How is Narcissism related to Patriarchy? A Journey from Maiden to Mother with Sarah Durham Wilson | Ep 96

“Narcissist is an uninitiated human. They have not met their humanity. They’re a product of the patriarchy, which in narcissism. Which is spoiled little humans.” 

— Sarah Durham Wilson Ep 96 How to Heal the Mother Wound from Narcissistic Abuse
Photo by Birmingham Museums Trust on Unsplash

The bridge from Maiden to Mother has been broken. 

When the goddess culture was stolen and buried, so too were women’s rites of passage into our wild, intuitive femininity and maturity. 

With Maiden to Mother book, Sarah Durham Wilson excavates these ancient rites, guiding us through a sacred and crucial initiation from the immature Maiden into the archetypal Mother―the powerful, safe, compassionate, full-bloom feminine life force that exists within all of us. 

Becoming the Mother is every woman’s birthright―regardless of whether or not she raises children. The Mother is who we needed as a child, who we were meant to be in this life, and who the world needs us to be now. Buy The Maiden to Mother book on Amazon & listen on Audible. https://themotherspirit.com/

The midlife passage is what sets Sarah on fire. Sarah says this deep rooted resourced confidence that I have in myself as a teacher is a result of the mother work or feminine maturity work.

This is the place through which she guides women to find their mother river. For example, her mother river is her daughter, the children. Her health and the health of the Earth. . She is amazing. You are in for a treat. She is also a character. So I’m really excited to share with you the conversation I had with Sarah. Listen below.

Here are my takeaways 

We can’t keep going to the same person for what they can’t provide

Every interaction, lately, in my adult life with my parents, I felt like I was this little child begging for time and love. And I realized I am still that maiden. I am still that little child. Reading Sarah’s book helped me identify I was still stuck. 

Consider this analogy: 

“A Beachy an old rustic General story, is like a person. And it’s got what it’s got. It’s had the same things on the goddamn shelves. It’s whole rusty, old, beautiful beach, always. In their whole life. 

Does it sell? “I’m proud of you.” Nope. Never has. “Does it sell intimacy?” Never been on the shelves. Who’s the crazy one that keeps going into the store being like, “Do you have this I need it.” And they’re like, “Ma’am, you came in here for this yesterday and the day before that and for the last 43 years and we told you we don’t sell it.”

Outside love is like coke, addictive and unsatisfying. 

Inside yourself is an endless fountain of love for yourself. — Sarah Durham Wilson

The Patriarchy is bred in Narcissism

“If you never initiate into ‘What is my service to my community, what is my rent on the planet? How am I here to give my individual skill to this community and then receive back in reciprocity?’ Instead You keep going. ‘Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.’ And you lord over everyone else, right?”

Narcissists are these reactive defensive children that literally are, they’re so hurt and insecure. And, with this most deepest, un belonging, infantile need for overinflation of who they are. And they are very dangerous emotionally. You shouldn’t stay or fix them because of this, but just know they are products of a culture with no great mother, with spoiled white men creating the rules of this culture. And so is the empath on the opposite spectrum. Lost and unaware you are seek love in all the wrong places due to this lack of a Divine Mother. 

“Patriarchy has no gender. We would love to say it’s just men, but holy hell. My first ever narcissist was a female spiritual yoga teacher.” — Sarah Durham Wilson

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

She said, “Do what she said, not what she did.”

Double standard hypocrisy is always narcissistic trait.

And then gas light people . The moment you ask questions at all. And then reverse the blame all back on you and “who are you to ask me?”

And “you do this bad”, and they hold all your wounds because they love bombed you through the beginning. So they have all your shit that they can use against you. So you can’t say anything or leave. I have this commitment, and then your are stuck in it. They’ve never done any decolonization work.

Your “type “ of lover is a mirror to your insides

Photo by Artur Voznenko on Unsplash

Until Sarah went in and looked at her inner masculine, every relationship was always a reflection of that.

“My type were, gorgeous on the outside, disgusting on the inside dudes.

I had to do the work and now they are not in my field. And if I sense one, I’m like, You’re disgusting. Like, I’m out. I know you’re good in bed. I can see it all over you, that’s the only thing you are good for, nothing else is worth it! …

As an empath, as a woman, like with Oman in the center of that word. And deeply with the lover archetype.

 I would fall in love anyway and think I could heal them if I slept with them.”

Who all can relate? I can 100% think my womb was going to fix him. But all it did was trap him more and make him more resentful because he had deep abandonment issues and a gaping mother wound. 

 I feel that on the flip side of the empathic healer there is a bit of the shadow in us. I’ve identified some of my narcissistic traits and arrogance to think that I could fix them. And like you said, it’s that mirror, because narcissist also think that they can control you and fix you into what they want.

There are phases to love with a Narcissist

The patriarchal men or narcissists, all think they’re so unique on the outside, like they are geniuses and they’re so different and above everyone else.

Photo by Crew on Unsplash

And they think and tell you, “if only everyone could see, they would be famous and they should be president and they should be mayor. And people are so stupid they don’t see how smart they are…” The funny thing is being a specialist in narcissists, I recognize that they really are all the same.

What irony to these men and women who talk about what geniuses they are, because they actually are all the exact same. Which is like probably a big piece of the wound of why they have to pretend. 

When you don’t know what’s happening and there are no words for it and framework, it’s very hard to get out of

To help you recognize where you are on this road of narcissistic entrapment. Here are six stages of being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Stage 1 I’m different : 

You think you are better than all the past lovers and this time it will be different because you are here.

Stage 2 Feels weird but you hang on to the feelings they fed you at beginning

Stage 3 Denial 

This can’t really be happening, he’s / she’s just upset about (fill in the blank)

Stage 4 Taking the Blame 

You think you angered them, you think all your problems are because you have flaws, because you need to work on yourself. And I just do this, it will be back to the way it was. You start to feel heavy and depressed and dis-ease in your body because it’s screaming at you. 

Stage 5 Fed up and Leaving

You finally wake up for a second, you are fed up, and you pack a bag in reaction to an argument and stay with a friends for the night. 

Stage 6 Going Back 

You get hoovered ( or guilted back into the relationship). Or you hoover yourself back by reaching out, because all of sudden you feel like a limb is missing. You are so enmeshed you can’t imagine life without them. Even though they blame you, shame you, and manipulate you. You bear the load and take on the challenge to fix it this next time. You think, you overreacted and you go back. 

Decolonization, realization of all these traits is, is a lifelong unraveling. Go easy on yourself and take it day by day. One emotional exercise to strengthen yourself at a time. 

Can a Narcissist Heal? 

“If there’s accountability, if there’s a willingness to heal, Bell Hook says ‘All men need is a willingness to change.’ If they have that. we can work with them. It’s when they don’t fucking have that, no contact.” 

Photo by Jose P. Ortiz on Unsplash

You will hear them say I want to change and I’m sorry I will fix it, but then after two days, a week, they have dropped the “ball” and they are back to their patterns again. 

The only way you can “heal them” is through your boundaries. Which means you must get strong in yourself because the boundary will be a take away of your presence. And make sure you follow through. Don’t be weak like the narcissist and only use words with no action. 

It’s going to be through you not putting up with it and them realizing that they need to change. And if they don’t in the end, then they never were going to change. But you know, you can’t stay and fix them. You can’t stay and heal them. That’s just not how it’s gonna happen cuz you are there crutch to never change or grow or heal their inner wound

How to shift into Divine Feminine energy rise into the power Mother archetype 

“Heal your inner feminine, heal your inner masculine to have your knight confident and protecting your inner Mother connected to creativity, and Earth and light. To the point that you can look at other healthy masculine in the eye, and toxic masculine can’t even meet your gaze. “

The wholeness and balance is what heals the energy imbalance.

Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

How to heal to narcissism is decolonization, derealization returning to the healthy feminine mother, because this is a toxic masculine energy. 

Reciprocity of divine feminine, which serves all is my great mother energy, the lover, the warrior, the queen, you know, the regenerative lover.

So leave anything that you know, in patriarchy, narcissism, and binary love behind.

Love is free.

You don’t need it from anyone else. Especially one who is going to abuse us with it. Withhold us, trick us, make us play games, walk on eggshells; none of that!

That’s not love, So in Maiden, I sought love everywhere outside. In Mother, I became it.

Become your own lover. Hold a ritual to shift and let go of all the maiden baggage and low vibe traits, and rise up into the powerful, wise, and loving eternal Divine Mother you already are. 

And remember, always keep your unique light shining. 

@ravenscottshow

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Follow Sarah @sarahofmagdalene

 Trauma 2 Triumph FREE Ticket Virtual Summit Oct 30 9 am -12 pm

Better Help : Empath get 10% off your first month

Empath & The Narcissist Book :

Purchase How to Leave the Narcissist Workshop

Madhvi — Emotion Code FREE Inquiry Call

On Oct 30 I have the honor of speaking and leading a mini meditation at the Trauma 2 Triumph Summit. How to Overcome Narcissistic Abuse and Heal.

This summit is hosted by the Narcissist Survivor and Coach Zemiyrah Davis, the guest of this blog and podcast, of So Divine Enterpises LLC.

Our goal is to impact over 100,000 men nd women to become completely free from narcissistic abuse.

This summit features coaches, speakers, podcast hosts, authors, spiritual teachers, along with two top self-aware narcissist.

So grab your complimentary ticket to attend the Virtual Summit on Oct. 30 at 9–12 PST HERE

This is for men and women who wish to break free from the grasp of the narcissist’s manipulation, and abuse. Release codependency, and gaslighting and Rise up and Regain your life’s sparkle back.

Here’s what is going to be covered in the Video Interviews:

  • How to break free from the trauma bond
  • How to guard against negative energy and dispel the narcissist
  • How to have complete freedom from the narcissist and change your story so that you can change your life
  • How the narcissist used love to manipulate you
  • Why empaths attract narcissist and what you can do about it
  • Confessions into the mind of a narcissist
  • How, You can use the power of your words to heal
  • How domestic violence with the narcissist begins within

This summit will be jam packed with REAL interviews with Self-Aware Narcissist’s Narcissist Survivors and Coaches, like myself who have overcome NA Abuse.

So let me ask you this —  What would it be worth to you to be able to sit with 5 top Narcissist experts (including myself) and 2 top self aware narcissist who are crushing it in the narc awareness community? Such as Lisa Sonni, Leon Walker, Ben Taylor, Dr. Marcia Martin, and more!?

And what is in the way of you finding out how they freed themselves, have healed with real results, and can help you?

For me it’s priceless, and means the world! This is why I’m speaking and attending too.

Grab your free ticket here.

And remember, Keep your Unique Light Shining. 

@ravenscottshowRaven Scott

Follow, Subscribe & share your thoughts. 

Get your FREE How to Set Powerful Boundaries Workshop

Better Help : Empath get 10% off your first month

Empath & The Narcissist Book :

Buy How to Leave the Narcissist Workshop: SHOP

Bio

Becoming the Mother is every woman’s birthright―regardless of whether or not she raises children. The Mother is who we needed as a child, who we were meant to be in this life, and who the world needs us to be now. Buy The Maiden to Mother book on Amazon & listen on Audible. https://themotherspirit.com/

The midlife passage is what sets Sarah on fire. Sarah says this deep rooted resourced confidence that I have in myself as a teacher is a result of the mother work or feminine maturity work.

This is the place through which she guides women to find their mother river. For example, her mother river is her daughter, the children. Her health and the health of the Earth. 

Learn More about Sarah Durham Wilson

Paperback, Hardback, Kindle, Audible

Published by Raven Scott

As an international author, narcissist abuse recovering coach, Podcast host of Empath & Narcissist and creator of healing workshops. She is dispelling the narcissists' power one soul at a time.

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