in Healing from Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse
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The Toxic Myth of the Law of Attraction in Healing from Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse
The journey to healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse is a complex and challenging one. Many survivors seek solace and guidance in various approaches, including psychological therapy, support groups, and self-help techniques. One popular concept that has gained traction in recent years is the Law of Attraction, which suggests that we attract similar energies into our lives. While this concept can be empowering in some contexts, it can be highly detrimental when applied to healing from abuse. In this blog, we will explore why the Law of Attraction can be toxic for survivors of narcissistic and emotional abuse.
First let’s Clarify the Law of Attraction
The Law of Attraction is a belief that the energy you emit into the universe attracts similar energy back to you. It’s often summarized by the adage, “like attracts like.” This concept has gained popularity through books like “The Secret” and has been embraced by those seeking personal development and positive life changes. The idea is that by focusing on positive thoughts and emotions, you can manifest the outcomes you desire.
The Problem with Applying the Law of Attraction to Healing from Abuse
While the Law of Attraction can be motivating and uplifting in various scenarios, its application in the context of healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse is deeply problematic. Here’s why:
1. Victim-Blaming Mentality: One of the key concerns when applying the Law of Attraction to abuse healing is the potential for victim-blaming. Suggesting that survivors attracted their abusers due to their own “negative energy” implies that they are responsible for the abuse they endured. This perspective completely disregards the manipulative tactics employed by narcissists and emotional abusers, which have nothing to do with the victim’s energy.
2. Minimization of Abuser Responsibility: Placing the focus on the survivor’s energy can shift attention away from the abuser’s actions and behavior. Emotional abuse is about power and control, not about the survivor’s perceived energy. Blaming survivors for their abuse perpetuates a harmful cycle that allows abusers to avoid accountability.
3. Invalidation of Trauma: Survivors of narcissistic and emotional abuse often struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame. Propagating the idea that their energy attracted the abuse can worsen these feelings, invalidating the very real trauma they’ve experienced. Such invalidation hinders the healing process and reinforces negative self-perceptions..
4. Complex Dynamics of Abuse: Emotional abuse is characterized by intricate manipulation tactics employed by the abuser, making it nearly impossible for the survivor to recognize the toxicity until it’s too late.
Blaming survivors for “attracting” the abuse oversimplifies these complex dynamics.
5. Disempowerment and Stigma: Applying the Law of Attraction to healing from abuse can create a sense of disempowerment for survivors. It suggests that they have the power to control their abuse experiences through their thoughts, which is far from the reality of abuse dynamics. Moreover, it stigmatizes survivors, making them feel as though they somehow “invited” the abuse into their lives.
A Holistic Approach to Healing
Healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse requires a compassionate and holistic approach that centers around self-care, therapy, support, and education. You, dear empath and survivor, need to understand that you are not responsible for the abuse they endured and that their healing is not tied to the Law of Attraction.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is an incredibly challenging and intricate process, and it’s essential to acknowledge the unique struggles that survivors like yourself face. The Law of Attraction, which suggests that we attract similar energies into our lives, can be a confusing and painful concept when applied to the healing process.
I hope these points from the blog can help you understand that you are not alone in grappling with the impact of the Law of Attraction on your healing journey. It’s crucial to remember that healing from narcissistic abuse is a holistic process that involves self-care, professional therapy, support, and education.
Please know that you have a community of individuals who believe in your strength and resilience. Your healing journey is unique to you, and there is no room for guilt or shame in it. Embrace the support and resources available to you, and remember that your journey is a testament to your courage and determination.
While the Law of Attraction can be a valuable concept in certain life contexts, applying it to healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse is counterproductive and harmful. Survivors need to be empowered to recognize the manipulation tactics used by abusers and to seek support without shouldering unwarranted blame. By dismantling the toxic myth that survivors attract abuse through their energy, we can pave the way for a more empathetic and effective healing journey.
If you ever want to talk, share your thoughts, or simply receive support, please don’t hesitate to reach out and comment on this blog. You are not alone, and your healing is a path toward reclaiming your life and your happiness.
Wishing you strength, healing, and self-compassion on your journey.
Raven Scott Nguyen
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2. The Toxic Myth of the Law of Attraction in Healing from Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse
2. The Toxic Myth of the Law of Attraction in Healing from Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse
welcome to the impact of the rising podcast, where we are healing from narcissistic abuse, with human design, taro, and astrology.
I’m your host, Raven, Scott.
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You know, we all know the journey to healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse is a complex and challenging one. Many survivors seek solace and guidance in various approaches, including psychological therapy, support groups, and self-help techniques and spirituality. One popular concept that has gained traction in the recent years is the law of attraction, which suggests that we attract similar energies to our lives.
And I’ve had a couple guests speak on this throughout the podcast. When I’m in the conversation with them, it sounds good, but if I really start to analyze it and think about outside of my own situation and other people’s situations where they were born into abuse, it just doesn’t work. It just doesn’t seem to line up.
It doesn’t quite make sense. So while this concept can be empowering in some context, It can be highly detrimental when you yourself are listening and trying to find answers to the question of why we all ask, why did this happen to me? And the law of attraction can take you down a very dark and guilt ridden road when you’re trying to heal from abuse.
So part of our episode today is exploring why the law of attraction can be a toxic concept. For you dear Empath, as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, of emotional abuse, of an alcoholic parent of oppression, living in religious oppression, uh, male dominant society oppression, and more.
So understanding the law of attraction, let’s just recap and make sure that we have the correct definition. The law of attraction is a belief that the energy that you emit into the universe attracts similar energy back to you. It’s often summarized by the adage like attracts like. This concept has gained popularity through the books like The Secret and has been embraced by those seeking personal development and positive life changes.
The idea is that by focusing on positive thoughts and emotions, you can manifest the outcomes you desire, but the problem is this isn’t always the case. You can’t manifest yourself out of. Horrible parents, you know, abusive parents. You can’t manifest yourself out of
. Being prey of the predators of the dark entities. That is the narcissist or, yeah, abusive people. And while the law of attraction, it can be motivating and uplifting in various scenarios, it seems like it’s. The law for the privilege its application in the context of healing from narcissistic abuse is deeply problematic.
So let’s explore /why. First of all, it is victim blaming. One of the key concerns when applying law of attraction to abuse healing is the potential for the victim blaming. You’ll automatically think, oh, well, I did something wrong and I attracted. They’re bad energy. That must mean I have bad energy deep down in the root of my shadow.
It’s like, no, you could be this bright, open-hearted, loving, light healer, and the moth is being attracted to the flame. It could be just as simple as that. Sometimes we’re surging for such a deep answer to our why that we forget and we completely ignore the real simplicity in front of us. And sometimes we don’t always know the real answer.
That’s not actually our quest here is to know the why. Our quest is to heal and tap into our amazing energy. And this law of attractions suggests that survivors. Attracted their abusers due to their own negative energy. And this implication is really harmful. And for some reason you start to feel like you’re responsible for the abuse that you endured.
But maybe you just were born into a shitty situation. Maybe you just were too naive and open-hearted and didn’t realize the wolf and the sheep’s clothing. That’s it. As simple as that. Doesn’t need to be any more complicated, any deeper. It’s not gonna erase the past. Once you find that answer, trust me, I’ve tried so many different avenues of trying to find the answer of why, and you know, the truth will always set you free, but that that requires time and that requires surrender and going, you know what?
I don’t know why. I just know it happened and now I get to choose to rise up and move forward. But this perspective, If you’re stuck in it. This is, I think, why so many times there’s this victim stuck cycle. Is it completely disregards the manipulative tactics employed by the narcissist? I mean, you are not manipulative.
Therefore, I. You’re not attracting manipulative, but the law of attraction states that, so this is almost like a bit of the narcissist ploy. You know, when they make you feel like you’re the narcissist, even though you’re not, and you’re questioning, am I the narcissist? The law of attraction can do the same thing for you on your healing journey, and it’s really, really toxic and you, you didn’t attract.
Their energy because you have bad energy, they’re just predators and they know that they can see weakness, right? They can smell blood a mile away, and you potentially had some weak chinks in your armor, either because you were not conscious or mindful because you have wounds. Just like everyone has wounds.
Uh, and they’re just, it. It minimizes the abuser’s responsibility, which is number two. When we’re like, oh, well, I had something wrong inside of me. I did something wrong. I was weak. Like I know. I’m guilty of thinking that in my own healing process, and it’s placing the focus on you, the survivor’s energy to shift the attention away from the abuser’s actions and behavior when it simply is just no.
They did not take responsibility. They made the wrong choice. They went down their dark path. They were the predator. And all of a sudden we’re all paying attention to what we can do. Yes, it’s what we can control, but we’re not putting up certain boundaries or consequences and holding as a community, as a society, holding the abusers actions responsible.
For instance, I have a great tiny example of how this can microaggression happen in childhood. You can have a child, a girl, Who is being chased by boys at school? You know the grade level, school level, and you know, you tell the girl, okay, well stop running, and then the girl will say, well, if I stop running, then they like still taunt me and hang out around me and like make weird faces at me.
That doesn’t really stop them from sending bad, weird, creepy vibes to you that’s just now making you surrounded by them. And why, you know, come to the, you know, go tell the teacher why is the teacher not scolding and reprimanding the boys and their behavior? Why is it always whoever is complaining and telling the teacher that they have to do something like this?
This is the micro stuff that really drives me crazy. That then just keeps on going, keeps on shifting and taking the energy away from the actual bad predators all the way up into adulthood. Emotional abuse is about power. It’s about control. It’s about being able to make you feel something, right that’s control and not about the survivor’s perceived energy.
So blaming survivors for their abuse, perpetrates a harmful cycle that allows abusers to avoid accountability and for everybody. Looking at the situation to avoid accountability, I just saw on Netflix there’s , the depth and the herd trial up. It’s a documentary. I’m so excited to watch it. It’s gonna be fascinating.
I have yet to still conclude which person was the Predator for the Prey in that scenario. Um, I really, it was, it just felt so triggering to me. I wasn’t really into it when it was actively. On because I just like, I don’t know. I can’t pick a side. I can’t do this. Like, I can’t even handle this crazy mess that is out here on full display.
But it, it’s, it’s, it is what it is. And this is a great example of what happens when we minimize /responsibility. And number three, this law of attraction is the invalidation of trauma. It invalidates your trauma If you’re like, well, I, I. I attracted this, so I deserve it, right? It’s my fault. No survivors.
You impasse of narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse. You often struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, and self blame, number one from your automatic thoughts. Number three, from the actual perpetrator telling you number three, from society who isn’t really, you know, holding accountable these perpetrators.
And then now you’ve got the spiritual world saying, oh, well you attracted it. So now you have all the shame and guilt. He’s like, how do you heal from that? You can’t heal when you’re always feeling guilty because now the source that you’re searching for or looking to is giving you blame. And it’s propagating this idea that your energy attracted the abuse and it really does worsen the feelings ’cause you already feel so confused and just isolated and awful.
So in validating the real trauma that you’ve experienced, Is definitely one of the biggest problems with the law of attraction, speaking to this energy.
Number four. There are so many complex dynamics of abuse. Emotional abuse is characterized by intricate manipulation tactics. Employed by the abuser, making it nearly impossible for the survivor to recognize the toxicity until it’s too late. So blaming the survivors for attracting this type of predator and abuse, it oversimplifies this complex dynamic and it really isn’t the truth.
It isn’t. You didn’t attract the predator ’cause you’re a predator. Like I’ve said in the past, in the podcast, maybe the attraction was just that you were looked like a vulnerable, weak lamb, and the wolf was ready to strike, and or, and or, yes. Both of those, you were strong, bright light, and the moth who is weak and insecure was attracted to your flame.
I would say there’s, those are just two out of the millions of different complex scenarios of why different energy and personality dynamics /attract so many different complexities. But I do know that there is a common thread with most all of you who I’ve drawn your chart is that you, almost all of you, I’m not gonna say all, ’cause there’s a percentage of you that do not have an open will center, but almost all, maybe I’ll call it 90%.
I’ll need to pull the data 90% ish of you have an open will center just like myself. And so you’re amplifying the other person’s will subconsciously. This is a complex dynamic of interacting on the energetic level. Then you also may have an open solar plexus, the emotional area of your chart that you are amplifying.
So when it’s open, you are more vulnerable to being conditioned to be swindled, to be, , Persuaded jump on someone else’s bandwagon. And that emotional solar plexus, you’re just more of an empath. You are amplifying and feeling what the other person feels, and you don’t like the feeling. So you’ll do anything that you can, even if it’s a toxic behavior yourself, you know, not holding to your boundaries and people pleasing.
You’ll do, you’ll do all that to get it out of your energetic body, to not feel it. So there’s so many other complex dynamics, regardless of just the basic predator prey to the emotional abuse tactics, the manipulation, the neglect, the lies, the gaslighting, all of that on top of the energetic play, right?
And then you’re like, then you’re sucked in. You’re into deep and now it’s too late and you’re really. Wrapped in this relationship. Of course you can get out of it, but it’s a lot more complex and difficult to get out. And the last one of how the law of attraction can be toxic for you, healing from narcissistic abuse is the disempowerment and the stigma.
So applying the law of attraction to healing from abuse can create a sense of disempowerment for you because it suggests that you have the power to control your abuse experience through your thoughts, right?
Thoughts become things that’s true. So it doesn’t quite line up if you’re attracting like energy to like energy, that means that your. Thinking about being abused? No. Like in your, in the subconscious depth of your mind? No. Still probably not. It just is what it is. And so this stigma of your thoughts, control, or that you can control your experiences through your thoughts, it’s I think just too simple.
Like it’s a way more complex. We can’t control everything, and that’s a bit of a narcissistic type of idea that you can control everything, that you can control your thoughts. Therefore, that controls your future. There’s so much more at play that we don’t know, right? That almost takes away the faith element, that takes away the complexity of the unknown of the future and so many other dynamics.
And you can’t control other people. So other people are gonna do unto you. Whatever the hell they wanna do. But if you can speak up and draw your boundaries and you teach people how to treat you, and if that means that they don’t like it and they discard you, then that’s their fault. That is not your fault.
That is not something that you couldn’t control and you failed. Like the outcome was never going to be a happy ending with that person. The outcome was always going to be, they don’t like the healthy dynamics of it. Boundary. They don’t like to introspect and take responsibility, so therefore , you can’t control them.
So this law of attraction is saying that you can control the abuse experiences through your thoughts. It’s BSS because you can’t control how the other person is treating you. You can only control what you tolerate in your life. And it’s just so far from reality. So it’s just another like spiritual bypassing type of like, Victim blaming lingo, which is really dangerous and it’s not okay.
You can form your reality by your choices, but not always by your thoughts. And you never, even on the subconscious level, whatever, choose to form a reality that you’re stuck in an abusive relationship that just happened because Earth other person did not have good intentions and. Is weak, insecure is an abuser, is a predator, just is what it is.
And so again, moreover, it’s stigmatizing you as a survivor is stigmatizing us, making us feel as though we somehow invited the abuse into our lives. And it’s just not true. So be careful with the information you’re receiving out there on the social media, especially your YouTube about the law of attraction.
Using it for good and positivity and healing, but not allowing it to hurt you and make you feel more guilty. Shame and blame because healing from narcissistic abuse, especially emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, it requires a compassionate. And a holistic approach that centers around self-care boundaries, your own finding, your own strength, your inner strength and truth therapy, support and education.
And you can find that help through therapy with a therapist in the privacy of your own home through our sponsor. Better help.com. The link is in the show notes because survivors, we need to understand that. We are not responsible for the abuse that we endured and that our healing is not tied to the law of attraction.
The law of attraction is just another concept, idea, and or tool to help your mind kind of get out of the victim mode possibly, depending on how far deep in the rabbit hole, how toxic you get. It’s supposed to help attract abundance and love and light. , but it, it’s just such a slippery slope. But then it’s like, but on the other hand, if you apply the same things, then it’s also attracting darkness and abuse and all this stuff, which just isn’t true.
So maybe it’s not the law of attraction that’s bringing you love and abundance. Maybe it’s just you and your light and your choices. /So while the law of attraction can be a valuable concept in certain life contexts, Applying it to healing from narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse, I think personally is counterproductive and harmful survivors.
We need dear empaths to be empowered to recognize the manipulation tactics used by the abusers and to seek support without shouldering unwarranted blame by dismantling the toxic myth that survivors attract abuse through our own energy. We can pave the way forward for a more empathic, inclusive, and effective healing journey. / Thank you so much for investing in yourself today to become more empowered and listening. And tuning into your own inner voice. Join our empath healing community for free and receive your free 10 day live narc free audio workshop. Grab your copy of the empath and the narcissist book.
Either on paperback, hardcover or audible. And look out in your emails for the upcoming workbook coming out soon. You can dive deeper with me and get your free human design chart. At. In the pinned post on Instagram at Raven Scott show. Or you can purchase your full reading to ask me as many questions as you have about your chart. Don’t forget to get professional help through our sponsor. Better help. Get 10% off. Your first month. By going to the link in the show notes.
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