away.
[00:03:34] But I encourage you to consider that your partnerships and relationships can be like you and a Teddy bear. The Teddy bear also can be neglected, but most of the time it is, uh, sitting on a bed, waiting for you to return sometimes taking a nap with, uh, interacting with, and the child sometimes plays with that Teddy bear.
[00:03:59] Like a [00:04:00] cherished toy. You are to be cherished, not a toy to be played with, but in this analogy, as a child would play with a Teddy bear, that’s what you can have in a relationship with another human being there’s times for us
[00:04:16] to have independent time alone time. Working time, you know, being our own strong human being. And there’s other times where we have fun and socialize together and bond and laugh with your partner, those times are those times in analogy where the child is playing with the Teddy bear. And then there’s times at night when you snuggle up and you bond physically without any words and just hold space for each other.
[00:04:52] There are also times when a child is sad. They go to that Teddy bear because that’s a safe space. This is what you deserve. This is what we can have. If we learn the tricks of the narcissist and break free from their hold, it is like an elephant, you know, they’re trained at first with a chain around their
[00:05:16] leg
[00:05:17] Raven Scott: and pretty soon the handler can release the chain and the elephant won’t go farther than that perimeter that they learned that the chain held them even when it’s undone. So there’s a story about this. Uh, tsunami I heard about in there was an island. . And these elephants were there. They broke free of their chains, or they might have not even been chained.
[00:05:43] And they ran away before the humans knew that this giant tsunami was coming. And they ran away. But surprisingly of course, they came back to the area of where they were receiving their food. Right. So they were coming back to this captivity after everything settled.[00:06:00]
[00:06:00] They knew what was going on and some elephants chose to stay. And the other ones, which I’m encouraging you to have the courage to do was they saw there were no handlers. They saw the prison was gone and they wandered free to find their own food. And they left. This is the goal. This is the work we do.
[00:06:25] The attention and adoration that is poured onto the empath by the narcissist is like a monsoon in a desert. And it feels so good because they’ve been pared and neglected for so long. This is just one of the many powerful messages from my book, the empath and the narcissist, how to overcome narcissistic abuse, recovered from PTSD quote dependency.
[00:06:48] Sliding manipulation, a guide to heal childhood trauma with effective exercises. This book contains 20 plus healing resources, guided meditation exercises and journal problems for healing, human design and astrology concepts. Buy your copy on Amazon today.
[00:07:11] Raven Scott: And I wanted to share a tarot that I pulled this morning. It’s beautiful card of a lion and it’s the, , major Arcana card strength. And in this particular card that was drawn by an artist, Kim Krans from The Wild, Unknown tarot card. it’s gorgeous. It’s a pencil hand drawn of a lion with an infinity symbol on the forehead, highlighted in orange and yellow.
[00:07:40] There’s Sunray pouring down behind the lion’s head again in sun, in red, orange and yellow. And this lion is not fierce. This lion is not roaring. This lion has. Beautiful calm eyes and is holding gently arose [00:08:00] in its mouth. And it’s common to think that lions are depicted as fierce and fighting and killing, but they have heart, they have loyalty, and that can be the downfall of us empaths right.
[00:08:20] Our loyalty to the, the narcissist. But look again. The strength in the lion in this card suggests that it is much deeper force that is found within the lion represents our most patient composed self sometimes with a narcissist and you have children and complexities, or you don’t have money. Like I was saying, you’re patient.
[00:08:49] You wait to break free composed, knowing what your plan. The lion is a master of focus. They hunt, they creep, they crawl, they stalk stalk your plan, stalk your freedom and know that you are going to have it find small, tiny, subtle, maybe under the radar actions of earning your own money. The lion has compassion and self control.
[00:09:23] And when this card comes up, which it has for me this morning. And for you, I pulled it for all of us. For the podcast. This card comes up, you’re in need of harnessing this power, this compassionate self control, laser focused strength, deep within from your heart. You are yearning to be free from these tricks and you can, when you focus on the inside and you focus on your plan, you will break [00:10:00] free.
[00:10:01] So the first trick. For our educational purposes to bring light onto narcissism so that in order that we can dispel it and we can see it and recognize it when it’s happening, because the narcissist is very good at confusing us and making us think that they are acting out of wellbeing and just messing with our minds.
[00:10:25] Number one is a gas light you into thinking you are too sensitive. And caused the drama or the conflict Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically gas lighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
[00:10:56] This happens in any sort of relationship, a parent to child lover, to lover, you know, any type of abuse, abuse, or to victim. There are some examples of gas light. Where they’re lying, saying negative things about you indicating inadequacies causing you to be defensive. there’s also disputes. If you attempt to call out a gas lighter on their lies, they will escalate their tactics even more.
[00:11:27] Labeling the child’s feeling is another example, telling a child how they feel can disregard how they actually feel in a given situation denying the truth. Insisting that their child is making things up, questioning the child’s memory, insisting that only their version of the story is appropriate.
[00:11:48] Shifting blame, blaming their child for their own mistakes. Dismissing the child’s needs rejecting requests in a cruel and vindictive or [00:12:00] neglectful way. Gaslighting sounds like you need help. You’re so emotional. I never did that. You’re the one who’s lying. Why are you even here? If you think I’m so terrible, then stop feeling sorry for yourself. That didn’t happen. I didn’t say that. It’s not a big deal. It’s your fault. I was just joking. You’re remembering things wrong.
[00:12:30] You sound crazy. Calm down. You’re so dramatic. Don’t be so sensitive. Why so defensive all the time. I wouldn’t have done that to you. You’re always twisting things. You’re imagining things. That’s a false accusation. Don’t get upset over nothing. I didn’t mean it like that. Obviously all of these phrases are subtle forms of emotional abuse and manipulation.
[00:13:03] and this I’m sure you have heard all of these, if not a handful of these that have really made you question. Am I being too sensitive? Am I too emotional? Wait, did I say that? What did I say? Keep a journal. You guys keep a journal. Am I going crazy? Am I the crazy one? The answer’s no, you are not the crazy.
[00:13:31] You just aren’t, your feelings are valid, no matter how dramatic they are, because you exist. And feelings exist just as the earth has waves and tides and huge tsunamis. And a tsunami naturally is caused by an earthquake out in the middle of the ocean, just as when we overly explode. And [00:14:00] we. Disrupt because we can’t hold it in anymore because they’re making us feel so crazy.
[00:14:07] That’s it’s just natural. Okay. It’s natural. Number two way that the narcissist tricks you into making the empath the problem is mocking your request and feelings discrediting you. so mocking your request is a huge one, because again, it’s, it’s not holding space for what you need. It’s not holding space for your feelings.
[00:14:39] I mean, a lot of times our, our requests are pretty normal, but they are also emotional driven. I remember in my circumstance, I would have a conversation with my friends and I would say, you know, I’m exhausted, I’m hungover. Right. They’d always be like, how are you? Okay, what’s going on?
[00:14:55] Because I would show up to work Placid, like looking horribly white and pale, like blueish almost, you know, like just like I was gonna throw up because I was hungover. I had been up, you know, till about two to 3:00 AM that night I had to wake up. Six or seven. I think I barely made it to work when I woke up at seven, 7:30 AM.
[00:15:20] So that gave me just a couple hours of sleep. And as you know, as an empath, we need our sleep. , I’m very strict about needing at least eight hours of sleep to function. And I think it’s normal for a lot of human beings, but especially as sensitives. . My friends would say, wow, that you, he kept you up that lady, what were you guys doing?
[00:15:43] And I always say, well, we were having sex. Oh, that’s not normal. How long, you know, like all these weird, like girl kind of questions would come up, I’d be like four hours. They’d be like, uh, you know, that’s not actually like normal and did you enjoy, um, not most of the time. I [00:16:00] didn’t, no. I was like, I was done like 30 minutes in and , they would encourage me to go back and share my needs.
[00:16:10] I have work in the morning, please let me go to sleep. You know, let’s keep our partying to one hour. Right. All very reasonable requests. And when I did, he would mock it. He would discredit it and say, you liked it. You enjoyed it. We were having fun. We were laughing. We were, we were dancing. We were listening to music.
[00:16:30] We were doing all the things you, you didn’t tell me to stop. You could have just told me to stop. He would say, oh yeah. Right. Because when I do, and when I have in the past or passed out, because I said stop in the past and you hadn’t finished. you would torment me with neglect with this disgusted kind of look on your face.
[00:16:53] You would scoff and go, Ugh. You know, like you’d be disgusted in me. So, no, I couldn’t just say, Hey, I need to go to work in the morning stop because of these behaviors that he conditioned me in the past, that, that wasn’t what pleased him. And I was always about pleasing him.
[00:17:11] So he would mock my request by not listening to it. He would mock it by turning the narrative back around and discrediting my friends who were trying to help me. He would go on and on about proving how worthless they were as human beings. And they shouldn’t be giving me the advice.
[00:17:31] And as long as you continue to react so strongly to the narcissist and continue to let them have the power of your mind over you continue to mock you and discredit what you truly feel inside. You give them the power to control you. You give them the power to tell you what to think and what to do and what to say.
[00:17:54] Narcissists rewrite history to escape, accountability, [00:18:00] period. Number three, the trick of the narcissist used to make empaths the problem is they project their unacceptable behavior onto you and trick you into thinking you did it always, always, always. Don’t they do that? It’s so infuriating, because in the end I would be turned around thinking that, yeah, I need to fix this because I was the one that caused the problem
[00:18:31] And I didn’t, start the problem. I just didn’t get my needs met. I didn’t draw a hard enough boundary. I didn’t, you know, not care what his response was. I was all into making sure he was happy. and there lies my responsibility. That’s the part I can take. I wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t pull from my heart’s fire to draw that boundary and not care what his reaction was to walk away and say, know what?
[00:19:00] No more. I don’t care. You’re not, you’re not gonna continue to treat me like this no matter. Much of a God that I think you are how high I’ve put you on the pedestal. This just isn’t okay. And I did finally, but it took me seven times. So give yourself grace. This projection is a real tactic. It is a real trick because this is what the narcissist does.
[00:19:25] They never apologize. And they always push everything back on others. You’ll hear more in detail about this in Thursday’s podcast with Dr. Marni hill, a wonderful guest. I’m so excited to share with you. And we talked about it last week with Nikki Eisenhower, M .ED. She is a licensed, psychotherapist.
[00:19:51] So this is real stuff. You guys, this isn’t something I’m making up because. The only one who’s experienced it. This is, this is tried [00:20:00] and true psychotherapy stuff. Projection, everything you say can and will be used against you by the narcissist. So be mindful, be careful. There’s a thing called gray rock method.
[00:20:17] Don’t give them too much language. Don’t give them too many words to twist and turn back onto you. So if you are in that mode where you’re planning and you’re being patient, use the least amount of words and emotion towards what they say to you, you say, oh, mm-hmm that’s. That is what it is, right. That okay.
[00:20:42] I mean, my favorite’s always like, whatever. Okay. The narcissist try to destroy your. With lies, especially after you leave with their smear campaigns, because theirs can be destroyed with the truth. They’re skilled manipulators because they know how to get certain behaviors out of another person they’ve been poking and pressing and experimenting and trying.
[00:21:10] They’ve been plotting, but they’ve been plotting for bad versus for freedom. . So if you dare question the narcissist, they may call you crazy. So why waste your effort? If they can’t control you, they’ll seek to control how others see you. So let go of that fight too. If those people are so clouded and they can’t see from evidence the truth now, or down the line, then they weren’t true friends or family, and you’re better off without them.
[00:21:46] There is no better way , than to dismiss your point then saying you’re crazy. They love to say you’re crazy. You’re acting crazy. That’s crazy. You’re crazy.
[00:21:56] Again, this projection it’s kind of goes hand in hand [00:22:00] with gas lighting. So the phrases are very, very similar. so they’ll say you’re crazy that didn’t happen. You need a mental evaluation. Uh, you need help. It was only a joke. They’ll also say things like what they did. They will say you did that. You, you know, Kept us up all night, because let’s say for, in my instance, you weren’t hot enough to get me off.
[00:22:25] Like all of a sudden it’s my problem. Like I have no control over this person’s body. Right. That sounds crazy. But when you’re in it, you’re like, oh yeah, I guess I wasn’t, I guess I need to now wear high heels while we have sex. Like crazy, crazy, crazy thoughts that I thought that I could just fix it with all these different extra, like steps.
[00:22:46] you know, like, you’re, you just feel like you’re losing your mind and you’re going deeper and deeper into this vortex, deeper and deeper into this pleasing them, but you can’t ever, you can’t ever, cuz they’re never satisfied themselves. And when a toxic person can no longer control you once you’ve found that freedom, once you’ve found your strength, your inner.
[00:23:12] that is when you finally have the freedom and they’ll try, they’ll try to control you with others, but you, you know, that, that that’s just misinformation, you know, in your heart, the truth, you know, what is true. And sometimes you just, you, you can’t convince them all the time. You can’t convince them. Um, and that is, that is the hardest.
[00:23:40] Sometimes you can’t prove it in the argument. You can’t prove it in the courtroom, but you can prove it over time with your actions and with their actions and they will slip up and they will start to spin out of control and spiral. I know mine went spiraling down for the worst, you know, he had this smear campaign, but he also [00:24:00] had, you know, holes in his credibility because he was physically, mentally just spiral.
[00:24:08] They started to become concerned for him and asked me like, oh, were you guys doing drugs when you were together? I said, no, Nope. We were not number four. The last trick I’ll share today with you, that narcissists use to make impact. The problem is
[00:24:26] they spin an elaborate lie that makes you not know where to start to even prove that it’s wrong. And it drives you into frustration and anger. They blame you for being angry. In the end, right? That big tsunami, they blame you for the eruption that naturally occurred because they’re spinning this elaborate line.
[00:24:51] You can’t figure out where to start and where to begin and how to disprove it. And then they will flip that dis that disapproval up on its head and. Send you another false lie that makes you go wait, what, what, what, what, I don’t even like, you can’t even comprehend you, you really do feel like you’re going crazy.
[00:25:11] Cuz they are making you crazed. It’s their distraction tactic like Nikki Eisenhower said and episode 62. So then they accuse you. Of being the narc. This is their game. You spin it all against you. They make you feel crazy. You start to freak out, you start to get really pissed and then they’re like, see you, you are the one being crazy.
[00:25:33] You are the narcissist. Don’t call me the narcissist. You’re the one abusing me. I have to prove myself that I’m innocent. And then this is the most painful part is they ignore you. They disregard what you say in any argument, they stop talking to you. They shut you out and then there’s no repair. You feel like it’s hopeless, there’s no repair, [00:26:00] but for some reason they’ve wrapped you around their little finger and all you want is to repair with them.
[00:26:06] It’s infuriating. I know it’s infuriating. I feel your pain. I feel it. And I’m here to help you. You know, this is why I created the free boundaries workshop, because in order for you to stop this crazed cycle, in order for you to stop being tricked by their mind tricks, you have to develop a strong inner heart, a strong desire, a strong inner authority to know what your boundaries.
[00:26:39] And you can’t let them be pushed. You can’t let them be crossed and you just have to truly believe and love yourself enough to know that you’re worthy of those boundaries. I know it’s some deep work. It’s some deep work that goes back to our childhoods. I get it. That’s why it’s a workshop. It’s not easy.
[00:26:58] It’s not a one and done read it and I’ve transformed forever. It is a lifelong journey and work. And for us who are empaths who have encountered this? This is our soul’s work. This is our work to be able to speak up, to draw boundaries. And to know that we are worthy, we are worthy, you are loved.
[00:27:25] So that is the four tricks narcissists use to make. empaths the problem. I pray. This has served you. I pray that you can reach out to me anytime, to ask questions and advice. Vice take a screenshot of this podcast. Put it up onto your Instagram stories or feed and tag me, I would love to connect with you, hear your story and just be a support system for you.
[00:27:52] This is why the podcast is here
[00:27:54] and always, always remember. Remember that the courage [00:28:00] that you need. Can be found in the muscle known as the heart and keep your unique
[00:28:07] light shining.
Bonus: How to master your boundaries:
- Envision yourself saying NO
- Feel the power of your self sovereignty
- Dream of yourself saying NO
- Step into your courage, pushing through fear, and taking action to say NO.
- Be detached with the others emotional response (which may be like a child’s temper tantrum)
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