Why do Narcissists like to Control?

Most Narcissists who control may not control intentionally. They, don’t set out and think “I’m gonna grab this person and I’m gonna turn them into a victim.” This is just what their personality is. Which is scarier??? An intentional psychopath or an emotional zombie? 

Photo by Ben Weber on Unsplash

Due to their lack emotional intelligence and empathy they mold people into what works for them. Narcissist tries to fit a squre peg in a round hole with a partner. Bending them to their way and making them fit. And then, all of a sudden both parties explode and get fed up. But that extreme high of love is missed, and the cycle repeats until one person can’t take it anymore. 

They get a high off controlling

Anything that provides external validation is the supply. the supply is their ability to control their emotional landscape. They live to have everyone obey their wishes. 

At their core they are insecure and egomaniacs. They believe they are entilted to have everything revolve around them, regardless if that dismisses your wants and dreams. Their lack of empathy creayes a huge blindspot to this intense selfishness. And to ensure they continue to stay on top and in control, they cross over your boundaries. They are entitled to push you beyond your limits even if that causes you harm. They will then get angry when you defend yourself and blame you for causing the “drama.”

Simply put a narcissist is more interested in the power and control over you than they are your relationship. 

Photo by Sivani Bandaru on Unsplash

They prime you to accept the unacceptable

The whole point of their conditioned illness is to find someone who will enable them so they dont have to grow or change. Ironically, that is what they require of everyone else in their life. They tell you what to do, and to change so you make them happy. But God forbid you give them any feedback. 

Everything is about how they look to the outside world. And if you challenge their image or call out the truth they lose power, they lose their perfect image, and they lose their shit. The retaliation and vengeance is from a self serving defense with zero consideration for how their actions have hurt others. 

So to prime you they invalidate you in subtle ways by ignoring you dismissing your concerns and emotions. These are testing to see if you will accept the gaslighting, and then push you a little further, and further, until you are accepting yourself being hit or locked outside of your house. 

Will they change?

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You must look to how open they are to receiving emotional feedback. If you cannot share “When you did this, that made me feel.” because they react defensively and say this is how I feel and not acknowledge their faults ,then you have nowhere to go. 

No change will be made if they are not willing to self introspect. They may apologize and say they will go to therapy or abide by your boundary, but is it going to last? You have to in turn test them and view their actions. 

Are they repeating their actions of dismissal and neglect? 

Do they work on themselves without you or the relationship?

If not, then their words are empty and its a manipulation tactic.

Narcissists can’t love because they put themselves above all else. Until they are ready to take the mask off and doing deep soul work they will not change and continue to pillage and destroy everything and everyone in their path.

You may also like to read… How to Cultivate Happiness 

And remember, keep your unique light shining!

Raven Scott

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Get Help

If you are caught in any of these situations, reach out for help

Call 988 for emotional emergency

Domestic Violence Hotline

Find a Social Worker or Therapist to go on your own

And develop a plan, with one trusted friend whom the narcissist does not know, to get you and your loved ones safely. 

Gain support emotionally — listen to Empath & The Narcissist Podcast

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