You’re done with the red flags, right? But now what do we do? What do we trust?
This is the biggest thing after narcissistic abuse, is the lack of trust in ourselves. And I wanna ask you a question. What were, or maybe still are the consequences for settling for red flags in your relationship?
Green flags are positive traits or signs that indicate a healthy and positive relationship with the people in your life. Learn the 10 Green flags of a healthy relationship in this episode.
Here are some key moments:
- What are green flags?
- Narcissist red flag examples v. Green flag examples
- The 10 green flags of a healthy relationship:
Green flags are positive signs or traits that indicate healthy and positive relationships with people in your life. These flags suggest that the person is supportive, trustworthy, and brings positivity to your life. Here are some green flags to look for in people:
- Good communication skills: They actively listen to you, respect your opinions, and express themselves clearly. They are open to discussing concerns and resolving conflicts in a respectful manner.
- Trustworthiness: They keep their promises and are reliable. You feel comfortable confiding in them and know they will maintain confidentiality.
- Empathy and compassion: They show genuine concern for your well-being and demonstrate empathy towards your feelings. They offer support and understanding when you’re going through challenging times.
- Respectful and non-judgmental: They respect your boundaries, values, and choices without imposing their own beliefs on you. They accept you for who you are without judging or criticizing.
- Supportive nature: They encourage your personal growth and celebrate your achievements. They offer help and encouragement during difficult times, and their presence makes you feel supported.
- Positive energy: They radiate positivity and have a generally optimistic outlook. Being around them uplifts your mood, and they inspire you to see the bright side of things.
- Reliability: They are dependable and follow through on their commitments. You can count on them to be there when you need them, and they prioritize your well-being.
- Mutual respect and equality: They view your relationship as a partnership based on equality, where both parties’ opinions and needs are valued. They treat you with respect, kindness, and fairness.
- Healthy boundaries: They understand and respect personal boundaries. They communicate their own boundaries clearly and are receptive to yours. They don’t try to control or manipulate you.
- Shared values and interests: You have common values, goals, or interests that create a strong foundation for your relationship. This shared connection can deepen your bond and promote mutual understanding.
Remember, green flags may vary based on individual preferences and the nature of your relationship. These indicators can help you identify healthy and positive dynamics in your interactions with others.
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84. 10 Green Flags of a healthy relationship. Don’t settle for Red Flags from Narcissists.
84. 10 Green Flags of a healthy relationship. Don’t settle for Red Flags from Narcissists.
[00:00:00] Raven: Welcome to the Empath and the Narcissist podcast, where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse. I am your host Raven Scott,
a trauma informed spiritual mentor, certified meditation teacher, and human design expert. I’m empowering empaths in recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse childhood trauma through human design self-care mindfulness advice and expert interviews Subscribe now This is season five episode 84, green Flags, signs of a Healthy Relationship, . You’re done with the red flags, right? But now what do we do? What do we trust?
This is the biggest thing after narcissistic abuse, is the lack of trust in ourselves. And I wanna ask you a question. What were, or maybe still are the consequences for settling for red flags in your relationship? Because I know you have the power within you to stop settling for these red flags. Maybe they’re normal, right?
Maybe that’s an excuse. So it’s like I was just raised that way. Well, now you know , you have awareness and now you can step into your power and really lean into people who give you green flags, and this is what we’re talking about today. Just to cover what green flags are, just to be very clear, green flags are positive traits or signs that indicate a healthy and positive relationship with the people in your life.
These flags suggest that the person is supportive, mature, emotionally trustworthy, brings positivity to your life, and really holds space for reciprocation in the relationship. So we’re gonna go over these green flags and we’re gonna go one by one.
So number one is good communication skills. This is something that we all work, need to work on and struggle with. However, if you are informing, if you are telling somebody beforehand, if you are saying, oh, hey, by the way, or, Using I statements, which are an emotionally mature way of communicating is when you do this, I feel using I statements is really important and it is good communication versus I know we all have experienced this.
What the narcissist does is they blame and project and they shift everything away from taking any responsibility and. How does that serve anybody? It doesn’t all but it does serve them cuz they don’t have to take responsibility. But it’s toxic and it’s non-communicative and it’s crazy making and it’s abusive and it’s definitely a red flag.
And what we’re doing is we’re avoiding red flags. Good communication skills is imperative in a relationship because things happen, surprises happen, struggles happen. And in order for you to really. Be able to move through and strengthen through difficult times. It requires good communication. That means the other person is actively listening to you, so they’re not scrolling on their phone, watching TV while you’re talking, or not giving you eye contact.
They are actually actively listening and then repeating back to you what they just heard to clarify that that is what they heard and that was correct. We all have a different way of communicating. We, we have mercury in all different, there’s 12 different options. Mercury can be in a zodiac sign in your chart, which guides communication, how you communicate, what, what you value in communication.
And then there’s so many other aspects of other planets that may be activating your particular natal mercury. Just to give you an idea of how the energy works. You have mercury in a different gate. In your human design, you have either an open throat chakra or you have either a defined throat chakra center in the human design chart.
And so all of this plays into, we just have to make sure we’re actively communicating and repeating back so we really clearly understand what. The point is trying to become a cross, and the only way you can do that is if you actually care about what the other person is saying and you’re mature enough to hold space for what the other person is saying without your ego getting offended.
This is the biggest part of the narcissism, is the ego gets offended and then therefore attacks versus just listening and be like, okay, I hear you, and not taking it personally. That’s good communication skills. They respect your opinions. They don’t just shut it down right away and lecture you for an hour on why your opinion doesn’t matter.
That’s what the narcissist does. That’s a red flag versus a green flag respecting your opinions and expressing themselves. Clearly that means they’re not acting like a baby and. Talking in riddles and rhymes or slandering you or putting you down when they’re trying to get their point across, you don’t have to judge someone in order to get your point across.
So they also in a green flag of good communication skills, they’re open to discussing concerns and resolving conflicts in a respectful manner. Respectful meaning again, no judgment either. You’re not putting the other person down. You’re respecting their being, their emotions, their ideas that those are viable, but also being able to express how they feel.
Again, with I statements. The ego and the dark shadow part of communication loves to point the finger, loves to say, you do this or you always it. Al it talks in extremes. You never, you always, these are red flags in a communication skill. Green flags is, I see that you’re really upset and yes, when you do that, it also upsets me, I feel.
Hurt. I feel sad. I feel angry when you do this or say this. So moving forward, is it possible for you to work on, let’s say it’s a something in the house, putting away the dishes versus leaving them in the sink, right? There’s lots of different ways we can have conflict, even in the minor household tasks.
So these are different ways that you can have good communication skills. Examples of a green flag. Number two is trustworthiness. Of course, this is a really, obviously a triggering one for all of us who have experienced the red flag of the lies and the deception, the manipulation, and the secrets that the narcissists holds.
Sometimes narcissists are cheating on you, and they have other lovers, secretly in the background. They have a addictive, bad, toxic habit that they hide an addiction. They have a whole other family. You just, you just never know, right? The trustworthiness with a narcissist is pretty much at zero. A green flag is this person is trustworthy.
They keep their promises, so their words match up to their actions. They have nothing to hide. They will show you, they’ll, they’ll let you go into their phone, show you everything that’s there. They will not hide anything. They’re very reliable and you feel comfortable confiding in them. And know that they will maintain confidentiality again through the actions, cuz there won’t be a negative reciprocation of let’s say your sibling or your parent coming back to you and saying, why did you say this and da, da da da da.
And they’re getting, they’re getting really mad because the other person did not keep your secret confide in just the emotions you’re feeling in the moment. Sometimes we. Need someone trustworthy? Not sometimes. Always. We need at least one person trustworthy, that we can divulge our innermost shadow to the things that we’re worried about, that we fear about, that we’re just plain frustrated with.
And it’s easier to , get it out and maybe not a completely healthy way, like perfectly. Filtered versus being, in that conflict with the other person. And we always tend to put a bit of filter on to make sure that they’re not hurt by our, what our lawyer, we are saying that we don’t upset them too much, which could also be a bit of a, a work in progress on us.
People pleasing empaths, the ones, the impas who are still, we’re still people pleasing to work on that. But you, you need someone, right? A green flag is that they’re trustworthy, that you can. Spill all the beans and they will hold space for you and not gossip to someone else, which I feel like in a lot of toxic family units, this is what divides and creates a lot of division, is gossip and untrustworthy communication amongst family members.
Now, green flag always look at their trustworthiness. And our intuition knows. We sense it, we know it. So I gave you few examples, but it really goes back to your gut, your intuition and how you feel about it. Number three, they have empathy and compassion. I think we can hands down, say the red flag with a narcissist is they, they have zero empathy.
It’s actually part of the definition. And the DSM is that they cannot contain empathy for others because they are so self-centered and self-focused that they can’t see the forest for the trees. All they see is their own insecurities, their own mask to cover all that up. So they have. No capacity for empathy and therefore they have no capacity for compassion.
And this is where the abuse comes into play, is their projection and their verbal assaults to manipulate and to maneuver away from any, insecurities. They have responsibilities of wrongdoings they have done. And the green flag is this person can hold space for you. They can have empathy. When you have empathy, you actually, even if.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You still say, I’m so sorry that you feel like that, or, I’m so sorry that that happened to you because you have empathy. You, you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes and be like, that really would suck if that happened to me too. And if you care and you love for that person, then you’re gonna say, I’m sorry that that is happening.
That sucks. Right? And having compassion to hold space for you while you’re going through a difficult time. These are all green flags. Of emotional maturity and they show you genuine concern for your wellbeing. And you know what’s even interesting too, is they think about your situation or they, they think about the concern they have for you beyond when they’re just with you and talking to you.
They’re thinking like, oh, well this solution could be really great for them, or What about this, and. And then they come back and they present to you like, I was thinking about the scenario and what if you think about this option and it’s a collaborative conversation and a collaborative relationship that’s really for your wellbeing and you would reciprocate and you do the same for them.
This is a green flag. They demonstrate empathy towards your feelings, like I just said, and they offer support, understanding when you’re going through challenging times. I think all of us who have experienced a narcissist discard can say the red flag is they are not there for you in challenging times, versus someone who’s healthy for you will be there by your side knowing they can’t fix anything, but they’re still gonna sit next to you and hold your hand and hold compassion for you in this trying time.
That’s a green flag. That’s someone to keep by your side for sure. Number four is respectful and non-judgmental. Oh yeah, that’s true. Respectful and non-judgmental is, again, something quite opposite of the narcissist because they’re so self-centered. They’re holding their, their cards close to their heart.
They have a heart, huge heart wall up. They are just in their shadow. They’re always judgemental. They will judge everyone around them. This is a red flag. Someone who judges people all around them, especially if, especially at the beginning when they’re not judging you, but they’re judging everyone else. Oh, be prepared.
They will judge you too eventually. So the green flag is, they respect people’s boundaries. They respect other people’s values and choices without imposing their own beliefs on them. You can see this glaring, disproportionate ideas about, imposing laws on people’s beliefs and identities and their own actual medical, procedures from these very self-centered.
Hard, ideological, selfish narcissist. And they’re just, they’re covert cuz they’re opposing it under a particular religious, forum. Okay. So respecting, other people’s just, you do you right? That’s a great phrase to know. Ooh, that person just said you, do you? Yeah. That’s a green flag. I’m gonna have this person in my life.
Versus someone who tells you what to wear, tells you how to talk, tells you what to believe. Obviously, supports those who are passing laws of telling you what to do with your body or not to do with your body, and taking away your rights. All of those things, they’re not respecting the other person’s choices.
They’re not even having any empathy to know what’s going on in the other person’s life. And values, et cetera, right? , we’ve all sat there with a narcissist who have just talked on and on about what they believe is true and how yours is not, and they just judge you for doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing or believing the wrong thing.
So the green flag is that they accept you for who you are, unconditionally, unconditionally. We’re the narcissist. We all know it’s everything is transactional and conditional. So they accept you for who you are without judging you or criticizing you. You want short hair? Go for it. Awesome. That’s amazing.
They celebrate differences. They celebrate your individualities in the relationship. This is a green flag and a relationship. Number five is a supportive nature. This goes in hand, in hand with what we just talked about of, non-judgmental and respecting. Then there have a supportive nature. They encourage your personal growth and celebrate your achievements, celebrate your differences.
Celebrate, even the tiny achievements because they’ve been seeing you struggle for so long. They offer help and encouragement during difficult times. And their presence makes you feel supported. So this sounds a lot like us, right? As empaths contributing to the narcissists. And just to let it is not normal for one side to be contributing this encouragement and support and, sharing and, and celebrating achievements.
And then the other side, not. That is a red flag that the other side can’t do that for you. You deserve that too. And there are people in the world that have the emotional capacity to support and love you just as you support and love the narcissist you deserve better. Just saying. So then we have number six, positive energy.
Of course, positive energy. That seems quite. Self-explanatory, however, let’s just cover it. When you feel good around somebody that radiates positivity and they generally have an optimistic outlook, that’s a green flag. I think at first we have compassion or a bit of like a, a saving syndrome with a narcissist who plays the victim and says, especially the beginning of relationship, they say, Oh, my ex was a crazy cheater like crazy, right?
Right. It’s never, two people have made a relationship be destructive, so they pawn off their responsibility and push it off to the ex, and you’re like, oh, that’s so sad. I’m so sorry that you had experienced such a bad person when in reality that bad person is sitting right in front of you. But it’s this like victimhood and blaming and just like blah, just.
It’s not positive, it’s just negative and, and self-loathing and stuff like that. So this is a red flag when they’re like that. Just like down and playing the victim. If someone, even us a victim of real abuse, we come out of it saying, you know what that was for? I don’t know why. I don’t know what the heck just happened, but I know that I’m gonna grow from it.
I know that it’s for some greater good. I know it was a lesson, right? It didn’t happen to me. It happened for me. That positive energy, that radiating of positivity is a green flag in someone. So I think this is the the easiest way that narcissists catch us. Is in this victim playing. So be careful with those who are playing the victim too much.
They are not actually in the growth mindset and radiating that positivity, you know? And you just feel it. You feel like, wow, whenever I’m around this person, I really feel good. I feel uplifted versus feeling drained. That’s another a flag. So it’s, you’re drained. It’s a red flag. You’re feeling good and uplifted in the bright side of a mood.
That’s a green flag. Absolutely. Number seven, reliability. They are dependable and follow through on their commitments. You can count on them to be there when you need them, and they prioritize your wellbeing. Ah, we all can say that that’s not what we’ve experienced with a narcissist. The narcissist prioritizes their own wellbeing, not your wellbeing, and you can’t count on them.
They will always fail you when you need them the most. So knowing that you deserve more and there are dependable and reliable people out there in the world for you, they’re there and you deserve them. Number eight, mutual respect and equality. This is huge. It’s just the reciprocation part is the green flag and a healthy relationship.
They view your relationship as a partnership based on equality. You’re not. Something to control. You’re not a toy. You’re not somebody who is lesser, when in reality they’re feeling lesser, but they put you down to make sure that they don’t expose any of their insecurities or feel any of that pain in the partnership.
In this healthy relationship, that green flag is your needs are valued and you value their needs. They treat you with respect, kindness, and fairness, and you do the same and it just. Goes to show that you have to not always believe the lies and the words said to you in a relationship, you have to go on what their actions show you and when there’s mutual respect, their actions show you that they do respect you, they love you, and they treat you as equal.
Number nine, healthy boundaries. They understand and respect your personal boundaries. They don’t try and push it. They don’t convince you. They don’t guilt you into, oh, that’s a dumb, boundary. They don’t call it a boundary, but they say like, well, that’s dumb. Or, come on. Right. A healthy person with a, that’s a green flag, will never say, come on, just, just this one, sir.
Just a little bit this way. They’ll never push. They will always. Hands up. Say, okay, I understand. What would you like to do now? Right? Shifting away from something they may have not even known, right? We’re always learning each other’s boundaries in relationships and experiences, and they also communicate their own boundaries clearly and are receptive to yours.
It’s really just a matter of they don’t try to control and manipulate you. I know, I know that sounds pretty like, duh. But when we have been manipulated by a narcissist, it’s just you the whole time. They make you feel crazy and guilty and like that. Manipulation is normal and you are the bad person and you’re dumb and all the things they do to mess up with your brain wires.
And they twist all the words around. , I get it, that we really need to hone in on if someone is not respecting your boundaries, and that can be in a form of they don’t move their body away from the stance. They don’t, remove the idea or pushing, pushing, they, they just, they hear you and they say, okay, and they pivot right.
But if one is trying to control you, manipulate, they’re not gonna say, okay, and pivot. They’re gonna keep pushing and pushing. So the green flag is they have healthy boundaries and they respect your boundaries as well. And the last green flag that you’re in a healthy relationship or you’re dealing with a mature, healthy human being.
Is that you share values and interests together. This we talked about in the soulmate episode as well, a twin flame versus a soulmate. And with a soulmate, you automatically have shared values and interests. You have a common values and goals that are in alignment that just click. And , because of all the things listed above, if you have all of those, even as values, Then yes, you are in alignment with your values, but so much more down to, just little relatable things, aspects about personalities and or things you do in life and the nature of your relationship just bonds even more because you have those shared values and interests.
Like let’s say for instance, this month is gay pride. My soulmate and I both value, love is love doesn’t matter. No judgment, right? They’re just different aspects and things like that In your relationship. Maybe you both value hot foods that were like exotic foods, and that’s fun too, to be able to bond and experience together.
What I’ve found in a narcissist relationship with a narcissist is that you are dealing with a child, right? So it’s like if you value adventurous food, The narcissist won’t mo most common. I’m not gonna just like go across the board that narcissists don’t eat adventurously, but a lot of them eat very simply and they’re very picky eaters it reply and email me if this resonates with you. But that’s true that they’re picky eaters and so. It’s just another red flag. I’d be like, oh, like, oh, like don’t compromise. If you really value adventurous food, and they don’t. And that’s always gonna be like a really hard gritting thing are in the relationship.
That just may be a peek into other aspects. You need to take a look into their personality. But anyways, diverting from the picky eaters and adventurous eaters, it’s just one example of the shared values in that relationship. And it really helps when you have a shared connection versus you being the parent and them being a victim, which tends to be that empath, narcissist, play it really, again, you deserve it.
It’s out there. Don’t be afraid to wait for it and to find it you. That there is a connection for you, a soulmate connection that is. There at a as a deep bond and those shared values and interests deepen the bond and the relationship and interactions together and of course with others. So yeah, I just wanna just share in conclusion that.
It really starts within us. The, the transformative journey starts within us that we deserve this, we deserve the green flags. And yes, you are worthy no matter how much the narcissist has brainwashed you, I am telling you, you are worthy of a relationship full of green flags. So I, I highly encourage you to lean into unlocking all of these.
Aspects that I just talked about, and really bringing your awareness to the forefront and not pushing them off to the side and thinking that there’s no big deal and it won’t become a problem later cuz that’s just sweeping. Sweeping a whole bunch of bugs, cockroaches under the rug, and then all of a sudden you have an infestation, right?
And you are now in an abusive relationship cuz you’ve avoided. All of these red flags are not held out for the green flags in a relationship. So embrace your knowledge, embrace your awareness, embrace your empath intuition, and make sure that you shine your light out to those in the world no matter who they are.
But you put up your screen and you close your back door centers and your human design chart, whichever ones are open. Two, the narcissist influencing them and you amplifying their agenda and manipulation and keeping them out by locking those doors, screening yourself up, protecting yourself with the empath or a protection shield and saying, Hey, I’m not gonna settle for these red flags.
I’m only gonna tune into people who have these green flags. And yes, 10 sounds like a lot, but if they have five, To six, I would say that’s healthy, and if they’re willing to work on the other four, perfect. But more than likely, when they have the majority, they have them all and they’re willing to work on their ego a bit and shift the other couples.
Yes, but we can’t speak for them. We can only control ourselves. So make sure you watch out for these green flags and know that you are worthy and unique and to keep your unique light shining. Tune in Tuesday,
we’ll have another beautiful soul subscriber’s chart red, and we’re gonna be going over. I am a generator. Now what do I do? What does that mean? We covered last Tuesday. I am a manifesting generator. Now what? So go take a listen. If you know you are a manifesting generator, if you don’t know what your human design type is, I invite you in to join our empath healing community.
If you wanna gain personal help and clarity. Your authentic power back and healing to be rid of the narcissist for good. Then join our empath community in the link in the show notes here in the description, and you’ll receive weekly inspiration and strategies to heal from narcissist abuse, and understand your unique human design chart blueprint.
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And remember, always key. You’re you unique, light shining.
Losing time, I’m fade in fast. I just wanna make it last. Try to let go of the past. I close my eyes. Embrace the blast. Sleepless nights and headache restlessness to hell and back. What’s my purpose? But do I grab a slippery resu surface, a heart attack? Sometimes you just gotta something that’ll give you relief.
What we’re broken. It’s tragic. We’re not all elastic, but maybe there’s magic. Believe you could have it.