“Yes, people can change and heal. But you can’t give the people stuck in these abusive relationships false hope. Yes. You have to draw hard boundaries and say, Hey, you need to go to therapy, or I’m leaving you. So then they can transform on their own and do their own work cuz you can’t fix them.”
– Raven Scott – Ep Raven Scott How to Heal from a Narcissist in your Life on Think Unbroken Podcast
Today I share a conversation I had on Michael’s Unbroken podcast — How to Heal from a Narcissist in your life.
From child abuse, Homeless, and Drug addict, to Hero. Michael has one of the Top 10 Podcast and helps trauma survivors heal and transform their lives.
Here are some key moments:
[11:01] How did this abuse happen to me?
I grew up in a perfectly, privileged, apparently loving household. There just was one thing that normalized the covert abuse. — controlling dogma
I was raised in a strict, cult-like Christian home. There was no science, I was taught creationism. The Bible was a book to be lived by verbatum. Growing up I desired to please my parents, and then their reaction to my sister’s natural teenager mistake, proved that I must be perfect at all costs.
I grew up with no personal autonomy, I dove deeper into the church and leadership to ensure I “made the right choices”. I enjoyed my friends at church. But I met my abuser in the church.
[11:45] Controlling Cult like Religion in my childhood normalized the emotional abuse
I think the system is abusive. They were well intentioned people but the culture in theology almost dictates that they are controlling and abusive.
The toxic rhetoric in the cult like dogma. The actions were hypocritical and they were extremely judgemental of their own child, others, and the pop culture on TV. Yet they would show up and be the best volunteers at church, while lacking empathy for their own children and their questions and mistakes at home.
I write in my book, Empath and the Narcissist, “Their fears persisted, and the control and lack of autonomy provided resulted in two broken relationships with both their children.”
[31:18] Work on healing your inner child to transform
“We all have narcissistic traits to our ego uses to protect ourselves.” Plain an simple, when we feel fear, our ego jumps in and we either freeze, flee, or fight.
The narcissists tendencies are to fight or flee. The empath’s may be to flee or freeze. When we spend time loving ourselves, nurturing our inner child’s needs, and becoming our own adult we evolve into mature adults. If you do not heal the wounds of the past, you will continue to emotionally interact with others at that core wound age.
For instance, if you had trauma at the age of 7, and do not heal that. With certain people or all people, you interact with them at an emotional intelligence of a seven year old. This happens in all people, both narcissist and empath / victim. It’s just the choice of how you react defines if you are going to obsess over self preservation at all cost, (NPD) or if you are going to take responsibility and make better choices moving forward to heal.
[25:40, 26:34, 37:33] Be honest with yourself
I repeated myself multiple times because it is important to to get to the root of the truth and be free from the gaslighting yourself. And that means admitting to things you are not proud of. And that is hard.
And admitting that you may have been holding on to a fantasy of a relationship. You made excuses for their abuse because you didn’t want to admit they didn’t care about you. Because that is a painful reflection. And when you base you self worth off of what others think and feel about you, then their lack of care, in your mind, equals, lack of validation.
BUT, this is not the truth, this is what your mind has created as truth.
“It is easier to justify that the narcissist or neglectful person in your life is unaware, than to believe they just don’t care.” — Raven Scott
Remember. Always Keep your unique light shining!
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