Accepting and HEALING to Attract Love and Healthy Relationships
“Hurt me. Shame on you. Narcissist hurt me again. And again, shame on me.”
– Raven Scott
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Accepting and HEALING to Attract Love and Healthy Relationships
Taking Control of your LIFE from the Narcissist | S3 Ep 52
Well, welcome back to the empath and the narcissist podcast. My name is Raven Scott. I’m your host. Welcome to all of you, a lovely new listeners. I’m so grateful to have you here. And I just wanted to reintroduce myself, share with you my manifesto. And , dive into the topic that we’re talking about today.
With personal experience of being my family’s black sheep, I have embraced this solo path and it has actually opened up a more healthy relationship with my family, even though it may be limited and not ideal in my head. And honestly, it’s helped me dominate, breaking toxic ancestral patterns. I’ve been able to connect to my healed ancestor, whom is a wise native American.
And that was such an amazing experience. She is with me all the time and I call to her and my spirit guides and the tree and the moon to give me guidance. I am aiming to be an ambassador. For you to gain your sparkle back after narcissist abuse. And I am aiming to coach you to help empath s heal from your black sheep wound
Through my transformational program, and course, which I’ll be sharing with you a little bit later through grounded and heart-centered teachings. I aim to elevate the spiritual journey and concepts that you are uniquely magnificent and chronic contrary to your doubts. You are here for a purpose. My unique approach to addressing the soul’s journey versus the egos protection.
Gives men and women hope and clarity of their themes. They are meant to grow from. This all comes from your astrological chart and your human design chart. And as an international author of the Empath And a Narcissist book. And recovery coach and podcast host here and creator of Embracing your black Sheep program.
And course I am aiming to dispel the narcissist power over your soul. And I’m aiming to do this one soul at a time.
You’ve I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase hurt me. Shame on you. Narcissist hurt me again. And again, shame on me. Now before your ego gets defensive, because I was in there for eight years, took me seven to try and leave this. Finally, once I embraced it and I let my ego die. This was the concept that once I was able to really swallow it.
And hold onto it and take responsibility for my actions. This was the biggest turning point in my pain and ending my pain cycle is that hurt me again. And again, shame on me. It is my fault. I kept putting my hand inside the bucket that had the venomous snake and I kept getting hurt over and over and over.
And it’s kind of funny, like this example, physically manifested to me again. That even though you can be healed and out of the cycle, you can still make that automatic knee jerk mistake. So don’t be so hard on yourself. I was giving my dog a bath outside. Normally I give her a bath inside. She tends to be a feisty little warrior, which I love and hate her for.
I’m like, feel very safe, you know, against other strangers and bad people. But she also turns on me, which I think is not cool, but. I have to accept my responsibility in this. She was up on the sofa outside, you know, getting it wet cause she was wet. And I told her to get off the sofa and I reached my hand in to shove her off and she was irritated.
She was angry. I was bathing her outside. She was very agitated and she bit me and it made my finger bleed. And immediately I said, I reached my hand in again, I took responsibility. Wasn’t my dog, who was the bad person that bit me. Um, of course it’s not good for a dog to do, but I pushed her. I got her cold.
She was up on the sofa. I yelled at her. I reached my hand in and she bit me. So once you embrace the concept that you can take responsibility for putting yourself in a situation with a narcissist, putting yourself in this vulnerable position with someone who doesn’t really care for. And then being mad at them that they bitch you being mad at them, that they hurt you emotionally, that they betrayed you or they left you out or they insulted you, whatever it is.
You put yourself in that situation, knowing full well, they’ve done it in the past. You see. This is a really hard, because you do go into it thinking, well, they’re going to change or they’re different, or they’re not really a narcissist. Like you start to justify it, all of that pain away because you’re trying to quote unquote manifest a relationship that is in your head, ideal that you think can be forced or morphed, or just fixed into existence.
But that’s not reality. You need to take your rose colored glasses off. Yes, I am guilty of that. I am poppy in the trolls movie. I am always have my rose colored glasses on and gratefully. And thankfully my husband currently is branch where he’s like, oh, you need to create a bunker. You need to not interact with these people.
You need to get ready because the trolls are coming and they’re going to try and eat us again. It’s like, oh my gosh. Don’t think like that. That’s such a doom and gloom and it’s going to bring it on. But if you’re not prepared like the stoic say, if you’re not prepared to be ready for when bad stuff happens, because that’s part of real life, real life is not sunshine and rainbows and we can’t keep sticking your head in the sand just recently.
We’ve experienced a really tragic again, shooting. Now this all is like, oh my gosh, why is this happening? I don’t understand it. My brain literally cannot fathom why someone would be so angry. And go hurt innocent children. And again, grateful. My wise wise husband said, well, I can, they’re weak, right? A bully doesn’t prey on a strong person.
That’s going to beat them up. Right. The bully who is weak insecure, angry, the narcissist is preying on someone who is vulnerable, who has that open. Like we heard in our podcasts Thursday with Natasha, you’ve got something open. It’s a leak, you know, you don’t have your guard up. You don’t, haven’t built that fortress fence around that part.
So they’re going to go into wherever the weakest spot is to get at you. Right. And that’s what these bullies are doing. That’s what this mass shootings are, is preying on the weak, right? These hate crimes, they aren’t, you know, Against people who will fight back. They are literally any scent people shopping at the grocery store.
They’re not ready. They’re not prepared or Asian. That hate crimes against the Asians. Who are they going after? They’re going after old people, weak people, vulnerable people, women, right? These, these bullies aren’t really strong or have an, any take integrity. So you see, we have the power. To do something, but yet we stick our head in the sand and we go, oh no, this can’t be happening again.
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. When is it going to stop? Well, it’s going to stop when we actually take action. We, and we, when we prepare, when we stand up to the greed, when we actually, um, elect people who have the power to make sure that these common sense laws are. And I’m sorry, this is not trying to be political.
This is just common sense. Right? Common sense law. I don’t care who you vote for. Just make sure that they are not allowing AR fifteens to be in the hands of an 18 year old with no like limit on how many magazine capacities and fortunate to be in a state where it’s very strict our, our ability to carry a gun.
Available to us, but you have to have a background check. You have to, you know, you are limited to how many magazines you can purchase. And one purchase. All of these things are in place to protect us. Why isn’t this like nationwide it’s because we are burying our head in the sand. We’re being quote unquote speechless, horrified, but let’s stick our head in the sand some more.
So we don’t prepare. And I’m sorry I went this direction. It just is here. I had to say it it’s the same thing in our lives with the narcissist. So why do you keep saying yes to these invitations? Why do you keep reaching out to the narcissist and saying like, I miss you, can we just fix this? Can we go to therapy?
Can this work, I really love you. And I miss you, right? That you, you miss the love bombing. You miss the imaginative relationship that they’ve created and built in your head that you think that you have. Right, but you keep burying your head in the sand and denying the reality that they put you down. That they’re not really there emotionally for you.
They don’t support you. They’re controlling your environment. What you think they don’t really care about you or what you stand for, what you want to do. They don’t care about your dreams. They don’t even care about. How you feel, they just care about how you appear on the outside and how you make them look to other people on the outside, because they have so much, so many wounds and insecurities inside them.
So getting back to our point, you have the power to decide your relationships. You have the power to decide if you are going to put up with gun violence anymore or not. It’s pretty common sense. All we need to do. Bowden, the people who are supportive of laws that regulate these guns, we can have them, but we don’t need to have them in total access and access.
Okay. Because they get into the hands of the wrong people. And I digress again. So you have the power to decide your relationships. Even if they’re family, you don’t have to feel obligated to participate with them. If they’re continually being toxic and neglectful or judgemental. Or just manipulative. You don’t have to, you have the choice to decide if you’re going to go to that family gathering or not.
You, you feel judged that you don’t go. So what you’re already the black sheep, like whatever, who cares, right? You are more at peace, not participating than going and feeling left out. I 100% I’m guilty of feeling left out. You know, I’m, I’m, uh, I’m part of the family. I should go. I’m a bad person. I’m a bad daughter.
If I don’t go to these family gatherings. But if you are going to these family gatherings with your body and wrenched up and turned upside down, you know, you’re walking into the pit of lions, right. So why put yourself in that situation? It seems pretty simple, but I know it’s very complicated with all of our social and family structures, but here’s the thing we get to decide.
Instead of sliding in to relationships through life. You have the power to make a choice intentionally and say, Hey, I’m in this relationship because I chose it versus I’m in this relationship because it just happened. That’s not power. That is someone, you know, taking. Over your life, making decisions for you.
And you’re just kind of going with the flow, going with the flow. Isn’t always a good thing. Yes, of course. You don’t want to be bullheaded. You don’t want to make things uncomfortable in certain situations, but for the most part, I would encourage you to not go with the flow because for us as impasse and people.
We go with the flow too much. And it’s just another excuse to enable our people pleasing. And it’s just another excuse for us to slide through life and let people mistreat us, control us, make our lives miserable. You have the power within you to see. And I had someone put a hate comment on this real. I put up the other day and I actually blocked them and I deleted them because I had the power to choose.
If I’m going to keep that toxic horribly hateful person who is spewing political issues. When all I was saying was, Hey, you have power over how you let people treat you. And this is how you have the power by deciding who is in your life by deciding who you get to listen to. Who you get to talk to what platform you get to exp you know, experience or interact on.
We all have this power, but we feel like, oh, well we have to go with the flow. We have to do what everyone else is doing. We have to, you know, keep up with the times. Well, keeping up honestly is not happening on social media. That’s just a whole bunch of just like noise. People are shouting into a room and you’re sending.
Like in paths, you know, that’s your greatest nightmare is standing in a room with lots of yelling and people trying to talk to each other, talk over each other. You get a huge, huge, massive headache and energy drain. Correct? Social media is literally that and you get a swipe through, but still you don’t really actively get to choose the swiping, unless you’re just specifically searching for one account at a time.
Which takes a lot of effort. I’m sure a lot of us are doing that. Right? So manifesting your life full of joy and abundance and the dreams that you hope for. This is what your soul is yearning for you to do, to evolve, to live a life full of peace. And I have a really interesting example of manifesting just recently.
Who is unknowingly, actively manifesting the class that she wants for next year. And she did this, not knowing she was even doing it. She just felt like this urge and this calling to do it. And we asked her like, why did you buy a book? She bought a book to donate to a specific teacher in the grade, above for next year.
And she’s like, and if I get into that class, we’re going to read that book. And I’m going to know that book is mine. And I just loved the full embracing of this intuition. She just felt like she really liked this teacher halfway through her school year in second grade through observations. She’s now, you know, doing something to place herself, to gain ownership into that class, by purchasing a book and donating it.
And maybe she won’t get into that class and I’ll just be a really sweet donation, but I’m really excited to see this experiment of this child, like manifestation to occur to see if she gets into that class. And this all came from an unexplained calling and that is called our intuition and she’s tapped into it.
Cause she’s. And we don’t limit that. We don’t, uh, discourage, uh, anything like that. We try and keep the very constructive and positive and open. Um, so I’m really excited to see this as such a great example, though. It relates to how we let, if we, as adults can let go of our doubts, our self judgment and our fears, then we can lean into our curiosity.
We can lean into our intuition and listen to the clear messages that are very quiet, but they are clear and we can, uh, gain abundance that is surrounding us all the time. You are surrounded in abundance and you may feel like, or think that you are in scarcity because the narcissist has put on this like invisibility cloak over you.
And you’re kind of pulled into their vortex. But that’s just a tiny, thin invisibility cloak. If you take that off and you look around, you were full and surrounded with abundance, and that’s why I’m always saying keep your unique light shiny because you are unique inside when your light shines out the sparkling magic of abundance that you’re in the thick of will reverberate back to you and return to you.
So the abundance that is surrounding us all and is, is acting out. If we could just act out more like an innocent child, then we can manifest this peaceful and joyful life. You know, not going back into the, these patterns of pain of sorrow that our ego wishes for us to be in. I listened to a podcast. The other day is called think unbroken with Michael.
And, um, he had a guest and was a very famous guest and I will be a guest on his podcast after I interview in July, so excited, but he had an amazing guest, um, a few episodes back with Tim’s stories. He is a celebrity coach to literally like Oprah, the celebrities, the big abundant generating people. And it w it really resonated with me.
It all made a lot of sense. I actually expected a bigger, like a hot moment from listening to him. And I was like, getting myself all prepared. And I was like, I’m ready for this mindblowing message. But for me, in my personal experience, however, everything that he said was a reminder because they already knew what he had told me.
I think is also very powerful to his coaching skills because he’s just reiterating, what’s already been spoken in history and what we already know and he’s reminding us of that power. Um, however, also he made, it made me super, super grateful because he reminded me of my husband. I was like, gosh, this vibe of this guy and the way he talks, it’s like exactly how my husband talks and I had this home aha moment.
I’m like, I am living with a non-famous Tim’s stories as my husband. He’s like another branch of the community saying, Hey, you know what? You reap what you sow, you know, you harvest your own land. You work on yourself. Like all these very practical Capricorn elements that really resonated and make a lot of sense.
And my husband has helped. Through all my family patterns, very patiently and unpatient Ali. He has helped me through my healing of, um, my narcissist abuse and specifically the, the continual pain cycle that I’ve experienced from my expectations of how I feel like my family should be and treat me when that butts up to the reality of my family and the relationships they have, uh, even with friends.
So it’s just so amazing that I have this. And, um, everything that he shared with me has been a really hard truth. And over the years I have fought him tooth and nail. I have, I’ve struggled with this. We have had huge arguments and almost split up over his truth and my lack of acceptance of the. And I’ve been resentful towards him and run towards the toxic relationships instead.
Um, I let my ego get in the way and fight him over what I wished I had versus what reality was. And then, uh, once I was able to embrace the lessons, that really hard truth that he was sharing with me that I hope to share with you continually more and more is I was able to stop fighting it. I was able to let my ego die.
And I checked in with my intuition and then the intuition and messages from different podcasts, astrology messages, listening in my quiet time. And. It confirmed the really hard truth bombs that he would lay down in front of me. And then I would come back and I would say, you know what? I really think this he’s like, I literally just said that to you and you didn’t listen to me.
I’m like, I heard it, but I needed to process it. I’m sorry. I didn’t receive it right away. But once you have these moments to be able to embrace this hard truth and embrace the reality, you then can bring in the abundance of. And joy and laughter and connectivity and healthy relationships, the fifth people that you choose to have in your life that you never thought that you could have.
And I am living proof of that. So that’s why I wanted to share with you today in this podcast. Now I look different and you know, my, my life looks different than I imagined. And that’s the thing about manifestation that a lot of people teach, like, just imagine it. And it has. But it’s not always going to happen exactly as you imagine it.
But I think that’s the part that we get stuck in the loop with the narcissist is where, like, I imagine it, I can see our life, but you can’t manifest something. That’s not going to actually happen. You can’t manifest a circle to fit into a square hole. I, she is not going to happen. And so you can’t force manifestation as well.
You have to have reality. You have to have discipline and be able to let go and not forcing those things. But once you stop forcing the circle into the square hole, you step back and you see, oh my gosh. 10,000 circles all around this one square hole that I can just put this circle peg into, and it’s fulfilling.
You have options and you have love and you have abundance. And if I had not done had my husband’s honestly alongside me and I’ve had different past life regression meditations, where I saw my husband in different body forms just as I was in a different body forum. And it’s almost like we’re partnered together.
Throughout this time to help each other evolve. And I know I’ve certainly have impacted him right. As poppy impacted branch in the troll movies to get his color back and to be more open up to allowing his sensitivity out his moon in Pisces, by the way. Oh, so interesting of a person where his son is in Capricorn, which is like, right.
Like. Structure. And we’re gonna put up a big wall and bunker in and then, you know, be practical and you have this Pisces, moon, the feelings and emotions that are deep and flowing like water and super sensitive, like, oh my gosh. So this, this person has been my soulmate and our, our song is a thousand years from, um, Twilight.
Right? I love you for a thousand years. I love you for a thousand more and I’m so grateful to have him by my side. And if you do not have a support system, a person that was the other thing that Tim said is you need a support system in order to transform and to grow is if you don’t have that accountability partner or that support system, it won’t ever happen.
Right. That happens with AA. You have, you have a sponsor. It happens in. You know, sports, you want to get better in sports. You have a coach, you have all these things, a support system to help you get out of your head and to let your ego go away just so you can evolve and your life. So if you don’t have anyone in your life, um, and if you have nobody there to give you the hard truth to coach you, to also be patient and hold space for you, then you’re not going to evolve and soar.
As quickly as you would like. And I think that’s why we select certain people in our lives, you know, um, when we’re preparing for our earth life in the soul realm, and this is why it’s important to find a coach. If for some reason they’re not provided for you or you’re not seeing them right away in your.
Maybe they’re there and you’re fighting them tooth and nail and you’re resenting them. Like I did my husband. And you just need maybe like a message from me from another coach to open up one little door so that you can find that your support system is right there with you, or you need to find one find community.
And this is why I’ve created this podcast. For those of you. If you need to receive it in the audio version, it’s right here for. Every week. And for those of you, if you need additional support to understand yourself and kind of tap into your soul and reawaken it, we have the chart reading we can do. I pull your astrology and your human design chart, and I’m also excited to offer and work on this summer.
I’m going to be working on it while. I’m in my, uh, what is it called? The podcast hibernation mode. I’m going to be putting together a course that is as the embrace, your black sheep course. And this really is about healing from narcissist abuse and your childhood of feeling like an outcast. And that’s why you clung to that toxic.
Um, attachment pattern with a narcissist. So you’re going to get to go through this course. I’m going to pull it all together. It’s going to be an in-depth step-by-step with practices, exercises, um, teachings from more in detail from my book, putting together this. And I’m going to launch it this fall. So you can have a step-by-step support through an app that you’ll be able to reach out to me as you’re going through the course via the app during office hours.
And I can then be able to be available to you to support you and coach you and be that support system that you need as you embrace your unique self, which may feel right now like a black sheep. And you’ll eventually be able to embrace that and say, and be proud that you have broken the ancestral patterns.
And that’s why you’re the black sheep. So this course is going to help you through this, um, and all of this to give. And I’m doing all this really to give back. I have received at myself on my eyes have been opened to understanding how I received that and acknowledge that. And I know everyone needs the support and maybe you don’t have it in your life, or you’re not open to seeing it in your life.
And you just need this course to nudge you in the right direction to decide the right relationships, to make that decision, to have the right people in your. So I’m very, very, very excited to share that with you. And I’m just going to conclude today by summarizing what I said at the beginning. Hurt me once.
Shame on you. Narcissist hurt me again and again, and again, shame on me. Thank you so much for listening and investing in yourself and tuning in if you are new here, which I know a lot of you are, please make sure to rate and review this podcast so others can find it as well to help them in this healing journey and healing, the gaps that are in their life and evolving as a beautiful soul.
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How to master your boundaries:
- Envision yourself saying NO
- Feel the power of your self sovereignty
- Dream of yourself saying NO
- Step into your courage, pushing through fear, and taking action to say NO.
- Be detached with the others emotional response (which may be like a child’s temper tantrum)
Raven’s Book
Over the past decade Raven Scott has first, exited an abusive relationship, then found her healing and renewal through the very tools she shares in this book. This “incredibly relatable story is a healing guide that weaves a story of an empath growing up, struggling with codependency, and loving a narcissist. It guides you in transforming yourself from low self esteem, PTSD, emotional abuse, to a strong, confident, and renewed soul.
PLUS! It includes a bonus chapter on the basic overview of Human Design -Your soul’s unique blueprint.
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There is one thing I know… is this.
when you are controlled by a narcissist you will never reach your true potential as a beautiful human being. There is hope though! You are here to elevate the collective and evolve in your souls journey. The dark egoistic people are drawn to your empathic light – like a moth to the light.
Raven Scott
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Raven Scott is providing women, who are feeling lost and alone in their journey, a community to kick ass as we become empowered together while healing from childhood trauma, abusive relationships, or plain old life, and awaken to rewrite our karmic story. Through astrology, self care, human design, & intuition.
We are energetically clearing ancestral patterns one step at a time to find our power and potential through healing so you can live empowered the unique loved individual you desire to be. Topics covered: Self development, Human design, Astrology, tarot, meditative thoughts, intuitive message from spirit, and expert guests sharing different spiritual healing modalities.
Your host and Patreon Community mentor, Raven Scott, is a narcissitic abuse survivor, author of Empath and The Narcissist: A Healing Guide for People Pleasers. And also is a Certified Meditation Teacher. Join us on http://Patreon.com/soulcollective9