“Holding the narcissist accountable is like emotional abuse to them. They receive it as offensive. They will not receive any type of constructive criticism. They will not even receive how you are feeling, how they have affected you. And they will, all of a sudden their ego will be triggered.”
Raven Scott
Listen to Podcast
Healing CPTSD from Childhood Trauma: Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse with Janet Hays – Empath And the Narcissist: Spiritual Healing with Human Design from Narcissistic Abuse & PTSD
- Healing CPTSD from Childhood Trauma: Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse with Janet Hays
- What is Post Traumatic Growth? Sobriety with Spirit Guides with Rae Leonard
- Signs You Are Dealing with A Narcissist 45 out of 50 Countdown | You Feel Crazy
- How to Connect to God-Self and Heal from Spiritual Abuse with Maetreyii Ma
- Healing the Throat Center after Narcissistic Trauma: Human Design Throat Center
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Here is the Show:
[Raven] It’s so good to be here. I’m grateful to be.
Holding the narcissist accountable is like emotional abuse to them.
raven
They receive it as offensive. They will not receive any type of constructive criticism. They will not even receive how you are feeling, how they have affected you. And they will, all of a sudden their ego will be triggered.[00:02:00]
And now you’re on the defensive. When you really should be able to safely share how you’re feeling, how someone’s treated you, but to them, excuse me, they go on the attack because they think in their ego that it’s emotional abuse. How could you say that? You’re the one that’s crazy. You’re the one that’s up.
Or in my instance, I have someone in my life I shared with her authentically, how she did this. This made me feel right. The very, like things that you, you should be doing when you did this action. This made me feel, and honestly, she was stunned and I’m like, I know she doesn’t know how to react. She doesn’t know how to receive this because she thought she did nothing wrong in her head.
She was blameless. She said, you’re always welcome. Or whatever the kid, the case is. And honestly, it’s just bull crap. Like it’s just bullshit. So whatever she’s saying is lip service and anything that sh you know, and what she’s trying to do, she went into the fight or flight. And as that extremely selfish person, and she was trying to defend herself, and that’s what the narcissist does.
All they’re doing ever is to defend themselves and never take accountability for their actions.
raven
[00:03:17] Paxton: So we’re talking about. Behavior really not lining up to try to keep peace. It’s almost as if their brain is operating totally different than the way other people operate.
[00:03:34] Raven: Well. Yeah, I mean, again, the narcissist a big key trait is that they have zero empathy.
raven
They really actually lack the brain capacity and emotional intelligence for empathy, and to resolve a conflict in a healthy relationship, you need to be able to hear out the other person take responsibility and both sides, right? There’s always two sides to a story there’s two sides to accomplish.
But with the narcissist, they’re never to blame.
raven
It’s always you, you will always have to do this, this, this to make it better. Otherwise just leave. And then bill break your heart, break up with you. Did you like, they just will move on so quickly. So either way, it’s not a fun experience for the person on the receiving end.
[00:04:21] Paxton: If that’s the case then, oh, I got to give it, I’m going to do this real quick here.
Uh, before I forget, um, you can get ahold of Raven by the way, on her Instagram page. Hope I’m getting this correct. @ Raven Scott show is the Instagram page. Now, is that the same as it is on your YouTube as well? I’m just same.
[00:04:41] Raven: Same, exactly. Yep. My YouTube channel is Raven Scott show.
[00:04:45] Paxton: All right. I wanted to get into another aspect that you were highlighting, uh, concerning having no empathy that they have no empathy for you.
Can you expound on that a little bit more again, the majority of our audience are individuals who are just now beginning their journey. Uh, so for some of you who are seasoned veterans of understanding, uh, narcissistic abuse, uh, uh, traits and behaviors of narcissism and. Uh, feel free to join in and enjoy the journey as we talk about this now.
Uh, but, uh, go ahead, Raven, talk a little bit about that. No empathy for you.
[00:05:21] Raven: Empathy is an important part of being a human being. Um, this is how we stay together healthy in our families, in our tribes, how we take care of each other for survival and empathy is the emotion. It’s a bit different than sympathy.
Sympathy is, oh, I feel bad for you. Empathy is I feel your pain and I’m sorry,
raven
like I, I see you and I hear you and I recognize you that your emotion is valid and that could be any emotion, you know, joy and celebration. Narcissists don’t know how to celebrate other people, either, you know, [00:06:00] um, sadness and hurt.
They don’t know how to deal with that because they play the victim all the time within themselves. They’re the ones always hurt. They’re always belittling your experience. I have another example I’ve experienced, um, from someone close to me that when I expressed, when this happened in my life, this really.
Was hurtful. And I wish that things could have been better, but of course we can’t live in the past. We need to move forward. But sometimes we need healing in these conversations to be able to move forward. And the person who is a narcissist or is playing the victim or is extremely selfish, or you could call them talk sick, they will try.
And one up you in the game like, oh yeah, well, but you didn’t feel like you weren’t hurt by your family when you were little or you didn’t have it as bad as me. So they’re actually not even hearing you because they’re not holding space and saying, I’m sorry that that happened. That was never my intention.
They’re just like, one-upping you in a victim game? Like, oh, well you don’t have it as bad as me or, oh, well, you know, you’re lucky you even have me. Like, they just completely ignore your emotions. And that is a lack of empathy.
[00:07:15] Paxton: Yeah. That, that lack of empathy, that, what did you, you said they try to always one up you as you put it.
And if they try, uh, that’s, uh, it’s sad is, is actually kind of pathetic that a person wants to live that life that way. Hopefully, um, if you’re experiencing this and you need to reach out to someone, of course, you’re more than welcome to reach out to anyone that’s, uh, on the shows that we do. But, uh, I am truly highlighting the Raven Scott show here to reach out to Raven, if you’re dealing with a narcissist and, uh, they are playing the victim all the time and causing you to feel as if you’re not seen or heard.
Um, when it, when, uh, impath is experiencing this, [00:08:00] you’ve experienced this, what was that really like for you to almost be made invisible? Because they’re going to have a story bigger and more painful than yours.
[00:08:15] Raven: It just makes you feel so unheard. It makes you feel so unloved, invalidate. And especially when it comes from, let’s say you have a parent that’s doing this.
It really is very harmful. And I think it also, for me, it really, um, hurt my self esteem. For lack of better words hurt. It really started to cut down on to my self-esteem and self-worth like, well, I guess I’m not really, like my opinion’s not valid. My feelings aren’t valid. So I guess that means that I’m just gonna kind of go along with whatever’s given to me and, you know, therefore you can be set up to then now in friendships or romantic relationships, just putting up to put up, cause you’ve always put up and it’s, it’s not okay.
You should never feel like you’re invalidated or you’re not heard. Um, and a lot of times I would seek a more mentor or guidance from another person outside my family. And that really helped me try, like I just was trying to find grounded. To be able to have guidance cause I wanted it and I was healthy enough to know that I wasn’t getting it somewhere.
So I got to get it somewhere else. So for me, I always kind of felt lost. And you know, I always, actually, when I was younger, I made friends with a senior, like let’s say in high school, I always had a senior friend, but then they left to go to college. So then I have to make a new friend and it always seemed to be a senior cause I was looking for the older, you know, mentorship.
[00:09:47] Paxton: I, I could, I could see where a person would need to do that because if not, then you’re just stuck with that family dynamics or whatever your, whoever the caregiver is. And now you’re going to carry that into every relationship thereafter.
Um, I’m going to put something to you now. I’m going to put it up on the screen and I want your opinion on this.
Okay. No intimacy and no sex seems to be a dynamic that is often talked about when you’re dealing with a narcissist who is trying to control every app. ’cause they fear intimacy. What are your thoughts?
[00:10:26] Raven: Yeah, I would say the kryptonite for the narcissist is vulnerability and we all love Bernay brown. She talks about vulnerability is the key to a successful company team relationship.
If you can’t authentically be yourself and feel safe to be vulnerable about being a human being because suffering and pain, joy, and celebrating, those are all intertwined in being a human. So the narcissist is afraid of this. Again, due to their past trauma, due to whatever treatment they’ve received in their growing up and conditioning, they’ve been conditioned that being a vulnerable, being vulnerable, being intimate is equals pain, really.
And so they block themselves off to this and so they can’t actually truly experience true intimacy. And so then their partner is. Well really connect with them, like on a soul level. I think there’s something special about when you’re intimate with somebody to really feel connected on a soul level and they’re incapable, there’s a huge wall and it just, it will never be ever deeply connected with their partner.
[00:11:37] Paxton: Th that, that means then that a person can find themselves. Let’s, let’s say the empath, uh, the partner, uh, the mate, the F uh, looking for intimacy, they’re going to feel left out when it comes to their needs, but you highlight you just highlighted that they have no empathy. So they’re not going to be concerned with.[00:12:00]
[00:12:00] Raven: No, they don’t care. They don’t care. And somehow as empaths, just keep going back for more.
raven
[00:12:07] Paxton: Nope. They don’t care. Okay. Next point. All right.
I know. That’s why you have to show here. That’s right, right. To the point they don’t care essentially is what you’re saying. Uh, that, that means then I’ll put this up now. Uh, they easily become defensive. So you can’t even talk about the previous thing we were just talking about or not being seen and heard because if you try to discuss something based up on what you’re saying, we got a problem now because they’re going to become easily defensive.
Hm.
[00:12:48] Raven: Yeah. I mean, I can tell a story about this interesting toxic cocktail of in my past. And I talk about it in my book impasse and the narcissist is whenever we would get, you know, intimate at night, it was always a big, uh, production. It was like, get all the cocktails out, get the, you know, we would always go out to dinner.
So I was dressed up and, you know, make sure the high heels are on and like this big production, but there was zero emotional and, you know, intimacy there. And then it would drag on and on and on for hours and hours. And then I, you know, as a human being, I’m like, I gotta go to work. I’m tired. And then boom, he would become so defensive.
Um, or I would literally just fall asleep and pass out. Then he’d be really mad at me the next day, not talking to. And, you know, be like, well, what did I do? Right? Like, well, nothing, you know, nothing, Raven, you did nothing. He just, you know, couldn’t connect with you. He couldn’t get his needs met of whatever he wanted out of the, you know, production of the whole experience.
And then he never took responsibility. He just became very defensive. At one point, you [00:14:00] know, some really extreme stuff happened. Big fights would occur. Things would be thrown in the house. I would be locked out of the house and the cold, like in my underwear, crazy stuff, because he just couldn’t like accept that he needed to consider me as a human being.
I ha you know, I had a job it’s already been four hours, like, come on, dude. Like, but he got very defensive and it just turned into a big, huge fiasco, huge fight. He would even remove vacations because I didn’t perform. Sexy enough for whatever. And so all of this stuff is the takeaway.
The narcissist does all of this is just their smoke and mirrors that they’re inadequate because that’s their biggest fear in life is that they’re inadequate
raven
[00:14:50] Paxton: smoke and mirrors that they are inadequate.
I love the way you said that that’s almost like the title of a second book. I, you came up with it. I really like that. Um, oh, here we go. With the next item to keep in mind when you’re dealing with someone who’s self-absorbed self-centered, uh, narcissistic traits and behaviors. Um, here we go. You wanted to highlight this aspect, uh, essentially they have no compassion or, or, um, well you say it.
[00:15:26] Raven: Yeah. Um, it’s just, this is this the sign, really? If the person who. Actually cares about you at a deeper level, right? Otherwise, all you are is like either arm candy supply is a big topic, trend word that people use for, you know, the empaths. Um, it could just be like stoking their ego, or it just could be like, there you’re their little Teddy bear.
You’re the comfort zone. And they don’t want to like, do any work, work on themselves [00:16:00] and get out there and find someone else. Right. So all of it though comes back to if they don’t have compassion for you, which goes back to the no empathy, then you’re just a trophy for them. And when you’re they feel comfortable, they put you on the trophy, the shelf and you collect dust until you realize, you know what?
I don’t like to be on this shelf. This sucks. They don’t love me. They’re not compassionate. They’re always blaming me for things. So I’m going to leave. Except that when you start to leave the go, oh wait, no, no, let me get my, my shining Polish out. Let me like dust you off. Let me Polish you. Let me give you all of the love and attention that you’re asking.
And then you’re like, oh, okay, okay. So you heard me, I guess then I will stay. But typically with the narcissist, it lasts like, I don’t know, a week, not, not very long until they feel comfortable again and you’re back in their routine and then you’re back in the routine and you’re just sitting on the shelf with no compassion, not being treated like an equal human being and you know, life that the vicious pattern of pain continues.
Yeah.
We’re
[00:17:07] Paxton: looking at of the refrain talks about a 10 year marriage to a narc. Uh, um, you mentioned, uh, their, uh, personality is being looked at with scrutiny, his personality. He was looking at a scrutiny because I nearly lost my mind. Uh, feel free to address that if you like,
[00:17:24] Raven: I can feel you have the refrain.
I was with mine for 10 years and I literally. I would say out loud, “am I taking crazy pills?”
raven
Like what is going on? Because the cycle repeats and repeats where they discourage you. They have zero compassion, you know, they get comfortable, they blame you for everything. And then you’re like, no, you can fight in your friends.
And they’re like, this isn’t the way a man should treat you. Um, move on, tell him what you need, put your boundaries up. Um, and then you do, and then they flip everything over on its head. And somehow, [00:18:00] because they’re master manipulators, you believe the crap that they say to you. They believe you believe that it’s your fault.
You really, truly are trying to fix the relationship, but you can’t be. This relationship that you’re stuck in this, like literally Groundhog’s day loop, you are never going to be able to fix it. Cause you can only control yourself. And that relationship is a one-way street versus a healthy relationship that could grow and change.
That typically is a two way street. So I I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that and everyone on the outside, of course they blame you. They think you’re crazy. They think that, or they think why is she staying? She must really be crazy and wish for this torture, but it’s not, it’s so complicated. And you do feel like you’re losing your mind.
And then in the end I really felt like I was losing my soul. Like I literally could feel the vortex pulling me down and I saw the dark mist. I was like, okay now. Okay. I see. Thank you universe. I see this. I need to get out now.
[00:19:07] Paxton: Did, did you, uh, I know you didn’t expect. You learn to expect the unexpected.
When you do a show with me, we’ve done so many together. I have to ask you, I’m thinking of this. Look, you’re in this situation, Raven, where we’re talking to people about this. Now you speak to a number of people. Uh, you also coach people. You have your book, you have your podcast, you have a YouTube channel.
You try to help as many as you can. But when you were in that type of a situation and you didn’t know it was your fault, you were maybe kept trying to, I have a picture. I, I’m not going to ever put up, unless you tell me it’s okay that you sent me. You know what I’m saying?
[00:19:51] Raven: You brought it up. Oh my God. I went down memory lane.
Like all of us, they’d go through a little bit of the
[00:19:56] Paxton: picture of how you change your entire [00:20:00] appearance to make him happy while he was still rolling you on this rollercoaster of emotional and mental case.
[00:20:10] Raven: Yeah. And that picture was from getting us ready. I’m sorry. I’m cutting you off. Cause I just had a picture,
[00:20:16] Paxton: you know, you can do that with me, but the picture part, when you say I’ve got the picture of my head, so the picture
[00:20:22] Raven: was from us, arranging like that picture and he doesn’t have to put it up cause I’m going to protect the identity of everybody.
But it was me between the two moms. And I was like, do you see which one? Which one’s my real mom? Cause it was like so obvious that I looked identically like his, which I, we talked about before with Caroline in the show. And um, the picture was from us planning the wedding dinner. And this is eight years after I got together with him and probably the first two, we were young.
So in high school, so those, they really wasn’t bad. It wasn’t narcissist abuse. So for six years I’ve been dealing with. Emotional rollercoaster cycle of trying to leave, move out, move back in, move out, move back in. And so we’re arranging this wedding dinner and you can see me looking identical to his mom.
raven
And I thought that giving him an ultimatum to marry me was going to fix our problems. And it just made them worse. Just like you think you going to have a kid it’s going to fix your problems. It just makes it worse. It’s like when you drink alcohol, you think it’s going to numb your problems, but it actually, it magnifies them and it magnifies your like darkest shadowy behaviors.
So all of that to say, I know the real pain of the emotional roller coaster.
[00:21:50] Paxton: You, um, you’re very generous about talking about that picture, but, um, thank you for sending it. I have never seen anything like that before. [00:22:00] I know things like that exists. Uh, I just happened to see that, um, I could not tell who was, who was, who, but I, I know the face looked like one woman, but everything else looked like the other woman and you were in the middle.
A good as I can describe it. Whenever you put that out, everyone who knows you and has come to know you via social media will be able to understand what you have experienced, uh, when you were in that vortex of, of total confusion. Um, you, you didn’t know it wasn’t your fault. You thought it was. What were some of the things you kept trying to do to make it work?
What were sacrifices that you were making some short to make it work?
[00:22:45] Raven: Anything he would suggest? I would try. I’m going to be honest. I went down some really dark paths. I did some crazy black market crap that he was like, Hey, if you just like, you know, experience how it is to be a mother. Then you won’t really like you’ll, you’ll have tried it and not liked it.
raven
And then we can move on. Like, because that started to be a big thing as I wanted to have a family and he was a hard, no, and I’m so grateful that it was a hard, no, because otherwise I still be dealing with them today. No children with him. Yeah. Otherwise I’d be dealing with them
[00:23:22] Paxton: today. Yeah. Yeah. Well, um, let’s, let’s, let’s talk about, uh, of the refrain since we have them on the screen real quick before we’re going to take a commercial break, which is going to last about 60 seconds.
I’ve given everybody a heads up there. Uh, we’re going to have a little commercial break, uh, for us to, uh, drink a little bit off camera and not what you’re thinking now, what you’re thinking, where you just get a little tea or coffee or something down the road, as we’re doing the show for you this morning.
But to have the refrain says, I ran into moral bankruptcy
while that’s a great phrase, dude, you need to make a shirt that says that moral bankruptcy, uh, once infidelity was. [00:24:00] Uh, in the narc I’ll let me look over here. It’s the bigger over here. Uh, I was relieved to some extent because I was so worn out with all the errands and obligations on top of the egg eggshells.
Okay. That’s a lot in there. We could dicey. We could cut into, go ahead. Touch on it, my friend. Yeah.
[00:24:21] Raven: What a blessing and a curse that infidelity. I’m so sorry. And at the same time, I’m so grateful that the universe presented that. So interesting. How that I can relate to that. Unfortunately, that was, there were two big things that the end that were like, Nope, don’t drop, don’t go past this line.
And one was physically hitting me, which he only did once. Very obviously. And so I moved out and then the second was infidelity and he actually tried it. Wasn’t didn’t, it wasn’t successful, but he tried to go have, you know, sleep with my sister. And as much as I didn’t have a really close relationship with her, I thought that that’s just like creepy and that’s a huge now.
So I was like file divorce papers tomorrow. Like, so it’s hard and it’s relieving, right? You are worn out with all of the things. Gosh, literal errands. I remember always doing all the errands. He sat home like a kid and just did whatever he did. Yeah. The obligations constantly walking on eggshells. It’s like, because they react so defensively.
Like we had said before, the lack of empathy, the defensiveness trains you to in your mind go, should I say this? How are they going to react? Oh, they’re not going to like this. So I’m not going to like, share my true thoughts about this. And honestly, I’m just feel like I’m rewiring that now, like with the safe partner that I have now.
raven
[00:25:49] Paxton: Wait, how long ago was it that you been away from him? 10 years. And you said you’re just now feeling comfortable at the whole rewiring of, Hey, I can trust my [00:26:00] judgment. It’s a
[00:26:01] Raven: gradual process. Yes. But it’s still is inside freeze moment. Like, okay, can I say this? And will my partner react negatively? And over and over for the last 10 years, my partner has not, he’s always come back and said, oh, you know what?
I hear you, I I’m sorry. Or whatever the conflict is. Um, or like, this is where I was coming from, and this is my opinion on it. And we’re able to talk like a normal, I always see normal, like a healthy relationship versus, you know, it’s like the ghost of that fear, that eggshells. I hear you off the refrain.
It’s like, just because you’re out of it doesn’t mean you’re fully out of all of that conditioning that they’ve put you through.
[00:26:45] Paxton: I’ve got to touch on, uh, of the refrain. Thank you so much for being a loyal supporter of our channel and, uh, getting a couple of our mugs from our recovery journey, uh, merchant store, uh, and supporting us and keeping these live shows going.
But I got to touch on something. You sat there, my friend, you said, and you did too, also Raven Lauren out and the errands you were worn out with the relationship and what it was putting you through. You were worn out with the person. How would you describe being worn out for someone who’s just now embarking on being worn out?
[00:27:30] Raven: Are we asking of the refrain to
[00:27:31] Paxton: comment? No, he’s going to, he just, he’s throwing some other stuff up to I’ll put up in a minute. Go ahead. Describe what it meant to you being.
[00:27:40] Raven: Being worn out. I was just, when you read that over it, it’s the emotional again, like I mentioned, emotional roller coaster, it’s being worn out.
Like you’re literally emotionally burnt out because you’re taking all the blame. You’re taking all of the negative energy, you’re [00:28:00] taking the responsibility and then you’re trying to, like you said, make sacrifices to make the relationship work. So let’s say one of the sacrifices is, um, okay. So I will never say this phrase again, which is impossible to do, or I remember even saying, okay, like, I’ll just put more makeup on or I’ll just wear high heels during sex.
And then that will fix it. Like all of these things aren’t ever going to fix it because it’s not emotional level solutions. And so you’re emotionally worn out. That’s what I interpreted.
[00:28:37] Paxton: That’s it. No, a beautiful way to describe it. Um, it really helps a number of times when we do these shows and our guests, uh, or like you’re doing right now as the host of your show here, uh, the Raven Scott show to be able to put words to what feelings are because a number of the viewers write me and mentioned the fact that, Hey, I really appreciate when your guests really talk about and describe that emotion, because now they can put words to what their, the abuse that they’re experiencing.
And I appreciate you doing that. My friend, um, errands. Huh? So they, you always had to do errands for the house
[00:29:14] Raven: grocery shopping break. No. So I worked full time. I did the grocery shopping. I also did the alcohol shopping, which was as much as the grocery shopping because we both were alcoholics because we were unhappy in our relationship.
And, um, I did the purchasing of the dinners out. Oh my God. And if they got the order wrong, And I came home and I didn’t double check. It I’d have to go back. Cause he would not. He refused, he was literally like a toddler. He refused to eat it. He wouldn’t even scrape off the sauce or whatever they put on there.
And he liked things very plain.
[00:29:51] Paxton: Well, you know, you know, what’s so interesting is in, you’re not a plain person.
[00:29:56] Raven: I am not, well, I am a [00:30:00] blank. I was a blank canvas to him. But uh,
[00:30:02] Paxton: no, I remember you said that he looked at you and like, oh I can, I
[00:30:06] Raven: love variety. I love Curry. I love sauce. I will eat anything.
[00:30:11] Paxton: Yeah.
I find that interesting. I mean, for you to be in that relationship, it was a moment in time for you. But now that you look back, you, you are given out so much information to help so many younger. Uh, young ladies getting boyfriends or whatever, and they’re finding out that they are dealing with very controlling people.
And that’s a sad situation of the refrain has, has, uh, said that he’s looking for a cave. You looking for a cave? My friend he’s Hey,
[00:30:47] Raven: do you have the two line like me and no. Yeah. It’s becoming, becoming a monk and retreating to a cave. Sounds awesome. Sometimes. Yes. And maybe you have the two line like myself of, um, in your human design chart, it’s actually called the hermit.
So I’d love to pull your chart and read that, but yeah, because there’s, especially if you’re carrying the weight and the relationship, of course you want to retreat, that’s too much. You’re literally bearing the whole relationship. All of the responsibilities of being an adult and the household, the children, if there’s children involved, the money fight the career.
My money was the actual real money. His money was from his parents. There’s just so much on your shoulders. That of course you want to retreat and go into a cave. Yeah. So,
[00:31:33] Paxton: so you’re saying that, uh, that’s a normal reaction. So if somebody is dealing with this right now and they’re feeling that way, they shouldn’t be trying to beat themselves up with shame and guilt.
[00:31:45] Raven: No, that’s a red flag that someone is not taking responsibility. That that relationship is not a two-way street. And you need to either seek therapy or find a plan, an exit plan, and just give yourself time away from the relationship. If it’s meant to be, and they are healthy, then you will reunite. If it’s not meant to be, and they want to love bomb you and draw you back in, then you shouldn’t reunite.
raven
You should stay strong and still be in your quote, unquote cave to do your healing, to invest in yourself
[00:32:19] Paxton: in your cave. I love the
[00:32:20] Raven: cave.
[00:32:20] Paxton: I love it. Yeah. Now the, Hey, we make that that’s another shirt for you. Uh, and thank you for the kind words there, uh, concerning our recovery zone, a merch store. Uh, that’s a way in which, uh, just so some of, you know, we don’t talk about it much.
A few people ask us, it’s a way in which people want to donate to the show. Uh, of course they can use the PayPal, uh, to do so. Uh, but of course we have the recovery zone, um, Raven, your, um, efforts to help people. Uh, you’ve done a lot of research. Uh, you came up with five different things that you wanted to talk about, and I want to put up number five.
Now, when you sent over the information to me, I had to try to come up with, in my mind, ways to put it on the screen, the graphics to put it on the screen. This is what I came up with for number five. So please forgive me. These are not, these are not Raven’s words. If you want to be mad at somebody, be mad at me because I take responsibility for the graphics.
So the content though was, she’s going to say after. She’ll make sense of what I’m going to put on the screen. So I tried to make it make sense, though. It, here we go create they, a narcissist can create emotional confusion and mental chaos. Uh, you have a number of, uh, better words maybe to use for number five.
[00:33:39] Raven: Okay. Yeah. I like the way you put that. It, like we were talking about the emotional rollercoaster, so
[00:33:45] Paxton: it took me two days. Okay.
[00:33:51] Raven: That’s awesome. Yeah. So there’s, there’s this concept between your gut is your first brain and your brain brain is your second brain because our second brain can over justify, overthink, rationalize.
This is why we stay in the relationship with a narcissist for so long. And because we’re like making all these excuses for them and have these hopes and dreams for the future. And we have this fantasy relationship in our heads. Versus the reality relationship, but our body knows it knows what is healthy.
raven
It knows what is right. And it will tell you, so the emotional confusion and manipulation of all their words, that the narcissists are very good at that to, again, Gaslight your true feelings, which are inside your gut. So if your body disagrees with your mind, that is something that will tell you that you need to again, find therapy or, and, or, you know, find an escape plan.
The relationships over the relationship is dead because let’s say they’re coming up to you and wanting to give you a hug and you’re shrinking inside your body. And your stomach is clenching. That’s that? That’s your body saying that this is not a safe person, as much as they can say they love. They have shown you in their actions.
raven
And this is not a safe person. If they say the words, I love you and you start to cry or hold back tears, because it’s painful that they’re saying, I love you because they’ve just blamed you for everything thrown you under the bus. Maybe they have physically abused you or mentally called you horrible, nasty words that no one should ever call each other.
All of those things when they say I love you and your body Wells up with sadness and emotion. Again, that is a real tale that this person is toxic for you. Your body is screaming at you and you need to say like, listen to it. I’m also, if I can add to this, my body actually went into shutdown mode. I was not [00:36:00] able to eat a lot of things.
First. It was, it was, um, flour, right? The basic gluten allergy and. I would feel really horrible and bloated and sick and like I couldn’t digest. And then, um, it became dairy and then I couldn’t consume dairy. And that gave me an upset and everyone’s like, oh, well, those are common allergies, but yet I can drink it.
But I don’t like to now dairy. Once I left that relationship, I was able to eat whatever I wanted. My body was free. My body was happy. I did not have celiac disease. It was literally a, my ex allergy. Like
my ex was the allergy.
raven
[00:36:41] Paxton: I know everybody gets, gets to hear this from me all the time. That’s a, t-shirt my ex was the allergy.
I actually
[00:36:49] Raven: really do like that. T-shirt I think I’m gonna make that one.
[00:36:52] Paxton: You should make that one. Uh, you’re telling me that you, you regained your ability to enjoy food again, better after that person was no longer abusing.
[00:37:05] Raven: Yeah. And I even found nutritionist and at the same time, she was like, okay, well take a diary.
And also I was being hounded for always looking really skinny. Um, and I’m tiny already. Like I am, you know, when I left, I was really skinny and I was always feeling like I needed to diet. That was again, another controlling aspect that narcissists do. And so, um, I was eating pretty much salads all the time and she’s like, well, first of all, you don’t eat anything.
So how can you actually go if you’re not eating anything?
[00:37:39] Paxton: So you’re created a problem that doesn’t need to be a problem.
[00:37:43] Raven: Yeah. But I couldn’t eat like the gluten and all the other things that I would kind of go to, to fill in my diet. Um, yeah. So, cause those reacted like an allergy in my body.
[00:37:55] Paxton: You got some more here of the refrain on the screen.
A B my guests read [00:38:00] that for.
[00:38:02] Raven: Yeah. Narcs handout PTSD with nearly all of the DSM dash V markers. What is DSM dash V? I
[00:38:10] Paxton: don’t know, as if it was candy.
[00:38:14] Raven: Okay, good. Please explain to me that acronym sounds amazing. Yeah, they do hand out the PTC, like as candy emergency room, read the chart, looked at me in the eye, asked a handful of questions.
Yep. Toast LOL.
[00:38:29] Paxton: Uh, and he, he’s not done there cause he brings some more to our
[00:38:33] Raven: attention. Okay. Doing much better this good. Yeah. So I think his allergy with food too, was related to the PTSD and the stress of the relationship. Yeah. I earned my seat in this community. Most days I’m proud and regret, not what I have seen and lived.
We have seen and lived this experience to help others because narcissism is not just a one-off thing. This great awakening since the last. 2016 election has really brought to light narcissism. And it’s really been something that has been carrying on for centuries. But now as a collective, we’re done dealing with it, right?
raven
Like our last first episode of Raven Scott show, I’m done, we’re done a cycle is ending a new one’s begun. So all of us who’ve experienced this first are strong enough souls to endure it. And second are here, have a brilliant light to shine out the part of the community and to support others in shutting the light on all of the darkness to dispel it.
[00:39:35] Paxton: You have, uh, brought so much to our attention. We cover technically six points and a whole lot more. Um, we are not done yet everyone. Uh, if you are here, live as of the refrain is and others that are here as well as if you watch this back on the replay, today is the day that we’re going to put a commercial on for.
Uh, I’m going to play it. It’s about 60 seconds long. That’s enough time for us [00:40:00] to quickly either take a potty rake or, or run. Yeah. We’re, we’re going to, so we’re going to be implementing more of that, uh, here in the show. And it also lets you know, when we were about halfway through the show, uh, so we’re gonna play that for you now.
And uh, we’ll be right back, uh, with a little bit more for you. Uh, actually about five more things for you, a real long show, the Raven Scott show for you today. And uh, we appreciate you being with us on this second episode. Uh, so right now, uh, wait, hold on a second, I’m getting a message. Uh, we’re going to do this here real quick.
I’ll put that up there. Uh, diagnose manual use by, uh,
[00:40:40] Raven: put that up
[00:40:41] Paxton: for you just to throw that in there. I am now going to make sure that we quickly okay.
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[00:41:54] Paxton: I know you were saying to yourself, where did they go? Okay. [00:42:00] We let you know where we were heading off to, uh, trying to do our best, to make sure that our voices are ready for you and that we are ready for you as well. Uh, the Raven Scott show here in its second episode on narc abuse, TV network is one of many shows that will be here.
Uh, Raven of course has our own YouTube channel. Uh, the Raven Scott, uh, show channel as well on YouTube. And of course she is on Instagram. What I’m really interested in is making sure that, uh, you know, we’re going to do our best to make sure to give you as many shows as possible, but they will be truly high production value shows.
In other words, the content. Uh, we’ll be just juicy enough for you to sift through, pull out what you need, so it can help you as you move through your journey of making sure that you have peace and unity in your home. We just got through talking about how narcissists can create emotional confusion and mental chaos and, uh, right about now.
Uh, we got Raven here with us back again, uh, as the host of the Raven Scott show. Go ahead, Raven.
[00:43:09] Raven: Hello. Hello. Welcome back. Thank you for that break Paxton that was needed. I love that.
[00:43:16] Paxton: You know, us old people, we gotta have
[00:43:18] Raven: our breaks to. Now I can think properly. My head is clear and my body is not screaming at me.
They were just talking about the body brain and the brain brain.
[00:43:28] Paxton: I got you, sister. I felt, I feel in the same. I feel in the same, listen, this is free TV, but we’re not going to torture any of our guests or the host of. Uh, we’re going to be having these commercials. And it gives actually a lot of the people that view the shows here on YouTube.
It’s a whole nother audience. We’re gaining here on YouTube. Uh, there they’re like, Hey, you know, we understand they they’ve been so understanding that we, we will do that.
[00:43:53] Raven: That’s such a great community. I really am enjoying YouTube as well. And over on my channel, things are rocking and rolling over there.
And we’re [00:44:00] having a lot of fun talking about human design and narcissist abuse, recovery
[00:44:05] Paxton: and empaths as well is another thing that I
[00:44:08] Raven: focus. Yes, I I’m focusing on empaths because I’m an empath. And so I can just freely share my experiences yes. And how to deal with all of that and that impact healing. And we talk about energy updates too.
So if you’re into astrology and human design, I go through all the different transits every week. It’s really been a lot of fun.
[00:44:27] Paxton: You, you are not a person that can be just put into a certain space and made to, uh, stay. Uh, and I appreciate the fact that you are adaptable to whatever the circumstance is and you will speak your mind again, another reason why, or I said to you before we ever started, I don’t do shows with just anybody.
They have to be talented people, uh, that I would even, uh, I would be comfortable inviting them to my home as it were.
[00:44:56] Raven: I’m really honored to be your first show here. Thank you so much.
[00:45:00] Paxton: You’re very, very talented. And I’m glad you were, uh, the first show that we got going this way. Uh, I need to put something up on the screen.
Uh, it’s something that, uh, I stumbled across. I offered it to you as a possible aspect to the show. Uh, you said yes. Uh, I needed to respect that because this is the Raven Scott show on our platform and our brand, the two brands coming together, something we got accustomed to doing on Instagram, and now we’re doing it here.
Um, I’ll put this up and I’m just, we’re gonna go into a subject right now. Uh, hopefully you can see that on the screen, uh, narcissists, narcissistic abuse, wasn’t your fault. Uh, and I wanted to do this with you, my friend, Raven, because I know you’ve got the right fervor. Uh, and I don’t have to be the only one that has the fervor
[00:45:50] Raven: can be up on my soap box.
I’m excited.
[00:45:52] Paxton: Yes. That’s what I mean. Yeah. Thank you. You said it better than I do. A number of people are being abused [00:46:00] emotionally, mentally in a number of other ways from individuals, even if they have not received a full diagnosis of one given direction or another selfishness comes in many different forms, people are Hottie, self absorbed and a number of other things in the time that we live in.
But this I wanted you to address today. My friend, narcissistic abuse, many people feel it’s their fault and they don’t even know they’re being abused.
[00:46:30] Raven: This is, this gets me so amped up because it’s so frustrating. There’s so many different elements that can happen. That I different phrases I hear. And I’m like, oh,
that’s so wrong, but you, it’s not your fault.
raven
What you’re going through, the chaos and confusion, even once you’re out of it. And you go through your morning, your, your, um, you know, you’re sad, you miss your, your lover because really
what you need to do to let go of narcissist is remove the fantasy of what you thought the relationship was and see it for what it really is, which is really hard.
raven
And then you get angry and then you get upset and then you feel like, oh, well, I can’t believe I let this happen to me. That’s how it I experienced. And then I started blame myself. I was, you know, I. I was dumb. I was not, you know, able to see the signs I was, you know, not experienced enough in the dating. I was too afraid to get out there.
I was making all of these excuses for me to take on the blame and make this bad relationship. All of the narcissist abuse, I experienced my fault, but it’s not your fault. It was a perfect storm and yes, it happened and yes, it sucked. But again, it gave you some incredible life lessons, just like off the refrain said, would you go back and change it?
Maybe you would. I think [00:48:00] I would have experienced the relationship for maybe four years and then been gone versus 10. You can’t, you can’t live in the past. You have to just focus on what you can control now in the present. And what I know is that, that abuse all of the lies that they told you all of the ways that they pulled you in with all of their very strategic.
Love bombing. It wasn’t genuine love. It was very much a show they were putting on it and act. And your relationship was the stage for them, all of that, where you felt like, oh, but they really loved me. If they did not have empathy for you. If they didn’t treat you like a genuine human being, then no, they didn’t really love you.
And I’m sorry to tell you that really hard truth to hear. They just loved themselves. They loved the idea of controlling you. They loved whatever they were getting out of that relationship. They loved whatever you were providing, but they didn’t truly love you for who you were. Otherwise you would have felt safe.
You would have not been walking on eggshells and all of that to say, it’s still not your fault. They’re very they’re master manipulators. Even the smart. Doctorates. I was just interviewed someone on my podcast. She actually has a degree in the mental health realm and she still fell in love with a narcissist.
Like they’re very, very good at what they do. They’ve been doing it. Their whole life narcissists are developed through their childhood. The narcissism is locked in by 18 and then their masters, like they just, they know what to do. So it’s not your fault. It really, truly is not your fault.
[00:49:41] Paxton: Very important for us today, both of us to make sure, to reach out to those of you that feel that way.
Many of you have may have passed this point in your, your journey and you know, that it is not your fault, but it is those of the new generation that are experiencing narcissistic behavior traits and qualities, [00:50:00] uh, or a full blown diagnosis. It’s those individuals that this channel narc abuse TV network reaches out to.
Uh, so thank you so much for doing, uh, which you have. Uh, by helping others in which you’re saying right now to reach out to them, uh, of the refrain. You’re awesome. Thank you so much for some of the things that you’re saying, my friend, I appreciate it. Uh, and big hugs to you and much love to you, uh, for being a support to what we’re doing here.
And, uh, we appreciate you, uh, being here. This is the second half of our show. Uh, we had a commercial break and now we are going to cover, uh, five more points. So we just touched on the theme of what we’re going to be doing. Uh, Raven, can you, uh, feel free to touch on some of the things you may find here in point number two?
[00:50:49] Raven: Yeah. So whatever is wrong in the narcissist life is not your fault. They will try and make it your fault, but it’s not.
And typically again, narcissists come from, like I said, they’re, they’re formed in their childhood. It’s formed by emotional neglect, possibly by trauma or by, uh, enabling. Uh, essentially like an overly spoiled child.
There’s kind of those, those three in an overly spoiled child typically has taken on an adult kind of partner role to a parent. So those combinations are their life’s experiences. It’s not yours.
Their parenting is not your fault. If they had a bad day. They’re not allowed to dump on you. You can be a safe space for them to be for your partner to be upset about their bad day, but the unhealthy reaction of the narcissist, where they start to be upset that the house maybe isn’t clean enough or the dishes aren’t done, or the food isn’t properly cooked.
All of their negative aspects of their control. Freakness come out when they have a [00:52:00] bad day, because they’re unhappy with their life already are unhappy with themselves. And then if they have a bad day, it just amplifies their anger and they won’t take responsibility for it and work on what they can control.
They focus on everything outside of them because they’re always the victim of whatever scenario it’s never their fault. It’s my boss’s fault. It’s never their fault. You didn’t make the dinner on time, whatever it is, they will not take that responsibility. So. Oh, go ahead please. I’m sorry. I was just going to conclude that again, the myth that this is your fault, like, oh, sorry.
I didn’t cook the dinner on time. Like, don’t apologize. You’re already working on dinner. Let’s say it’s cooking and the it’s you’re human, you know, five minutes here or there. It’s not your fault. So please do not apologize. Do not take the blame and they need to put on their big boy or girl pants and be able to wait for five minutes.
Yeah.
[00:53:01] Paxton: You, you, you, uh, you took my comment. That that was no. I was going to ask a question leading to the answer you just gave that, uh, Hey, you know, you’re human. You’re not going to get it perfect. And they need to show compassion.
[00:53:15] Raven: And I think that they li they’re attracted to, and, or they pray. On those who are, who are super empathetic, but also like perfection driven, maybe because they do feel like the low self-esteem people.
Like let’s say you also are raised a certain way. And for me, I had low self esteem for number of reasons I write in my book, it was really low. I felt like I was like a loser and no one really wanted me. And I was ugly, all these things. So it was like, perfect for him. He’s like, oh, she’s perfect. She, she feels like crap already about herself so I can keep dumping on her.
Um, and that’s, that’s what they, they look for. So what I think is really key and I always talk about is your self-worth [00:54:00] work, right? Your self-improvement work is key to defend against this because you’ll always take it upon yourself. Right? The perfectionist, oh shoot. I should have done this then it would be perfect.
I’m sorry. I’m guilty. I’m a Virgo. I love things to be perfect life. Isn’t perfect. You’re not. So, if you continue to strengthen your emotional intelligence, yourself development, that’s key for defending against all these lies that this particular situation is your fault.
[00:54:30] Paxton: Okay. So I have to ask this pops into my head.
He felt you were vulnerable. He could take advantage and manipulate per se. What age were you? Did you start to recognize, or he felt that way or was it when you first met?
[00:54:48] Raven: Oh, he, he was already being very strategic about who he picked when we were 17. Got it. And I had the luxury of his revealing, the secrets when he was upset at the end.
Yeah. But he was trying to, he was trying to hurt me, but it was actually very enlightening and I appreciate that. He said those things.
[00:55:10] Paxton: Okay. You’re kind of like, no, really go ahead. Tell me, tell me more.
[00:55:17] Raven: Yeah, because like you say, I’m an intelligent person. So once I got my emotional stuff together, I wasn’t able to recognize, yeah.
[00:55:26] Paxton: It became a dangerous weapon against narcissistic, Egypt, Egypt, a bad girl. Okay. So a number three, um, it brings out a number of different things and it says it comes in waves, uh, after you leave, uh, the reality, that’s kind of what you’re saying right now. The reality that you are not the blame, but that is really hard to get to.
I would imagine based upon the interviews I’ve done and conversations with individuals, that’s hard to do when you’re living in it. You think you’re the. [00:56:00]
[00:56:00] Raven: That’s the thing is, I don’t know, a few emotionally and physically can come to that conclusion while in the energy sphere, in the emotional vortex of the narcissist.
I think you need, you know, you need that separation and time away because they’re, they’re just really good. Like they can read body language, they can read everything. Like they just, they just have a very,
[00:56:31] Paxton: it is creepy. Yeah. It says the narcissist knows how to wind you up. Like, what does this say right there, a coiled spring,
[00:56:41] Raven: cold
[00:56:42] Paxton: spring.
Have you ever felt like a cold spring when you were dealing with this or when you’re talking to others and you hear their story, they seem like they were this coiled spring, ready to go off in any given direction. And then based upon what I hear, then the narcissist will blame you for being the one out of.
[00:56:58] Raven: Yeah. Okay. So again, me and my human design, this is the open solar plexus, which is the emotional center. I’m white. Um, and so what happens is you are amplifying the emotions of others around you. So, and also you can like a coiled spring, you can holding all this inside of you, right? Cause you’re walking on eggshells.
So you don’t want to say sing something, that’s going to upset them. And then you hit your limit and enough is enough. And then you explode, right. You explode tenfold. What you probably normally would have reacted if you had taken it in bite size pieces and just ignore the eggshells you were walking on.
Um, and so yeah, you. They get to right. They take the opportunity to say, look how crazy you’re acting. Look at you. You’re all, you know, you’re throwing things, you’re yelling, you’re being abusive. It’s like, so then they’re turning their, [00:58:00] what they’re doing onto you, just because you would, you’ve just had enough.
Like you can’t take it anymore. And that’s, that’s um, that’s just being human. Like you can’t keep you, like, I just keep imagining like a weight, like you said, with the spring coiled underneath it, it’s, it’s gonna pop, it’s gonna burst.
[00:58:20] Paxton: It says there so others can see they do this. And this happens, uh, your wild and untamed nature as it were there. They’re trying to prove that a person is crazy and they’re actually the one causing the chaos so others can see how unstable you are and how wonderful. For putting up with you. It almost, it sounds, it also, it sounds so awful.
,
[00:58:50] Raven: this isn’t
[00:58:52] Paxton: what they want to be. It’s almost like they want to come across, well, let me, let me work with them and help them. It could be better.
[00:59:00] Raven: That is covert narcissism, right? There is like, oh, well I’m the savior. I’m the good one. When under the, the magicians cloak, they have been poking you with like needles and they’ve been doing all this stuff to hurt you that no one sees, cause no one can see behind your closed door.
And even if you try and explain it, what happens behind closed doors is extremely hard to put into words. It really is like, it’s so abstract and they’re so good at how they manipulate things. That honestly, I still can’t recount exactly what happened. I just know. And I felt like shit. I felt that I got locked out.
I’m all my S my PA patio door. I got pinned against the wall. I, you know what I mean? Like I got discarded vacations were taken away. Could I tell you exactly what happened? No, because it was just like so much fog and emotion, and there was a lot of alcohol in my case. So a lot of memories are wiped away, but that’s what they do.
[01:00:00] Like they’re just expert manipulators and then everyone outside. Right? Like they put on the act. So everyone sees you at your last straw and they’re just standing there, you know, with the pin hidden behind there, there, you know, shirtsleeve
[01:00:17] Paxton: w well, you mentioned something earlier and you’re breaking it down for us.
And you talked about having to leave in other words, to get the clarity on the reality that it’s not your fault. It’s not, the person can be, as I touched on a little bit. Filled with shame and guilt, they can believe it’s their fault and keep trying to fix something that’s broken. But actually the other person doesn’t want it to be fixed.
They, they enjoy the chaos and the confusion and the brokenness of a relationship, the drama, they love the drum. Okay. That’s a good way to put it. We love the drama. Uh, it says, but after you leave and time and distances between you and your abuser, you get insights into events that happened similar to what you’re talking about right now.
And what of the reframe was talking about in the show of the points that he was making. It says you begin to see more clearly the sequence of events and how they did it. That happened with you. Yes.
[01:01:21] Raven: Yeah. Yeah. And when you’re romantically involved, I would say it takes more years to process it. Um, if it’s a friend or a family member, it might be a little bit easier because there’s not so much, like love really does make you blind.
Like, so it’s a little bit easier to see that in other types of relationships.
[01:01:43] Paxton: So, so if it’s a work relationship or anything, other than that, it can have a different type of effect in, in longevity too. It’s shorter, maybe even
[01:01:53] Raven: dry.
[01:01:54] Paxton: Okay. As a matter of fact, it says here, you see that you were not a bad [01:02:00] person, but a person who was reacting to abuse, poked, and prodded to the point of explosion, you may have left off.
You may have let out left off, let off, excuse me, rephrase that. Uh, to the point of explosion, you may have let off steam said things you didn’t want to say, having the courage to revisit in your mind or on paper, those past events helped to bring clear. To a muddy unclear pass. Yeah.
[01:02:34] Raven: Your thoughts. Yeah.
Healing Tip
This is why I love journaling. I’m journaling. And I’m going to get all magical on you, but journaling around the full moon and taking all of those emotions that you feel now, right? Cause you’re still gonna feel upset, anger, bitterness, whatever about that relationship. And then like take yourself back if you can, without PTSD triggering into that scenario or into a certain night or whatever, an argument and journal all of that emotion out.
So then you can, once you release that and you burn it in a very safe place with nothing around you, like in a stale steel pot, that actually the energy of all that, like you’ve gotten it out of your body. You’ve written it down and it’s now surrendered to whomever. You want it to be surrendered to universe.
And it transmutes all that. And that’s what I did. I just took all of that. Angerness all of the tears. I would have tears dropping on my journals and then I would burn it and layer by layer. It would be transmuted and taken away. And the healing was truly able to come to light.
[01:03:46] Paxton: It’d be safe. It’d be safe to say before you wrote it out, you were really holding on to a lot.
Did you recognize how much you were holding onto as you were writing?
- [01:03:59] Raven: Yeah, because then I was transferring it into my current relationship or if you’re with somebody new where you’re continually transferring what you’re holding onto emotionally and that pain into another relationship.
[01:04:14] Paxton: Did you just say that you, oh, so you did the writing before you did the writing after you were already in or another relationship?
Oh, yes. I, so some of the. Yeah, the pain that was caused in the new, but once you were able to write it out, you were releasing not just yourself, but technically the person, the good person you’re with right now so that you can, from that torture. Totally. Yes. He’s very grateful for that. Yeah. Yeah.
[01:04:45] Raven: Yeah. And it, and this is years.
I discovered this journal thing years after I went through therapy, I did a lot of other different healing modalities, but to be honest, this was the most powerful one that I’ve found because literally it would just be gone. I wouldn’t think about it. I wouldn’t feel those negative emotions that I had specifically to that layer anymore.
It was, it was sacrificed. It was.
[01:05:10] Paxton: Wow. Well of the refrain is throwing some more, uh, juicy information to us there. Uh, could you address, uh, what he’s got there for use, uh, the Raven Scott show
[01:05:21] Raven: here. Go ahead. Yeah. Then the narc has served, um, should have, so that his narc should have served time in prison.
She has been beating on men since her adolescents. I do not hit women, but, uh, my God, the fury. Yeah. Okay. So she’s physically hitting that. She would urge me to, again, a handout PTSD. Yeah. It’s almost like she was goading you. Um, and she probably had some strategy behind that to blame you on the abuse instead of her.
And yeah, I see that, that reminds me of what’s happening. Not specifically hitting possibly. Oh yeah. [01:06:00] Wait, but Johnny Depp ban his acts where she’s blaming them.
[01:06:07] Paxton: How lame I am Raven. I am for the first time watch part of that this morning. That’s soulful. I’m so far behind everybody’s thought. No, really. I was up on it like a year ago and then it like disappeared and then he came back, but it’s a sad situation that
[01:06:24] Raven: it is sad.
There was a lot going on in there. I don’t know much about it, but they’re bright when there’s domestic violence and abuse. It’s complicated and yeah, one probably Stokes the other, just so you’re talking about like poking, poking, poking, wind them up like a coil and then the other person can’t take it anymore.
[01:06:44] Paxton: That’s that seems to be the situation. Right. One person just can’t take the pressure, the emotional chaos and chaos and pressure. Um, we were trying to, uh, make sure that, uh, we spend as much time with everyone this morning, uh, because, uh, the last time we did a show, um, uh, it’s all my. There were so many glitches that happen there and Raven was ready and so beautiful and ready to go.
So I wanted to make sure for you, our viewers, uh, you got as much information as possible. We have literally gave you 10, if not 12 different aspects that you could keep in mind, feel free to binge watch this show as much as you like, and like comment, share, follow Raven as myself and save it and share it with those who may be able to, uh, pull some things out of it.
That may be beneficial. This last point that I have up on the screen for us mentioned this, you were tricked into believing that you were responsible for your own abuse. Um, did you, did you ever feel that way?
[01:07:52] Raven: Oh yes. Yes. I always deserved the crappy treatment. I got, I always deserve the vacation taken away.
It
[01:07:58] Paxton: did it, did it carry over [01:08:00] in your new relationship that things would happen? You would think, oh, I just deserve to be treated this way before you started journaling.
[01:08:06] Raven: Um, I don’t know that dynamics were a little bit different. No. Cause he wasn’t like that. He didn’t do that. So I didn’t have that specific issue.
Yeah, I did.
[01:08:18] Paxton: I did. I did really good the second time, the first time, ah, I got a pack. It says there nothing, absolutely nothing could have been done to stop your abuser abusing. It could have been anyone, uh, that they essentially would have made a victim. Um, but they chose as you way you described it. He, he was very calculating and making sure to choose you.
[01:08:44] Raven: Yeah. Yeah. I mean anyone with strong boundaries, stung strong self esteem, self worth, who will push back real hard. They’re not going to go for it. That’s going to be a battle and struggle and they’re not going to win.
They know it like they, they know that they need to prey on the weak and not to call you that it’s your fault that you’re weak.
I’m just saying for me, I’ll just give myself an example. I was a leader. I was really strong yet. My self esteem because of bullying because of family dynamics, religious upbringing, sheltering, a whole cocktail of things. I went into adulthood, very timid, not prepared and with low, low self-esteem. So I was like, okay, the first guy that looks cute, although I really thought he was hot and his family was beautiful.
So I was like, oh my God, I’m so excited. This guy actually likes me. Ding, ding, ding red flag. Um, yeah. Then of course, then I was like, yes, please love me. And then I’ll chase after you for the abuse. Just as long as you continue to love me. Cause no one else will love me. And that’s why we say work on yourself, worth your.
Work on your emotional intelligence. That’s, what’s going to guard your hearts and your minds against these people.
[01:09:59] Paxton: You know, [01:10:00] I have to, I’m going to do this real quick. I was going to say something, but before we end the show here, uh, Raven has been dropping knowledge and experience that she has had in her life and information that she’s prepared for the show.
And, um, I appreciate you a great deal, cause I know you put effort into everything you do is not have hazard. You really put effort and passion behind everything you do. You’re a good woman and you’ve got a good Manny. You really are doing the best that you can to help as many as possible. Thank you for doing this show here.
I want to take a look at this last paragraph, this on, uh, this, uh, uh, this, uh, point number five, the sup on the screen, but the last paragraph of it, it says, please remember that narcissistic abuse was not your. You will find this slowly over time. It was just a trick gaslighting to hide the real reason you were with an abuser, the guilt lies with them.
Why is it important, Raven, from your experience and recovery and journey that you’re taking over recovery and in helping others? Why is it important for individuals who are just now embarking on this information and starting to move forward? Why is it important for them to recognize that the guilt lies with the abuser?
Well,
[01:11:32] Raven: if you put the abuser on a pedestal, if the abuser is not held responsible, Then the abuse will perpetuate. Hence all of, a lot of the people up in some power positions they’re enabled, they’re not being held responsible and me too movement all these things. They’re really starting to hold these narcissists accountable, but you can’t take everything on, on yourself.
I think there’s definitely [01:12:00] responsibility in a relationship with two people. For me, it was just like, I didn’t invest in my own self worth. I’m going to take that responsibility. But the abuse was not my fault, you know? And just giving that other person a pass like, oh, well I deserve it because this person doesn’t love me.
Or so many people, you know, have been treated me like shit. Well, okay. But that doesn’t really mean that that’s real, whatever you’re you like? I truly believe each of us has unique light inside of us and we get to choose the light path or the dark path. Those narcissist have chose the dark path. So that’s, that’s on them.
They chose that, but you now can choose freedom. You now can choose to step away from them. Um, don’t let them get away with it. That doesn’t mean that you need to take them to court or that you need to call them up and say, you need to apologize to me because that’s on reality. Not going to help, not going to happen.
You need to do your own healing within yourself. Right? Get the closure you need to do by doing your spiritual growth, your self development practices. That’s really what’s key here is it’s. You just can’t let them give you like, put all the blame on you, uh, for a number of reasons.
But the ultimate reason is that no one should ever treat somebody else like they are beneath.
Right. Uh, he, inclusivity inclusivity in my being is huge. And honestly, narcissists are not inclusive. They’re very exclusive. Everyone that works at a restaurant who’s busing tables, they’re beneath them, right? This person, that person everyone’s technically beneath them in their heads.
So how has that person, right? That person should not get a pass because they’re being toxic. They’re not being [01:14:00] inclusive and treating human beings as human beings. So I feel like I talked in circles and I hope I drove that point home with that answer.
[01:14:09] Paxton: But you did not talk in suck. That does not what you have done.
Ladies and gents, you have just experienced the second episode of the Raven Scott show. Uh, we here at narc abuse TV network NATV studios. Uh, we are very happy that Raven, you are here. Don’t all agree on everything in life, but everyone can pretty much agree on this. Abuse is abuse and it’s wrong. Uh, and that’s what this show is highlighting.
Feel free to go to. Raven’s a YouTube page, Instagram, uh, page, excuse me, uh, rephrase that, uh, her YouTube channel and our Instagram page, uh, page, uh, so that, uh, you can connect with her, talk with her. Um, right now we are near the end of the show, but before we go, um, I just want to say, um, I really appreciate it.
If everybody would take the time to let YouTube know that you like us. So I’m going to put up a picture of my twin brother to remind you,
please make it a point to subscribe to our channel. I just wanted to do that
[01:15:26] Raven: anyhow,
[01:15:30] Paxton: but my twin brother, I just wanted to throw that it, uh, anyhow, um, and, uh, make sure, uh, you come back again for the Raven Scott show here. Uh, we have, uh, enjoyed ourselves together with the commercial break, uh, for an hour and 18 minutes, but it is now time for us to go this free TV from a narc abuse TV with the Raven Scott show, uh, is coming to an end.
So everyone, we truly appreciate you being here and supporting, but please remember, it’s not your fault. Tell them Raven, tell them, Raven is not [01:16:00] their fault.
[01:16:00] Raven: It’s not your fault. And remember, it’s really simple. It’s a, B, C, D E F. You not, you. Just kind of keep that mantra in your head and
[01:16:14] Paxton: take you anywhere.
I told you I have a family show and we don’t talk bad about people. We do. You see what you got on the screen?
[01:16:21] Raven: There? It’s the righteous anger. Cause that’s, what’s going to keep you away from them. This is my justification.
[01:16:33] Paxton: Okay. So why don’t you go ahead and read out, uh, because he’s still putting the stuff on the screen. So go
[01:16:37] Raven: ahead. Awesome. Of the refrain. Thank you. Yeah. So cool to hear these days for real Ms. Raven, you’ve got all kinds of credibility with me. Thank you, Paxton. Yes. What a champion champion. Paxton is a champion guys.
[01:16:52] Paxton: Yeah. Whichever. Yeah. So you’re laughing, he’s enjoying everything. Thank you of the refrain again. Um, everybody, we, uh, have had fun putting this together. We have other shows for you that will be coming your way. Uh, I know you know that, but Hey, we got to go and uh, of course we always have a video at the end.
Uh, some people call them out, chosen, all that stuff. We don’t get. We just want to tell you, thank you for watching. So, uh, we’ll see everybody again. Next time around wave wave. You guys.
[01:17:20] Raven: Thank you so much for
[01:17:21] Paxton: watching later, people enjoy this.
Self Worth Poem
Right now you feel like this neglected grapevine
Appear dead outside with no motivation to go on and are ready to give up. Give up on hope life and your self worth.
You’ve been kept in toxic soil with bugs eating at your roots by someone who is a parasite
But there is a tiny glimpse of hope
If and when you choose to remove yourself from the toxic soil and plant yourself in sunlight and fertile soil watering and feeding yourself through self worth practices. You start to sprout a leaf then another
Then all Of a sudden you’ve transformed into a fruit bearing grapevine!!! Providing sustenance to others.
And remember. Always keep your unique light shining.
Empath & Narcissist Book
Over the past decade Raven Scott has first, exited an abusive relationship, then found her healing and renewal through the very tools she shares in this book. This “incredibly relatable story is a healing guide that weaves a story of an empath growing up, struggling with codependency, and loving a narcissist. It guides you in transforming yourself from low self esteem, PTSD, emotional abuse, to a strong, confident, and renewed soul.
PLUS! It includes a bonus chapter on the basic overview of Human Design -Your soul’s unique blueprint.
Grab your copy of this book on SALE today! available on Amazon NOW!
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“I salute the Divinity in you.”
– Indian brotherhood
Raven Scott is providing women, who are feeling lost and alone in their journey, a community to kick ass as we become empowered together while healing from childhood trauma, abusive relationships, or plain old life, and awaken to rewrite our karmic story. Through astrology, self care, human design, & intuition.
We are energetically clearing ancestral patterns one step at a time to find our power and potential through healing so you can live empowered the unique loved individual you desire to be. Topics covered: Self development, Human design, Astrology, tarot, meditative thoughts, intuitive message from spirit, and expert guests sharing different spiritual healing modalities.
Your host and Patreon Community mentor, Raven Scott, is a narcissitic abuse survivor, author of Empath and The Narcissist: A Healing Guide for People Pleasers. And also is a Certified Meditation Teacher. Join us on http://Patreon.com/soulcollective9
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