Signs of a Narcissistic Relationship you should not ignore. “Our Advice.” | S3 Ep 33

Red Flags in Relationships Part 3: The control freak, schemer, and insecure narcissist will destroy your self esteem and trigger emotional paralysis and havoc on your psyche.

“If you’re so entrenched in being accepted, feeling loved, like getting your self-esteem cup filled by another person in your dating. ”

– Raven Scott
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1. They lack confidence

cnt. part 3 [00:50:42] So anyhow, what we are talking about is this aspect of a man having several bad relationships, a control freak, the type of man who technically here’s the next one. One of the things that he highlights in his [00:51:00] article, that man lacks confidence. He has no self confidence, but he tries to portray that he does by controlling or being a control freak over you as a woman.

but he tries to portray that he does by controlling or being a control freak over you as a woman.


2. A control freak

[00:51:11] What are the points that you get from that section of the article?

[00:51:17] Raven: It’s just projection, projection, projection, which is the narcs game. It’s just, I have, I think of my friend, I have a friend who I just recorded, um, an episode on she’ll be on the show. She experienced physical and emotional abuse. And the point where she woke up is, you know, she was dancing and playing with her kids to music.

[00:51:43] They were like toddlers and they were having such a good time preparing for dinner and they heard the garage door start to open. And the little boy, he was like four and he, he, his eyes got wide. He went, he shut the music off. Wow. He cleaned everything up. [00:52:00] He put his broom away and he sat down at the table, stone, cold statue, quiet.

[00:52:06] And he said, you know, daddy’s home. We gotta get everything ready. And that’s the moment where she said, this has gotta end, you know, That control freak and his lack of confidence or whatev whatever his was. I don’t know his psyche, but they all have their different modes of operating in life. And if they can’t control their family and their, their, well, they can’t control themselves, they can’t feel like they can control their career, their environment and be successful when they self-doubt, they start to control what they can.

[00:52:40] Right. That’s the weaker people in their life or their family or their kids. And it’s, it’s very detrimental. So it’s just so sad to see children that, you know, reacting that way. And it happens all the time.

[00:52:57] Caroline: Great. And when [00:53:00] I read it, I, I was thinking actually about this point quite a lot, because I was thinking, first of all, well, and when you read it, you think, okay, everyone has insecurities and it’s kind of normal in any relationship, but. There’s such thing as like chronic loss self-esteem and that stems more like from, let’s say, can we, can we, for example, childhood trauma, rejection of family members or friends or bullying, there’s a lot of, a lot of things that could be ongoing, but if you’re in a relationship with someone who is, uh, Alexa, self confide is low and self esteem, and then they say to you, I love you.

“Narcissist is like a naked person offering me a shirt.”

Caroline middelsdorf

[00:53:38] And then I was thinking that’s like a naked person offering me a shirt.

[00:53:43] Paxton: oh, wow. What an analogy. That’s pretty good.

[00:53:46] Caroline: It, it, it, it is it, they have to learn first to love themselves, but that cannot be you, you, you cannot help them or fix that. So it’s, it’s, it’s really, um, it, it, it is [00:54:00] in the beginning. Maybe you feel like, Hey, you know, I, I wanna help or something, but you, you cannot.

[00:54:06] And there’s a little, you give a lot. On your side off of your, your time, your energy. So it’s draining for you of course, to reassure the person or to give that feedback or the validation sort of like external validation that that person constantly asks you as the partner in the relationship. But that’s the, the honeymoon phase we talked about earlier, you, you give everything to that person and that person just takes it, but they might resent you later because we all fall back into also focusing what what’s important for us, right?

[00:54:40] Mm-hmm to our own needs. Mm-hmm . So if you do that six months, a year later, it doesn’t matter the timeframe really, but the minute you start also looking back onto what do I need in this relationship? They might start resenting you for it because they need so much of, of you that they can also not give you what you need.

[00:54:58] So it is, it, it [00:55:00] becomes very, very, very challenging and difficult. These, these were my thoughts, a little bit on it.

3. They are constantly faking empathy and love

[00:55:09] Paxton: A vicious cycle. You just mentioned, I love your thoughts on it. Um, do, do you remember when this was something you experienced, if you experienced it, giving so much recognizing that this person is constantly taking and there’s no way you can add to their self confidence?

[00:55:32] Caroline: Yeah, I think in the, in the beginning, like I said, you, you happily do it because when you’re in love, you do it right. You do probably more than you normally would or should. Um, but eventually like that you hit that point of like, it’s, it’s kind of like just pouring water down the train, it just there test.

[00:55:54] You never, you will never, you, you never get anywhere. So it is not, not sinking [00:56:00] in. You can try again, whatever you do. So it’s just eventually you just become hopeless and a little bit like helpless and. Clueless. sort of, it raises just a lot of question marks. And then again, you’re starting to sit down yourself.

[00:56:15] Paxton: Did you start to find yourself not taking care of yourself, not being motivated? Uh, did you find yourself trying to escape emotionally or were others trying to tell you, Hey, look, this is not going well.

[00:56:30] Caroline: When you are around someone who is, you know, has a low self-esteem there obviously have also a little bit of a negative energy around, um, that’s how I experienced it.

[00:56:41] Always a bit negative, a little bit on the mm-hmm heavy side. Right? And you try to lift this up, maybe being overly positive. That’s also very energy training for your self, but a lot of people with low self-esteem have initially also that negative self talk. Right? So they see everything a little bit through different glasses.[00:57:00]

[00:57:00] They can see the sun. You can see the sunset as something beautiful, or you can be frustrated that’s already morning. Right? So, um, they would choose that, uh, dam it its morning. Um, and I would say, wow, look at this beautiful sunset. Let’s get up for the day. So it it’s just that that’s kind of slowly merges into your life, that negativity, and that is it’s something, I mean, there’s a lot of like motivational speakers about like, you should always be positive and so on and so on.

[00:57:31] You cannot, I find that also a bit toxic because not every situation you can look at with a positive set of eyes, but, um, of course, if it’s constantly also the negative set of eyes is that can have a very like negative effect on you. And that’s also calling boundary for yourself. Again, if, if that’s too much, then you have to remove yourself a little bit.

4. Their low self esteem drags you down.

[00:57:51] So of course I personally eventually became a little bit numb. Let’s say I just shut myself off [00:58:00] from emotions because it becomes them too much. Mm-hmm

[00:58:05] Raven: my mine was very, I didn’t really even realize he lacked self confidence and he was so entwined with his dad. Like he didn’t have a real job. He relied on his dad for the job.

[00:58:20] He relied his dad for income. So it was like this weird, like recycling of his money. And then we, you know, we rented from his dad, so everything was like, oh, I’ll pay you. And then I’ll just take the money right back. it’s really awful. Codependent thing. Never

[00:58:36] Paxton: get to touch money. Never. No. So

[00:58:38] Raven: I was the one make the real money and anytime I wanted to like change, cuz it was very stressful.

[00:58:44] I’m not very good at sales, yada, yada, like I just don’t wanna do this job anymore. It was like, no, you can’t, you can’t leave. Like his self confidence was so low. He was so dependent that on his. Dad that I, there was the control where I couldn’t even make, make my own life career [00:59:00] choices. And yeah, I hated it.

[00:59:03] That, that on top of abuse, I just, I just turned to alcohol. Like I heavily relied on it and then I started drinking it during lunch, cuz it’s like, I hate my job and I can’t leave it. Like you just, you feel so shoe, uh, put in such a hole,

[00:59:18] Paxton: like a box. Did you feel you felt trapped if I may ask you? Yeah,

You feel trapped and coping mechanisms include emotional numbing, depression, alocholism, and more.

[00:59:22] Raven: I felt trapped.

[00:59:23] That’s kind of why I numbed myself. Yeah. Mm-hmm mm-hmm in your, but I didn’t realize that I had the power within me to choose. I just had to leave. I had to get that courage to leave, to regain the power back and have the freedom in my life that I had. Like I had it, it was in me.

[00:59:41] Paxton: There’s a lot of people, a lot of women who may feel just as trapped and don’t recognize what you just mentioned, that they actually have the power within themselves.

[00:59:53] Caroline as a psychologist. Uh, you’ve no doubt experienced a number [01:00:00] of situations when you’re talking with others that they feel trapped.

[01:00:05] Caroline: Yeah. I think if you’ve, when you experienced that feeling of being trapped, I personally also experienced it. So, um, you have experie, I think we all cope differently.

[01:00:18] Of course. That’s one thing I think realizing in that what’s going on is the hardest, um, it’s, it’s, it’s a very, very tricky, tricky one, to be honest, because Raven, you’ve got out of it. I got out of it, but I’ll be very honest. Whoever is stuck right now and I can relate. It’s not that you can just do it in a blink of an eye and you are like, I’m doing it.

[01:00:50] I have all the power and I’m super powerful and strong. You have to grow that first, you have to first return or return inward [01:01:00] and start the heating journey even while you are in, in, in this toxic stock situation. And that’s a challenge. I mean, you, Raven, you probably have had it as well. I had it as well.

[01:01:10] People, I talked to that, what to do. So you have to have a bit of an action plan. Yeah. Even though you are already kind of like half drowning and that’s kind of kind of challenging because the island that safe island seems very far away and you are, you know, you’re kind of out of breath, you’re exhausted.

[01:01:30] But then someone says to, yeah, but you keep, keep swimming, keep, keep swimming girl. It’s like, it sounds easy from an island, you know, shouting over, it just keeps swimming. Don’t worry. But it is, it is really, it’s not like that. So you, you need some sort of life saver as sort of like, I always call like this, this swimming ring, you know, Sort of, or a safety vest to kind of at least keep you above waters.

[01:01:54] And, and there are certain things that you, you should be doing sort of, I think that’s also great. What I [01:02:00] love about this show is to create awareness and that people start talking about it so that, you know, it can first or happen to anyone doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from, what do you do for a living?

[01:02:14] I had doctors as I’m special myself, Raven, you, you, you, you are also an expert, you know, like a professional working woman. It can happen literally to everyone. So that’s one thing. And then to start communicating, be open, be honest, talk to people, get some support. You can even reach out to me probably also to RA Raven, you know, or to , um, to not stay silent, to not suffer in silent.

[01:02:39] I think that’s something so important and that I did, for example, way too long. That gets you into deep depression. Um, can you make you hopeless to the extent of, of suicidal thoughts? It’s it’s it goes into worlds that we wouldn’t imagine what psychological abuse or also physical abuse,

[01:02:59] Paxton: of course you [01:03:00] can’t do.

[01:03:00] Absolutely. Absolutely. And, and that aspect of, uh, feeling suicidal and, and, uh, getting depressed to the point that it becomes chronic. These are actual things that are taking place, maybe even to you, if you’re listening to this right now or watching us right now, uh, this is why it’s very important to reach out to someone.

[01:03:22] Uh, you may have missed the red flags and you may want to lean in, into beating yourself up over missing the red flag. Agreed ladies that can happen. A person can start to, uh, really, uh, pound themself over the head. How could I miss that? Why did I let this go on? And the reality of it is. Uh, you may need to reach out to someone so that your, your emotional center of gravity can restore itself.

[01:03:47] Your emotional compass can write itself. You just may need some help and some encouragement. And these two beautiful ladies, uh, that are here. Uh, and I say that, uh, term beautiful. [01:04:00] And I throw this out to everyone. I say that because I’m looking at who they are coupled with, how they take care of themself and a narcissist, an individual who is manipulative, an individual who doesn’t have confidence in themself will look to tear down both of those things, who you are in inside the beauty, as well as the way you take care of yourself before you know, it you’re just like them.

I wanna add on to that is they wanna steal your light. They’re attracted to their, your beautiful light, your shining radiant soul. Usually you’re pure, you’re open. You think everyone is kind and good and they’re attracted to that and they want that light. protect your light, protect your heart and your mind.


[01:04:29] That’s why these red flags that we’re talking about today is very important. Raven, you want to say something.

[01:04:34] Raven: yeah, I wanna add on to that is they wanna steal your light. They’re attracted to their, your beautiful light, your shining radiant soul. Usually you’re pure, you’re open. You think everyone is kind and good and they’re attracted to that and they want that light.

[01:04:50] So protect your light, protect your heart and your mind, and, and know that it’s not a one and done Caroline’s right. I did not just decide one day. I’m gonna [01:05:00] leave. It took me seven. I was on my eighth attempt to leave that I had to actually sign something legal that I wasn’t gonna leave that apartment. I didn’t go to some family member’s house and then go back the next day that I did seven other times before.

[01:05:12] So it just, it’s your own process. It’s not gonna be overnight. And Caroline’s right. Reach out to somebody to gain that emotional support to carry

5. They are always scheming

[01:05:24] Paxton: you through. There are a number of scheming individuals. The 16 red flags that Falcon talks about in his article from the mines journal, uh, the mines

[01:05:36] You can take a look at it. Uh, red flags, 16 red flags. Now, by the way, I, I don’t think I mentioned it. Uh, I think Raven did on a posting that she did these red flags, these 16, these were described by men talking about in mm-hmm it, wasn’t it. Wasn’t somebody who just had these experiences. These are men. And that’s why I really wanted to go over this article because these [01:06:00] are men warning women about men.

[01:06:03] And, uh, they’re very spot on. I tell you that as a guy, , they’re very spot on. These are things that, whether it be in a locker room to a board, uh, to a bill, your table, uh, wherever it may be, that men are, they know that these things are true, that are highlighted in this article. And so ladies beware, take a look at the article, uh, pull out what works for you, uh, and ignore the rest if you, uh, so need to.

[01:06:28] Uh, many men can find themself. I’ll put the ticker down at the bottom with this statement here. That is a part of the article. Uh, he talks about scheming men, a man. That’s a scheming type of a man. Um, that’s talked about in the article, but before we get to that, uh, there work a couple of things I wanted to put up here, uh, on the screen, uh, Marni highlights this.

[01:06:52] Um, I, I want us to touch on it, uh, briefly because it does play for some, uh, [01:07:00] scheming men, men who are abusers manipulators often end up when they’re in a relationship. If the red flag is missed, they’re are the same type of person who likes to alienate others. Uh, they’ll keep you isolated. Uh, parental alienation can come up.

[01:07:18] Uh, she also highlights this fact, you are chosen by these abusers, very similar to what you are highlighting. As well, and, and I just saw this right now and, uh, thank you, Marni scheming, as Paxton would say knucklehead, it’s a, it’s a down south reference from Arkansas. My father was from Arkansas. I used to say knucklehead or troublemakers.

[01:07:42] Uh, but when it comes to scheming men, have you ever had to deal with a scheming man?

[01:07:53] Raven: Uh, yeah. No, no names, no names, no names. I article please. No names, no names. I article [01:08:00] no. When I think when you, when I saw this in the article, I thought immediately to grooming. Immediately to, right. Is that what you’re gonna say to Caroline? Exactly

Grooming: It’s a predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.

[01:08:10] Caroline: the same first word grooming, grooming,

[01:08:13] Raven: and what is grooming?

[01:08:14] Right. Because even my, you know, beautiful partner now, he’s like, I know what all this stuff is, but I didn’t know what’s called grooming. So here’s what it is. It’s a predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.

[01:08:37] Paxton: I love it. And that’s what they’re,

[01:08:40] Raven: I love it. Love it’s they’re like, just like I said, they’re attracted to your light. They’re attracted to you want, if you wanna call it naivety, maybe you’re naive. They maybe you’re not. They, they are attracted to smart and successful woman as well because they see that you have strength yet.

[01:08:57] They, they make sure that you are highly [01:09:00] empathetic, right. That you’re a very caring person. You’re a giver. And then they just take, they take and they take right Caroline.

[01:09:08] Caroline: Exactly. You said everything that I had also in my mind. Exactly. That

[01:09:14] Paxton: when it, when it, I just have to ask when it comes to your friends and your female friends, uh, is that a part of a conversation that you may have with them or have had where you ladies are getting around and you’re talking about schemey men and the things that they do?

[01:09:31] Caroline: Yeah, I think now more than, than before, but definitely in, in, I, I speak to my friends, very honest. And like, for example, if, if a friend of mine, not all of them are married, some of them are single and some of them are dating. We are talking very opening about it and we actually also . Okay. That’s what, give a bit of a list about it.

[01:09:52] Like check out, like, if he’s really like, you know, not an narcissist or something.

[01:09:56] Paxton: So that’s my next one. Okay. So, uh, married or [01:10:00] single. That was one of the things, but you touched on it. I was gonna get to that too. But a list just right now in the moment, a couple of things that, you know, from reference to talking with your friends that have pop into your head, and you’re gonna warn some young, some young lady she’s, she’s just turned 18, 19.

[01:10:21] And he seems like the guy he’s the guy. And he makes, he just makes her walk on clouds. But there’s something you recognize that he does. That’s a part of that list from you talking with your friends, what’s on the list that she should be aware of.

[01:10:41] Caroline: I think exactly what we talked about earlier. If he is too good to be true.

[01:10:45] If, if things seem to be talking about the soul made here, um, if, if he feels like after first date or second date, Soul made and, and he’s just all over you and, [01:11:00] and he’s prince charming. Like I said, that is a red flag. That’s like something to watch out for. Um, if, if he is, um, having maybe this extreme self-esteem, if he’s not sharing, is he bit secretive about his family or friends or care?

[01:11:17] You know, like the, the, especially those, like where he’s come from his upbringing, or if you ask specific questions, I, my, my first thing is always ask specific questions. You know, if he tells your story, ask very specific about certain things, maybe location, you know, like there are, are certain things that you can call him out on, you know, but it, it, it takes an expert, obviously lesson learned hard way.

6. Is always self Serving

[01:11:45] Um, To know, but so if, if, if now anything year old girl would come to me and say, he’s perfect. I would be also check his Instagram. very good. Very good. So, um, that’s that’s I think that’s the first thing to [01:12:00] do, right? Check Instagram. Uh, take talk. What else? What else there is, if that’s already too good to be true, you know, let’s, let’s dive deeper, you know, because what is he sharing?

[01:12:10] Is he only sharing himself? There are you see friends? What, what do you see? I mean, that’s, that’s the perfect way to check someone a little bit, but it gives a bit of a bottle of personality as well. It’s like

[01:12:24] Raven: a page full of selfies. Yeah. Not somebody to continue forward.

a page of selfies. And check his social media, how he interacts socially is actually one of the red flags that’s highlighted.

[01:12:29] Caroline: exactly. It’s it? Or is it just always in

[01:12:32] Paxton: the spotlight?

[01:12:35] okay. So a page of selfies. And check his social media, how he interacts socially is actually one of the red flags that’s highlighted. Uh, there, if he’s a kind of guy that constantly is, is only talking to women, uh, either in person or, or through social media, uh, it can really show that he, uh, well, he knows how to manipulate the female behavior [01:13:00] and, uh, he’s intimidated by being around men, uh, or males because they will essentially call him out on it.

[01:13:06] Uh, so great advice. Uh, Raven, any thoughts? I’m gonna put something up on the screen while you’re talking.

[01:13:12] Raven: I, I would wanna know, you know, has he talked about his mother? How does he talk about his mother? You know, uh, if you’re in a group setting, um, how does he talk about other girls? Like, is he like making jokes?

[01:13:25] Paxton: Absolutely.

Making jokes that are demeaning about girls, he has an unhealthy relationship with women .

[01:13:26] Raven: A great point. Is he making jokes that are demeaning about girls, but he’s, you know, he’s laughing and making light of it. Is he making a joke even to you like. Oh, you’re so, you know, you’re so dumb. You’re so cute, but you’re so dumb. Like that is a huge flag. You don’t ever accept that, that, that means that whatever he’s joking about on the surface tenfold is what he really feels like on the inside.

[01:13:49] Like he really doesn’t like women. He has an unhealthy relationship with women and like just runs, like don’t even go back. That’s what I would say. [01:14:00] I’m just thinking of like, when my daughter’s 18, what would I tell her?

[01:14:03] Caroline: good point. Yeah. Well, they also start comparing you a lot with

[01:14:07] Paxton: others. Bingo.

[01:14:08] Absolutely. I’m sorry, go ahead. You’re gonna say, but I’m telling you as a guy, I told my daughters that many times, that’s one of the biggest red flags that you could find. Anything else there, Caroline, on that thought?

Compare you a lot with other, other women .

It’s huge. From a male’s perspective, I say this ladies by all means be very careful when a man wants to say, so, and so does this, or she wears that.

[01:14:21] Caroline: Oh no. I was just saying they compare you a lot with other, other women out there or, you know, just, they call you out on it and say what that you should maybe try this or, you know, like this that’s, that’s also a red flag.

[01:14:34] Paxton: It’s huge. Uh, from, from a, from a male’s perspective, I say this ladies by all means be very careful when a man wants to say, well, you know, so, and so does this, or she wears that or she responds this way or my ex blah, blah. No, no, no, no. That is huge red flag that they’re in a different space, time and [01:15:00] continuum.

[01:15:00] And they’re not with you in that moment. And in reality with you, they don’t even see you because their mind is on something else. That’s like leaving work and coming home. And that’s all you talk about. You’re not really at home. Well, it’s the same thing. If you’re only talking about the, that, or that person or that woman on TV or that woman on TV or, or pornography, that

[01:15:23] Raven: means they’re not over her in the first place.

[01:15:25] So they bingo. That’s, that’s not cool. Like don’t move forward. And you, you know, you could say, well, that’s great for her, but I’m, I’m not her. So why don’t you go back to her? Cause I’m not that ,

[01:15:36] Paxton: let me, let me help you. Let me help you with that. You see this knob here, it turns and then the door opens and you can go that way back to her.

[01:15:43] There it is there its uh, I’m gonna put this up here. We can do this for right

[01:15:49] Raven: here. I liked what, um, Brian had said about, you know, how all of this really isn’t gender related to only men. We’re talking about an article about men. Yes, but [01:16:00] you know, I have many, many female nurses in my life and they, all of these apply to that too.

[01:16:09] Paxton: We have, we have, uh, we have talked about a number of things. Um, we could keep talking all day, but we’re not. We have gone an hour in 19 minutes of talking concerning 16 red flags in a man. You should stay away from an article, uh, by, uh, Falcon. Uh, you can take a look at it, uh, and, uh, get his last name and look it up.

[01:16:33] It’s uh, the mine journal, the mines Uh, so feel free to take a look at it. Um, I I’m looking at this man walking with the red flag in a brief case, it could seem like if you didn’t have, would you say, would you

[01:16:52] say,

[01:16:52] Caroline: I said, which they came on, like this be easier to,

[01:16:57] Paxton: I was gonna say, if you take the red flag and resident go like, [01:17:00] Ooh, he looks like a good, good choice, uh, for a long term relationship, uh, marriage, or, you know, it could seem very safe, not so, huh.

[01:17:11] Raven: He looks like Don Draper

[01:17:13] Caroline: oh God,

[01:17:15] Raven: that character in the

[01:17:17] Paxton: TV show. The joys of being an old man in the room. I have no idea who you’re talking about, but it also I’m so out of the loop. Uh, but, uh, he looks like he could be a safe choice. Uh, if you didn’t see the red flag, the lag is not often seen. You’ve experienced a number of things.

[01:17:35] Uh, Dr. Hill is highlighting, agreeing with Brian as, as, as the both of you have done, abusers are not limited by gender or roles. So now I get to this part of the show before we end, how would you say words of advice a person should go about protecting themself one or two things [01:18:00] to give a summary. We only wanted to touch on a few of these red flags.

I think you need to approach every relationship out of curiosity and with the mindset that you could succeed and flourish and thrive without them.


[01:18:04] Everybody else can go take this reference material and go from there. What would you say?

[01:18:12] Raven: I think you need to approach every relationship out of curiosity and with the mindset that you could succeed and flourish and thrive without them. Right. I think you really need to be established in your self worth and your self love, like a rock, like rock solid, and then you can approach dating and relationships out of curiosity.

[01:18:35] And almost like with a bird’s eye view, like, oh, that’s interesting. He said this, you know, mm-hmm and you can kinda analyze it if you’re so entrenched in being accepted, feeling loved, like getting your self-esteem cut filled by another person in your dating. Really you’re setting yourself up for failure.

[01:18:54] It’s like going out to battle without a helmet and armor on and no gun. Like you got nothing. [01:19:00] You’re just going out there like, Hey, come love me. And therefore you might just get trapped in a net. You might get shot down, whatever it’s, but that, that would be my biggest overall key advice. What about yours, Caroline?

Do the work with your, with yourself because the self-love and the self worth are also self-awareness that you touched on is so incredibly important, but yet so powerful.


[01:19:15] Caroline: That was beautiful said by the way, Rav really nice. Um, personally, I, I agree with you. I, I would probably say almost exactly the same, I think before I got gonna go a bit more step into before you start dating, um, do the work with your, with yourself because the self-love and the self worth are also self-awareness that you touched on is so incredibly important, but yet so powerful.

[01:19:46] If you know your own worth, that’s not arrogant. I mean like your internal, like worst and what, you know, what you need, what your real needs are, what what’s going on inside of you. If you have, for example, [01:20:00] Things that bother you. If you’re anxious or something or other things you struggle with, don’t try to find a reassurance in someone else, do your own work.

[01:20:09] So resolve that first start loving yourself. And when you love yourself, you already send a total other energy to the other side. It’s not the self comfort per se, but it’s that inner feeling content. And that in itself is let’s say for narcissist already a red flag. Um so, um, you probably wouldn’t dare to date you sort of speak, um, yeah, but maybe try, but then you can rely on your gut feeling.

[01:20:40] And I think that’s what a lot of people ignore the inner gut feeling. They brush it off a lot. So my, my advice is work on yourself. Prioritize yourself. Self-love self, self awareness. But also trust your gut. It [01:21:00] is a lot of the times. Exactly. Right. And don’t brush it off. Wow. Don’t jump right into it. Just think about what’s my gut telling you me and try to, to take a few days, even just to, to let it sit, sit with it.

[01:21:17] Paxton: The few days can make a difference. You, Hey, turn it into, do turn it into 14 days. Uh, make it.

[01:21:24] Raven: I have no,

[01:21:26] Paxton: wait, wait, no Raven, say it again. Say it again. Say it again.

[01:21:30] Raven: Slow

[01:21:31] Paxton: down. Yeah. I’ll tell you need a t-shirt you need a t-shirt that’s it’s a good one.

[01:21:36] Caroline: It’s one. I think that’s true. Especially these days with the being also very rushed, sweat left to that, right.

[01:21:43] Uh, DME, et etcetera, you can be even overwhelmed in the dating world. So if you take it slow, like you’re even slogan. I think that is. The way to go.

[01:21:53] Paxton: Yeah, it really is. Uh, both of you have been amazing, uh, today, uh, to join me, [01:22:00] uh, in my, uh, how can I put it in my studio, my virtual studio, when I’m still waking up, uh, Raven caught me first.

[01:22:10] I had no makeup on, I hadn’t shaved my legs yet. Uh, hadn’t done my hair, any of, uh, but uh, all of you who have joined us, uh, we truly appreciate you Marni Brian, uh, um, uh, Dubby, uh, others that were here, uh, in the live. We appreciate you. If you have been, uh, watching us, uh, on your big screen TV, as you can do with YouTube and, uh, here at this YouTube live, uh, 16 red flags, we appreciate you doing so.

[01:22:39] I am asking you though, if you are watching us or we’ll watch this back later. To go over to the Raven Scott show. I believe if I’m saying it correct? Uh that’s uh, your Instagram, correct? Raven?

[01:22:53] Raven: Yes. And my YouTube

[01:22:54] Paxton: channel. Okay. All right. And, uh, follow and subscribe, uh, follow, uh, [01:23:00] her on Instagram by all means subscribe to her YouTube channel as a part of the YouTube community.

[01:23:06] Uh, make sure as I often say, let YouTube know you like her by subscribing, it will let, uh, them know that they should continue to push her content out to more people. Caroline middles, DOF. I just, I love your name. I think it’s like, it should be. Thank you. You should, you need a shirt with your entire name across it and your website right underneath it.

[01:23:29] And so everybody needs to say it over and over. You have been a great source of encouragement and tips for me. I still have my lavender, uh, from our original show. That’s an inside joke. You’d have to watch the show on I channel here. It’s, uh, uploaded already. Um, we’re gonna do some work together, uh, in the future, uh, with some shows, uh, Raven, same thing with you.

[01:23:50] I appreciate both of you. If you’re watching this and you have found yourself being thoroughly surprised with information that may apply to you, feel free [01:24:00] to pass it on and share it with others. Uh, we want to make sure, as Caroline said much earlier, uh, that many as possible are aware of red flags, uh, because not everyone, uh, has a mom or dad or someone to give them some advice.

[01:24:15] Feel free to share that information. Both of you have just been amazing people today. Just amazing. Uh, love the coat by the way. Nice coat. Thank you. Thank you. yeah, very stylish. Both of you. Uh, I’m gonna have to upgrade my wardrobe just to hang out with both of you. Um, right now. Uh, is there anything in particular, Caroline, Raven, you wanna let the audience know if they wanna reach out to you?

[01:24:41] Raven: Yeah. You know, I was talking, go ahead, Caroline. Sorry.

[01:24:45] Caroline: Hard

[01:24:45] Raven: to see you. Sorry. I know I can you,

[01:24:48] Caroline: no, I can also not say it’s kinda like, of course new. It would happen. um, always I have also now YouTube channel, uh, it’s Caroline middle. It’s just my name. [01:25:00] So you will find me on YouTube. I’m

[01:25:02] Paxton: subscribing I’m

[01:25:02] Caroline: subscribing.

[01:25:03] Thank you. I’m gonna share helpful tips and tricks. Um, there, so always like it, very practical and solution oriented, but also if you want, you can always come to my, uh, Instagram account, same name , uh, and send you DM, give also their tips, tricks, um, and advice if I can

[01:25:23] Paxton: help mm-hmm great advice by the way. I, I love some you’re you have some of the coolest videos, the one you did with the line, I think it was a line or something.

[01:25:32] Like I was like, what is that gonna be? And it made me, I have to watch the whole thing. It’s really cool. Go ahead, Raven. You were gonna

[01:25:38] Raven: say, I gonna share that today. I’m going live after this to answer human design questions and I’ll share a bit more about the Fullman and Virgo, which is a perfect energy to do exactly what we’re talking about is evaluate your relationships, see which ones you need to release.

[01:25:57] And take a look at some of your daily habits that you’re doing [01:26:00] that can improve use to serve you and release those that are not serving you. So I’m gonna be doing that live. Um, probably gonna hop on after I eat a little bit and then I’ll go into my show there.

[01:26:11] Paxton: Uh, I, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you talk and you didn’t plug your book.

[01:26:15] That’s the first time

[01:26:16] Raven: you no. Oh, I should. Shouldn’t I .

[01:26:19] Paxton: That was so weird.

[01:26:21] Raven: I was waiting for it’s all. it’s all, it’s all over my Instagram as well, but yeah, empath of a narcissist, it is truly a healing guide for people pleasers. So you can find it on Amazon. Every chapter has meditation, a healing, a journal prompt, something, something to help you give you tools to navigate the situation you’re in and to heal

[01:26:42] Paxton: well.

[01:26:43] Uh, thank you ladies. Both very much. I wanted to make sure we got this time to together on this particular article. Um, everybody, please feel free to say goodbye, but, um, I need to do something here. I made a little something for you to end the show. Um, mm-hmm, , [01:27:00] it’s, uh, a little music, but I put a picture with it too, something simple.

[01:27:04] Uh, everybody, we love each and every one of you, but we’ve got to go all three of us. You will see us again. Uh, next week, uh, you will get more shows right here, a narc abuse TV network. And, uh, we truly appreciate you have a very, very great weekend. And ladies I’d love each and every one of you very, very much.

[01:27:21] Uh, and for all the hard work you do in helping others. Thank you for doing this today. Everybody have a great weekend. Thank.

16 Men Share The Red Flags In A Man You Should Stay Away From

And remember, always keep your unique light shining.

Watch this conversation

Youtube Live Human Design Explained : Is it self improvement?

This collective membership on Patreon aligned so divinely in flow! 

We truly want every single soul to know that they are supported and empowered in their soul’s journey. You are unique and are here for a particular purpose …
🌈Raven Scott Author and YouTuber/Podcaster, and Jessica Schiller Silverman have joined together to create a beautiful community for you to grow and be spiritually supported and together join and lean into our self care and self empowerment.

  • We draw tarot cards and share intuition + wisdom you need to hear in that moment. 
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How to master your boundaries:

  • Envision yourself saying NO
  • Feel the power of your self sovereignty
  • Dream of yourself saying NO
  • Step into your courage, pushing through fear, and taking action to say NO.
  • Be detached with the others emotional response (which may be like a child’s temper tantrum)

Raven’s Book

Over the past decade Raven Scott has first, exited an abusive relationship, then found her healing and renewal through the very tools she shares in this book. This “incredibly relatable story is a healing guide that weaves a story of an empath growing up, struggling with codependency, and loving a narcissist. It guides you in transforming yourself from low self esteem, PTSD, emotional abuse, to a strong, confident, and renewed soul.
PLUS! It includes a bonus chapter on the basic overview of Human Design -Your soul’s unique blueprint.
Grab your copy of this book on SALE today! available on Amazon NOW!
Don’t take my word for it. Listen to this 1 of many reviews:
“This guide book is clearly written to serve those committed to healing and honoring their highest nature. this book is A must read on your self discovery journey!” – Abigail Gazda

The link below.

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What’s missing in your life right now? comment below.
There is one thing I know… is this.

when you are controlled by a narcissist you will never reach your true potential as a beautiful human being. There is hope though! You are here to elevate the collective and evolve in your souls journey. The dark egoistic people are drawn to your empathic light – like a moth to the light.

Raven Scott
What red flags from this show did you recognize today? Let me know in comments below.
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Upon purchase you will receive a PDF reference book to introduce you to Human Design System.

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Then when you have digested you will schedule a zoom call with me. So you can ask any questions and receive further mentorship.

I also share with you how you are designed to move through this life and your incarnation cross (life’s theme and purpose) and life patterns, what you are here to learn and here to do. I will share with you how you may need to live according to your strategy, what that is for you, and how you are to use your authority to make decisions in life.

All those who’ve I’ve help with this have told me what freedom they have now that they know their design and strategy.

“I salute the Divinity in you.”

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Raven Scott

Raven Scott is providing women, who are feeling lost and alone in their journey, a community to kick ass as we become empowered together while healing from childhood trauma, abusive relationships, or plain old life, and awaken to rewrite our karmic story. Through astrology, self care, human design, & intuition.
We are energetically clearing ancestral patterns one step at a time to find our power and potential through healing so you can live empowered the unique loved individual you desire to be. Topics covered: Self development, Human design, Astrology, tarot, meditative thoughts, intuitive message from spirit, and expert guests sharing different spiritual healing modalities.
Your host and Patreon Community mentor, Raven Scott, is a narcissitic abuse survivor, author of Empath and The Narcissist: A Healing Guide for People Pleasers. And also is a Certified Meditation Teacher. Join us on

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Published by Raven Scott Nguyen

Raven Scott Nguyen is a passionate advocate for self-empowerment and authentic living, dedicated to helping individuals break free from the chains of narcissistic abuse. With a profound understanding of the human psyche and a deep commitment to personal growth, Raven is the author of "Empath & The Narcissist: Overcoming Gaslighting and Manipulation." This groundbreaking book offers a transformative roadmap for survivors of narcissistic abuse, guiding them towards a life filled with happiness and authenticity healing PTSD, and Trauma from abuse. Drawing from extensive knowledge of Human Design, energy healing, and empathic abilities, Raven is also the author of "Empath's Guide to Rising Strong" a powerful guide that delves into the intricacies of Human Design to help empaths harness their unique energies for self-empowerment and healing. As an empath who has journeyed through the depths of narcissistic abuse, Raven is deeply committed to empowering fellow empaths on their healing journey. With a profound understanding of the emotional landscapes empaths navigate. Raven is the host and producer of "Empaths Rising: Healing with Human Design" This podcast serves as a beacon of hope and transformation, offering practical guidance and insights for those seeking to reclaim their lives and live authentically. Raven is a passionate advocate for shadow work, self-care Moon rituals, and Human Design, and is dedicated to guiding individuals towards a life of self-empowerment and inner peace. With a compassionate heart and a wealth of knowledge, Raven continues to inspire and uplift others on their path to healing and self-discovery through her blog at

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