Due to the insidious nature of the narcissist, they rarely ever change their behavior. Some may ask, were they born this way? Will they ever change?
How can this small little, innocent baby contain such hate, manipulation, and violence towards another? It cannot be born into them, can it? While this beautiful miracle, does not start out with anger, hate, and toxic thoughts and words, it can carry via epigenetics pain and trauma from generations past. This itself does not condemn any person to be a bad person, it only gives them an opportunity to heal the ancestral line.
So are narcissists born or made?
Unfortunately, even with epigenetic(s), narcissists are made through social conditioning and trauma. In episode 85 of Empath & Narcissist podcast, John Verner, share that “a hundred percent, maybe one exception, but a hundred percent of the narcissists and sociopaths I worked with were abused. Every single one of them. That’s not to excuse any behavior, but there’s usually abuse.”
Will they ever change? The answer is 99% of the time is NO. They will not change, they CAN change, but they do not want to. Their ego feels too good defending themselves. And their trauma wounds will not allow them to be vulnerable, therefore they are not open to therapy, taking responsibility, or empathy.
If they are open to therapy, it will be couples therapy. Because they can pass the blame and have the therapist help them “fix you”. Some know how to play into your games and tell the therapist what they want to hear and what you want to hear. In order for any lasting change they must go to therapy alone. (and stay in therapy for indefinitely.) They can use couples therapy against you in later arguments to blackmail you. Some know how to play into your games and tell the therapist what they want to hear and what you want to hear.
This is a pervasive, subconscious way of being that has served them and only them, and their ego mind will not want to let that go.
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