What if you were to stop treating yourself like a narcissist but start treating yourself like a goddess?Marina J
Are you ready to find the freedom and live the life you are meant to live?
The founder of the Goddess Template method and Narcissistic Template Method, & the #1 best-selling author of the book “Turn Yourself On”, podcaster and for 20 years a Certified Integrative Life Coach and for 25 years a Yoga and Meditation Teacher Marina J is on the show today sharing how to flourish after narcissistic abuse.
Discover the Path to Flourishing After Narcissistic Abuse – Practical Tips and Guidance. Learn how to rebuild your life, regain self-esteem, and rediscover inner strength. Find healing and growth beyond trauma.
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Can You Flourish After Narcissistic Abuse with Marina J
Can You Flourish After Narcissistic Abuse with Marina J
welcome to the Empath Rising podcast, where we are healing from narcissistic abuse, with human design, taro, and astrology.
I'm your host, Raven, Scott.
Make sure to share this podcast with a friend. Spread the love spread the light. And subscribe. Hello, come back. Do your impairments to an empowering episode. I'm so thrilled to introduce to you today. A remarkable guest. Marina, Jay.
Marina is inspirational survivor. She's a life coach. Number one best selling author of the book. Turn yourself on podcaster.
And the creator of the narcissistic template method.
She is a passionate advocate for personal growth and healing after narcissistic abuse. And she sees her share her wisdom and expertise on the topic. Of can you flourish? After narcissistic abuse. What's interesting. I was thinking about this today because I just started up. Going back to. To Pilates, which hadn't done.
She's oh, when's the last time you been? Oh, well I was Nick. So what are years ago? Like while I was in my narcissistic abusive relationship, I went. Three times a week. It was like my saving grace, but at the same time, it was part of that life. And now it's time to flourish and make new memories. I'm doing the same thing and something I really love. So I think she's going to be touching on that plus all of her formulas and. And ways to flourish and. Move forward. Despite what has happened to you? You know, and grow stronger. And reignite that power within you, which, you know, I'm all about here in the podcast.
Some so excited to share her with you today. And let's dive into her recording and see what she's provided for us.
[00:02:07] Marina: So today we are talking about flourishing after narcissistic abuse. Is it possible to flourish after narcissistic abuse? And what does that even look like? Because narcissistic abuse annihilates you. It crushes you. It obliterates you. So what does it even look like to have it, do it, be it? Like, would you even know?
And do you want to flourish after narcissistic abuse? Do you even think it's possible? And maybe you're already there and you want the top notes. So either way, we're going to go there today. So my name is Marina J and I'm so happy to be here. Thank you so much, Raven Scott, for having me on your beautiful, beautiful podcast.
And hello to you listening to this right now. We're going to go there. So. My name is Marina J and I have for 20 years coached amazing women, thousands of women around the world to heal deeply so they can become the woman they were born to be. And I focus very much on you flourishing after narcissistic abuse, after difficult relationships.
And also just after anything really where you literally want to accelerate because the power isn't in what happened. The power is in your approach and the power is in you healing and you can heal anything. So I use shadow alchemy, which we're going to talk about today. And I use the narcissistic template method, which we're also going to talk about today.
I'm the goddess template method, which we are also going to talk about today. And we are going to literally go there with all of this. So bring everything that you're dealing with right now. Maybe you're dealing with a narcissist. Maybe you are already no contact. And you just want to kind of lift yourself up even more, flourish even more, or get to the point of flourishing.
So I have had narcissistic abuse, as you can probably imagine, right? And I mean, I think it'd be very difficult to talk about it if you hadn't. Genuinely, it would just be sort of all textbook y. And ultimately... To me, I didn't really realize. So I became a life coach and I just kept having the same kinds of men and women coming into my practice.
With the same symptoms and I was like, what is this? It feels familiar because I feel like I feel exactly the same way. And they were having very similar things happening to them. They were no longer with a narcissist. A couple were actually, but they were no longer with a narcissist, but they were having the similar symptoms of giving a lot in their relationships, but not receiving back.
Not able to fully back themselves and their dreams, always worrying that something was going to come in and take the happiness away that the bubble of happiness away. They were. Always sort of easily paying for things and helping people and all of those things, but they weren't really receiving back from life.
So it made it difficult for them to do their life's purpose. They were doing, doing, doing, but not receiving. They had little or no empathy for themselves. They were overly empathic for other people. And just notice if this is you as well, right? Where you can feel other people very easily, but not so much yourself.
So all the things, right? Weak boundaries. And anyway, I could talk about that for a million years, right? That's, that's, that's just a little part of it. And I realized that as time went on, I thought, wait a minute, I'm having narcissistic abuse right now. And I realized that this particular friend that I thought was my best friend, Was actually the opposite of my best friend.
And it began with my daughter, we were in the car and my so called best friend was driving and she dropped us off. And my daughter said to me, she was in the back of a car. And she said to me, mom, I was like, yes, and let's call my friend, Sarah. Let's just give her that name. She said.
Do you think Sarah always has problems? Because every time she speaks, mum, she always has problems and you're always helping her. And I said, I know, but she's just in a tough spot right now. And my daughter, who would have been 14 at the time, she said, I know mom, but she always seems like she has problems.
And I just looked in the rear view mirror at her sitting in the back seat. And I thought, you know what? She's right. There's something in that. And I've never wanted to gaslight my own daughter out of her own. Intuition. So after we left the car, I said to her, you know what? You're right. I'm going to look into this.
And I did, and I started to see. That all the symptoms I had were from narcissistic abuse from my much earlier years. And so I started to see more and more and more and more and more. And I started to go, I'm going to heal from this because I've already healed from so much. I'm going to actually heal from this.
And I created off the back of coaching thousands of people seeing the same things over and over and over again. And the way that I heal. It's through shadow alchemy. I started to use shadow alchemy to help them heal. And we got amazing results, freedom. They rebuilt themselves. They began to truly utterly flourish and live the life they were always meant to live.
And I did it on myself first. And then I was running it with my clients. And I thought, you know what, I'm going to create this as a method. And so what I created was the narcissistic template method and the goddess template. method. So that's when I woke up to what narcissistic abuse was. And that's when I started to heal.
And when we talk about a narcissist, right. And an empath, typically a narcissist is me first, me first at your expense. An empath is an agreement. Yes, it is you first, Mr. Narcissist or Ms. Narcissist, and it is me last. And so the healing that needs to take place for the narcissist is that yes, it's also you first.
But the narcissist typically is never going to heal, because if a narcissist is never responsible for their, for themselves, they're never responsible for the life they find themselves in, they're also not going to heal. Because as long as it's everybody else's fault, it's everybody else that must change, not them.
So it's us that does the healing for us. And when we heal, the healing needs to be me first, not at anybody's expense. But me first, and that's the goddess template method. That's the flourishing bit. Let's talk about the beginning bit. So when I started to realize all of this, I thought, well, okay, I'm not with the narcissists anymore, but I've still got the same issues.
So if you think back to when you were a child, because narcissistic abuse typically happens in childhood. That's typically where it begins. Not always. But typically, so let's say it happened for you as a child, if as a child, in order for you to stay safe, you decided that you were going to fly under the radar and do all of the things, right?
But there was also a normality in all of that. And part of that normality is I will give 80%. to you and only receive 20 percent back. Because narcissists don't give it all, right? What they give is tiny amounts. So let's say in any time when you were a child, you got used to giving 80 percent of your energy, your attention, your time, your beautiful light out, and you only really received 20 percent of your needs back.
When you get used to that as a child, long after you've left, The family home that forms like a little normal template around you, where it then becomes normal in your everyday life for you to give. 80 percent out, but only receive 20 percent back. That could be happening in your business where you're giving, giving, giving, doing, doing, doing 80%, but you're only receiving 20 percent back.
It's a little template that we need to break. And so I call it the narcissistic template method. And the first stage in flourishing is to really start to see your patterns. And the first stage of that is actually shadow alchemy. So let's go into shadow alchemy. So shadow alchemy is my own wording, right?
Shadow work is You falling in love with your shadow. What is your shadow? Well, you think about when you stand up and there's a light on you, there's a shadow and the shadow follows you around, but you never really know it's there. It's just always there sort of like a low running record. Your shadow is anything that you're not owning.
That might be your light. If you're not owning your brilliance, if you're not owning your beauty, if you're not owning your power, right, then it's going to own you. And by that, I mean, you will be in a situation and you will project your power onto the narcissist, for example, rendering you powerless.
Conversely, we also want to own our dark. We also want to own our dark shadows. One of the dark shadows that's very important for us to own, particularly when we want to flourish from narcissistic abuse is anger. When we allow ourselves to have righteous anger about what was done to us and about what is no longer going to happen to us.
We step into our power. Every part of you is trying to help you. But when you battle it, and you say, no, no, no, I'm not angry. No, no, no, I'm, it's all about them. I don't have the power right now. I'm not beautiful. I'm not clever. I'm not wonderful. I'm not brilliant. I'm not jealous. You know, when we say I'm not, it means we can't access the power that lives in these parts of ourselves.
And so when we Actually heal our shadow, we begin to find the light in the dark, so we don't chase the light. I don't chase the light, right? People look at me and they think she's got no problems. Look at her. She's all like happy and la la la la la, right? And it's like, yeah, you have no reference point for what really working with your energy is.
People think I've had nothing big and heavy in my life. And if only they knew I've had a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. I just don't share it, right? Because I really don't want to bring people into other people's stuff. Cause a lot of it was all done to me, right? It's not me. It's, and I don't want to, I don't want to bring that.
I don't want to drag anybody through the mud. That's not why I'm here. I'm in the business of transformation. So I focus very much on the transformation. When we really. Can take everything that the narcissist
And we really can use the shadow to say, well, where am I doing that to me? Where am I doing that to myself? Where am I minimizing my feelings? Where am I discarding my feelings? Where am I blaming myself for things that are completely out of my control or completely not my fault? Right. All of those things.
And we start to do that and we clear it at a subconscious level. We set ourselves free, right? And whenever we set ourselves free through healing, that narcissist or narcissistic people, they'd either lift up with us or they'll fall away. And because narcissists, typically they don't heal, they don't grow.
They don't want to grow. Right. They literally fall away and there's not much we need to do. We just keep healing and we keep raising our vibration and the vibration will raise as you just heal very naturally and we might have to put in some boundaries and again, the boundary often is going to be, I'm just not going to be around.
I'm cause you actually having a boundary with a narcissist is pretty impossible. They do not respect the boundary, which is why they need to be out of our inner circle. Anyway, I could talk about this. I, I can go in lots of different directions. I'm going to stay focused on this. It's the first stage of the narcissistic template of breaking that narcissistic template around you that says, I will give, but not receive.
I will make it all about you, but it will not be made all about me. It will all be about the outside world. I will live away from myself and make it all about you, you, you, and not all about me, me, me. The first stage of breaking that. Is the shadow is to see where all of that, where we learn to go, Oh, it's happening to us.
You know what? I'm going to do it to myself as well. And that is part of the abuse. That is part of the abuse that you end up doing it to yourself as well. So long after you've left the narc, you then become the abuser and you become the abuser to you. And again, no beating up of yourself. If this is the case, this is part of the abuse, right?
We just need to shine a light on it. To unhook you from it. The next stage is actually looking at the narcissistic template and going, well, where am I giving and not receiving? And all of those, those parts, right? And then we talk about the goddess template and the goddess template is beautiful. The goddess template is literally, you know what, I'm going to treat myself as God would treat me rather than how a narcissist would treat me.
So think about how a narcissist has treated you, right? They don't care about you. They're entitled. They have zero empathy for you, right? You could be on the floor and they will have zero empathy for you. They will blame you. They will attack you. They will act the victim. They will do all the things. When we have that happen to us over years and years and years and years, right?
It could be a short period of time, but my God S it is intense. We end up kind of going, you know what? I'm going to treat myself in exactly the same way. And we don't even realize we're doing it and we've already shared what that looks like. But what if you were to stop treating yourself like a narcissist and start treating yourself like a goddess instead, right?
Like God would. This isn't a religion. I'm not into organized religion. I am, however, into God. If you prefer a different wording, use the word universe, higher spirit, something higher than me, whatever you want to use. So that it fits for you. What's a goddess? Well, is a goddess wearing a tiara and glitter and satin and all the things?
Yeah, sometimes it is. But my definition of a goddess is you choosing to treat yourself as the divine would. You choosing to treat yourself. Divinely as God would write because that is actually what we're meant to be doing when you treat yourself as the divine being you are. You completely do a 180 from that narcissistic template because you shift the relationship you have with yourself intensely.
And it takes discipline to do it, but it is the best thing ever. Because then you genuinely stay connected to yourself. You have. The most compassion for yourself, which leads you to a much, much softer existence, because what we don't want. Is many examples of the, of the original narcissist coming into your world, right?
We want you to have a softer and softer experience. And when you choose to treat yourself like a goddess rather than a narcissist, everything changes right? And this is what I most love to do. So with treating yourself like a goddess, I'm going to ask you right now, is no.
We're not going to beat yourself up because that's not what a goddess would do. We would say to you, so what would that look like? Right? What would that look like if you did? And you might say to me, you know what? I would go and make myself a hot drink. You know what? I'd have a rest. I need to rest on the couch.
You know what? I need to go for a pee. I need to go for a wee. So many people hold their pee in, right? And it sounds really silly. If you've come from that NARC template of always serving others at the expense of you. You continue pushing, you continue doing, and you don't even hear yourself anymore. So a wonderful way to start running that goddess template.
And obviously we want the healing to be backing it to say to yourself, am I treating myself like a goddess right now? And it's a yes, no answer. Right. That's the first stage. So the goddess template is five sections. And we, when I run court, we're in a course right now, actually doing it. And we're doing each section together.
Start there. Start with, am I treating myself like a goddess right now? And I have clients of mine that put reminders on their phone. It's so beautiful. And you're like, Oh, okay. What would that look like? Another great way of doing that. Is to ask yourself, right? Am I treating myself like a goddess right now?
Sorry. The next part of that is to say, this is another little tip to give you is what do I need right now? What do I need right now? And to give it to yourself in the next five minutes. Right? Cause it has to be all about you where it's always been about everybody else. It has to be about you right now.
That is the healing because you're such a conscientious human being within a conscious human human being to be more focused on you is the medicine. Is the medicine when people before forced you to continually think about them, pay attention to them, listen to them, make it all, make it all about them, right?
That's not love. That's abuse. That's abuse. And that's just the tiny first bit of abuse, right? It goes way, way, way more than that. So when we treat ourselves like a goddess and we say, well, what do I need? And you might ask yourself right now. So if I was teaching you right now, I would say, ask yourself, do I need strength?
Do I need to transform something? Do I need to receive, or do I need self love? What do you need right now? Do you need strength? Do you need to transform something? Do you need self love? Or do you need to receive? And if you do need to receive, what do you need right now?
Soon as you start focusing on you, the energy around you shifts from the NARC template to the God S template. And that God S template is, instead of you giving out 80 percent and getting 20 percent back, you give out your usual 100%. And you get 100 percent back. So we want to get you used to receiving.
And if you can start receiving from yourself first, because it's safe for you to receive, then we start this beautiful rhythm inside of you where you start to receive from yourself first. You start giving to you genuinely more than you ever have before. And then the world follows suit because the world is always Always, always, already following you.
If you walk around blocking your receiving and saying, I'm going to give, give, give, give, give, give, but I'm not going to receive, the universe goes, okay, all right, we will, we will do that because that is what you want. But if you begin to genuinely give to you, guess what happens? You start to make it safe for yourself to receive, which means you're going to make it safer and safer for yourself to receive from others.
And when you make it safe for yourself to receive from others, it means that your body feels safe, right? Your body feels safe. And there's the healing that comes into that, right? So for you to make it safe for beautiful you. So that goddess template then leads to you actually flourishing. So what is flourishing after narcissistic abuse, right?
And can you flourish? Well, first of all, flourishing is you Being lit up, being light filled, being the magnificent, brilliant, powerful, magnetic person that you are, and not just doing what you came here to do fully out loud without diluting yourself. But actually receiving what you came here to receive, because if you don't receive, if you're blocking receiving, right?
If you don't receive what you're here to receive, you can't do what you're here to do because you won't have the energy to do it. Impossible. Flourishing after narcissistic abuse is you being the greatest expression of yourself. You receiving easily, love, support, success, visibility, right? All the things, abundance in all the ways money.
All of it, you receiving easily, you living a desire led life so that you know what you want and you go for it, which means truly backing your dreams, truly backing your desires, being definite about what you want and knowing that you are lovable without having to do a thing. You are worthy right as you are right now listening to this.
And you are super, super special because the true light leaders that I see every day are the ones that have had the initiation of narcissistic abuse. And they are the true leaders because when you don't want to hurt anybody, you want to lead with love. You truly care about people. That's a real leader.
That's a real leader right there. Because you are in service to the planet rather than solely in service to the planet, rather than solely in service to yourself. So flourishing after narcissistic abuse. Is you basically shining your light and holding that light so it doesn't drain out you being the greatest expression of you and you having the best time on this planet like you are meant to be.
Having all of the beautiful fruits from this planet and having a high life force, and really just living exactly as you wanna live exactly as you wanna live in full, vibrant. Color, that means having relationships where you are heard, you are seen, you are loved, you are celebrated, you are cherished all of the things and having that relationship with yourself.
Right. And to do that, we need the right kind of support and we need good people around us. But so many of us start healing completely on our own. So if you're mostly on your own in this journey. That's okay too. Very, very possible to flourish. I am walking proof of that. I did a lot of this on my own. A lot of this on my own flourishing after narcissistic abuse.
Is it possible? Yes, it is completely possible. I know it's possible because I am flourishing. Like I married the love of my life. I have the life that I always dreamed of. Do I have bigger dreams than where I am right now? Oh my goddess. Yes, I do. A hundred percent. Do I have really good people in my life now?
Oh yes, a hundred percent. Am I doing the work I love out loud? The honest answer to that is I am, I still think I've been diluting myself. I think part of that is. I have felt maybe watched on social media from certain narcissists and that's made me dilute my message, but less and less so as time goes on.
And I'm definitely speaking a lot more directly and not diluting my energy as much. Right. And that's another thing of how do we flourish off the narcissistic abuse? We've become the fullest expression of ourselves. Anybody can flourish, but the focus must be on healing. If the focus is on the narcissist, if you're spending a lot of time focused on them, it's not going to work.
The focus has to be on you. And the first stage is genuine shadow work. Shadow work is going to help you own not just the bits you don't like in you, but it's going to help you to clear and heal. All the situations and also who you become when you're around a narcissist because their extreme behavior elicits extreme behavior often in you.
And you might think, my goddess, I've been shouting, yelling, swearing. I've become angry. I've become resentful. I've become harsh. You know, I've become this. Very nervous person inside. And I can't express myself properly and I can't even think. And I end up betraying myself and I abandoned myself. And, and all of these things, this is the abuse.
This is the abuse. When you become an extreme version of you, when you're around them, that's why we need to heal it, because that's not who you are. That just shows me that you've had narcissistic abuse. When I have a client, I don't really focus on who that other person is. I look at my client. And what they're showing me and what they're telling me, and that gives me all the red flags I need to know that a, you've had narcissistic abuse.
And be also that you're going to flourish from it. I've never had anybody not flourish from narcissistic abuse in my world, purely because if the pendulum can swing so far one way, it can totally swing the other way. You have been built to have an amazing life on this planet. You've had an initiation.
You've had lots of lessons around where to put your power, where to put your energy. It can't be in people that don't reciprocate anymore. Now, the best investment you can make is in you. Like if you were to put money on something, put it on you, [00:31:40] back you, bet on yourself and take every action from that. So beautiful soul.
I hope this has really, really supported you and helped you. You are a goddess and you can free yourself from narcissistic abuse. When you focus on the relationship you're having with yourself, that's where your gold is going to be. That's where your key is going to be. And. Typically with narcissistic abuse, people in my world takes about a year to fully heal from narcissistic abuse.
And when I say fully heal, I mean the big bits, the bits that stop you from truly, truly living. Then it's more nuanced work. I think I'm always going to be healing. Honestly, I think, you know, in a couple of years time, I'm going to realize, Oh, that's why I do this pattern and I'll need to clear it. Right.
Because our bodies can't give us everything at once. Can you imagine it? We'd probably, oh my God, we'd be even more annihilated, right? We'd be like, I've just exploded. So it's, it's in what our nervous system can handle. We're always just given what we can handle, which is perfect. So I know that I'm always going to be healing the effects of narcissistic abuse, but that doesn't mean I'm not flourishing at the same time when the big bits are done, right?
You will really, really feel it, but can you start flourishing from day one? Yeah, absolutely. Because as soon as you do. Your nervous system can relax. You'll start to sleep better. You'll start to eat better. That self trust in you will grow because you're growing your beautiful self. So you are fabulous.
And my wish for you is that you return all your light to you so you can see how beautiful you are, how lovable you are. And you don't even need to do a thing. You already are. And you can decide right now that you're going to start flourishing after narcissistic abuse because it's time. You are important.
How you feel is important. Your joy is important and you deserve to make this lifetime the best lifetime that you've ever had. Why not? As I said before, the pendulum has swung one way, honey buns, we're going to make it swing the other way, right? Let's go. So if this has grooved with you, danced with you, and you would like more support, I have a lot of free support.
I have. My YouTube channel that I've just started back up. You can find that at Marina J coaching. That's M A R I N A J the letter J coaching where I do regular videos on you flourishing after narcissistic abuse. You can find me at my website, marinaj. net. That's M for mother, A R I N A J, the letter J dot net.
And on there, you'll see, I have a Facebook group and that is for us to release the narcissistic template and get into our goddessness, right? It's where we're going to treat ourselves like goddesses instead of narcissists. You can come in and join that. I also have my book, Turn Yourself On, which is really about turning your power on in any situation.
And I also have my podcast called turn yourself on. Cause I just like, I just like it. I just really, really like it. You can join my short courses. I have a short eight week, eight week course for you to release the narcissistic template from your life, from your business. I have the goddess template and eight week course that we're in right now.
You can join it and you'll get immediate access to that. I also have my shadow alchemy eight week course. You'll get immediate access to that. And then you'll get me live coaching you as well, which means I can laser coach you, just you in a group setting, but you'll get about 15, 20 minutes from me just focused on you.
Cause I want you moving. Like literally you've had knock abuse. You're here to do things. And you do know that deep downs. I want you moving and literally becoming the leader you were born to be. I. What else can I tell you? Yes, last thing is I have a, a container, a year long container for you to flourish after narcissistic abuse.
So it's a year. This is the closest. Proximity container I have to you working individually with me one to one and in that you'll get community, you'll get all the courses and you'll get me regularly coming in for the fraction of the price that it would cost to coach with me individually. So you can go have a look at my website, marinaj.
net. Come say hi, I would love to meet you because honestly, we're all rising together. We are literally all rising together. And I just want to send you so much love for wherever you are right now. And for however you're feeling right now. And just give you a massive hug. And you know what? This is how I usually end my classes and courses and sessions and all that.
You just wrap your arms around yourself right now and just give yourself a beautiful hug
and just receive the hug from yourself.
See, you already started receiving and it feels really, really good. All my love.
[00:37:34] Raven: Thank you so much for joining us on this enlightened episode here, the Empath Rising Podcast. It would mean the world to us and actually add to the success of this podcast if you shared it with a friend, share it on your socials, and tag me at RavenscottShow to continue your journey towards self discovery and healing.
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So all of that is in the one link in the show notes, head on over to the episode page. Until next time, keep your unique light shining. Swear.
I This thoughts are feeling endless. Sitting, bump this anxieties infectious, anxious. I feel so defenseless, betrayed, and embarrassed. I hate being open. I hate being broken. I feel like an notion filled up with emotion. Angering of potion. Rub it on like lotion. I can feel it. Soak and reopen. The scars have awoken.
I can't move on until I let go. I feel so lost. Never at home, need to be strong. Every breath held cause I can't move on till I let go. I can't move on till I let go. I feel so lost. Never at home, need to be strong. Every breath held cause I can't move on till I let go.