Leaving the Narcissist Behind: Embracing Joy and Responsibility in the Next Chapter of Life

shifting to joy

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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Empath and the Narcissist podcast, where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse. I am your host Raven Scott,

[00:00:13] Raven: a trauma informed spiritual mentor, certified meditation teacher, and human design expert. I'm empowering empaths in recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse childhood trauma through human design self-care mindfulness advice and expert interviews Subscribe now

Welcome back to your empath. I've had some thoughts recently and maybe you will still wanna continue listening to this podcast, or maybe you won't, but I know I am in a down frequency of putting so much out there and I'm in this divine feminine. Permit type of retreat where I'm just putting forth what feels good energetically, which is less frequent, which may be good 'cause I was putting out way too much for you to keep up with.

But I wanted to talk about after leaving the narcissist, you've left the narcissist behind. There's so many things that occurred during your healing journey, in that wake that may have been broken. That may have just especially last year, with a divide been severed and you're regretting that, or you're feeling like you're ready to come back into balance.

And this is what we're gonna talk about today, embracing the joy and responsibility in the next chapter of your life.

I don't know if you have seen the number three trending movie on Netflix. It's called Happiness for Beginners and. I absolutely loved this movie. I know you will do empath. We all are nature lovers and this is all about getting out in nature. And they were taking a hike and you could see all the gorgeous scenery and the beauty.

But there was something even more special about this other than a fascinating love story. But it was this woman who obviously was with a narcissist, , for so many years and. Being with them. There's a big burden, and I wonder if this is why some of us take on being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Her burden started in childhood and I'm not gonna give away the movies. You have to watch it. So her burden started in childhood, just like many of ours, and it transitioned into, well now you have this weight of responsibility just. Be great, be fine, and take on more weight and responsibility, which seems to be the heavy anchors of, low emotional intelligence people or people that don't wanna take responsibility or those dark entities.

And so she just lost , her joy, and she felt like her ex kept calling her and she couldn't like, let go. It wasn't, it wasn't unlatching just like so many of us. Deal with our ex either, you know, getting in contact with us and hoovering us or it's haunting us in our dreams as it has me even all the way up to this year, 12 years ago.

And it was this moment of like, got to move on to my next chapter. And I think the north and the south node shifting really is helping me personally and maybe you as well. It's shifting into this desire to be independent in Aries, this desire to be truly who you are. And I have these flashes of thought, like I know that I have, you know, cancer in a certain house of friendship and all of my friends, you know, I feel a deep your, longing and also a mourning for when I don't talk to them.

And sometimes I'll, you know, now in my chapter of life, I'm meeting my friends that I love through my children. And when my children are like, I don't know if I don't really wanna be friends with that kid, I'm like, no, I love their parent. Like, that's my friend and I treasure them as family. And so it's like this maneuvering of how do I navigate this now and these relationships that have been torn from last year's.

Just energy of always just this division and this hate and calling everyone a narcissist. And yes, they may actually be a narcissist. It's, it doesn't really serve us, so we're pointing the finger, but how many other fingers are pointing back at us? And that's the responsibility part. It's like what amount of your anger, your frustration, and your weight you're carrying from your past.

Is affecting your relationships as you're healing now. Right? I know mine did. It severed for a little bit. I didn't talk to my own parents. It severed mine with my sister. And yes, records say the contract is over, but with that energy of like my friends, our family, my family is family. Like I don't know how to express this, but I feel this.

Longing to connect back to that, you know, with caution, but also with responsibility. Like I think that a lot of the outbursts and miscommunications and frustrations were my inability to express how much I had built up, and I had just pushed down and say, everything's fine. Everything's great. Yeah, yeah.

Like I'm fine with it when really I wasn't fine with what was going on. Pushing it down, pushing it down, and then it exploding. And then they're all like confused and like, I don't ever know how to react to what you say because what I'm saying is coming from a suppressed frustration versus saying what I need to say in the moment articulately and with love.

And so this is my lesson I feel I'm just hearing in my head and channeling through that. Maybe you need to hear is that. It may be like you're making it all about you, like the tension or the divide in your family relationships. Not, I mean, I have to tread carefully, right? 'cause some of those are technically N P D and you have to put a boundary up.

But how much of it that are just people, just messy. Like relationships are messy, life is messy. How much of it are just people? Trying to do the right thing, getting together, triggering each other and then exploding and going, I don't know how to pick up the pieces. Like, I don't know, like let's just move on without each other in our lives because it's just too messy.

There's always these bombs that you have to avoid, and that's based off of just all of our unresolved unhealed ness from our childhood. And how much of that. Tension or difficulty in a relationship that could be healed and resolved. Not talking about true abuse or true N P D that cannot, but just those who are kind of gray area people.

Right? It's like you call them a narcissist, but then like deep down and you're quietest moments. You're like, yeah, but maybe they aren't. How much of it is you that you're making it all about yourself? Like your anger, your burden that you haven't let go of or un that's unhealed how much of it that you could try?

Not that I'm saying that's gonna be perfect, but you could try moving forward and communicating right away when something is not, you know, according to your values or standards, or is pushed beyond a boundary. Saying no is loving, saying no is appropriate. And if you don't say that and then you explode, that's way more unloving and you're gonna look a bit like they don't know what to do with you, that you're crazy.

Like, I'm over here. Just fine. You can just come on over anytime. So that's just my thoughts lately. I don't know if they're completely fully baked and resolved, but. I just, that was my biggest takeaway from that movie as well as in my own life. And of course, breaking free from the clutches of a narcissistic abuse relationship can be arduous.

It can be straining, and like I said, it can leave you emotionally scarred and drained to the point where every single relationship that you are interacting with thereafter. Can also get scarred and hurt because of, like I said, all those things that you are carrying all the confusion. You know, you start to judge everyone as a narcissist because just in case, right?

'cause it's so painful. You have a big guard up. However, as you emerge from the shadows and embark in your next chapter of life, which I really think that. We all are embarking in our next chapter of life with the nodes shifting into Aries North, node Libra, south Node. Libra is ruled by Venus, by love, so I feel like there's gonna be a lot more love feelings, but like feelings towards your yearning, towards your independence.

So self-love. I know right now I am on a huge, huge journey of. Self-healing, like physically healing, getting my body back into shape, cleansing back, well, I guess not back on, but kind of back on, back on my vegan diet I did a while back and it just didn't stick. This time, I really am hoping and praying it sticks for my health because I had two, cancer diagnoses of skin cancers.

Just within one year. And I'm like this, this cannot just be from me getting sunburned and then, you know, me having fair skin, there has to be more to this two diagnosis in one year, in two different spots. So anyways, as we explore ourselves in our next chapter, as you explore your next chapter, I pray that you find transformative, healing, more balanced.

You know, letting go of the unbalanced scales and finding more balance, understanding, and taking responsibility for the bridges that you may have burned during your recovery period. And it marks the beginning of a healing process, which often involves rediscovering yourself and your worth. So as you grow into this independent Aries North node energy, You are leaning into who you are, your self discovery, learning more about who you are energetically.

Your human design blueprint and this phase may be accompanied by mixed feelings, a relief to be free from the toxic cycle and grief for the time that you've lost. Yes. I grieved a lot about the time that I lost, I thought. I could have been dating, you know, my true love. I could have been having more fun, dating lots of different people.

I, I could have been so much more if I had not been bogged down by the responsibility of trying to always fix a horribly toxic, abusive relationship I was in. But I mean, you can't. It is what it is. It's a life. It's your journey. It's your oven. You've decided to bake in, and that is intended to be there for you.

It's not like you could have been anywhere else. You could have sliding doors, but then what? Then you probably wouldn't end up where you're at today. I would've not ended up doing, you know, quitting my job doing the horse business so quickly, finding. My husband that is now so quickly after randomly, like completely not looking unawares.

And so the universe said, yep, now's the time for you guys to meet. So you just never know. You never know. But it's crucial to focus on your healing no matter what, right? The next right step. And as this chapter lays the foundation for your joy and fulfillment you seek in the future.

So letting go of hate is essentially releasing the emotional baggage you're carrying. Hate is a heavy emotion, and you're carrying it because it helps you distance yourself from that vulnerable love spot that you had with a narcissist. But now in your next chapter, it's time to let go of that very heavy burdens to carry and resentment especially.

But after enduring the manipulation and emotional abuse from the narcissist, you now know you're strong enough to let go of that burden. It's essential to let go of it. In order for you to move into your next chapter. You cannot enter through the small doorway. Of love and joy and peace with a giant boulder stuck to your back, you'll get stuck and you won't be able to get through the doorway and understand that holding onto the hate only perpetuates their influence over your life.

Forgiveness, not for the narcissist sake, but for your own wellbeing is key. . It allows you to free yourself from their control, from their influence, and from their darkness to create a space of joy and positivity in your life. When you shift your vibration, you shift who is attracted to you vibrationally as well.

And it's really important to prioritize your happiness, embracing joy. Embrace the joy by engaging in activities that bring you fulfillment and surround yourself with supportive and loving people. For instance,

what I've recently done to bring me joy is to take myself off of social media. It just felt like such a work, such a grind. I was doing it for gaining more followers, more listeners, more everything, versus just serving who I have right now on the podcast. And it, it, it goes back to this toxic masculine, like pushing, pushing like, , the lack mentality.

Like, oh, I have to post because I don't have enough followers, right? Like, that is not the way to do it. You post because you're excited, because you share something, because your passions. But it was not, you know, it was not a passion of mine, nor I knew it really wasn't helping my numbers that much. I mean, it helps.

But I think in the podcast world, a percentage is like 1% of people who see your social media post actually listen. So the main goal for me was to set a good example for my children, not to be obsessed and addicted to the social media. Take myself out of that sphere, shift my energy to my health, my children.

You know, I actually have time now to not worry and sit and crochet with her. We made such a really fun, cute little, turtle the other day. So cute. So like, things like that that brings you joy. Do that, do more of that exercise, eat healthy garden paint colors especially is really something. Very therapeutic to work with.

If you are an empath, you see colors, you don't even realize it. I was talking to my other daughter the other day and she was saying, yeah, I see sometimes like blips of colors, like, and I thought it was really interesting. I didn't doubt or question her. I was like, oh, that's interesting. She's like, is that a ghost?

I'm like, I don't think so. I think maybe you're seeing. People's auras or the energy aura of that spot, like, I don't know. I don't know all the answers. I don't have all the answers, but that's pretty cool. You can see different color outlines, so you may have the same thing, like, don't doubt it, don't think you're crazy, and lean into that and explore it.

Because the power of your empathy empath is that yes, you understand the narcissist. You know, you understand so much more beyond that. You even consciously know. You understand. And while focusing on your wellbeing, it is essential to understand that the narcissists are often deeply wounded individuals themselves.

You get it, you know, that's why you were there for so long. But this does not excuse their behavior. This is not. Allow you to put down your boundaries and let them abuse you. But it can offer of course, some perspective on why they acted the way they did for all of us who were like, I don't get it. 'cause we all see the life and how people should act through our own lens, and they're acting in a completely different way.

You are like, I would never do that. I don't understand why they would do that. Well, it's because they're deeply wounded and they have huge, huge shields and porcupines up. And in order to keep the facade of perfection and for them to feel better and for them to continue to hide and run from their pain and their wounding, they are hurting other people.

So I think the last thing really is in your next chapter, is to take responsibility and rebuild bridges. As you healed, or maybe you were in the relationship with a narcissist, you lost a lot of friends or family, and as you're healing in your next chapter, you know it's possible to rebuild those burned bridges with friends and family or colleagues because taking responsibility for your actions is all they wanna hear.

And I'm sorry, and. You know, any missteps that you've created, it's courageous to step forward and grow and say, you know what? Moving forward, I really would like to try doing this. I'm sorry for so long I did this. Just express your desire to reconnect and apologize. I know I'm gonna be doing that for sure.

So breaking free of the clutches of the narcissist is a transformative journey that demands strength and resilience. But you can do it, and I know you have the strength within you, and as you step into your next chapter of your life and leave behind hate and bitterness and embrace joy and empathy, taking responsibility for the bridges you may have burned during your healing process allows for personal growth and opens the door to healthier relationships in the future.

Remember, this new chapter is a fresh beginning. And a chance to build a life that aligns with your authentic self and brings you true happiness.

[00:20:10] Raven: I'm so grateful for you listening, finding the show, and sharing it with your friends. It would give a great boost in the heart center to algorithm to rate and review this podcast. If you are enjoying it, take a screenshot, share it on your socials, share it in a text message to a friend that you know right now needs to be pulled out of the quick sand.

And remember, always keep your unique light shining.

Losing time, I'm fading fast. I just wanna make it last. Try to let go of the past. I close my eyes. Embrace the blast. Sleepless nights and headache stack restlessness to hell and back. What's my purpose? But do I grab a slippery surface, A heart attack? And sometimes you just gotta believe there's something that'll give you.

There's something that'll what you need. What you mean what we're broken. We're not all elastic, but maybe there's magic. Believe you.