Red Flags in Relationships What No One is telling you about Narcissists| S3 Ep 23

Why do I keep attracting creepy and normal guys on my Insta? I’m not on Tinder!!!  

Announcement: I have rebranded the podcast to be as clear to audience what it is about. New name is same as my book Empath & The Narcissist. The cover is bold and red!

“I’m sharing with you a clip. From a YouTube special that Caroline and myself. Went live on Narc Abuse, TV.We had a great time. We went live and I just have to add, this was the very first time that I ever had a conversation with Caroline Middelsford.

-Raven Scott
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

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How to Embrace your Queen Energy and Shed the Narcissist's Control with Lady Portia Empath And The Narcissist: Healing Guide from Abuse and PTSD

"Don’t give two shits about what anybody else thinks dance to the beat of your own drum. " – Marcus Hunter NeilLearn how to rid yourself of the toxic narcissist in your life and step up into your own queen power. Today I share a conversation with Marcus Hunter Neil pioneer drag queen Lady Portia Instagram: https://instagram.com/ladypandme (@ladypandme) Marcus is a MindValleys Irish Ambassador, Coach, TedTalker, Podcaster, Pioneer Drag Queen, Ambassador for the NSPCC Here are some key moments: Being with a narcissist is like Grey Gardens pretending to be glitterati while you’re living in a dilapidated house. “ No one sets out to actively be a narcissist and the victim of a narcissist. It just happens.“ It's the narcissists personality. Be your own wing man, defend yourself and take no mistreatment Relationship should be a want not a need No matter how much self work you do if you and the other person are not a fit you are not a fit Know your values know your worth. Because if you don’t have standards then you will shape shift for whomever you’re with. Do not put anybody even royalty on a pedestal because we are all human beings at the end of the day Here’s a test exercise can you list five things that you love about your narcissistic partner? if not then you are stuck in a scenario in the wrong environment and you’re making excuses each day as to why you will not break up with them.  Love yourself radically. Be secure enough in your own skin no matter what happens when you come out on the other side it will all be fine.  https://the-thriving-intuitive.captivate.fm/https-bit-ly-3xjlfvb (Trauma 2 Triumph FREE Ticket) Follow and DM me http://intagram.com/ravencottshow (@ravencottshow )"free gift" to get your FREE Draw Powerful Boundaries Workshop Better Help : https://betterhelp.com/empath (Empath get 10% off your first month) Empath & The Narcissist https://ravenscott.show/empath-and-the-narcissist (Book) : Support the Show Get Human Design Reading:https://ravenscott.show/shop ( SHOP ) Grab coaching sessions and more FREE Gifts on the website http://Ravenscott.show/blog (Ravenscott.show) Madhvi – https://madhvi.ca (Emotion Code FREE Inquiry Call) Music YouTube Library: Til I Let Go by Neffex Mentioned in this episode: Trauma 2 Triumph Summit https://the-thriving-intuitive.captivate.fm/https-bit-ly-3xjlfvb (Trauma 2 Triumph FREE Ticket)
  1. How to Embrace your Queen Energy and Shed the Narcissist's Control with Lady Portia
  2. Emotional Damage and Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse through the Emotion Code
  3. How to Relieve Anxiety from Narcissistic Abuse through your Gut with Camila Smith
  4. Why Empaths Attract Narcissists with Soulmate Coach Jeanne Sullivan Billeci
  5. 16 Self Care Tips for Libra Season – Bonus

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Red flags in dating with Caroline from Narc Abuse TV YouTube clips

[00:00:00]

[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to empath and the narcissist today, I’m sharing with you a clip. From a YouTube special that Caroline and myself. Went live on Narc Abuse, TV.

[00:00:12] We had a great time. We went live and I just have to add, this was the very first time that I ever had a conversation with Caroline. Um, we chatted in DM chats like a few days before we knew we were going. Co-hosting the show together? And we just clicked because of our shared experiences with narcissists.

[00:00:33] We were on the same wavelength. It was just so incredible. And it was really great to share all this. Information

[00:00:40] to help others. Enjoy

[00:00:44] Raven: Hello, and welcome [00:01:00] to the Raven Scott show here on YouTube. Thank you so much for being here. So I’m sharing with you some dating advice that no one else is telling you. And this is important to watch and listen, to watch out for the signs and red flags of the toxic person that you do not want to get entangled with.

[00:01:18] So here’s the show.

[00:01:19] Paxton: Well, this is not an easy subject for men to maybe listen to some may want to contend about some of the things that are highlighted. But the article is not ours. It is actually from Falcon

[00:01:31] Kestrel, a romantic relationship writer. This, article is in the minds journal, found on the mind journal.com.

[00:01:40] Raven: There you are!

[00:01:43] Paxton: And , there are a few things, , that we’re gonna talk about here, but there’s another aspect of life I want to touch on real quick. , since we’re gonna be talking about men this morning, but, , evening for you, Caroline you’re in the Netherlands, correct? True.

[00:01:57] But we have to, uh, segue now to [00:02:00] Raven real quick here because Raven, uh, highlighted something to me before we started the show. Uh, I guess you have a admirers, our fan club, uh, Raven, every time you go to post.

[00:02:10] Every time I post a reel and today I posted about the red flags. Yes. I get immediate like comments follows likes from the creepiest men.

[00:02:26] Caroline: What does that mean?

[00:02:29] Paxton: I agree with, with you. I agree with you kinda creepy.

[00:02:33] Raven: It’s kinda creepy. Thank you. But no, thank you. I’m happily married.

[00:02:38] Paxton: Just kinda like happily married. You should post and then put happily married. Okay. Yeah,

[00:02:42] Raven: I guess I should social. It does. I don’t think it would matter. They would still DM me.

[00:02:46] I just wanna be friends. I’ve had a DM before. Like I don’t need just friends.

[00:02:51] Paxton: That’s number 17.

[00:02:52] Ya I was just

[00:02:53] Caroline: going to say.

[00:02:53] Paxton: To say that’s number 17. We’re gonna have to make a show, gonna add that now and make a show later. That’s

[00:02:59] Raven: number 17. We real [00:03:00] like example of number 17. It’s it? Right. It’s actually

[00:03:04] Paxton: in the article. It has a, it is one of those about being friends or something like that, right?

[00:03:08] Yeah. I think it’s one of, okay. So

[00:03:10] Raven: no, yeah. It’s they just wanna be friends.

[00:03:12] Paxton: uh, I have a long history of choosing toxic and abusive partners. So I am excited for this. I appreciate you saying, uh, another comment in, uh, says I’m in the UK, so it’s evening too. So a shout out to you for joining us here, uh, in the UK, uh, Caroline, the Netherlands.

That’s such a cool drink of water, but, uh, beware because it’s candy coated misery.

RAven

[00:03:43] Paxton: The article highlights that the 16 items that, uh, are listed in the article, uh, the first one that they highlight is this aspect of being a prince charming type of a person. Uh, any thoughts[00:04:00]

Photo by Wendel Sales on Pexels.com

[00:04:00] Raven: oh my gosh. That’s such a cool drink of water, but, uh, beware because it’s candy coated misery.

[00:04:10] Caroline: I had a lot of like thoughts when I saw the picture. Right. I was like, Hmm, nice. At first I thought it was David Beckham to me, honestly.

[00:04:17] Paxton: I did too. When I first saw I like check it, man.

[00:04:21] Caroline: So obviously yeah, you probably gets a lot of likes. Um, so yeah, but for me immediately, it’s also this kind of, when I was read the article, I was like, whoa, you know, this is probably also one of, one of those guys who’s very, uh, arrogant has maybe also that the phrase sort of love bombing popped for me right away up.

Caroline: too good to be true.

[00:04:42] I don’t know, uh, what your thoughts were on it, Raven,

[00:04:46] Raven: well,

[00:04:47] Caroline: too good to be true.

[00:04:49] Raven: yeah. It’s like the whole all smiles and all charm all the time. That’s to me, that’s a red flag cuz they’re not showing their raw, vulnerable, human being. [00:05:00] Human beings, they’re not perfect. So when they’re always presenting as perfect.

[00:05:04] You know, you, you need to vet and research a lot more carefully before you just fully give your trust over to this person. I was really bitter towards prince charming terms, right? Like the Disney movies that I grew up with in the eighties, it was all about like rescuing the woman.

[00:05:23] Thank God. It’s not like that anymore. But it was like, oh, the, you know, the woman is in distress and he comes and he rescues her. And when I was in my healing process out of , my narcissist abuse relationship. I was like, I hated Disney. Like, they’re so awful. But that was just part of my mourning process.

[00:05:39] And I get now that, that was part of the culture. They were trying to kind of show that men could be kind and rescue whatever it is. But you have to be really careful because like I said, if they, if they don’t show you who they truly are, they don’t show you who their real friends are. They don’t bring you into their world.

[00:05:58] Then they’re [00:06:00] putting up a front, a smoke and mirrors and they’re hiding something that you don’t really wanna get entangled into.

but you still fail to see the red flags in a man, then you continue to fall for a prince charming

Paxton

[00:06:06] Paxton: That’s that’s, uh, actually one of the things that’s highlighted in the article, uh, correct. Uh, a point that’s made, let me grab this here. It says, have you always had bad experiences when it comes to the masculine gender?

[00:06:20] Uh, but you still fail to see the red flags in a man, uh, some, uh, have that aspect, uh, that they continue to fall for a prince charming or what they believe that person stands for. Uh, and not really recognizing, uh, who they really are.

[00:06:37] Uh, I told you, I, I woke up underneath the bed today. I don’t know how that happened. In the article , that, Falcon, writes, there at the very top, it says. If he always says the right thing at the right time is so charming and plays all his cards. Right. But you never saw his friends or where he lives.

[00:06:58] It’s not his first [00:07:00] tango and not his last, uh, any thoughts?

That’s the term that, that, for example, I person experienced with prince charming that I had myself in my life is like that love bombing. And when you date someone who is very it’s manipulative also towards you in a way who is, who says the right things and everything seems like just. So great. Like, wow.

Caroline

[00:07:04] Caroline: Yeah, for me, it came right away up. The, what I, I said before earlier, like prince charming is the perfect gentleman. It, this looks from the outside. Perfect. Everything is like exactly how you would want it. And they can also make you feel exactly like that.

[00:07:20] That’s the term that, that, for example, I person experienced with prince charming that I had myself in my life is like that love bombing. And when you date someone who is very it’s manipulative also towards you in a way who is, who says the right things and everything seems like just. So great. Like, wow.

[00:07:39] He can read me. He, he can, he sees me as exactly who I am and he that’s actually the, one of the scariest thing that you can experience in dating, because it is so incredibly difficult to, to, to detect, you know, for yourself because you feel blown away. You’re like, wow, I have met the on. And right now, [00:08:00] obviously super hot topic.

[00:08:01] It’s all over Netflix with like, for example, the show, um, uh, with the what’s his name, I wrote it down Simon Lev, uh, the Tinder swindler

[00:08:10] Raven: or, yeah, I was gonna say it’s The Tinder Swindler

[00:08:13] Caroline: haha yeah, the puppet master and we all watching it. So like, um, excited it, but also with a lot of questions, question marks, but it happens to a lot of people.

[00:08:22] There are a lot of like guys, but also women of course, out there, but mostly guys who are these kind of manipulators and they, they are extremely like. Great in pretending it’s a way of pretending and luring you in? So these were my, my, my thoughts to this..

like a healthy relationship. Sometimes you’re not gonna like them. You love them still.

Raven

[00:08:42] Raven: Yeah. They feel right. They make you feel like, oh my gosh, you’re my soulmate.

[00:08:47] But yeah, like, honestly, that that’s kind of a farfetched fantasy. That’s not something down on earth and your soulmate is going to make mistakes, like a healthy relationship. Sometimes you’re not gonna like them. You love them still. [00:09:00] You don’t like them. Cause you’re two different people. And when you’re in that unhealthy relationship and the dating.

[00:09:06] Yeah. And they’re always perfect. That’s just a huge red flag.

[00:09:11] Paxton: Then I, I have to say, um, that makes a great deal of sense. You, you may not like something that they may do in the moment though. You have an affection for them. That’s normally the way families work. Right? I mean, with siblings, you may not like what they do in the moment, but Hey, that’s still my sibling.

[00:09:26] That’s still my family. Well, when a person is in a relationship, that’s gonna happen. But when that person is perfect all the time, All men are little boys. You’re speaking to one right now, every single one. And so to give the impression that you’re perfect and that you have it all together is just not real.

[00:09:45] Raven: You know, we, we all, maybe you don’t know, but narcissists don’t aplogize. So especially in the dating, the dating first phases, they have to be perfect. So they don’t have to be put in that position to not apologize and start to do all their [00:10:00] toxic tactics.

[00:10:01] Because they know they have to win you over before they do the tactics. And then yeah, they they’d be perfect. They don’t apologize. Cause they won’t.

[00:10:09] Caroline: That’s

[00:10:09] true. But they have also certain phrases they use. I feel, especially in the beginning when you date them, then they say things like, I wanna spoil you.

[00:10:17] You deserve it. Um, we, we are meant to be together and they quiet quite quickly jump to the, your, the one you are, the one, the, the woman of my life. So these are red flags. You can really yourself, when you go on a date first date second, third date. , if, if he drops one of those, just be aware, you know, like don’t jump right away when he says, I love you.

[00:10:39] Like, he can say that after date five, you know,

[00:10:41] Paxton: he? Yeah. It’s uh, not a good sign.

Slow down.

RAven

[00:10:44] Raven: Slow down.

[00:10:45] Paxton: Yeah. Slow. Yeah. What’d you say, say it, say it again. Raven,

[00:10:49] Raven: Slow down.

[00:10:50] Paxton: Yeah. Just matter of fact, matter of fact, just wear a shirt that says that. Or just have something that you can just pull out and just put it on the table to slow down.

[00:10:58] Raven: I really like the comment that was posted, [00:11:00] that, that went away about the Disney news.

[00:11:01] Paxton: Oh, wait, hold

[00:11:02] on. We’ll get it. We’ll get it back from, uh, from Dubby Disney, hopeful of consensual moves made by men.

[00:11:11] Go ahead. You were gonna say things.

[00:11:12] Raven: No, I just, I agree with you. And I think that’s part of my anger was, you know, mine was very, like, it just was so manipulative. And so you’re raised as a child watching those movies about like, it’s just okay. Or, you know, it was never talked about as a child. Like I raise my children differently, but you have to be to be polite as a kid, you need to hug, you know, to say goodbye, like all these really like personal boundary things that, that are aren’t asked for consent.

[00:11:42] Paxton: That’s touchy feeling touchy, feely teaching.

[00:11:44] Raven: Yeah. We should be teaching our children now. Hey, even with family members, especially as toddlers and then going up, do you wanna have five or you wanna hug to, to say goodbye, like get consent from the child because that is teaching non-consensual intimacy in relationships, then that [00:12:00] allows this person to swoop you in you’re soulmate.

Healthy boundaries

caroline

[00:12:03] They swoop in and they stick their tongue in your mouth. And you’re like, oh my gosh. But okay. Like I have to be polite and all this stuff just snowballs.

[00:12:10] Caroline: Yeah. Healthy boundaries. Totally. Yeah. Learning them from the start. That’s very important.

[00:12:16] Paxton: We we’re, we’re looking at sometimes, um, not every woman, but a number women can find themselves that this is information they’ve never had anyone share with them, let alone teach them, uh, because of not having really good caregivers, uh, family dynamics were, they had strong, uh, women who were able to stand their ground, uh, when it comes to.

[00:12:41]

[00:12:50] Paxton: The way a man behaves with strangers, cuz when he meets you, you’re a stranger. The way he behaves with strangers, uh, says a [00:13:00] lot or the way he treats you, uh, as a woman as well as the way he treats others. What points did you gather out of that? The way he behaves with unknown people?

[00:13:10] Raven:

[00:13:10] You can see like, just try and remove yourself from the emotion and observe how they treat others at the restaurant. Let’s say he takes you out to dinner. Is, is he kind of snubbing them? Is he not? Not saying thank you. Is he having this? He of like he’s above them.

[00:13:26] Cause mm-hmm is he? How, how well is he tipping? Is he being empathetic to wow, like I really respect that they’re putting theirselves out on the line. They’re working and. You know, there’s a feeling in a person to show respect versus to not show respect. And for me, mine was like, he was above everybody and I should have picked up on the signs because they were there and all the interactions with everyone out in the public.

they expect always royal treatment.

caroline

[00:13:53] How about you, Caroline?

[00:13:53] Caroline: Yeah. Great. Like someone who’s toxic or we can also be more specific [00:14:00] narcissistic, for example, would expect always royal treatment. So would, they would approach also others that way, if like I deserve better, they put themselves like on a pedestal of like, they, they put others down, they belittled them from the waitress to someone who would just, you know, be on the street.

[00:14:18] They, they comment always in a negative way so that they look themselves better. And they have also no empathy. So if someone is running late, because the waitress is very busy, they would not have an understanding of seeing the restaurant busy. They would be like, no, I deserve the treatment right now. Um, maybe they would even refer if they had like a celebrity friend or, you know, like anyone who important say like I have this friend, I’m friends with X, Y, and Z.

[00:14:48] Um, therefore I deserve, so they’re always seeking for that social status sort of connection with themselves. And everyone is below them. And these are, these are really [00:15:00] like red flags to see like, is he having an inflated self? Is it just that he’s cocky? And like, it’s all about me or also other people treated in a nice way because he will treat you nice because you are right now, maybe, you know, The target, but it, when you just observe him with the others there, you see quite clearly purely, it’s also in a traffic gym.

If he picks you up with the car, you’re on a date. Um, and every, every other minute he’s shouting or swearing at the others

caroline

[00:15:23] If he, if he picks you up with the car, you’re on a date. Um, and every, every other minute he’s shouting or swearing at the others. And it’s always also someone else’s fault. Good

[00:15:34] Paxton: point. That’s very good. Always blowing horn.

[00:15:37] Raven: Would you say? Right. But I just said, yeah, I agree with you. That’s a really good point.

[00:15:42] Paxton: Yeah. I, and you know, the traffic thing, that’s a really good point too. I I’m glad you put that in there. I’m just sitting there thinking about, I’m thinking about people right now. I know like that. So

[00:15:53] Caroline: not everyone’s like that, you know, I know what you mean. Just flags because it costs, you know, that’s, [00:16:00] it’s really difficult to detect.

[00:16:01] And for example, I did not notice. I always cut them. People’s slack because when you’re on a date, you always think like, yeah, I maybe had a busy day or, you know, like in a longer relationship, you like, you make excuses for them, but actually look at what’s really happening. How are they towards other? It gets only worse from there.

[00:16:19] Good

[00:16:19] Raven: point, good point point. Mine, mine did not honk or yell, but he had a really fast car, so he would just zip around and he would cut people off and drive really fast. so there’s so two kinds.

[00:16:33] Paxton: Life insurance policy, no doubt you needed. When you got in the car

[00:16:36] Raven: with him. God, I had angels watching over me. Every time I was in that car, we would go out after drinking and drive the dark mountain side at like 90 miles per

[00:16:45] Paxton: hour.

[00:16:45] I, I, is that in your book? Is that in your book? I’m just curious.

[00:16:49] Raven: Yes, it is. It is.

[00:16:50] Paxton: I, I don’t

pedestal, and I just watched the first part of the HBO with, Evan Michelle Woods and Marilyn Manson and this whole concept of the pedestal.

raven

[00:16:51] Raven: remember that part in your book. It very, OK. It’s not the story. It’s just a, very poetic depiction of that story. Yeah.

[00:16:58] Paxton: Okay.

[00:16:59] Raven: The pedestal, [00:17:00] she said the word pedestal, and I just watched the first part of the HBO with, Evan Michelle Woods and Marilyn Manson and this whole concept of the pedestal. They prey on those who look up to them. And again, they look down from their pedestal on people.

[00:17:17] So it’s almost like an unconscious way that they energetically attract their quote unquote, we call them the victim, but it’s really just that interaction. Like they love to be worshiped. So yeah, of course. They’re gonna draw you in. They’re gonna, they’re gonna do their manipulative tactics and it’s this whole, it’s just this whole air of like, I’m better than everyone.

[00:17:40] Yeah. And they kind of catch some of us who may have our, our self-esteem low. Like you said, we don’t have parents to really teach us that this is not appropriate behavior or not talk about it. And then you get sucked into worshiping them. And then all of a sudden you’re in their vortex. You’re like, I am going crazy.

[00:17:58] Get me out, [00:18:00]

[00:18:01] Paxton: get caught up. You caught up in the, the ability in the freeness to forgive behavior. But later on finding out that the behavior you’re for that you’re forgiving is very toxic. It’s very dangerous to you in the long run. And they start to recognize you’re not gonna give that pushback, that normal human pushback and say, Hey, wait a minute, hold on a second.

[00:18:25] Let’s be a little bit more forgiving of that person, the same way you want forgiveness. And that opens up a whole can of worms. And here they come, because they’re upset with their narcissistic behavior or traits. And now they’re gonna attack you or project onto you when dealing with a man.

[00:18:44] You have been in these situations, but how did it make you emotionally feel when you were in those moments? I know we’ve been describing situations. We’ve been describing behavior of what the man is doing, but when you were [00:19:00] in those moments, just briefly, how did you feel a moment emotionally when you were living those experiences?

[00:19:09] If you can lay that out for some young woman who is just now stepping into that type of behavior,

[00:19:16] Raven: you could tell, like, by my body language, I felt so uncomfortable. It was like, I, I saw that. Yeah. Back in there, I’m like, I, it was like wiggling, like there’s snakes all over. You’re like, oh my God, this is so awkward.

[00:19:26] Like stop yelling at that person or stop doing this. So then you start to make excuses, you try and diffuse it. You try and be the peacemaker when really they should just be held accountable and like booted . What do you think about that,

you are literally walking on eggshells around that person,

caroline

[00:19:39] Caroline: Caroline? I actually exactly had the same reaction physically. I felt like just sort of like shoulders, shoulders door.

[00:19:47] My body was like

[00:19:48] Paxton: neck tense,

[00:19:49] Caroline: tenses. It’s just, you are literally walking on eggshells around that person, even in public because eventually you’re like, let’s just hope we can go [00:20:00] through the day, uh, without any embarrassment even, or you walk through that. I had always said we had neighbor issues all the time, so I was like, let’s hope you’re not gonna meet a neighbor.

[00:20:11] So it’s like, Because it would escalate. It would escalate. And on a bad day, you know, like some people were also, you know, cannot control because they’re very impulsive. So it can also end up very physical. And then you are like in the middle of it, and as a girlfriend or young, young woman, you feel helpless, you feel helpless and you, because you are partner or your date, it doesn’t matter.

[00:20:34] But it’s more, let’s say it’s up your partner. You feel like responsible. You also feel that connection, obviously. So it’s kind of like, it’s, it’s partly not you, but he’s kind of like you chose to be with him. Right. So, so you feel like you have to defend him. So as a good partner, you have to stand up for him.

[00:20:51] Even he there’s a lot of wrongdoing on his said, wow. So you, you just, you feel like you have to cross your own boundaries because deep down, you [00:21:00] know, this is maybe not okay. That’s too much that’s yeah. That’s crossing someone’s boundary. But because you feel that it’s a partner, you have to. Align with someone you would not normally not align.

Can I just say like, you are not his mother, that’s her job and if she failed, then that’s not on you. You can be free from that.

raven

[00:21:13] And that’s internally such a conflict that makes that drains you emotionally also, because then you get that tendency of thinking, God, how can I address it with him? That it’s not gonna happen again, but you would obviously not hear you. So you, you start having this internal conflict within yourself and that’s where the continues or starts.

[00:21:34] Raven: Hmm. That brings up another point in an article about you feeling like they need you. And I think it goes to through all the different phases they bring you through. It’s like this beautiful honeymoon phase and then this like starting to kind of project things onto you phase and then turning your brain around against yourself.

[00:21:54] Mm-hmm now you’re getting into the explosive phase and you feel like, oh, well, I, [00:22:00] you, they almost put you in this weird mom role. It’s like, you’re a mom, you’re a romantic partner. So you feel responsible for them to cover for them out in public to cover for them, with your people who are saying, leave this loser.

[00:22:13] And you’re like, no, no, he just needs this. He just needs that. And it puts you in this, , it’s just a horrible situation and you are not responsible for him. Can I just say like, you are not his mother, that’s her job and if she failed, then that’s not on you. You can be free from that.

[00:22:31] Paxton: If he doesn’t step, step out.

[00:22:33] If he doesn’t step outside of his little boy role and step into manhood. Yeah. And become a partner, uh, a leader of a team, uh, that is trying to build, then he’s gonna act the way you’ve been describing. Uh, he’s gonna act in such a way that he just drains you of any dignity, any peace of mind, you don’t feel secure.

[00:22:57] I like the way you described it, Caroline. It’s like, you [00:23:00] hope you didn’t run into the neighbors. You just hope you didn’t run into anybody that he’s gonna fight with. Because you don’t know when he’s gonna eventually turn around and attack you because he’s attacking everybody else outside. It’s just a matter of time before he ends up attacking you.

[00:23:14] Um, uh, any other points that you pulled out of the article?

[00:23:21] Caroline: Not on this one, but I wanna maybe add one more thing. Um, because he just said it, like he would turn eventually towards you, right? The partner mm-hmm . And that’s also the problem in itself, because eventually you hit that point of like, of course it’s aimed at others, but once you are at home, you also held responsible for what happened.

[00:23:43] So if you going into, into a conversation, it as like an adult, right. Saying what happened out there or what happened with another person mm-hmm in the end, it’ll be spun in a way that it’s your fault because you suggested to go out for example. Oh, wow. Wow. [00:24:00] Yeah. That’s really important to mention.

[00:24:07] Raven: Okay.

[00:24:08] 100%

in a relationship two, to tango.

Paxton

[00:24:09] Paxton: Caroline. Yeah. How, how do you handle that? If you’re not a person that wants to sit there and have an argument for five, six weeks on the, on something, you just ignore it then. Is that what you’re saying? So you just let it go and that’s probably what they want or how do you try to handle that as a woman, when you’re dealing with an Imma to a person like that?

[00:24:28] Caroline: I think in the beginning you try, but you learn your lesson relatively quickly that you choose your fights because it’s, it’s the one who’s suffering is you. And no matter how often you, in what ways, and you get that’s the, that’s the tricky and anxiety also triggering part, because you will think you have to work on yourself because he will make you feel, you have started the argument also wrong, or the discussion you approached it the wrong way.

[00:24:55] So you question. Over time. It’s, it’s a time span of, of [00:25:00] weeks, months, 10 years. But you are the one working on yourself. So you constantly reflect because that’s what adults healthy. Let’s say people do. We reflect, we kind of like think okay, in a relationship two, to tango. Right? So I’ll, I’ll do my part. And you always hope you are, the person will do it too, but right.

[00:25:20] Yeah. But if, if you are the only one doing it and you get always the feedback of it’s you it’s, you look it’s you. And they point out very, very, very good. Also that’s the manipulative genius. I always say they manage to PA pinpoint out things, uh, things you might have said, and they confused you so much that you start doubting yourself and the self-doubt is that’s what’s eating you up.

[00:25:46] Yeah.

[00:25:47] Paxton: The self doubt is what’s eating. I’m I’m gonna use me. So the self-doubt is what would be eating me because we’re trying to be that strong, capable, competent partner, but they’re using [00:26:00] facts that they’ve stored away and thrown. ’em all together to create this confusion. That actually reminds me, uh, uh, I’m looking and let me, where is it here?

[00:26:09] It is. I’m gonna put the us on the screen. Look what Brian says, essentially agreeing with what you’re saying. Yeah. Brian Reed says I would end up apologizing for my own abuse. That’s like what? You just said, Caroline. It’s awful.

[00:26:24] Caroline: Yeah. Can totally feel you Brian. That’s probably like probably Raven would she also not, I can see it.

Well, only if you do this, it’ll be fixed.

raven

[00:26:31] Yeah. We all who have experienced it. It’s it’s such a pattern and we are all, I,

[00:26:39] Raven: I would, you know, I would come back like a normal human being, a healthy right. Reflecting. I’m just a normal, like after a fight the next morning we go for a walk. What happened? What can, you know, how can we, you know, do something different moving forward?

[00:26:54] What is the source of our problem? Cause it kept coming up because he just kept doing his same [00:27:00] old BS. And it always was literally like a two hour, two hour conversation as we’re walking to him, just pointing everything back to me. Well, only if you do this, it’ll be fixed. Only if you do this, then it’ll be fixed.

[00:27:17] And I would take it upon a hundred percent of myself like, oh, okay. And it, it was just this huge, deep philosophical mind act really . And then I was like, I have to take responsibility for it. And then I would end up apologizing. Okay. All right. Next time. I’ll do, I’ll do it this way.

[00:27:38] This conversation is so incredible. I know you’re eating it up. Um, this conversation goes on for about an hour and a half. So I’m going to give it to you in three chunks of 30 minutes. So it’s bite size. You can listen to all of it in one sitting versus having to pause and come back to it. So I will be posting this again.

Make sure you’re subscribed to the YouTube channel & follow the podcast. If you’re loving this, please rate and review the podcast. Take a screenshot and tag me at Ray, the Raven Scott show, and share with me your feedback.

raven

[00:27:58] Next [00:28:00] Thursday. Um, so continue to, um, check in, um, make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast. If you’re loving this, please rate and review the podcast. Take a screenshot and tag me at Ray, the Raven Scott show, and share with me your feedback. Share with me. Do you agree with Brian? Do you agree that your experience is that.

[00:28:22] The abuse is then blamed onto you and you end up apologizing for it because you’re just trying to. You know, I keep the peace or you really truly have been manipulated in your mind to think that it was your fault. How do you have these experiences that Caroline myself. Possibly have had, I would love to hear.

[00:28:43] Um, from you about that truly, it would be such. A blessing to hear so I can cheer you on support. You. And just relate to you. So you know that you’re not alone in this. Thanks for listening to the podcast. We appreciate you. And. [00:29:00] See you in the next show. Remember always keep your unique light shining.

Youtube Live Human Design Explained : Is it self improvement?

We truly want every single soul to know that they are supported and empowered in their soul’s journey. You are unique and are here for a particular purpose …
🌈Raven Scott Author and YouTuber/Podcaster, and Jessica Schiller Silverman have joined together to create a beautiful community for you to grow and be spiritually supported and together join and lean into our self care and self empowerment.

This collective membership on Patreon aligned so divinely in flow! 

  • We draw tarot cards and share intuition + wisdom you need to hear in that moment. 
  • We hold quiet space for your meditations and spiritual connections. 
  • We upload exclusive content and you gain early access to all our amazing guests and podcast we both create! From the Raven Scott Girl Talk Show and from the ALIVE podcast. 
  • We join together and share what’s on our hearts and teach wisdom for your heart’s nourishment during these trying times. 
  • We host live Q&A on anything spiritual, tarot, human design, or moonbeam related. 

How to master your boundaries:

  • Envision yourself saying NO
  • Feel the power of your self sovereignty
  • Dream of yourself saying NO
  • Step into your courage, pushing through fear, and taking action to say NO.
  • Be detached with the others emotional response (which may be like a child’s temper tantrum)

Raven’s Book

Over the past decade Raven Scott has first, exited an abusive relationship, then found her healing and renewal through the very tools she shares in this book. This “incredibly relatable story is a healing guide that weaves a story of an empath growing up, struggling with codependency, and loving a narcissist. It guides you in transforming yourself from low self esteem, PTSD, emotional abuse, to a strong, confident, and renewed soul.
PLUS! It includes a bonus chapter on the basic overview of Human Design -Your soul’s unique blueprint.
Grab your copy of this book on SALE today! available on Amazon NOW!
Don’t take my word for it. Listen to this 1 of many reviews:
“This guide book is clearly written to serve those committed to healing and honoring their highest nature. this book is A must read on your self discovery journey!” – Abigail Gazda

The link below.

And make sure to grab your Raven Scott Show Swag in the link below. She’s designed some fashionable tote bags, shirts, stickers, and coffee mugs you would be proud to wear around your friends.

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.”

-Brene Brown
What’s missing in your life right now? comment below.
There is one thing I know… is this.

when you are controlled by a narcissist you will never reach your true potential as a beautiful human being. There is hope though! You are here to elevate the collective and evolve in your souls journey. The dark egoistic people are drawn to your empathic light – like a moth to the light.

Raven Scott
What relief tip from this show are you going to start today? Let me know in comments below.

I know what I’m doing. I am running and listening to my Peloton app coaches. It’s a physical and spiritual coaching session every time. What are you doing?

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Join us in the Soul Collective Communityhttps://www.patreon.com/soulcollective9

We truly want every single soul to know that they are supported and empowered in their soul’s journey. You are unique and are here for a particular purpose …
🌈Raven Scott Author and YouTuber/Podcaster, and Jessica Schiller Silverman have joined together to create a beautiful community for you to grow and be spiritually supported and together join and lean into our self care and self empowerment.

This collective membership on Patreon aligned so divinely in flow! 

  • We draw tarot cards and share intuition + wisdom you need to hear in that moment. 
  • We hold quiet space for your meditations and spiritual connections. 
  • We upload exclusive content and you gain early access to all our amazing guests and podcast we both create! From the Raven Scott Girl Talk Show and from the ALIVE podcast. 
  • We join together and share what’s on our hearts and teach wisdom for your heart’s nourishment during these trying times. 
  • We host live Q&A on anything spiritual, tarot, human design, or moonbeam related. 

“I salute the Divinity in you.”

– Indian brotherhood
Raven Scott

Raven Scott is providing women, who are feeling lost and alone in their journey, a community to kick ass as we become empowered together while healing from childhood trauma, abusive relationships, or plain old life, and awaken to rewrite our karmic story. Through astrology, self care, human design, & intuition.
We are energetically clearing ancestral patterns one step at a time to find our power and potential through healing so you can live empowered the unique loved individual you desire to be. Topics covered: Self development, Human design, Astrology, tarot, meditative thoughts, intuitive message from spirit, and expert guests sharing different spiritual healing modalities.
Your host and Patreon Community mentor, Raven Scott, is a narcissitic abuse survivor, author of Empath and The Narcissist: A Healing Guide for People Pleasers. And also is a Certified Meditation Teacher. Join us on http://Patreon.com/soulcollective9

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Published by Raven Scott

As an international author, narcissist abuse recovering coach, Podcast host of Empath & Narcissist and creator of healing workshops. She is dispelling the narcissists' power one soul at a time.

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