Strengthen your emotional intelligence, remove Self Doubt & Negativity through stoicism to eradicate narcissism from your life. with Jeevan Mathuru
“It’s crucial to do your own self-development work to even be able to achieve goals. Number one, to be able to heal from an abusive relationship number two, and like all of it, just intertwines, it’s not something that you do. ”
– Raven Scott
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When Narcissistic Breadcrumbing Behavior Keeps You from Real Love – Empath And the Narcissist: Spiritual Healing with Human Design from Trauma & Narcissistic Abuse
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Remove Negativity | Cleanse Aura | Self Devlop your Emotional Intelligence with Jeevan Mathuru
[00:00:00] Welcome back to the Empath and the narcissist podcast. The mission of this podcast is to bring you education, inspiration, and empowerment. Through relatable conversations. Empowering information. And self-care self-healing practices.
So this is the funny part about my interview. Um, right after I interviewed Jeevan Mathuru for the podcast. We were talking a little bit more and chatting about how that was a really pleasant experience.
And he said it really fast, so I couldn’t understand it in this British accent, but I heard the word Scovel and I was like, I know that name. I’m pretty sure I know it. Um, wait a second. And then he’s like, oh yeah, she wrote the book, uh, the Game of life and how to Play it. And I was like, hold on.
And literally. Hold the book from my table that was sitting right next to my computer underneath my soundboard. And I was like, oh, you mean this? Oh, you mean Florence, Scovel, Shinn. And he was like, oh my gosh, that’s crazy. I’m like, yeah, I have the book that contains all of her books. It’s the works. And he was like, oh my gosh.
He’s like, that was such a message from like spirit. Like I need to read that book tonight. It came to my head. It popped in there. You had it on your table and then you just showed it to me. It was like the craziest moment. And we were both laughing and just really solidifying that with our spirit guides and the universe, they put things in our head and inspire us, and then they confirm it through things just like that, like serendipitous moments where you’re like, oh my gosh.
Now I have to, and now I have to figure out what, why the Universe is wanting me to go back into that book. So he’s like, I’m excited to read a little bit more of that book. ’cause he’s like, it just popped in my head. I was like, yes, that’s how the head center works. I said, I don’t know what your human design chart is.
I don’t know what if you have an open or a defined head center, [00:02:00] but I know I have a defined center. So that was crazy that, you know, I wasn’t even thinking about the book, but the book was here and it was like just the energy went out and he received it. And maybe he has a defined center. I don’t know.
Maybe it was just the universe, giving him a message. That he needed to go back into that book. Oh, it was just such a really cool moment. So you guys, you just have to check out and Jeevan and
I hope you enjoy this episode.
[00:02:29] Raven: Jeevan Mathuru is an author of the book, become a person of value and transformational coach from tragedy to triumph and has recently acquired qualifications in life, coaching psychology and counseling. He also is a member of. He loves philosophy and is a self-proclaimed stoic and he is currently writing his second book.
Welcome to the podcast Jeevan..
[00:02:55] Jeevan Mathuru: Thank you very much for having me on I looking forward to that conversation.
[00:02:59] Raven: Yeah. I really am looking forward to hearing more about your book. What, what is in it? A person, a value. I think that’s important, especially for us impasse. I think we already feel like we’re, we’re very valuable people, but more.
We need to be reminded that we are valuable because a narcissist has beat us down and really put our self-esteem low. Right.
[00:03:23] Jeevan Mathuru: Exactly. So, yeah, I mean, just to sort of touch on the book, really, for a lot of people, they have maybe some low self-esteem issues, whether that’s come from themselves or from others.
Um, whether that’s teachers, parents, or who just had something more. And actually people are seeking, um, income and assets. So they want to be, you know, an Amazon, they want to have, you know, millions and billions coming into their bank account each month. But then looking at things in reverse, what they’re not looking at is can they provide value to someone that will maybe generate an [00:04:00] income or, you know, didn’t often necessarily be income, but something tangible for someone else.
If we look at Amazon for a moment, actually, that. That’s a valuable, because you can go online Raven type in a product that you want, and it will be with you tomorrow at a very reasonable price. And that’s the value that they have actually generated that gives them the assets. And obviously stock price and all of that sort of stuff.
So really the book of become a person of value is about you becoming valuable yourself, whether it’s, um, physically, whether it’s spiritually, whether it’s having a specific skill that you can hone in on to give you that, that sort of level of income moving forward, it’s setting goals. Is it motivating yourself?
Is it understanding your own psychology? Is it communicating better? Is it being, or having more gratitude for what you’ve already got? Because something I heard once, and it’s quite interesting is saying that someone is jealous of everything in your life. You know, you’ve got your own podcast, Raven. So someone who hasn’t got a podcast is jealous of the fact that you’ve got a podcast.
Now I’ve got my own house, a car and a dog. You know, someone else might be jealous of the fact they want the dark. They want to be able to drive. They don’t even drive. They don’t even have a car. Know, they still live with the parents, you know, they wish they had their own house. So you have to be very, very grateful for, for those things.
And that puts you on a good vibrational state again, will then help you track success. So really the, the book common personal value is 25 30 chapters split in today’s sort of barriers, et cetera, or self-improvement goals, mentality, um, affirmations, motivations, all of those sort of things that are all along.
In a way that helps you to improve your own value, if that makes sense.
[00:05:48] Raven: Yeah, absolutely. It’s, it’s crucial to do your own self-development work to even be able to achieve goals. Number one, to be able to heal from an abusive relationship [00:06:00] number two, and like all of it, just intertwines, it’s not something that you do.
Like this is first step one. This is step two. It’s like a dance where you’re constantly improving yourself. So you can be emotionally free from the abuse, then, you know, you can achieve your goals and maybe even make money off of that and figure out what your passion and purpose in life is. And that, that sounds really cool.
[00:06:25] Jeevan Mathuru: Exactly. And, you know, he sat there with abusive relationships and they w w relationships, it’s a very broad subject, isn’t it? You know, whether it’s relationships with your parents, mother, and father, whether it’s relationships on a, on a more romantic basis, whether it’s relationships, your teachers or peers at school.
abused. Physically or emotionally or a combination of both of them. And it really suppresses your own self image.
Jeevan mathuru
And one of the things that, you know, as you’ve sort of alluded to that research, there’s a lot of noise out there and people are, you know, abused. Physically or emotionally or a combination of both of them. And it really suppresses your own self image. And then you feel worthless and this negative spiral effect that I’m actually reading a book at the moment by Lanny Bassam called, um, with winning in mind.
And what he talks about is your own self image. And obviously let’s, let’s say that you fail all your exams. Yep. One of your soul self, and you’re busy. You’re going to have VSL face on failure or fail exams. When you move on to your next exam, you know, you’re also going to have that self image. So one of the things that we help, you know, as coaches is to redesign, redevelop yourself.
Because at the end of the day, your past is not a trajectory of your future.
jeevan m.
Because at the end of the day, your past is not a trajectory of your future. Yeah. Just because you’ve been in, you know, you’ve had abuse in the past, whether it’s self abuse, which obviously can happen as well, or whether it’s from other people, you know, it’s all about setting your stunned, um, uh, all your stall up now for future progress.
And, you know, you can do that by writing. What you want to be, what you feel that you are, and you know, how you want your mentality look moving forward and sort of live into that [00:08:00] expectation. You know, coaching and counseling is sort of similar to an extent, but different where counseling looks at your post.
Experiences and why that happened and what you can learn from it. Coaching is actually saying, well, yeah, that has happened. Let’s understand it to an extent, but that’s actually look forward and see how you can improve your relationships, moving forward, how you could improve your own self image. How can you increase your self esteem?
What activities can you do, et cetera. So, yeah, it’s a really interesting area of conversations that Raven, I think, stay in which to talk about.
[00:08:31] Raven: Yeah, absolutely. And when you were saying that I had this image. You know, like a basketball coach, they’re always like, okay, forget the game. We lost. Let’s focus on the game now.
And let’s, what can we do better to win this game? And I think is really cool that the coaching industry has expanded because that’s what we need in our mental life too. You don’t just need it in sports. You need it in your mind. To be able to grow strong and to, to accomplish what you want to accomplish.
[00:09:01] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah, exactly. And in, as you said that with the, the basketball coach, Well, I’m going to say two things. One is everyone needs a coach Tiger Woods. Yeah. And Kirby, Brian, you know, they are the top of their game. So you might think, well, actually, why did they need a coach? Actually, he needs someone, someone sometimes externally to you, even if you are the best at that specific sport or, or, or within the industry, sometimes you need someone else to look at things for you and help you to develop your own, your own.
We are hardwired to look at the negative. Actually the positive is what we want to take from some things.
jeevan m.
The second thing that you mentioned there is looking at the last game in the negative. We are hardwired to look at the negative. Yeah, well actually the positive is what we want to take, um, uh, from some things. So instead of saying, well, actually, you know, I messed up there and yes, it’s got to try and understand that, but you want to focus on the positive situation.
There’s always something positive to come from everything that happens to you. So people have lost that job, you know, positive is they probably hate you their job in the first day. And they can now find something now. [00:10:00] You might find a job narrow to hire you in fact, to pay, you know, there’s, there’s always, there’s always positives.
One example I use is that let’s say your car breaks down and you drive. Uh, now most people will be like, oh, my car’s broken down. It’s going to cost me a few hundred dollars, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Actually, can you not look at that in a positive way? And so actually my car broke down on my drive rather than 500 miles away from home.
When I was on my own in the rain, in the cold, you know, heating or something working, and it’s taken me five hours to get the, the, you know, the, the sort of delivery guy, not regard the breakdown guide. So there’s always positives that can come from anything. Even if you have been in abusive relationships before, you know, it was bad at the time, but you can actually grow from that now and be more resilient from, from that.
So, you know, you have to turn things around in, into positive situations now with positive. Versus negative. This is a really good thing I learned of late. So let’s, let’s say, I tell you don’t talk about, or don’t think about elephant. What does first thing you think about. ‘
[00:11:07] Raven: cause you just said it. I’m like, I have to think about it.
You just told me not to think about it.
Instead of saying “I don’t want to be__(insert negative).” say “I want to be __(insert positive)
jeevan m.
[00:11:11] Jeevan Mathuru: Exactly. So when we tell our minds or don’t be doing breaths, don’t be this don’t be that you actually come more like that. So instead of saying, I don’t know either I want to be fat. We need to say, I want to be athletic. I want to be able to run five miles, 10 miles, and that fat will actually reduce on the basis of.
Having that positive based goal rather than negative based goal. Most people make that mistake. I don’t want to stop smoking. I want to stop drinking. I want to lose fat. Um, I don’t want to be single while I say I want to be in a relationship instead. It sort of means the same thing, but from your subconscious mind, it doesn’t.
Yeah. People always talk about what the day, when they want to fail my business to fail. I don’t want to go bankrupt. I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to, or they want to. And so conscious doesn’t really resonate with that. [00:12:00] So, you know, some sometimes, you know, not that it’s always people’s fault, but if you have had.
Bad relationships with yourself or others to understand. Was it, you know, it’s not, not saying that it is something you’ve done, but you know, what can you learn from that? Can you approach things differently in future? Can you keep yourselves away from those types of people and learn very early on what those types of people, um, are like in terms of red flags?
Yeah. I mean, I’m sure you’re able to say, you know, certain things are red flags that you will sort of steer clear from. You must give someone a second chance or challenge, but if three strikes and you’re out, I think the phrases, so, you know, it’s all about protecting yourself. You are your own best. And, you know, if you can’t look after yourself and have your own best interests at heart, then you know, it’s going to be very difficult for you.
Isn’t it, Raven, I love
[00:12:53] Raven: that. Yes. I would a hundred percent agree. And I think the topic between positivity and negativity, I just want to integrate. The, there can be an overly positivity where it’s toxic. Like you stick your head in the sand and you don’t look at those things. And like you said, you need to have a bit of counseling and evaluate it to be able to be prepared.
Like you say, you’re, you’re a, self-proclaimed stoic. That’s exactly a stoicism philosophy is you need to think about the worst case scenario plan for it, and then work towards that. Not happening, right. Being prepared. And you’re not focusing on it. Like, oh my gosh, it’s going to happen. It’s like, okay, this could happen.
I’m going to be prepared. Like know your red flags, go into it. Very like neutral versus rose colored glasses. And you continue to work on yourself. And like, so when it does come, cause life isn’t perfect, you’ll be prepared and it won’t be so stressed.
[00:13:50] Jeevan Mathuru: Exactly. You know, you said it’s the phrase, the age old phrase, if prepared for the worst and expect the best, isn’t it.
Yeah. And, and really the positivity point, and I [00:14:00] was trying to allude to was not the, as you’ve thought there, you know, have rolled rates, I’ve got a spectacles on everything’s bright and rosy, and if he gets stuck in the leg, you know, it’s all great. My point was that there is something you can find something positive.
Everything, even if it’s, you know, bad about things. And it’s really, really very, very difficult to actually train your mind, to find something positive from something that can happen. That’s that say bad, and that’s something that is really helpful in your life to find all this is the positive great let’s work with that land and, and develop that moving forward.
Because as we said, you know, something, when you focus on the next. More negative things tend to happen for some strange reason. Oh,
[00:14:45] Raven: other thing I’m talking to my head when you were saying that, is that what you think? Like literally you create your reality. So you’re always thinking, like, I don’t want to do this.
Like you said, and your subconscious is always like, well, she keeps our, he keeps saying this. So you literally creating what you don’t want to create because you’re focusing on what you don’t want versus focusing. Like switching the narrative, focusing on the ideal, focusing on what you do want to do, focusing on what you’re going to do to shift.
[00:15:13] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah, I think parents are really big one for this. They say to the kids, you know, don’t come back late, don’t smoke. Don’t hang around with that person instead. Be more positive. Come home early. Instead of don’t be, be late, make friends with good people. Not don’t hang around with it. I think parents do. Have, um, uh, not all parents, you, I’m not putting every parent in the same, you know, and with the same brush, right.
the programming that a lot of people get and you spoke earlier about was those toxic relationships. And that’s sometimes why.
jeevan
It’s some of the programming that a lot of people get and you spoke earlier about was those toxic relationships. And that’s sometimes why. You know, from, from parents treating that kid into such a way that toxic relationship can develop, um, because they, they understand each [00:16:00] other, you know, the language that they’re using is not correct.
You know, they’re saying to their kids, all your maths or your messy, um, they will live into that. You know, when you tell someone they’re messy, they actually become messier. If you say, oh, thanks very much, you’re getting a great job. They will actually behave more like that as you, as you go on. So it’s a really, language is really interesting.
You know how you speak to yourself and, and how you speak to what is a really good reflection on you as a person. And if you’re in a marathon and you’re speaking to yourself, or this is really a talk on, I’m dying out, instead of saying, every step is making me stronger, it makes natural which one of those guys out of those two is going to do better on the Marista.
And they probably the second and the only difference. How he’s talking to himself or how she’s talking to herself. So massive, massive, massively important.
[00:16:50] Raven: Yeah. And this is so important in that healing process. Like let’s say you’re, you know, cause healing from a narcissist, uh, or any emotional abusive relationship, either your parents romantic a friend, it’s a mourning process.
So some of you listening may be in this state of anger, like you’re really pissed off at this happened. And what I want you to get from this mess. From Javan, is that for you to have a breakthrough and move past that state is to focus on, okay, what are the lessons I’ve learned? What are the good things that were from that?
And then glean that. So you can shift out of the hate and the I’m not going to ever forgive them because forgiveness is key to actually break through and move forward.
[00:17:36] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah, a hundred percent of the thing you’ve got to forgive. Um, those around you and yourself, the stoic phrase. I think it’s fantastic.
Philosophical phrase anyway, is something along the lines of the say someone’s robbing you industry. Yeah. And so you see, when you smile at a robber, you take something from. [00:18:00] So, you know, because they would expect you to be angry and resentful and say, oh, you know, I’ll give me that face. If you smile at them, it takes something from them.
And it, you know, out of their soul to an extent. And that’s what I was saying. Sometimes you, you know, if you’ve been through this bad relationship with the narcissist, as you’ve alluded to, sometimes it’s, it’s just a smile and say, oh, you know what, thanks for everything that you’ve done for me. And then we’ll be like, what.
You know, putting in you when calling your names and stuff and that, and they can’t understand it actually affects them more than it does you. And you’re actually free saying instead of me having the garage and go into a negative state, I can just say thank you for everything. And, um, and it will actually affect them more in the longterm than it will.
Do you really good?
[00:18:51] Raven: Yeah, I would just say, and then walk away and don’t listen to their ego spiraling out of control. Like what did she, or he just say, and then don’t listen to the response because it’ll drive you crazy. Cause they’re going crazy.
[00:19:04] Jeevan Mathuru: Honestly, they will, they will go crazy. Um, because they haven’t got the clarity.
Yeah. Yeah, it’s such a strange thing. And that’s why I feel that philosophy such a good thing to try and read and understand, because it really gives you a, uh, a new angle on. Yeah. You know, another one that from, from philosophy is don’t hold onto the boarding part, just because of how long it took you to boil.
So, you know, you might have been in this relationship and it’s boiling and it’s boiling and boiling. You don’t need to hold onto the cattle, you know, just because it’s taken you 10 years to develop this relationship and you think, oh, you have to put so much investment into this. And now you’re holding onto that board and cattle, which is the relationship.
Sometimes you just got to let go, you know, because you’ve got to, um, damage limitation. Then rather than say, oh, I need to turn them into a positive sometimes, you know, you have to give up and, you know, everyone says, don’t give up open. Sometimes that is the best way is to [00:20:00] say, look, this isn’t working, go our separate ways.
As we start to say, thank you for the, you know, the bad relationship. And again, it’s going to work in your favor, but yeah, I mean, it’s just doing the right things at the right time. Some things, you know, you have to work out of course, but sometimes it’s just, it’s just not gonna work. You don’t need two different if growing apart, you know, it can happen.
It especially happens with, um, relationships that happen to you. And I’ve seen that myself where people have been announced since the 16 and the stay together till the 30, and they’re not really explored and experienced things out of each other. And they realize, you know, 10, 15 years down the road, we’re actually very, very different, you know, Intel intelligence levels, different interests, different, um, you know, I’m family-orientated and like doing outdoorsy stuff.
You’d not to go. With the girls or, or with the boys and go drink and having art, it’s just two different. So, you know, sometimes it is a case of knocking it on the head and starting over again. And again, let’s look at the positives from that. You’re going to be upset at the time. You know, I’ve been with them for 15 years and et cetera, et cetera.
The positive is you get a brand new, fresh. Is that not exciting. You’re not having a fresh start. I mean, for everyone, excitement, you know, it could be scary. Yeah.
[00:21:16] Raven: But they’ve taught you something about yourself, you know, it’s almost like thanks for the ride these last 15 years, but you guys are on two totally different paths.
So thank you and see it. See you later.
[00:21:28] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah, exactly. As you sit there, you know, you can look at things objectively once you’ve obviously gone through the. The, uh, morning stage let’s call it. You could look at, okay, what did I do about that relationship? Make a list. You know, you’re not going out to eat once a week or, you know, you enjoyed the humorous.
Et cetera, et cetera stuff. He didn’t like, you know, he didn’t do the dishes. Let’s, let’s say as an example, or, you know, she was doing this or, and you can make a list and say, actually, this is the sort of person I’m looking for. [00:22:00] And you can, you know, actually mentally and physically, you know, write that down.
I’m looking for a person who’s this type of person, et cetera. And you can actually reverse engineer it. And I know that, you know, let’s not make this into a science, but if you want someone who enjoys rock climbing, let’s say for example, Why not go to rock climbing clubs, that’s going to give you a hundred percent more chance of meeting someone who likes those sorts of activities.
And doesn’t, and one of the things that, you know, I speak to clients about is how I’m looking for relationship. And I want someone who’s got same interests as me. Talk about their interests and say, well, do you actually do anything about your interests? And I say, no. I say, well, why don’t I go to your martial arts classes and your dancing classes, or, and just do you just live your life as you would normally, you know, you don’t need someone else to complete you.
You just want someone to find someone that is going to compliment you. And that’s for me as well. One of the. The bad things that can happen is that some people really need someone to complete them. And then when it ends, it really breaks them. You need to be in independent, but also interdependent to an extent, not dependent on the other person, which, you know, you, you, you can’t, you can’t see happened.
And that’s what leads people broken afterwards. Um, so.
[00:23:21] Raven: Yeah, I want a hundred percent agree with that. And you really can’t find or attract your ideal partner. If you’re not operating at that high frequency, you’re not investing in yourself. Like you said, like, what do you love to do? Why are you sitting at home and not doing them?
Just go out and do them because it fills your cup up. Who cares if it, you know, it it’s for someone else, it’s not, you have your own life. You’re unique. You’re not linked to any other human being. You just get to enjoy partnership with someone else.
[00:23:49] Jeevan Mathuru: Well, this is it, you know? And she said, you know, you’re not searching for something else with anything, you know, you have to attract stuff.
You know, if you, you know, jobs, for example, yes, you search for jobs, [00:24:00] but you’re actually attracting that position based on your experience, you know, your age and what you’ve done so far, you’re attracting that position because at the end of the day, I could, I could search for, um, rocket scientist jobs. I’m never going to get them.
I can search as much as I want, but. No, I’m not attracted to that job and vice versa because of the skill set in there. I’ve got much like that. You know, people go out and search relationships and search for, for jobs and income and stuff. Just try and build the value. If you work on yourself and become.
Better looking physically, you know, you exercise and you work on a new job and you bring in more income and you get about a house and a car and you increase your level from three out of 10 to seven out of 10, the caliper of the opposite, or same-sex again, depending on who you’re talking about, that you will attract is going to be.
Much increased. And then if you add into the equation, going to those activities, you know, on Digiday, for example, Duda, and I like to go hiking and, um, and walk and walk the dog and, you know, I’ll make sure that I could keep on top of those programs, the gym and all those sorts of things. And, you know, you get to meet people.
The frequency matches the frequency.
Raven
In those places. And as you said, you know, sitting on your couch and on Tinder cycling left and right. I mean, I’m not being funny, but that’s no real, I mean, some people are lucky, like don’t get me wrong, but the likelihood of that turning into something long-term is probably pretty slim.
[00:25:20] Raven: Yeah. The frequency matches the frequency.
Yeah,
[00:25:24] Jeevan Mathuru: absolutely. Yeah, my gosh,
[00:25:27] Raven: this whole time, we’ve been talking about this such amazing topics, but I did want to ask you, how did you get into coaching and writing your book? What’s your story?
[00:25:36] Jeevan Mathuru: Okay. So I’ll take you sort of, I’ll do a very brief summary, but cover off the key points. So at school I was pretty smart, you know, top of the class and doing sort of exams early, like three years ago.
But as you progress through life, what you realize is it’s not just down to [00:26:00] ability other things come into play to ensure success. So I’ll just start to study, you know, success, you know, discipline and setting goals and motivating yourself and all those sorts of things to help, to work in parallel with my ability, because obviously in people who maybe weren’t as smart as I was actually do better.
I’m doing, does that makes sense? So, so for me, what I then did was work for you that sort of personal development material and thing, actually, you know, I can help others to, to improve themselves as well. And actually that’s where that came from. Um, recently I’ve gotten to mentor again. You know, I’m 32 years of age.
I’d probably say even any, you know, you know how it is as well with, with, with men versus women. You know, women tend to mature a lot earlier than men. And for me, it was a case of not mature until I was probably 23, 24. Um, so I decided I decided to go for the mental test and obviously guy in the top two.
Hockey wise, but it’s really just understanding for me as well. I use these things on myself and friends and other people to, to increase our own stock price. So that’s why I got into it really. And I have really enjoyed helping people. You know, one of the things that I think would be good for, for the listeners and even if you’ve not done it yourself.
Right. So you do a personality test on maybe the Myers-Briggs. It just gives you a bit of an insight into what your.
[00:27:32] Raven: We talk a lot about human design here. So it’s more of a self development tool, but it helps you like with your type versus there’s personality traits you learn.
[00:27:41] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah, exactly. So trays. So, you know, some things you’re going to be more like than other people.
So introversion versus extroversion. Yes. You can become more extroverted. Yes. Come and come on. But it’s generally something that is, is it’s built in, um, to an extent. [00:28:00] So yeah. You know, you can obviously make yourself more, you know, introvert does not mean you’re socially. Enact, as people tend to think, it just means you prefer to spend more time alone.
And on the, on the other side, extroverts doesn’t mean you’re making them safely. Are there a lot of extroverts that are extroverts that are really bad socially? You know, they can’t pick up on social cues and stuff like that. So as you say, it’s all about the value. Exactly. It’s all about developing yourself.
So what, what it’s got to look at is your personality trait. It seemed like your starting point is seeing where you want to be in how you can, maybe you just excited to say, okay, well, because of the job I do, maybe I am I in the wrong job, you know, I might doing something that’s more suited to actually verts.
Whereas I’m introvert doing something where I’m agreeable, but doing a job that’s very disagreeable. So I think there is some overlap between personal development and also. What you are inherently. So for example, I could train every day for 200 years to become a sprinter. It’s just not going to happen. I haven’t got the physique for it.
You know, sometimes the, you know, you are dealt certain cards. You need to work out what cars they are, which is why personality test and self, um, um, sort of, uh, intersection come in and then how you can best use those cards to the best of their abilities. And that’s where coaching comes in. Really, you know, not everyone is seven foot tall in the play basketball.
For these are again, they’ve got separate coaches that help them to get the most out of themselves for other people it’s maybe just slightly different path. And so that’s why coach is quite important.
We talk a lot about the human design around here as a tool first heal and to have self-discovery because there’s so many elements.
Raven Scott
[00:29:36] Raven: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And like I said, we talk a lot about the human design around here as a tool first heal and to have self-discovery because there’s so many elements.
Like you had said about all the different personality tests, but this dives deeper into actually sharing with you, what is your life’s purpose? So it actually helps you hone in, like you have these energies innately. So now do something, [00:30:00] you know, whatever makes you passionate, lights you up around this area.
And it typically lines up what their incarnation cross, which is your life’s purpose lines up with what they’re already passionate about. So I would say, look, if you don’t even pull any personality test or anything, just like, look at what really lights you up and look at your past.
[00:30:20] Jeevan Mathuru: A hundred percent, and this is something I speak I have spoken to, uh, or about on the podcast.
And, you know, a lot of the time people go into an industry for the wrong reasons, or I want to make loads of money and I saw someone else that have done that. Great. But are you good at that thing? You know, you, if you look for example, He, when he was very young and he was very lucky to work this out, he knew he was good at tennis.
So he’s put all his eggs in that basket and develops his tennis skills. You need to work out what you’re good at. And as you said, what makes you tick and something you love to do? It’s got to be a case of, you’ve got to love to do it, and you’ve got to be good at it. It’s got to be a, you know, uh, a tie up, you know, as I said, I, I enjoy sprinting that side, but it doesn’t mean I can become a sprinter because you know, being good at something.
And that interest has to sort of. So that’s the first thing. Second, then we’ll go back to some philosophy here. Um, it says that, you know, people ask what the meaning of life is. It’s actually you, this asks what you, what means what life means to you. So that’s something really to consider in order to, you know, develop, as you’ve said, your life, meaning, which then develops your purpose.
And then you can say, well, actually, How can I best use my skillset to achieve that purpose. And for me, you know, talking about the coaching is to help improve and develop people into the best versions F and B you know, tree. When you plant the seed, it grows to the biggest version of itself and animal.
They will grow to the best of their ability. Humans don’t tend to do. It’s made me drink. We, you know, self-sabotage massively, [00:32:00] which is obviously one of the crucial things that people are trying to get away from. And once we get rid of the fear of failure, fear of success, you know, self-sabotage et cetera, et cetera, get rid of all of those bits.
We can then turn it from a, um, a caterpillar into a butterfly in, and, and, and China. Oh, I
[00:32:20] Raven: love that. I love that you pointed out too. We are, humans are the only unique ones that have a fear, which brings me to like the spleen center and all the different gates. The spleen center is the oldest center in the human design.
Really. It relates to survival like animals, a tree, you know, and things like that. But the different energies inside a human, we have the concept of abstraction. We have the concept of like deeper thinking. Which can lead to the fears that any other living, you know, animal doesn’t have, they’re not afraid of failure.
They’re just, you know, afraid of dying. That’s pretty much it. So they do everything not to die, or we have all these different abstract fears that you have to mentally strengthen and overcome and push.
[00:33:06] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah. So what’s your view, just because you mentioned, you sort of alluded to that, what’s your sort of views on chakras?
The what’s your
[00:33:14] Raven: yeah. The chakra systems included in the human design. I love the chakras. I love to cleanse them with meditations and healing. I think they’re directly connected to, you know, like the head in the center, I shakra is directly connected to hearing messages and receiving from source and the heart is, you know, related to healing.
And the route, especially is related to making sure we’re grounded into the earth. So we’re not just up in the air, like just feeling overwhelmed by our fears. Yeah.
[00:33:46] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah. I mean, it just becomes something that you said there with the spleen and stuff, it just sort of triggered the shakra thing in my mind.
And that it was actually something that was written in the book on the spirituality, you know, understanding how shakras work and where yours is potentially blocked and how [00:34:00] to sort of release, um, that block chakra, for example. But yeah, as you said, with the, um, with the main heck truck growth that we are.
All part of the same universe, same source, same God, you know, whatever you want to call it. And you know, when you get ideas, we’re just the receiving system that’s coming dominantly to us. And as you said, if you meditate and you can clear your ability to receive messages, then you know, you will get better insights and you will develop yourself.
So something a postbox. If you’ve got a post box that it’s not been emptied in two weeks, when you signed stuff, letters in. It’s very difficult to actually get the letter in. First of all. And secondly, have you read all of those that has a lot of lawns, sometimes you need to empty the left box out, clear everything, give it a nice clean.
And then when you know, you get those letters and entries come in, you can just open them, read them straight away. So I was saying everyone should be looking to meditate really to help. Get more within yourself. You know, if there’s no enemy within, there’s no enemy without, I think the, uh, on the phrase is this.
I
[00:35:06] Raven: love that. I love the analogy. I’ve never heard meditation. And you know, and the analogy between like checking your box, your mailbox, or your. You know, like with us having overflowing amounts of spam in our email boxes, like we don’t want our brains to be like that. So a daily meditation, just a few minutes helps you just delete some of the things, you know, some spam in your inbox and journaling too.
So maybe you need to journal after you meditate to clear off. I love that.
[00:35:34] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah. So if you don’t plant plants, weeds grow by default and that sort of spam that you’ve talked about, that, that travels through the mind journaling wise, I recommend to two types of journal. One is, you know, your goals, your affirmations, um, and what you grew up in a grateful for the second, which is in the marks of alias talks.
Um, very. Um, religiously about for want of a [00:36:00] better word is at nighttime.
[00:36:02] Raven: He is like, I was, you say he’s a stoic for the listeners, by the way, a lot of people aren’t familiar with stoicism. So I love that we’re talking about this.
[00:36:08] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah. Our state system just listens. It’s sort of a branch of philosophy that is rarely, um, Good in terms of it, give you some real clarity on yourself and how life operates a lot of the time, you know, you are programmed by TV programs and newspapers and all those sorts of things.
I just feel that philosophy, that the way that the phrase is are so, you know, you all have seen, you know, phrases go around on Instagram and you know, you probably like them and think, oh, that phrase actually makes a lot of sense. A lot of those have come from philosophy and stoicism. So for me, I’ll listen to services or more read some of the phases every day.
Cause it helps keep me grounded and helps to calm and relax my mind really as much as anything else. So, so yeah, but yeah.
[00:37:03] Raven: Sorry. Sorry.
[00:37:08] Jeevan Mathuru: Okay. So he basically said that at nighttime, you should sit down, not have you didn’t say anything about phones. Cause obviously there wasn’t any phones back then, but if you sort of interpret the way you said it is to clear yourself of all distractions, really sit down and talk about your thoughts or write down what your thoughts are.
How do you think today when you know, what sort of skills do you think you developed? And look a bit like a diary in essence, and writing down, maybe some ideas that you’ve got. Ask yourself some questions at night time. Oh, you know, how can I grow my business by 10% over the next six months? Okay, great.
Let’s write that question down. You’ll be very surprised as to how much your subconscious works at nighttime. So if you’re asking yourself these deep questions and trying to win. You know, the good things and bad things about yourself just before you go to bed. When you get up in the morning, some of those questions would already be done.
I, for those that aren’t answered [00:38:00] MarTech and wants to, he wants three months and ping, you know, you’ll go down into your mind. So he says, you know, do that, not having the morning, you know, recap what you’ve wrote in the journal the night before. And then do the same again the next day. And he says for him, it was a real way to, to, to harness his day mind.
Jim Rowan that said. Don’t use your head as a filing cabinet,
And I think it was Jim Rowan that said. Don’t use your head as a filing cabinet, you know, as good as you are. You never saying thoughts, you need a pen and paper, so you need a pen and paper. I mean, as I said, I write down my goals and affirmations and I’m grateful every day because your hands and your, your brain and the piece of paper and a pen as such a great connection that you can’t just have from.
You know, speaking to yourself. I mean, if I gave you a very complex math problem or puzzle to solve, you’re going to say, oh, can I have a pen and paper please? Because it’s very difficult. I mean, there are some very smart people out there who have managed to have tow from training controller that reminded, could probably use it as a, a pen and paper, but for most people they can’t.
So they need something where it’s visual there and they can actually work through things and compartmentalize and structure things. So if you, if you need that for something complex, like. Why not use it for something complex, like your own mind, your own. Yeah. You wrote into that, your own, your own, um, um, mentality and all those sorts of things.
I love the idea of writing it down at night
raven
So yeah, definitely a pen and paper for me is, is, is well worth the investment.
[00:39:33] Raven: I love the idea of writing it down at night, like, and I was just talking to somebody who was really struggling. Like being able to fall asleep. Um, and this person, particularly in the human design is a projector, which is already difficult because they’re in their sacral center, which is related to the sacral chakra is that they’re amplifying like everybody’s energy around them.
And for them, you know, I have a daughter who has it. So it’s really important. I get her into her [00:40:00] bed an hour before I know she needs a fall asleep. So all projectors, you guys need. Journaling and laying and reclining in your bed for an hour before you were ready to fall asleep, because you need that time to clear out that energy first, your sacral, and I’m sure for all of us generators manifesting generators in your head, you need to clear all that out.
And that pushes down into the throat is a manifesting, uh, center. So writing is the same thing as speaking, because you’re getting it out of your body. I think that’s really powerful. I love that advice.
[00:40:33] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah, a hundred percent, as you’ve said that, you know, sometimes just writing it down has given you some clarity to say, oh, you know, that’s now being dealt with, even though it’s exactly the same, it feels like you’ve got it off your chest and down on, on paper as it were.
I mean, I’m, I’m, I’m a bit like that in, in terms of, let’s say I’m doing some emails or I’m working on something and something pops into the. Like an idea or something I need to do. I need to put the washing out. Let’s just use that as an example. I have to actually write it down on my, to do list because then I can go back to focusing on what I was just doing.
If I do, I’m not all washing this to go out or washing or dishes needs to be done, this should be exactly. So I have to write it down or email us. I’ll do this a lot as well. I emailed myself. So let’s say I’m out walking the dog or something and I think, oh, damn, I’m not sending that email to the client. I will email myself, email to client Mr.
Smith. And then I can relax. Cause I was like, okay, I know that when I go back to the Hudson Gretel story of bleeding, leaving breadcrumbs, when I go back to the home and get on a laptop that will be there, but I’ve already dealt with in the batting the ball from that side to receive the ball of this. And whereas I hadn’t done that.
I’ll be stressed out for the whole walk thinking. I need to run two years for me to remember to do that. So yeah, definitely for me writing stuff down or emailing Selphyl or whatever, it’s going to be as much to be important. And just on that actually. And my second book that we talked about is actually going to [00:42:00] be something along the lines of journey.
So it’s going to be a question a day to ask yourself, so where do you want to be in five years time? Let’s say as an example question, and that will talk about ways that you can help design five years and stuff like that. Then it will give you a few big pieces of paper, blank paper to help you design your next five years.
Next day, there’ll be another question, you know, Based on my personality type or, or what I enjoy, as you said, what would I do every day? It wasn’t about the money. Okay. Well, if you could do that every day and you’ve got to want to do that as a full-time job, maybe transition from what you get. So it’s going to be a, basically a journal question a day with some guidance, to an extent with some philosophy, philosophical quotes, or just general, um, help really with those questions.
Um, and it should rain purse, no book. Obviously the first book, you know, is doing well and happy about, but I’m more excited about our second book because it’s every, the, every person’s version is going to be different because they writing down their own life story ready and planning for the future. So, yeah, really excited with that one.
Hopefully we are later on the October, November, December
[00:43:13] Raven: time. Sounds amazing. Yeah. So it’s going to be every day. So like 365 journalists.
[00:43:18] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah. So I’m going to do 3, 6, 6, because it’s a leap year, one year, then, you know, at least you’ve got, you’ve got the extra, um, the extra, the extra day. So yeah, I mean, I’ve written all the questions down on a sort of, so just in terms of where my progress is and I’ve bought it pointed, you know how I’m going to talk about the sort of guidance or questions within that.
So let’s say let’s use that question of where do want to be in five years time. That’s such a broad question. We need to maybe look at sub questions to help you out actually onto that four question. Do you want to be married or single? Do you want to have kids? You want to have been a pass? What sort of career do you want to be in?
What level of income do you need, et [00:44:00] cetera. And you need to build that five-year picture to then see where you are now in relation to that. It’s not all in five years time. I want to be in a beach. You know, in Australia, that’s not really what the point of that question would be. It’s much more detail and
[00:44:14] Raven: I’m flashing, like what kind of vacation do you want?
But you also like to how much money do you need to make to get that vacation? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
[00:44:20] Jeevan Mathuru: exactly. Exactly. So, so yeah, it’s a case of reverse engineering. So as we said in five years time, if you want to be living in New York with a hundred grand coming in a month, let’s just make this very, very. Um, uh, a very ambitious goal.
You want to have 10 out of 10 boyfriend or girlfriend. You want to be able to run marathon in, in two, three hours, et cetera, et cetera. How are we going to get there? We’ve got, does he therefore need to be like, yes, we need to be like, what’s your, to what you want. What daily habits do you need to project that fall into five years?
If it’s a business goal five years, I want to be turning over a million pounds a year. What does that look like? What does my current earnings per month have, like, where does that discrepancy leave? How do I need to grow? How many employees do I need? So it starts to, you see how it triggers multiple questions of why did you do this in the morning?
Whether you do it in the evening? I think it’s going to be really, you know, it’s, it’s for me as well as for those who buy the book, you know, it’s for my own personal development as well. You know, if I was to answer this book myself, It would help me, you know, in, in five years, four years, three years time.
Um, so, so yeah, those questions, you know, we’re excited to want to it’s completed. Um, but as I said, you know, everyone, book’s going to be different and that’s the, that’s the exciting part, right?
[00:45:40] Raven: Yeah. That’s a great project. I love that. It reminds me of what Ryan holiday has out. Have you read any of Ryan holiday’s books?
Oh, you would love it. He’s proclaimed. Stoic can heat. Talks about stoicism every day has so many books. Um, Tim Ferris is his mentor. Tim Ferriss has [00:46:00] mentor. So he, um, he did a book 365 days of stoicism.
[00:46:07] Jeevan Mathuru: Oh yeah. I know that book know, but that’s Ryan holiday, so yes, 360 6 stubby quotations.
[00:46:17] Raven: Yes, exactly. And I was actually just working on a project.
That’s just this similar to yours, but for like healing and empowerment and narcissism, like just put on it a little empowerment thing and then leave a journal thing. I think that’s amazing how maybe the planets are all aligning us to be like people you need to journal. So it create you a prompt and a journal book
[00:46:37] Jeevan Mathuru: a hundred percent.
And you know, it talks about your, you know, your receiving set for the universe. These ideas are all out there. About them. How many times have you heard? Oh, I’d say idea. And you know, the problem is I’m pleased, um, you know, Uber and Uber eats and all these delivery companies that now deliver like McDonald’s and KFC and we with.
About 15 years ago, um, as friends will, oh, wouldn’t it be great if like KFC and subway and McDonald’s delivered, we should set up a business, but obviously it’s one of those where you just say something and don’t really do anything with it. And obviously we were quite young at the time. So, you know, the likelihood of that happening is very small, but then someone else has a similar idea and they’ve actually done something with it.
You know, it’s not always what happens to you, it’s how you view things and how you do things that, that makes a difference. So, you know, ideas can come and go, but are you actually acting on those ideas? And if so, how are you acting on those ideas? You know, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones and not the same beasts, you know, Mr.
James working 20 hours a day. The religiously on this project, Mrs. James might not be, or vice versa. So, you know, you’re in competition with yourself as well as everyone else, to an extent that you should focus on competing with [00:48:00] yourself first, rather than with anyone
[00:48:03] Raven: else. Yeah. And I think it’s all about the right timing to, you know, the right, the right energy of the right person and the right timing, like links, everything up, you know, when you plant seeds, when you’re gardening, not every single thing.
Grows into something. So it’s really a combination of that and making sure your vibration is high and you’re doing what your life’s purpose is and what you truly are lit up about. And then the little breadcrumbs will show you the way and your success will come to you in your own unique way.
[00:48:32] Jeevan Mathuru: Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. On this, on the seeds thing that you said, which I think it’s absolutely spot on, not everybody sees you plan is going to turn to something and I really wish more people understood. Um, because you know, they start a business and it might be the first seed off dump those seeds. They’re going to plant in a lifetime and the first one fails and they decided not to plant another seed and they don’t the plant decide not to plant the seed and another seed.
And another seed. Actually, what you need to understand is mom, first three seats might be the ducts. And after that, the next five seats might be the ones that are bearing huge amounts of fruit. Um, you know, maybe I learned something from the first two CDs. Maybe we didn’t water them enough. Maybe I didn’t plant the seed deep enough and put the compost on and, and all that sort of stuff.
So to me, you know, everyone should be seeking Vader, not averting from it. Failure is first attempt in learning as a sort of underground to an extent. And you know, if you look at any businessman, their first business, didn’t, didn’t always succeed. I mean, some there, of course, but for those it’s okay. You know, what did I learn?
How can I change things moving forward? How have I developed as a person? So Mike Tyson let’s use Mark Tyson as an example, no businessman per se, but he went back and cooked dinner at some point, but it didn’t really matter because he is the value. Now his experience with boxing, you know, his, his life experience is [00:50:00] actually the ability to maybe teach some people boxing that won’t go away.
So as long as you increase your. Inherently, you can make mistakes along the way. Whereas if you’ve. Assets, you know, so these people inherit loads of money or whatever. They can go bankrupt. And that’s it they’re done because they haven’t increased their value. If you’re someone who is primarily based on value.
Absolutely great. You know, you probably will never have long-term issues. You might have short term issues. As we’ve talked, talked about Peter James, as well as another one, he I’m dragging. Then you have something similar in the states and you’re saying Dragon’s den and shark tank. Yeah. So there’s a lot of that in the UK.
And Pete, James is one of the dragons on there or the investors for, um, for, uh, another phrase that means sending them basically, and he made 200 million and the last deal. And then he made back 250 million again, because what they couldn’t take away from him is his business acumen that the, um, the contact is made, um, et cetera, his ability to make deals and negotiate, et cetera.
You know, where those long hours that you can’t take that away from him, even if you take away what he’s built up. So he started again and did the same thing for a second time. So what we need to understand is that, as you said, we’ve gone a little bit off tangent, I suppose, but. Don’t worry about your first seed.
You’ve got to keep planting the seed over and over again. And you know, I think one of the phrases is one is, you know, throw shit at the wall and hoping it sticks. There’s sometimes that’s just the case. You’ve got to throw it in the wall a few times and sometimes it will stick sometimes it won’t. So just keep plugging away and look for the positive.
[00:51:47] Raven: Yeah. And that goes full circle with what we first talked about was the positive, not the. The actual effective, positive mindset to eradicate the negative [00:52:00] versus the toxic positivity. I love that. Thank you so much for being here. You guys, everything. Um, the way that you can connect with Chevonne is all the links are in the show notes here.
Um, just wipe the picture of the podcast and swipe up and it’s in the show. Um, it’s just been a pleasure having you here. It’s, it’s been fun bantering and going back and forth about stoicism and quotes and concepts. I love it. Thank you.
[00:52:24] Jeevan Mathuru: Excellent. I think you’ve asked some really good questions and you’ve got really good energy about you as well.
And you seem like you’re on the right path of sort of enlightenment and having that sort of positive energy and stuff. So, so yeah, keep with it and hopefully we’ll cross paths again, then maybe do another podcast. Yeah,
[00:52:43] Raven: absolutely. Thank you so much. And we’ll keep an eye out for your new book coming out.
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