Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Do Not Ignore the Signs of Narcissist Abuse | S3 Ep 19.

Stop taking responsibility for other’s actions, it can cost you your life.  

“Be True to Yourself. “

– Dawn Ranae Hanlon
Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

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How to Embrace your Queen Energy and Shed the Narcissist's Control with Lady Portia Empath And The Narcissist: Healing Guide from Abuse and PTSD

"Don’t give two shits about what anybody else thinks dance to the beat of your own drum. " – Marcus Hunter NeilLearn how to rid yourself of the toxic narcissist in your life and step up into your own queen power. Today I share a conversation with Marcus Hunter Neil pioneer drag queen Lady Portia Instagram: https://instagram.com/ladypandme (@ladypandme) Marcus is a MindValleys Irish Ambassador, Coach, TedTalker, Podcaster, Pioneer Drag Queen, Ambassador for the NSPCC Here are some key moments: Being with a narcissist is like Grey Gardens pretending to be glitterati while you’re living in a dilapidated house. “ No one sets out to actively be a narcissist and the victim of a narcissist. It just happens.“ It's the narcissists personality. Be your own wing man, defend yourself and take no mistreatment Relationship should be a want not a need No matter how much self work you do if you and the other person are not a fit you are not a fit Know your values know your worth. Because if you don’t have standards then you will shape shift for whomever you’re with. Do not put anybody even royalty on a pedestal because we are all human beings at the end of the day Here’s a test exercise can you list five things that you love about your narcissistic partner? if not then you are stuck in a scenario in the wrong environment and you’re making excuses each day as to why you will not break up with them.  Love yourself radically. Be secure enough in your own skin no matter what happens when you come out on the other side it will all be fine.  https://the-thriving-intuitive.captivate.fm/https-bit-ly-3xjlfvb (Trauma 2 Triumph FREE Ticket) Follow and DM me http://intagram.com/ravencottshow (@ravencottshow )"free gift" to get your FREE Draw Powerful Boundaries Workshop Better Help : https://betterhelp.com/empath (Empath get 10% off your first month) Empath & The Narcissist https://ravenscott.show/empath-and-the-narcissist (Book) : Support the Show Get Human Design Reading:https://ravenscott.show/shop ( SHOP ) Grab coaching sessions and more FREE Gifts on the website http://Ravenscott.show/blog (Ravenscott.show) Madhvi – https://madhvi.ca (Emotion Code FREE Inquiry Call) Music YouTube Library: Til I Let Go by Neffex Mentioned in this episode: Trauma 2 Triumph Summit https://the-thriving-intuitive.captivate.fm/https-bit-ly-3xjlfvb (Trauma 2 Triumph FREE Ticket)
  1. How to Embrace your Queen Energy and Shed the Narcissist's Control with Lady Portia
  2. Emotional Damage and Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse through the Emotion Code
  3. How to Relieve Anxiety from Narcissistic Abuse through your Gut with Camila Smith
  4. Why Empaths Attract Narcissists with Soulmate Coach Jeanne Sullivan Billeci
  5. 16 Self Care Tips for Libra Season – Bonus

Love Shouldn’t Hurt Episode with Dawn Ranae

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You Don’t Know what goes on behind closed doors with a Narcissist | Dawn Ranea

[00:00:00] Well, welcome back. This is Raven Scott. And. Today, I’m going to be sharing with you an interview with Don Renee. But I wanted to share also, I’ve been, I’m going to be shifting. This.

[00:00:15] Shows name to the name of my book Empath and the Narcissist. As I focus in and follow the breadcrumbs of my own human design. To know what I’m here to fulfill in my purpose and how I’m here to help others. I’m really finding clarity that it’s around my life experience. And this beautiful thing called human design As we journey into this. Show. It’s going to be the same information, the same healing modalities conversations about narcissism and human design. [00:01:00] You can catch any of the shows visually on YouTube. You’re more than welcome to grab my book on Amazon. Empath the Narcissist, a healing guide for people pleasers.

[00:01:12] Make sure that you rate and review this podcast. So it continues to grow and spread the light to shine the message to end a narcissist abuse cycle.

[00:01:23] Raven Scott: Welcome back to Raven Scott GirlTalk. I am joined with Dawn Ranae from Beautifully Broken podcast. I’m so excited for her to share her story and her extremely in-depth wisdom. Really she’s been through so much with you and how to. See the red flags, maybe, glean some information about how to spot a narcissist.

[00:01:53] If you’re in an emotional and physical, abusive relationship. So Dawn thank you so much for being. [00:02:00]

[00:02:00] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: Oh, thank you for having me. I’m thrilled to death to be here. Raven.

[00:02:05] I’m

[00:02:06] Raven Scott: really excited to share all the nuggets. First I want to share about your podcast because I think it’s beautiful.

[00:02:12] And your lives that you do, what is it called? It’s

[00:02:15] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: Friday feels it’s Mo it’s mindful Monday, Wednesday wellness tips, and then. And Friday fields. And so I do those on my personal Facebook page and at Dawn Hanlon. And then I do the podcast is beautifully broken with Don Renee.

[00:02:33] Um, that’s available wherever you get your podcasts. And that is, , where I talk about. Life altering events. How things change you? , I did a series called the faces of widowhood because I am a widow. I’m currently doing a series called the faces of joy and pain. And basically I talked to people. I have conversations with them about how they’re finding little bits of joy, even in a season of [00:03:00] pain.

[00:03:00] , whatever their trial is that they’re in the midst of. , they’re finding ways to. Find a way to be happy every day, to feel like themselves, to be connected and not forget who they are and let, whatever it is that’s going on in their life become their identity because that happens when you’re going through a rough patch in life.

[00:03:25] , it can be loss of a job. It could be loss of housing with the COVID pandemic and the whole world. I don’t know, dynamics changing. So many people are experiencing so many different things that they never expected what happened. , they’ve found themselves in positions, in situations that they never dreamt of.

they’re grieving and they’re struggling. And I just want people to know that doesn’t have to define you.

Dawn Ranae

[00:03:47] And, , they’re grieving and they’re struggling. And I just want people to know that that doesn’t have to define you. You don’t have to be stuck in that place. There are ways that you can find. Something good. Even if it’s [00:04:00] just for a few minutes a day, but something to help keep the. Inside of you alive.

[00:04:06] Raven Scott: Absolutely. Yeah. I love it. And all of your lives are so inspiring. I know every time I watch it, you had said something, someone mentioned, like you just don’t feel alone when they’re watching your lives. And I get that same vibe. It’s like, you have such a beautiful way of expressing what message is coming across and it’s just so uplifting.

[00:04:27] So you are a, definitely a shining light in the darkness right now.

[00:04:31] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: I do appreciate that. Thank you. And that’s what I say. , beautifully broken. We’re all beautifully broken, but just because we’re broken doesn’t mean that we’re trash or disposable we’re broken and that creates our own uniqueness. And maybe those cracks are supposed to let our inner light shine out so we can be a beacon to others and help guide them through their dark time.

[00:04:55] Raven Scott: , yeah, that’s beautiful. And we’re going to get into your story because you definitely [00:05:00] have had many cracks it and blown onto your beautiful porcelain tea, tea pot. And, , this, you know, my goal in this show and for all of you is to glean wisdom and information, , about narcissism and almost like real time stories as we’re having girl talk, , that hopefully sparks.

[00:05:20] A thought or an aha moment in your mind that, oh my gosh, I’ve heard that phrase before and then evaluate it. You know, there’s there’s you need to have this critical thinking when we’re in relationships, is this person have my best interest or are they constantly, you know, putting everything off on me and you know, I’m taking the blame for.

[00:05:43] And they’re saying all these little things. So she’s going to give us all these phrases about the narcissist abuse. She has experienced it firsthand since she was 14 and younger

[00:05:56] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: 12. I was 12. Well,

[00:05:58] Raven Scott: my gosh 12. So [00:06:00] she experienced that. She met him when she was 12 at church. She’s going to tell a story, but the main point that I want you to focus in on is, as she’s telling her story, see how.

[00:06:11] Every time, the phrase was told to her, the narcissist was pawning any responsibility of his actions off onto her, the kind loving empathic person who would say, okay, well maybe it is me. And that’s something that we need to really make sure we have a guard up against is taking responsibility for other people’s actions.

[00:06:33] So Don share with us. You met him at 12 in church, you said?

[00:06:38] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: Yeah. So we, we grew up in the same neighborhood. Our parents were friends. We went into the same church. , he was, , he was four years older. He was same age as my older brother. So, you know, I knew him, you know, it’s a small neighborhood, everybody knew everyone.

[00:06:54] , so we started dating, I guess I was 12 and he was 16 and, , [00:07:00] We, you know, it was okay because our parents knew each other. It was th you know, they weren’t thrilled with the age difference, but he was from a good family. I’m from a good family. Our dads were deacons in the church together. It was okay.

you made me so angry if you had just done X, if you had only said this, if you had only worn something different, it was always on me.

Dawn ranae

[00:07:13] And, I don’t know when, I don’t know when the abuse started and I, I was telling you, Raven, I don’t remember when the first time he hit me was because by the time that came along the. Verbal and emotional abuse had been going on for so very long. , and it started with things like, , you made me so angry if you had just done X, if you had only said this, if you had only worn something different, , it, it, it was always.

[00:07:48] Put on me. And there was always something that I had done or some slight perceived slights or, , something against him. I remember I was 13. And so [00:08:00] we’d been together about a year and I wanted to get my hair cut short because I had really, really long hair and I wanted to get it short and I wanted to get a perm and.

[00:08:12] And he hated it. And he said, you didn’t ask me about this. I didn’t say you could do this.

[00:08:19] Raven Scott: Oh, so now he has control over your body as

[00:08:22] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: well. Yeah. And, and I was in, he was like, I don’t, this makes you look like a boy. And now I was very athletic. I played soccer. I played football. , I had reconstructive knee surgery when I was 12 because I played football.

[00:08:36] I climbed trees. I, I, you know, I played soccer. Well, we soccer team. So I was always very athletic and short hair just made more sense. Right. And, but because, well, look, you know, for me, I, you know, look, I don’t have to braid it and I don’t have it, but for him it was, you know, he, , got old [00:09:00] or, , he would buy my clothes for me.

[00:09:03] I did not wear makeup because he did not approve of makeup because he would say, why are you wearing makeup? Who are you trying to impress? And if I said, oh, I want to look nice for you. He said, I didn’t say I needed you to look nice. He brown. You’re lucky I have. You’re lucky. I don’t believe you. You’re lucky that.

[00:09:24] Love you because nobody else will. And they do that

They really cut their self esteem low. They cut it low in order to continue to put themselves up and to control you.

Raven

[00:09:28] Raven Scott: way. They really cut their self esteem low. They cut it low in order to continue to put themselves up and to control you. And it’s not even about control also. I think it’s about like, well, if you’re with me, you have to look how I approve because you’re like their identity and their persona out in the world is attached to whomever they’re with.

[00:09:51] And that’s I think a big thing too.

[00:09:54] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: Yes. And, and as part of that, because we grew up in this very close knit community where like [00:10:00] everyone knows everyone and my best friend and these group of guys and girls that I hung out with. I mean, I played football with the guys and slowly bit by bit, it was, I was like, oh, I’m going to be spending the night at so-and-so’s house this weekend.

[00:10:15] And we’re going to be, you know, going to play soccer on Saturday. And he’s like, I was planning for us to go to a movie on Friday night or Saturday. So I would cancel the plans because we were going to do something together and slowly but surely I was weaned away from my friends and I was weaned away from my activities and the things that I enjoyed and became.

[00:10:44] Submersed in the things that he did and he enjoyed and his friends and their things. So I lost my identity, but it happens so slowly. And so innocuously it, I didn’t even realize it was [00:11:00] happening. And I don’t even, like I said, I don’t know when it started that the first time he hit me and people say, how can you not remember that?

“This is your fault. Look what you made me do.”

Dawn

[00:11:11] And it’s because by the time that happened, he had told me so many times that, you know, you deserve this. This is your fault. Look what you made me do. And that became. I deserved it. Well, if I, I should have said something different, I should have not said anything. I shouldn’t have told that joke, or I shouldn’t have had that radio station playing that loudly when he came home from work.

[00:11:38] , and we ended up, we separated for a while off and on. We would do that. but. Write me a letter, or a card and, and it was beautiful poetry and it was just amazing. And he was so thoughtful and kind, and he would promise to never do it again. And I had. From the time I was 12 till I [00:12:00] was 27, we were to gather and I have a shoe box full of all the cards and letters and I kept them.

At one point, he had me convinced that this never happened. It was all in my head and I made it all up. And this is my proof that this really happened because he admits to everything in these letters, he admits to everything that he denied. To the world, but to me, he admitted it and this is my validation that I am not crazy and that I didn’t deserve any of this.

Dawn

[00:12:07] And, , when I moved out of my house, , Sarah, about two years ago and I was going through my closet of things, one of my children said to me, mom, why do you have these? And, , I said, because. At one point, he had me convinced that this never happened. It was all in my head and I made it all up. And this is my proof that this really happened because he admits to everything in these letters, he admits to everything that he denied.

[00:12:42] To the world, but to me, he admitted it and this is my validation that I am not crazy and that I didn’t deserve any of this. And this is to remind me that it wasn’t me and I do still have those cards and letters. , some of them have been shredded and I [00:13:00] kinda take them back together. You know? , some I did burn before I realized, no, I think I better hold on to.

[00:13:06] Raven Scott: Yeah. It grounds you to your sanity cause you’re you are so right about the smoke and mirrors is they convinced that first that you deserve it, sometimes they’ll convince you that that never happened at all. What are you talking about? I never hit you. You know, you ran to the wall or

[00:13:21] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: something. Yeah. So, yes.

[00:13:24] And we had our first child when I was 14, so I was 14 and he was 18. And,

[00:13:29] Raven Scott: , oh, so he got, he was four years older. I kept thinking when you were telling me that he was your same age, but technically that’s illegal. Right.

[00:13:36] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: Right. But, you know, by that time our parents had already, you know, sanctioned their relationships.

[00:13:41] So it wasn’t like they could go back. Yeah. He

[00:13:43] put

[00:13:43] Raven Scott: on his chair, everyone was fine.

[00:13:44] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: He couldn’t really take it back. And in our state, 14 is legal age, age of consent it’s books from like 1700 nobody’s bothered to change it. So yeah. Yeah, I knew because I looked it up, , I was the one who was going to look that up.[00:14:00]

[00:14:00] , but yeah, so, you know, so we had the baby and he was really good and everything was great and wonderful and terrific. , and then I, you know, I had her 10 days before I started ninth grade and, , I went to high school and then 10th, 11th, and 12th grade. I went to high school half a day and nursing school half a day and took college classes.

[00:14:19] So I graduated from high school. The day before, the day after I graduated from nursing school. Wow. And that way I would be able to have a job for me and my child to be able to take care of my kid. Right. Because you know, you need to do that. And, , somewhere, uh, the summer between my 11th and 12th grade year, I finally realized that this is not me. , it was too, , it was actually, it was two suicide attempts I had had from the time I was 14. 17. And at the time that I finally had had enough, I weighed 98 pounds. I almost died from malnutrition because I was anorexic. [00:15:00] And, ,

[00:15:00] Raven Scott: he was still telling was from,

[00:15:03] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: and he would still tell me he would still tell me, he’s like, yo, you’re fat.

[00:15:07] You’re ugly. Who wants you? You’re smart. You’re too smart. Nobody wants a girl. That’s that smart. , so when I, when we were talking, because I was doing my SATs, you know, summer between 11th and 12th, grades, SATs, and you’re picking colleges and he said, you don’t need to go to college. You’re smart enough.

[00:15:27] What do you think you’re going to do with that? Anyone anyway, why would anybody want to hire. You already have a kid who cares about what, you know,

[00:15:37] Raven Scott: just so undercutting to your potential in your human beingness. Like you’re incredibly smart. Like I’m so impressed.

[00:15:45] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: It is. , he would tell me these things, but he would say them and they weren’t in an insidious way.

[00:15:52] They w they will. They were as if you were any advice. No. Cause he was [00:16:00] older and wiser and that, you know, I should listen to him and it felt like he was doing it out of love

[00:16:09] Raven Scott: because he’s another one that he knows best almost like a weird creepy fatherly figure. Like yes.

[00:16:15] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: Yes. And, but, but he would do it with.

[00:16:18] Yeah, I need you to understand that, you know, nobody likes a girl that’s smart. You’re not that pretty. So you’re lucky I’m here and I love you and I, you around as if that was supposed to, , you know, you know, Hey, you’re lucky I ha your hair, but it was sudden like this kind and loving way. And, but it was always the, if you hadn’t done this, or if only you had done this, if you.

[00:16:47] I would only do what I asked if you would just take care of the kids the way I want you to, if you would just clean the house when I tell you to, and he would leave little notes, have you cleaned the [00:17:00] bathroom lately? Clean it again, things like that. You know, like my to-do list and I was working full-time nights as a nurse and I was two little babies and at least I had one.

[00:17:13] And then, we had another one. And then we ended up getting married eventually and having a third one. And, we went, we moved from our apartment into a townhouse and then we wanted to move into this. I wanted to move into the single family home and I can remember walking through the house and I just felt like home.

[00:17:34] I walked in there and I was like, this is where I, this I can live here. This is me. And he turned to me and he said, this is a really big house. Do you think can keep it clean? Do you think you’re going to be able to be a good wife here? Because as soon as we got married and he had tried, he had, he had stopped, after the second baby was born, he had stopped for a while [00:18:00] and he had done really well.

And so I agreed to marry him because he had changed.

Dawn Ranae

[00:18:02] And so I agreed to marry him because he had changed. He was better. Yeah. And like, as soon as we got married, It started. He says, well, you’re the wife now a wife does this. A wife should know this. You should know, says now you’re my wife. How to take care of me? It’s four job care kids. It’s your job to make sure I have.

[00:18:30] And he would say things, but he would say them in such a gentle way as like he was guiding me and teaching me how to be the perfect wife, because I didn’t know how

[00:18:42] Raven Scott: get that tone very well. It’s like, I know best. I’m just trying to help you be a better person.

[00:18:46] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: Right. And, and it became, my identity was wrapped up in his and when it, when I did try to tell people, no, he, you know, he hurts me and I.

[00:18:58] W whenever that started, which [00:19:00] again, I don’t know. , but eventually it, and it was never anything he would like further remote control and it would hit me in the head or he through, , a vase, , with like this carved vase at me and it hit me in the back of the leg and it cut my leg open. , and he was like, if you had moved, it wouldn’t have hit.

[00:19:19] Raven Scott: Right. Constantly blaming shutting it off and insecurity of, oh crap. How am I going to pay for this big house is never going to be like a normal conversation. Like a healthy man would say, I’m not sure if we’re ready for this yet. Let’s save up some more. That would be the healthy reaction. The unhealthy narcissist reaction is you can’t handle this house.

[00:19:39] So therefore we can’t

[00:19:40] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: have it. I was actually making a lot more money than he was as

[00:19:44] Raven Scott: a nurse.

[00:19:48] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: And that’s when I had said after the third baby was born, I was like, really want to come back to school and get my degree. And he was like, , you make plenty of money. You don’t need [00:20:00] to make any more money and make me look any more bad. Yeah, I think that was probably it, but at the time I was like, oh, you know, I do make plenty of money and I can pay the mortgage and I can pay the car payments and I can pay for the preschool and you know, his money can buy groceries and pay for the healthcare.

[00:20:22] That’s fine because we are a couple in a partnership and our money is your money is my money, you know? , That wasn’t it. Wasn’t what I thought it was. , it got to be more and more degrading and more, uh, just constantly, no matter what I did. There was always something putting me down. And when I would talk to my girlfriends, because again, this is the only real relationship I’d been in and I would say, oh, this or that.

[00:20:51] And then I’d say, oh, he doesn’t say it. He didn’t mean it that way because he’s so sweet. He’s so nice. He put a roof on the neighbor’s house, but what they [00:21:00] didn’t know was that after you. In 85 degree weather and how put this roof on the house for the neighbor who his wife was, my friend, he came home and he said, this is all your fault.

[00:21:09] I blisters on my hands and knees from putting a roof on their house because you’re her friend. I had to help her husband. And now look at me, this is all your fault. And then that’s when the ugly would start and he’d pick me up and shove me into a wall or push me down the stairs or something. To that effect.

[00:21:33] And, , nobody would believe me because he was such a nice guy and he was so helpful and he did so many things for people, but I would always pay for. Every time, every time he would come home and I would pay for it because it was my fault that he had gotten into that. It was my fault that he didn’t get to go crabbing.

[00:21:53] He had to go stay on a roof because I was their friend and he had to play nice neighbor. , because I was [00:22:00] friends with the neighbors and like, it was the bad thing to meet your neighbors.

[00:22:04] Raven Scott: Do you hear how emotionally childish? They are? Like an adult would say. Not even offer first of all, if you don’t want to do it, or if someone asks a no, I’m really not an expert.

[00:22:15] I don’t want to ruin your roof. Like make something up, but say no, rather than pretend to be this really great person. First of all, to mask all the guilt of how you’re treating your wife and family masking your insecurities, like all these masks they have, and then they get resentful and take it out on the people in the privacy of their own home.

[00:22:37] It’s just,

[00:22:38] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: and like he, he punched a brick wall and broke his hand and immediately turned to me and said, this is all your fault. Look what you made me do. If you would not make me angry things like this wouldn’t happen. And that is. I remember that very distinctly and I think it [00:23:00] wasn’t long after that, that he started hitting me instead of walls.

[00:23:04] But I don’t really remember. I just remember feeling so guilty because I made him angry and then he heard it, then he got hurt and it was all my fault. And that, that was a mindset that I had. That was the self image that I had that. I had to try harder. I had to do better and make him happy all the time.

[00:23:25] So the kids had to be homework done and toys put away and bathed and ready to go. And his, when the garage door went up and his car came in the driveway in the garage at, after work, the dinner table was set. Dinner was ready. He would come in, wash his hands, sit at the table. The kids were there. Food would go on the table and everything was good.

[00:23:45] , and I began to realize. Just how wrong it was. When one day the kids were doing homework and we were playing with Play-Doh. Uh, my son was about three. We were playing a Play-Doh and we [00:24:00] had the radio on and we been dancing around in the kitchen. We had the broom and the dust pan, and he’s singing in it.

[00:24:06] Like it’s a microphone and you know, I’m dancing with the broom and, , my daughters are doing their homework and we had stopped and we’re just playing and having fun while dinner was cooking. And. The garage store went up and my three-year-old son, what daddy’s home. We have to clean up before he walks in and everybody stops.

[00:24:27] My three-year-old turned off the radio. My daughters gathered their homework and ran to their room and my son went and made sure all the dishes and everything were in the right place on the table and then got in his chair and was sitting there waiting for dad to come. And everything was quiet and everything was perfect.

[00:24:47] There was no dirt, no noise, no mess. And I looked at that and that’s when I realized that my kids were learning something horrible. And they w they were learning that it [00:25:00] wasn’t okay to be themselves. They were learning that they couldn’t be children. And I was hiding all. The what was going on with me, my kids didn’t know, but that’s when I realized that even though they weren’t seeing the abuse against me, they were still seeing how limited their, their debt, that, that this was how, how they were learning, that it wasn’t okay to be yourself.

we had a big argument and he told me to leave and I refuse to leave. And he took a handgun out of the closet and held us in my head and started pulling the trigger. And that’s when I left and I was 27 and this had been going on since I was 12.

Dawn

[00:25:26] It wasn’t okay to play music and dance in the kitchen and laugh and tell jokes. That’s what they were learning. And that is when I realized that’s not how I wanted to live. And when I confronted him about it, we had a big argument and he told me to leave and I refuse to leave. And he took a handgun out of the closet and held us in my head and started pulling the trigger.

[00:25:50] Oh my God. And that’s when I left and I was 27 and this had been going on since I was 12. Oh my gosh. [00:26:00]

[00:26:00] Raven Scott: Yeah, it’s just insidious. So.

[00:26:04] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: And when I look back, I can see all the signs and I I’m an intelligent learned person. Right. But this is what I would tell myself when my friends would say, oh my God, my husband got drunk and he’d beat me up and I’ve left him.

[00:26:19] And I would say, oh, I’m so proud of you. Good for you. And I would say, oh, but that’s not like my husband, he doesn’t get drunk and beat me up. He doesn’t, you know, he’s not a drunk. But then looking back, I realized that was worse because he didn’t have something altering his mind to have him be that way.

[00:26:37] It was worse because that was how he was toward me. Naturally. And that’s when I realized that this was bad, that this could go very bad. And when he held the gun to my head and pulled the trigger, I didn’t know if it was loaded or not. He said, I can put a bullet in your brain and hide the body and no one will even [00:27:00] care or notice that you’re gone.

[00:27:04] And that was my biggest fear that, that he was right. And

[00:27:08] Raven Scott: then your children would have

[00:27:09] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: no one to protect them.

[00:27:11] And there’ll be nobody there for my parent, for my kids, that nobody would protect them because nobody believed that he would do something horrible. Right. But it starts with the loving tone and giving the advice and just trying to help you be a better person and help you to be.

[00:27:32] What they want you to be, that you are in love with them. So you want to please them and you want to do what they want you to do, but when it comes to. Not being around your friends or you find yourself changing who you are, , giving up all your dreams for theirs, giving up all your friends for theirs.

[00:27:56] When you realize one day that [00:28:00] you’re not listening to the music you like, you’re not telling the jokes you want to tell. You’re not wearing the clothes that you want to buy. And where that, you know, you want pink hair, but you can’t because he would not approve. You want to punk rock out. Okay. It’s the eighties.

[00:28:18] You want to punk rock out because you are quirky and you are strange and you love all things, science and all things weird. I mean, I wanted to be on micro. I wanted to be a microbiologist and study mitochondrial DNA. Because I was convinced at the age of 10, that that was the key to viruses like aids and to cancer cells and Ms.

[00:28:44] And auto-immune illnesses. And guess what? Here we are 40 years later. And what I thought 40 years ago? Well, yeah, 40 years ago, what I thought I had, I had an idea for. [00:29:00] Real. Yeah. So now

[00:29:02] Raven Scott: what would you tell yourself at your 12 year old self? Because it started at 12. What would, what advice would you give you a 12 year old self?

be true to you because if you don’t take care of you. And let your light shine, then you’ve already lost. You’ve lost yourself and you are too precious to lose.

Dawn

[00:29:09] Now,

[00:29:11] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: if I could tell my 12 year old self, just one thing, it would be,

[00:29:19] be true to you because if you don’t take care of you. And let your light shine, then you’ve already lost. You’ve lost yourself and you are too precious to lose.

[00:29:41] Raven Scott: I love that. And you know, all my podcasts, I always say that, , keep your unique light shining because there’s another podcast I listen to about cults and she always says, guard your hearts, guard your minds because.

[00:29:56] No one else deserves to have control over it. They try [00:30:00] and they do, and they succeed as in your story for a time. But then there’s always a time where you wake up and you say, you know what, I’m done hiding my light. I’m done pleasing you because it’s not benefiting anybody.

[00:30:16] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: Well. And the other thing is that if it doesn’t feel right.

[00:30:21] If something seems off, if it doesn’t feel good, if they’re saying I love you as they squeeze you and whispering your ear, your mind, that doesn’t feel good, then it’s not good. I don’t care what the words are. I don’t care how soft and gently they’re whispered in your ear. It’s not. Feeling good, then it’s not good for you.

[00:30:45] And that’s the thing, the hardest one to follow because you desperately want the words to mean what they sound like, they name the way that they’re delivered, but it’s the way they make you [00:31:00] feel. If they make you feel scared, if they make you feel like you’re going to cringe. And I would do that, I would tense up because I was waiting for the punch to come.

[00:31:09] The Y the words were kind and loving, but I was waiting because I knew what was coming next. If that’s what you live, that’s wrong. That’s not right. You need. You make time to get out

[00:31:23] Raven Scott: safely. Yeah.

[00:31:25] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: You need to tell someone that can help you.

[00:31:27] Raven Scott: I would say professionals because all the friends of family will be convinced that like you said, like everyone thought he was a great guy and you get frustrated, you hit a wall, find a professional

[00:31:37] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: to help.

[00:31:38] Yes, go to a school counselor, go to, you know, go to the police department and go to a fire department. I don’t care where you go there, people, but go where there are people who are, , obligated to, to report it. They’re obligated reporters. As a nurse, I am obligated to report. Anything I see, [00:32:00] or suspect, or it’s told me.

[00:32:01] So you want to go to people who are obligated by the law to, to report it and to follow up with the appropriate people. They can get you to lady women’s shelters. There are shelters for women and children. There are emergency shelters that nobody knows where they are. Nobody, nobody.

[00:32:21] Raven Scott: I love the end Maid on Netflix.

[00:32:23] You haven’t seen

[00:32:23] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: it. You need to buy have it. It’s in my list because it’s one of those things that, yeah, it’s a trigger. , there are, there are shows and I start to watch them. I think I can do this. And then I can’t right. And here I am. I

[00:32:36] Raven Scott: feel it’s too

[00:32:37] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: real. Yeah, yeah, I’m fit. I’m 56 and sometimes they’ll say, or do something in a movie or a TV program.

[00:32:46] And I am 12. I am 14 and I am terrified and it, it doesn’t last long, but it’s enough to throw me off and really question so many [00:33:00] decisions, , that I made. And, you know, if I could’ve done it different. And my way of reconciling that is by talking about it, my way of doing it better is by trying to make sure other people don’t live in the made me cry.

[00:33:16] Me too. Yeah. , the, someone had said to me that, , me talking about the things that have happened in my life, , was, sounded like I was like making a fool of myself. And that’s just the shadow. I’m not making a fool of myself and if I am that’s okay. I’m okay with that. What I am doing is I’m trying to shine lights, bring to light things that people know have been going on for years, but they don’t really talk about, and I want people to know they’re not alone.

[00:33:52] Girls. I mean, when girls from the age of 10 and 12 are experiencing these relationships and are trying [00:34:00] to commit suicide and, and, and they’re successful. And, and they’re, you know, 10, 12, 14 year olds who have been abused and, and they’re trying to commit suicide. And then I don’t want anyone to do that.

[00:34:15] I don’t want anyone. If I can save, if I can get one person to just stop and reevaluate and make a change, then me telling my story.

[00:34:27] Raven Scott: It’s not a fool. That is the person who ever said that, the ego, the fear and the shadow, trying to stop you. And don’t

[00:34:35] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: tell the stories for me, you know, it doesn’t, you know, , I’m ashamed of them.

[00:34:40] Actually, I am ashamed that I didn’t do better, that I didn’t see sooner that I let it happen for so long that I expose my children to this. I’m ashamed that I didn’t make better choices for me and my kids for so long. But if I hide it that shame, if I hide behind it, [00:35:00] that doesn’t help anyone. And that’s, I feel like I’m my purpose.

[00:35:05] In life is to make sure that the lessons I’ve learned aren’t repeated by others. If I can, in some small way, give courage to someone than everything I’ve gone through is worth it.

[00:35:20] Raven Scott: I am on the same page with you. I think you’re so brave and sharing it. I appreciate you sharing that. And thank you so much for being here.

[00:35:29] I want to reiterate one thing that you had said about feeling in your body. Cause I know it’s very hard and it, it sounds okay. What does that mean? Like feel in my body, how does it feel? And so many times I think that’s where the battle is with the narcissist and the impact or the nice person or whatever you want to call.

[00:35:51] Is in the mind, but if you can remove yourself from justifying and the mind, right. Listening to their lies, buying into what they’re saying to you in your [00:36:00] thoughts and go into your gut, like you said, in your body, how does it feel in your heart? You know, like you said, I love you. Well, if your body goes, oh, when they say I love you.

[00:36:12] Okay. That’s you need to listen to that. I’m justifying it in their head. Yeah. Then

[00:36:18] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: I love you hurts.

[00:36:21] Raven Scott: Right? I love you

[00:36:22] should not not hurt.

[00:36:23] Dawn Ranae Hanlon: Yeah. When, when they whisper, I love you and give you should a hug and your. In pain and fear, that is a gut reaction. That is a visceral reaction that you need to pay attention to. And I think we do justify it away and rationalize it away.

[00:36:45] And we’re made to feel like what we’re feeling. Isn’t real, but here’s the thing, whatever you feel. No one can tell you is wrong because it’s your feelings and your feelings are always. Right and true for you. So [00:37:00] follow them.

[00:37:01] Going to close on that because I want you to get more from her on her Facebook lives.

[00:37:06] , Dawn Hanlin on Facebook and I want you to go and listen to her podcast. She is such a wealth of wisdom. , just, she’s such a brave and bright soul. I really appreciate you being here on the show and her podcast is called beautifully broken by DAwn Renee. So go find that and subscribe. Please reach out to us.

[00:37:26] We’re here to help you comment below any of your thoughts, questions. We’re here to answer them and be here with you. Thank you so much, Dawn

[00:37:35] Thank

[00:37:35] you. And I’m so glad that you had me on

[00:37:38] Raven Scott: I’m so glad you’re here. You are here. The beautiful.

[00:37:41] If this resonated with you, please take a screenshot and share to directly to a friend who you know, is in need. If you, or anyone that you know is in danger and domestic violence. Please call the 1-800-HOTLINE national domestic violence [00:38:00] hotline is 8007 9 9 7 2 3 3. 1 8007 9 9 7 2 3 3. Thank you for tuning in today. Today’s podcast.

[00:38:15] You are a blessing. If this has impacted you, please write a review rate and on the apple podcast, again, share it with a friend, spread the word. So we can impact and end. Domestic violence, narcissist abuse. Anyone preying on someone who has low self esteem or just is so.

[00:38:36] malleable and young.

[00:38:39] And the suffering now. And remember. Always keep your unique light, shining.

We truly want every single soul to know that they are supported and empowered in their soul’s journey. You are unique and are here for a particular purpose …
🌈Raven Scott Author and YouTuber/Podcaster, and Jessica Schiller Silverman have joined together to create a beautiful community for you to grow and be spiritually supported and together join and lean into our self care and self empowerment.

This collective membership on Patreon aligned so divinely in flow! 

  • We draw tarot cards and share intuition + wisdom you need to hear in that moment. 
  • We hold quiet space for your meditations and spiritual connections. 
  • We upload exclusive content and you gain early access to all our amazing guests and podcast we both create! From the Raven Scott Girl Talk Show and from the ALIVE podcast. 
  • We join together and share what’s on our hearts and teach wisdom for your heart’s nourishment during these trying times. 
  • We host live Q&A on anything spiritual, tarot, human design, or moonbeam related. 

How to master your boundaries:

  • Envision yourself saying NO
  • Feel the power of your self sovereignty
  • Dream of yourself saying NO
  • Step into your courage, pushing through fear, and taking action to say NO.
  • Be detached with the others emotional response (which may be like a child’s temper tantrum)

Raven’s Book

Over the past decade Raven Scott has first, exited an abusive relationship, then found her healing and renewal through the very tools she shares in this book. This “incredibly relatable story is a healing guide that weaves a story of an empath growing up, struggling with codependency, and loving a narcissist. It guides you in transforming yourself from low self esteem, PTSD, emotional abuse, to a strong, confident, and renewed soul.
PLUS! It includes a bonus chapter on the basic overview of Human Design -Your soul’s unique blueprint.
Grab your copy of this book on SALE today! available on Amazon NOW!
Don’t take my word for it. Listen to this 1 of many reviews:
“This guide book is clearly written to serve those committed to healing and honoring their highest nature. this book is A must read on your self discovery journey!” – Abigail Gazda

And make sure to grab your Raven Scott Show Swag in the link below. She’s designed some fashionable tote bags, shirts, stickers, and coffee mugs you would be proud to wear around your friends.

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.”

-Brene Brown
What’s missing in your life right now? comment below.
There is one thing I know… is this.

when you are controlled by a narcissist you will never reach your true potential as a beautiful human being. There is hope though! You are here to elevate the collective and evolve in your souls journey. The dark egoistic people are drawn to your empathic light – like a moth to the light.

Raven Scott
What relief tip from this show are you going to start today? Let me know in comments below.

I know what I’m doing. I am running and listening to my Peloton app coaches. It’s a physical and spiritual coaching session every time. What are you doing?

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Join us in the Soul Collective Communityhttps://www.patreon.com/soulcollective9

We truly want every single soul to know that they are supported and empowered in their soul’s journey. You are unique and are here for a particular purpose …
🌈Raven Scott Author and YouTuber/Podcaster, and Jessica Schiller Silverman have joined together to create a beautiful community for you to grow and be spiritually supported and together join and lean into our self care and self empowerment.

This collective membership on Patreon aligned so divinely in flow! 

  • We draw tarot cards and share intuition + wisdom you need to hear in that moment. 
  • We hold quiet space for your meditations and spiritual connections. 
  • We upload exclusive content and you gain early access to all our amazing guests and podcast we both create! From the Raven Scott Girl Talk Show and from the ALIVE podcast. 
  • We join together and share what’s on our hearts and teach wisdom for your heart’s nourishment during these trying times. 
  • We host live Q&A on anything spiritual, tarot, human design, or moonbeam related. 

“I salute the Divinity in you.”

– Indian brotherhood
Raven Scott

Raven Scott is providing women, who are feeling lost and alone in their journey, a community to kick ass as we become empowered together while healing from childhood trauma, abusive relationships, or plain old life, and awaken to rewrite our karmic story. Through astrology, self care, human design, & intuition.
We are energetically clearing ancestral patterns one step at a time to find our power and potential through healing so you can live empowered the unique loved individual you desire to be. Topics covered: Self development, Human design, Astrology, tarot, meditative thoughts, intuitive message from spirit, and expert guests sharing different spiritual healing modalities.
Your host and Patreon Community mentor, Raven Scott, is a narcissitic abuse survivor, author of Empath and The Narcissist: A Healing Guide for People Pleasers. And also is a Certified Meditation Teacher. Join us on http://Patreon.com/soulcollective9

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Published by Raven Scott

As an international author, narcissist abuse recovering coach, Podcast host of Empath & Narcissist and creator of healing workshops. She is dispelling the narcissists' power one soul at a time.

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