Do you find you are on edge and hard to trust again in relationships?
In this eye-opening episode, I share the common yet labeled “crazy” behaviors of survivors of Narcissistic abuse. Join me as I unravel the complexities of life after narcissistic relationships and explore the coping mechanisms that emerge from the shadows of trauma.
Victims of Narcissistic abuse often develop unique coping mechanisms and behaviors as a result of the trauma they endured. In this blog, we’ll explore four peculiar behaviors exhibited by Narcissistic abuse survivors that may seem unusual to those unfamiliar with the intricacies of their experiences.
And it’ll you’re like me, they will be all too familiar.
In this episode I share:
- Being Hypervigilant about Red Flags can be a negative ( a bit)
- Self-Isolation can lead to self loathing and loneliness
- Issues with Boundaries (sometimes you have none, other times you have too many)
- Jumping into Relationships Fast for Love and Validation ( I share my story)
I remember over blaming my husband when we had a rough patch while healing from the abuse form my previous relationship, and it wasn’t Helping us find a solution to remedy our relationship.Raven Scott Nguyen
Tune in to this thought-provoking episode as I share my story and share with you our shared peculiar traits of narcissistic abuse survivors and how knowing Human Design can help you heal.
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4 Weird Behaviors of Narcissistic Abuse Survivors
4 Weird Behaviors of Narcissistic Abuse Survivors
[00:00:00] Raven: .
Welcome back to Healing with Raven Scott with Human Design from Narcissistic Abuse. So today I was Contemplating about creating a video for you based off of a conversation My husband and I were having yesterday and he was thinking back on all the crazy times when we were first dating I was all over the place.
I had literally just exited my relationship from my narcissistic abusive partner, I met him two weeks later and we dove deep into a love relationship, which is one of the things I’m going to share with you today. So I’m sharing with you my stories that I’m sure will be relatable and I’m also sharing with you the four behaviors that empaths or survivors of narcissistic abuse, do.
That look crazy to other people on the outside and in hindsight, when you look back, Hey, I’m a guy we’re laughing so much. I was crazy. I was all over the place. But I give myself grace and I laugh at myself only because I know it was a product of the crazy making that narcissistic abuse does to a human’s psyche.
So let’s dive into this today.
Number one, hypervigilance.
Empaths, after experiencing narcissistic abuse, then start to look for the red flags in everything, in everybody, which I also did. And I did all the way up through maybe a year ago, and I’ve been out for 12 years. So it takes a long time, but I would say, wouldn’t it be better to be vigilant about the red flags?
And live in peace versus being open and naive and not vigilant enough. I think the hypervigilance is a defense mechanism because I know for me, I did not want to experience that ever again. And I think it’s wise to make sure that you have that filter up. As in past, we’re so absorbable, we’re so impressionable and kind hearted.
And we miss all of the, well, very cunning signs. That a narcissist can do. So once you leave, of course, you become very hypervigilant. And I always advise people to try and have a balance and put people who feel a bit off to you on the outside circles. A lot of us have been going no contact and cutting a lot of people out, which I feel can go too far.
But, it’s important to remember that you know best whom you need to reduce to spend time around. That’s. Plain and simple. Use your inner authority, use your,
use your inner authority and use your intuition to know if you need to cut ties with somebody.
I would also note that running away physically from a narcissist isn’t always the end all cure all from removing yourself from that energy. There can be energetic cords that are bonded to your spirit from their spirit that they’ve hooked into you. So you need to have an energy healer. I had my cords removed by Madhvi.
She is the emotion code and body code and she helped me remove those cords. I had no idea were there because they’re invisible and that really has been a huge weight lifted off of me. I don’t have as many nightmares anymore connected directly to him. I used to always enter my dreams, even still 11 years later, it’s that spirit, right?
So take a good look and get that hygiene cleared out and make sure that you are of course being vigilant. Hypervigilance just means that you may not, you know, like for me, I regret cutting ties with. My family because I felt like they were just so narcissistic, but in the end, it’s just kind of a clash of communication Maybe what they feel comfortable around what they don’t feel comfortable around and so it’s more of an emotional intelligence issue than a narcissistic issue And we’re just on different pages.
We’re on different chapters of our lives and that’s normal too. So I think hopefully this year and moving forward, we can be a little bit less label y of they’re a narcissist. And I think people are switching to toxic, which kind of is the same thing. So it’s like, just evaluate your own situation, evaluate, okay, I’m not going to completely cut this person out at the moment, but let’s just take a huge step back and then kind of test the waters as you heal and as you grow.
That’s just what I’ve done. That’s my advice. And I know everyone has their own timing in their journey. So be mindful of that as well. You may not be where I’m at. And you’re like, no way, Raven, I’m not going to do that. They are out of my life for good. I would just say, never say never. But for sure, my ex, whom I left, he is out of my life for good forever.
And his family. Which I thought would never happen. But that had to happen.
. So The next one is isolation. You self isolate yourself in order to protect yourself. You’ve been hurt so much. You don’t trust your instincts. You don’t trust your intuition.
You just don’t trust anything because, yes, you have been acclimatized, acclimatized, I don’t know if that’s the right word, but you have been conditioned in this narcissistic, stepping on eggshells, always people pleasing culture, that now that you’re out in the world and you’re interacting with other people, You don’t trust them, you don’t trust yourself, and you, it’s almost like when people have been kidnapped, like, and you go and try and touch them with a kind hand, and they recoil, and they pull into themselves, that’s how you are, just not maybe as physically visible as that, but in your body, and in your spirit, and in your emotions.
You’re recoiling because you just don’t trust. You just don’t know what’s safe. So much abuse, so much criticism and hurt and pain and guilt and shame have been pushed on to you, smothered in a smile or a loving, you know, doting, caring word and then just blatant abuse. So you’ve got all this combined within you and you try and get out and have a relationship with someone else and You’re like, I don’t know how to do it.
Let’s just go back. Let’s just hermit back and especially if you have a line two in your profile. Oh my gosh, you’re like hermit forever. Never coming out of the cave. But it’s important to make new friends, build new relationships and to get back out into the world. If you have a line four, you also have closed off your heart for good.
It’s important to open yourself back up, open your heart. To the right people using your vigilant red flag signs in order to find joy and find connection again. So we as humans, we need connection with others.
uh, I wanted to feel love again because towards the end of that narcissistic relationship, once they know you, they have you years and years can go by where you don’t get a hug or a smile or you never get an affirmation of like, wow, you’re so amazing. Like they never celebrate your wins.
They don’t show you warm love. It’s just a cold ice palace with a narcissist. And so that’s number, point number four I’m going to skip to because these two cross over is you jump head over heels and you dive deep into a relationship, finding and seeking that love. So I did that and we were saying yesterday, I am so lucky that I didn’t dive into another narcissistic type relationship with some other a hole because.
I was so open. I was naive. I was like, let’s go have an adventure and live life. Like finally, I’m free from the narcissist thinking that that was the only one and there’s no more narcissists out in the world. So I naively jumped into another relationship. I did have my wares about me saying like, before I did marry him, we dated for two years.
Before I married him, I did speak to my therapist to evaluate if I was coming from a place of Brokenness, wanting to marry him, or if it really truly was love, if he was healthy, and we were healthy. So that I think is really important to consult a trauma informed therapist about that. And also, jumping back to point 3, which is hilarious, is the boundaries.
So at first I had no boundaries. I was just, let’s go, let’s do it, let’s go from 0 to 100 in a week. We started dating right away. We talked on the phone, which is a red flag, right? I talked to the phone with him all night long, texting and then talking, and then he took me out on a date the next day, and he’s just an all in kind of guy at first, which definitely would be a red flag, but I had no boundaries, and I was like, whoo, like, let’s do it.
I’m all ready for love. I’ve moved on from this guy. It’s been a cold, you know, intimacy, was never there with my ex. And it’s just been so cold and lonely for so long, I am ready to connect with someone. And so yes, there was a lot of red flags to everyone else outside and even to myself in hindsight if he had been narcissistic I would have been in deep trouble all over again because I wasn’t.
Being hypervigilant, had no boundaries, and so then as we kind of progressed into our dating, a year later, I realized after going to therapy that that was not the right decision to jump in so deep so fast. I’m like, is this going to be a healthy, long lasting relationship, or did I just do something bad?
So then my zero boundaries went to too many boundaries and we had moved in together before I turned on all these boundaries. We were living together and you know being intimate with each other and playing house essentially and even had a business together like so much intertwining and I was like, oh crap too much intertwining.
All of a sudden I realized like this is not a healthy choice. So I stepped back. I moved out. I said, I’ve got to start fresh. I’ve got to start over again. Like I did this all wrong. So I moved out to my parents house and he was reminding me because I forgot and I like I didn’t like living with my parents.
So then I went to my aunt’s house. And the crazy thing is I was like, well, after we were living together, I was like, well, when you come to see me and we go on dates, you need to come and you need to pick me up and you need to, at the front door, you need to come in and socialize and talk with him. And he was like, This girl is crazy.
We’re laughing guys. Like we literally were just living together And now we have to do the whole formal song and dance thing like I’m so confused and he was so patient and he was not a Narcissist at all about it was like, okay, like I understand she’s had some abuse in the past I’m gonna be patient with her and he thought in his head.
This is crazy but obviously he loved me enough that he went along with my Huge boundaried up like process and then also I said, well, we’re not going to have intimacy anymore until we get married. So this, he’s like, but we literally were just living together, like what is wrong with you? So I like put up all these boundaries and we’re laughing about it, but he was very patient with me.
He understood and that was the fun process of. My crazy boundaries. Boundaries are crazy. And then he’s like, and then you wanted to continue to see our dogs that we had together. So I would go over to see the dogs and then we would like, you know, cuddle and you know, do stuff and he was like, you were just so crazy.
Just stop trying to do their thing. And here’s the thing I wanted to point out about the human design. He said to me, you were like a chameleon when you lived at your aunt’s, You had all of these boundaries that, you know, they kind of told you and infused in you and were very like, strict and religious.
And I’m like, yeah, I agree. I understand. I definitely had those boundaries. Had I moved out to be all by myself, I don’t think I would have had that many boundaries because I was like a chameleon. Who I lived with and whose agenda was around was what I, , adopted. And this is the Open Will Center. The Open Will Center adopts the agenda of the Defined Will Center around you.
And if you’re a narcissist abuse survivor, you then have that on top of it, right? You have this like, I’m confused, I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, I don’t know what’s happening to me, , I feel so lost and confused. So then you rely on someone who appears to be healthier than you. Which is fine, we all have our process, but it just kind of made for a chaotic transition into our relationship.
So, then I moved out, I think, for my aunts again in, because I knew that I really wanted to be with him, we were going to get married,
I moved out, and I moved in with him again, and then I really was like, this is really what I want, like, and then also I was like, but we do need to get married, like, I’m not just gonna like, hang out, and we’re not gonna have a future together. So that was my thing, and then he’s like, of course we’re gonna get married, so then we went and got married.
But there was so much other fun drama that ensued behind that with my family just being really uncomfortable with it still. Because I was so all over the place. They’re like, I don’t even know what she wants. Is he influencing her? I mean, no one ever thinks that they’re influencing you. Because they always have their best interest in heart for you.
, . So there was just a lot of like tension and disapproval and suspicion about is she with the right guy because I’m still healing from narcissistic abuse. I was all over the place with My boundaries, trusting too much, ,
well, I didn’t really isolate as much because I was ready to go out and live. I had been isolated all by myself with my ex nurses for so long. I was like, I need friends. I need this. And I would make new friends, but I also didn’t trust them. So I would make them and then they would fall off, right? I was still not good at holding on to relationships.
But I wanted to socialize, I wanted to go out, and all this stuff. So, I guess that’s part of my isolation, is I wouldn’t fully trust them, and , that friendship just didn’t hold for very long.
But, here’s another thing about the hypervigilance, as I go back to point one. After we got married, and we were really in a financial crunch, we had babies now, there’s responsibilities, you know. He was really focused in on making money. He was here to provide for us, I felt like I wasn’t getting my Venus and Leo was not getting enough attention I was isolated at home with the babies I didn’t get enough, , any date nights. We didn’t get a lot of time alone. Of course, I fell asleep at night because I was so tired.
So I was like, when is there time, right? That’s the hardest time in a couple’s relationship is when they have brand new babies. So I felt like now I was being hypervigilant. I think back, I was being way too Hypervigilant at looking and finding and seeking out the red flags that he actually was a narcissist and I was like I was wrong while we were dating even though I did my homework and my due diligence.
I feel like he’s still so Unloving right like he I’m stuck now in a relationship just like I was before The tricky part was my viewpoint. Like I just said my Venus in Leo. Yes, we know It was difficult. It was hard. And then I would, I would hold it in as kind of like that permit. I wouldn’t share it with him because I was afraid.
I was conditioned from my ex that if you shared your real feelings, you would get lectured and you would get berated and belittled. And I didn’t want to do that. I was afraid of his reaction. So I didn’t share with him every day like, I need you to come sit with me and spend time with me. You know, because he’d be tired.
I’d be tired. And so when I had those really hard decisions, And I was like, you know what? I can’t do this anymore. We need to separate. He was like, let’s, let’s try something. Let’s find a tool. Let’s do this. I said, well, why don’t we go to therapy? He’s like, let’s go, you know, so we were going to an actual, actually at the time we’re going to a church and they found us a great bootcamp for couples and we went to therapy and we were able to work it out.
But if you’re with a narcissist, this is where that hypervigilance comes in. Okay. where it’s great to, to be, to test it, to do that. So if you’re with a narcissist, again, let’s say, they would not say yes, mostly, to going to therapy. Or they would say yes, but never follow through and go. The third option is, they do say yes, they go to therapy, and then they manipulate the therapist.
So it’s tricky, it really is tricky, and it’s a very complicated abuse to survive from, and then, Understand and navigate in relationships out of into another relationship. So I would not advise doing it the way I did, but I just thought it was so funny when we were talking yesterday about how all over the place I was.
I was like, well yeah, that’s my open will center. Yeah, that’s, you know, my just Being conditioned by a narcissist. I was so lost. I was so confused. And it really is a culture that the narcissist conditions you in, that once you leave, you’re not like, oof, it’s done. I’m done. We’re gone. Like, it’s not that easy.
. It is like leaving another country and moving to A different culture, with a different language, with all these different things that are different.
Like, it is a culture. So it takes time and it takes you just re finding yourself. That’s why I love human design. It helps you find yourself. This is my soul blueprint. Okay, I have an open will center. Now I know that I need to be vigilant in who’s agenda I’m following. Versus how many red flags this person is and labeling them a narcissist.
That’s it. That’s really where you need to focus your energy in on, is your energy, what you feel you’re amplifying from others, what you’re being trained or conditioned by, , the outside sources into you. Open Will Center is the agenda. The Open Root Center is the timing to prove yourself worthy, proving worthiness.
, the solar plexus, the emotional center where you are amplifying and feeling another person’s emotion. The sacral center, if you have that open, it’s the life force, it’s the doing energy. Sometimes you feel like you’re not enough if you have that open sacral and you have to do so much, you overdo it just to prove that you can do it just like everyone else.
And then you have that spleen, the open spleen is the intuition, it’s the survival, it’s your immune system. Maybe you’re really, really physically ill from being with a narcissist. This is something that can happen. Or you’re just very sensitive to feeling unsafe, so you stay with a narcissist because it’s comfort.
It’s what you know. It’s safe. So all of these things really, I feel. Factor in to how we act crazy after being a survivor of narcissistic abuse. But really what’s important is to find a source for education and information to inform you on how you can now Gain awareness, tune into yourself, heal, and move forward strong and confident, just as I have found my way to do so.
Even after acting crazy all those years ago, I finally have found my path through human design. So if you’d like to get your free chart summary read by me, click the link in the description and fill out that form, I’ll send 24 hours. If you’d like a personalized reading. Right now through December 3rd.
I’m offering a private readings for $50 only on my website That link also is in the description and to learn more about human design Click the video links down in the description below Thanks so much for watching and hit like and subscribe Make sure you’re subscribed here to the channel and that you like it share it with a friend if you resonated Of course comment below your experience Which points do you really resonate with?
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I This thoughts are feeling endless. Sitting, bump this anxieties infectious, anxious. I feel so defenseless, betrayed, and embarrassed. I hate being open. I hate being broken. I feel like an notion filled up with emotion. Angering of potion. Rub it on like lotion. I can feel it. Soak and reopen. The scars have awoken.
I can’t move on until I let go. I feel so lost. Never at home, need to be strong. Every breath held cause I can’t move on till I let go. I can’t move on till I let go. I feel so lost. Never at home, need to be strong. Every breath held cause I can’t move on till I let go.