“Leaning into yourself is such a gift to the world.”.”-Jessi @mefleurwellness Ep 26
Are you an HSP or empath? Learn how you can tap into your power with Human Design to live empowering lives! This episode will help deepen your understanding and reclaim control of your life and introduce you to gut health.
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Our guest today is Jessi Michelle Adani @merfleurwellness Jessi Michel Agadoni is a Natural Sensitive Guide and Restorative Healer.
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Here are some key moments:
- Childhood Conditioning
- Body Ailments as HSP
- Have a plan to heal your gut
- Enhance your digestion with your Human Design chart
- Emotional suppression from abuse and narcissist wrecks your body
Gut Health and Human Design for HSP
For highly sensitive empaths, the Human Design system can provide a powerful tool for unlocking their true potential and living empowered lives. In this comprehensive guide, learn how to tap into natural qualities in order to reclaim control of your life and maximize your innate intuition and creativity.
Utilize the Power of Focus & Intention in Life and Decision Making.
Utilizing the power of focus & intention when making decisions or charting a course in life can make a huge difference. It’s important to take intentional steps towards your goals, while also balancing the need for mindfulness and absorbing what is naturally around you. By following this path of self-exploration and mindful decision-making, you will be able to access an even greater level of awareness and flow for yourself!
Create a Support System
Empaths need healthy supportive relationships to keep their mental health in check. Surround yourself with people who will listen without judgment or bias. Reach out to your family and friends when you’re feeling distressed, talk it out and take comfort in being around those that understand. Encourage positive self-talk, replace any negative thoughts with positive ones as much as possible. Additionally, connect with an understanding therapist who can help you work through the emotional symptoms of anxiety that are often caused by a traumatic experience.
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About our guest
Jessi Michel Agadoni is a Natural Sensitive Guide and Restorative Healer.
Sensitive from birth Jessi spent much of her life feeling different and out of place in this world. Her body struggled to handle the common human experience and she was often told she was too much. She repressed her sensitive nature to fit in and it quickly manifested into physical illness. Over the past 15+ years Jessi dove deep into the healing world and slowly began to rebuild her body. It wasn’t until she discovered Dr. Elaine Aron’s work on Sensory Processing Sensitivity that she began to understand her unique self. Honoring her sensitivity became the focus that accelerated her healing journey.
In 2018 she was introduced to Human Design and gained immense clarity. As a 6/2 emotional Manifestor with the left angle cross of healing, Jessi began to understand her path. Healing her body became a calling that was much greater than herself. She opened up a practice called Mêrfleur Wellness, where she now teaches Sensitives how to rebuild their calm and resiliency to create sustainable health.
She deeply believes that if all Sensitives live in alignment with their sensitivity the world will be a much more beautiful and peaceful place. Her purpose is to help Sensitives cultivate success without succumbing to constant overwhelm, anxiety, depression, auto-immunity, or any other body imbalance that could prevent them from having the impact they are called to have on this world!
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26. How highly sensitive empaths can live empowered with Human design
Raven: Welcome to the Empath and the Narcissist podcast, where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse. I am your host Raven Scott,
a trauma informed spiritual mentor, certified meditation teacher, and human design expert. I’m empowering empaths three times a week in recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse, childhood trauma through human design, self-care, mindfulness advice, and expert interviews. This is season five
Episode 26, how highly sensitive impasse can live empowered . Through human design You are more than enough right now and. Gosh, just being yourself leaning into who you are in this moment is such a gift to the world. You’ve been given such amazing talents and special, special abilities, that are needed more than ever, and so healing in all of that is just allowing you to be . A greater impact on this world,
Raven: Are you a HSP, highly sensitive person or empath? Today in this episode with our guest, Jessica McCluer, learn how you can tap into the power of human design to live an empowered life. This conversation, we will guide you and help you deepen your understanding of your sensitivities.
Maybe some childhood traumas or conditioning. And to help you reclaim the control back over your life. Through our discussion also about human design, . .
Jessie Michelle Adani is a natural sensitive guide and a restorative healer sensitive from birth. Jessie spent much of her life feeling different and out of place in the world. Her body struggled to handle the common human experience and she was often told she was too much. That’s her manifestor energy.
She repressed her sensitive nature to fit in and it quickly manifest. Into physical illness over the past 15 years, Jessie dove deep into the healing world and slowly began to rebuild her body. It wasn’t until she discovered Dr. Elaine Aaron’s work on sensory processing sensitivity, that she began to understand her unique self.
Honoring her sensitivity became the focus that accelerated her healing journey. In 2018. She was introduced to human design and gained immense clarity as she is a six two emotional manifestor with a left angle cross of healing. You see, as I read that, I, and I know her just in this conversation, I’m like, yes, she is living according to her human design chart, and I know you may be confused.
What I just said, 62 is her profile, . So that’s a role model hermit, which is just like, Emotional is her inner authority. So she needs to wait her entire cycle to make the right decision. And manifestor is her type. , she is to wait for inspiration and just do it. And her incarnation cross is like her major life theme and is where you can find your purpose.
So for her, her incarnation cross is healing and she. Dove deep into understanding that her path is here to help others heal their body, healing her body, and then being a role model to guide others into healing their body. She opened up a practice called MeFleur Wellness, where she now teaches sensitives how to rebuild their calm and resiliency to create sustainable health.
. She deeply believes that if all sensitives live in alignment with their sensitivity, the world will be as much more beautiful and peaceful place. Her purpose is to help sensitives cultivate success without succumbing to the constant overwhelm, anxiety, depression, autoimmunity, or any other body imbalance that could prevent them from having the impact that they are.
To have in this world. And so without further ado, let’s dive into this enthralling conversation.
Hello. Welcome to the podcast, Jesse.
Jessi: Oh, thank you for having me. Raven
Raven: I am really, really excited for this conversation because already before pre-record, we’re just like jamming and jiving on the same vibration. So I’m so excited to share your energy and your wisdom with the empaths listening.
Raven: So let’s just like dive into this. The, the pressing question is as a sense, As an empath, what is holding us back?
Like what is making us feel stuck and repressing our emotions?
Jessi: Oh my gosh, that’s such a big question. . I love
Raven: we’re on the deep end already. .
Jessi: That’s my favorite. Yeah. Weem Pets don’t like to talk shallow. We like to go directly into the heart of things, so I love
Raven: Yeah, my Pisces is totally opposite of my son, so I’m bringing that out today.
Jessi: Beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah. So what is holding us back? What is causing us to repress emotions as sensitives? Man? I would say fear of rejection would be the number one thing that comes to mind, because , all of us, I think even as, , we put on the label of empath or sensitive, we can get even boxed in with that, right?
So I wanna acknowledge that every empath and every sensitive is unique, right? We all experience our sensitivity and our ability to step into other people’s experiences differently. So I can only speak from my personal experience and then I’ve also had the honor of working with sensitives, over the last four years.
So, , A lot of clinical data as well, but what I’ve seen time and time again, Is this experience of massive rejection for us just being us. And of course that starts when we’re just kiddos, right? When we’re, honestly, I could even say as infants when we’re trying to express our needs and our parents are like, , they don’t know any different, they weren’t trained in any of this sweet souls.
They had no idea what was happening. All the parents that were not sensitive and then were blessed with a sensitive child, it’s like, holy cow.
Jessi: but , they just tried to sue us, , in any way. They knew how from their toolbox, but oftentimes it wasn’t the right fit. And so from, what is it from zero to, there’s debate in seven to 10, , is when we imprint, is when we learn, , how we’re meant to manage and.
Process and express and experience our emotions. And so if during that time period we were taught that how we naturally felt about something was wrong or false or too much, that’s how we interpreted it. And so I think I’ve seen, and especially I’ve seen this in myself, that right away we as sensitives lose trust in ourselves.
And so any emotion that comes forward, we don’t believe. and we quickly shove it down because we’re like, we’ve been told this isn’t. Because if, if I’m feeling scared by watching a movie and everyone else like, this isn’t scary, you’re a baby. Or like, I’m feeling, really overwhelmed by just going to the grocery store by all the information I’m taking in, right?
All of the data, all of the people and all of their emotions that I’m picking up on. Because as a child, you don’t have any boundaries. You don’t know unless you’re taught, , by very, very, like, Adult, which is so rare. And so you’re just, , drowning in that. And so maybe you have, it looks like a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store, and that’s every parent’s nightmare, right?
So they’re trying to like quiet you down and like just be quiet, , like, here, take this, this. And so you’re taught that it’s not okay that what you’re feeling is not normal. And so, like I said, you, you start to lose trust and so you have to. Say, I’m in that grocery store and I feel overwhelmed, but everyone else around me looks calm.
So then I have to go, okay, I have to become calm. So what do I do with these emotions? I’m gonna shove ’em. And this is kind of an energetic thing, but I think some of us. , , might have a hard time processing, but it literally goes into our organs, , and, and I should say there’s part of our brain too, the amygdala that stores it, right?
And then it literally translates into being stored into certain organ systems. And that’s something I, I love talking about. But, my little health nerd is peeking right now, is peeking up.
Raven: Which organs? I’m thinking, Ooh. Where
And before she answers that question, let’s go to a quick, Quick commercial. break. Yeah. , so I think the biggest one for us is anger. Because they’re deep down underneath feeling misunderstood.
Jessi: It says anger that it’s like, why can’t I just be myself? And that goes straight to your liver, gallbladder. So almost every sensitive that I work with has liver, gallbladder, congestion, or backup or dysfunction. So, we can talk about that. . , I think just right off the bat, we don’t know. We don’t trust ourselves and so we just take on what everyone else around us is doing, and as an adult that can start to translate into people pleasing, right?
And we become, typically, we’re the good child because we’re just trying to fit in and not be rejected.
Raven: my God. I was just telling my daughter that this morning, she’s like, did you like fake being sick not to go to school? And I was like, no, I was a good child.
But in the back of my head I’m like, I know why I didn’t wanna get in trouble. I didn’t wanna be rejected. I didn’t want to like
Jessi: you’re constantly trying to like make up for who you are because you don’t feel like you. Right. Like there’s something off. And so we are constantly trying to like micromanage and like, yeah, there’s so much, I, I talk a lot about, the difference between like our natural, especially if, if anyone that’s listening is aligns with the highly sensitive person.
Label, , you can use it or not, but if you align with those traits, it’s the sensory processing sensitivity trait that is something you’re born with. I always like to differentiate between that and what I call developed sensitivity. Have you talked about that on
Raven: Oh, well that was one of my questions is like, are we born sensitive or is this something developed? So let’s dive into that
Jessi: Yes. So this is one of my most favorite topics because it’s very, misunderstood. A typical writer, . So, okay, so there’s, and I’m speaking specifically, not every empath is necessarily, A natural, what I call a natural sensitive or a highly sensitive person Only and only this, right? And no one else can tell you who you are.
So don’t ever let someone label you or reject a label for you, like you get to decide this, right? But. A highly sensitive person is Dr. Elaine Erin. She’s the originator of that, that label. Would describe and how, what I would call a natural sensitive cause I like that term a little better, is someone that literally comes into the world, like in their mother’s womb.
They have developed this sensory processing sensitivity trait. It is not something that you can get rid of. It’s not something that you can gain later. It is something you are born with. It’s innate, okay? So when you come into the world right off the bat, you are processing information differently. And that’s literally what it is.
It’s not it’s not like on the autism scale or spectrum, which I think a lot of people get confused on that too, cuz of the terminology. But what it means is that you simply take in a lot more information. There’s more nuance to it. The basic general takeaway, so when I walk into a room, I’m a natural sensitive, I am picking up on all sorts of layers of things.
I’m picking up on the energy of the room, the emotion of all the people standing around me. The, the colors are more vibrant. I have a crazy sense of smell, like there’s just a lot there. I always describe it as I enter into like a 40 3d, or excuse me, 40 fived, whereas most people are at the 3d, right? And that doesn’t make me better.
This is just my unique skillset. Everyone else has their unique skillset, and we all are meant to come and bring our skillsets to create a beautiful, robust world. But my unique skillset, or anyone else that is natural sensitive, their unique skillset is that ability to pick up on a lot of detail and information and then to process it really fast.
So that is an innate gifting. There’s something called, , in our world, especially in the health world, sensitivity is a word that’s used often. So this is why I’ve had to really get nitty gritty about the differences because I work in, , the health world. So when we hear things like food sensitivities or, you’re sensitive to smell or you’re emotionally sensitive, like.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a natural sensitive, because anyone can gain those type of developed sensitivities because those can be based off of health imbalances. So, anyone can get a congested liver and then be very, very attuned to certain smells, but as soon as they clear their liver, their smell capacity drops.
Not in a bad way, but it’s not as heightened. It’s not hyper. It’s not hyperactive. Where, let me give you another example. So the other side would be,
Jessi: Anyone can experience trauma and then develop sensitivities. Based off of that, , there’s a lot of talk right now about hypervigilance, and just being in that state of extreme awareness of things, which can look very similar to being a natural sensitive, if you’re just looking at it, , from the out.
Side. But once you heal your trauma, once you do some beautiful therapy, like E M D R work or , brain spotting or anything, there’s so many great modalities out there now, right? You might lose that where you’re like, oh, I’m not as like hypervigilant. I’m not as hyperactive. I’m not hyper responding to that anymore.
That means that it was a developed sensitivity. Right? And you, you actually do wanna clear that that’s important.
Raven: Yeah, cuz the hypervigilance, like you’re mentioning, is typically not something where it’s a gift that’s gonna help with processing information. It’s like this is hypervigilant for survival under stress. So releasing that and clearing that is good for you.
Jessi: Yeah. The bottom line question to ask is, is, is this my authentic self? Is this my healthiest self? And it can be a bit muddled when you’re both, and that’s what I wanna talk about is if you’re naturally sensitive, I describe it as like, this is your foundation. And for those that are just listening, I’m using my hands right now.
Raven: She’s drawing the bottom of a pyramid.
Jessi: The bottom of the pyramid. And then on top of that you have your developed sensitivity, right? So I really think that everyone has developed sensitivity. So the question is underneath that, do you also have natural sensitivity? And the easiest way to answer that is, when you ask if you have access to your parents and they have memories, do you remember being told or do you, do they remember you being really sensitive as an infant?
That’s a really easy way to kind of figure it out. And one of the things I’ve noticed is most sensitive children are typically, labeled as colic. So if you had a lot of colic as a
Raven: born, oh my God. Horrible
Jessi: Yeah, if you had a lot of ear infections,
if you, if you were constantly, I’m, , I’m talking about, I’m, I grew up in the 80, like the late eighties, so they gave how doctors dealt with sensitive childs back then children.
Back then it was like a lot of antibiotics. A lot of like, let them cry it out. , like, so ask your parents like, , did I cry a lot? Did you have to like, let me cry it out? Did you have to put me on antibiotics a lot? Did I just like suddenly start losing it for no reason? Did I not, was I really shy?
Like those are some things that can come forward in a highly sensitive child.
Raven: Negative connotations. Like do ? Labeled as a, having a temper.
Jessi: Mm. Yes. Yeah. Did you have meltdowns a lot as as a toddler? That’s a big one.
Raven: Well, I think in our generation they call them temper tantrums, not meltdowns.
Jessi: Yeah. In my generation they were called. Yeah. Well, my, my mom actually called them. She would, she would describe it, oh, Jessie’s having another meltdown, cuz I’d be that perfect, beautiful child. , they’re like a plus child.
And then I would. Meltdown because I, I couldn’t hold it any longer. And then I just basically exploded.
Jessi: just balled for hours. And they were like, what is wrong with her? So like, if you asked my mom, she would, to this day, she would say, oh, you were just such a happy child. And then you would have these random meltdowns.
And I’m like, yes, mom, let me explain that that’s called repression . No. She, she’s amazing. But she, , they didn’t know she. Stand, she’s not sensitive herself. So, she didn’t have that ability to step into my shoes. But yeah, that’s, that’s a big way to kind of differentiate the two. And, and as an adult, the beautiful thing is that we have the choice to become aware of the developed trauma and the developed sensitivities.
And I think it’s part of our journey to, over the years, gently clear that that top layer. And then what’s cool is you get to know your natural sensitivity. Like when I work with clients and we do, , a lot of, like I do a lot. Toxin clearing, like mycotoxin if you’ve been exposed to mold. I do a lot of, gut healing, like deep gut resets.
I do a lot of really deep work. Typical, right? Sensitive. We’re like, we’re not going shallow, we’re going deep. And so clients come to me knowing they’re sensitive, but once we clear some of these, Big blocks cuz like for example, your gut microbiome really dictates your mood and your perspective. And we reset that and maybe we use some, like I do nutritional brain therapy too.
So like we, we reset there on your transmitters and they’re like, oh my gosh, like the world is so much brighter, I feel my capacity so much greater. Then they’re like, oh wait, that that thing that I thought was my sensitivity is gone. . And I’ve had some people even realize like, maybe I’m not naturally sensitive cuz I actually feel really great now.
And then it’s like, that’s wonderful. That means you just had developed sensitivity and now you’re, , you’re good to go. There’s no right or wrong. You don’t have to be sensitive. It doesn’t make you better or worse. Right. But then for my ones that, are they clear And they’re like, yeah, no, I still interesting.
This sensitivity stayed where this one left. Okay. So that was a developed sensitivity where this is my natural. Authentic sensitivity cuz every sensitive’s different, right? So, you may be naturally sensitive in one particular way where your friend who’s also naturally sensitive, it expresses in another way, which is really cool.
So it’s a fun journey, but it can be a bit murky until you kind of clear some of the layers to know who you really are.
Raven: Yes. I mean, you’ve got your whole child childhood conditioning, you have school, friends, society, God, and then if you meet a toxic person and you fall in love with them, let’s say they’re a narcissist, then you have all that repressed motion. and you’re holding it all in your gut. I remember not being able to eat towards the end like anything.
I started to develop all of these different allergies or Yeah, you would say sensitivities, removing all of these things from my diet. And I went to a nutritionist. She said, well, you’re not eating anything. Like, all I was eating was salad . And she’s like, you need to eat more. And I was like, but I can’t because it was that gut, imbalance.
Jessi: Yeah, you, you created what I call the everything free diet. Cuz it’s so popular now to just like do a test for sensitivities and then you remove all of ’em. But the problem is if you don’t heal, if you don’t clear the pathogens in the gut and heal the gut lining, then the new food that you bring in to replace it just becomes your new sensitivities.
Cuz the issue is that permeable lining, which the trendy term for that is leaky. Right. So your immune system just starts to react to really anything that you eat and then you can’t eat anything. . People come to me like, Jess, I literally can’t eat anything. I’m like, I know. Like, we’re gonna, we’re gonna fix that
Yeah. So I, , little tip for anyone listening, do not eliminate food from your diet without a plan to heal and seal the gut, because then you’re just gonna cause more issues and it’s just gonna, you’re gonna end up like raven, not be able to eat anything but lettuce
Raven: Yeah, I was like a rabbit
Jessi: Oh honey. Yeah.
Raven: why I had i b s
Jessi: going on?
Raven: was ra, , and I was an, as a situational alcoholic, so it was alcohol and lettuce and if I, if when I was really hungry, I would eat something with bread, but then I would. Suffer after
Jessi: yeah, yeah. But you needed that bread cuz your adrenals were probably so drained. Yeah,
Raven: I was
Jessi: that’s the other thing. Yeah, that’s the other thing, like sensitives, um. Have to eat a little. Differently. Well, I should say we live, we have to live differently, right? That’s like the umbrella, . And then under that, like, , we we’re, we’re called like, we actually need carbohydrates.
I know, like keto and on fasting. And these are all really trendy right now. And I’m, I’m the one lone voice being like, don’t. Do it you’re sensitive. But there’s, yeah, there’s, there’s so much about how our bodies function as sensitive. That is different. And, and not that we can’t do things that others do, but we have afil.
We need to have a filter that we look through and that we go, okay, I hear that. Thank you for that information. Now I’m gonna maybe experiment with myself, but be honest about how my body’s responding. And, for example, , I, I’m intermittent fasting’s like huge right now, right? It’s been huge for a couple years and, and especially for female sensitives, it can be really damaging to the hormones.
If you’re menopausal, it’s a little different. But if you’re a cycling female sensitive. , it can just wreck you. But people are just like, no, I’m waiting for it to work. I’m waiting for it to work. ? Or I lost those first five, 10 pounds and then I’m gonna like stay on it. But it doesn’t, it just starts depleting the body so massively.
And then the liver gallbladder, that’s already overloaded because you’re a sensitive, then you can’t process your fats. And that’s all that, . It’s just, there’s so much stuff that comes forward. So,
Raven: Oh wow. I know. And there’s just too much to it. So, , I’m, I’m a Virgo. I’m very much health conscious, but I had to find, because that was something of a pain point that the narcissist did on me, like, you have to always be this weight. , you need to be super skinny. Like good women only eat salads and all this thing.
When I left I was like, Costco hotdogs every day here I come like, just give it to me. Give it to me. Like, and I’ve just balanced it out now where I just eat whatever I want in moderation. I just, whatever my intuitive senses feels like I need, I eat. And I don’t feel guilty about it. But that’s taken like 12 years to get there.
But, , yeah.
Jessi: Well, yeah. Cuz you had to move through all that programming and reset it. And your nervous system even, even if once, , in your mind it’s not true, your nervous system still doesn’t trust it. And then so there’s rebuilding at the multiple layers. Yeah, man. What is your, do you mind me asking what your human design is real quick?
Raven: yeah. Peer generator.
Jessi: Okay. And then do your variables? I, do what your digestion is?
Raven: Let me think. Let me think. I can remember my husband’s, I’m trying to, I can’t remember mine. What
Jessi: Do what your arrows are on your chart?
Raven: I’d have to re-pull them back up. I know for sure. I’m an observer, right? The
arrow. I don’t know. Should we pull it up? Would that be helpful for people? Okay.
Jessi: it up. If you, if you can pull one up where you can see your arrows at the top. I can help you figure out your digestion a little bit. Or if you’ve ever, if you heard of, Jenna Zoe,
And that’s huge because that’s such a big way to know. I use that with all my clients.
There’s many different forms of digestion. , some people. Need to eat in, in light bright settings. Some people need to eat actually more at night. Some people I’m, what’s known as open, and so for me it’s really important to eat seasonally and to eat what tastes good to me and to be very like, predictable about my food.
So diversity is actually not good for me. Everyone’s a little different, so it’s a really beautiful. Insight, for anyone that’s trying to navigate their own health, this helps you digest your food best. So kind of regardless of what you’re eating, this is gonna help you break it down, which I’m such a fan of that like you always wanna focus on digestion before you change your diet because it really, you could eat.
A paper plate or a piece of fruit . And if you’re not digesting it almost doesn’t matter, ? So, it’s important to enhance digestion and then from there you can enhance the diet. So, yeah. But
Raven: I’m just pulling it up because I couldn’t find my chart on my computer,
Jessi: no worries.
Raven: but I know my birth information, like the back of my hand,
Jessi: Perfect. Yeah, and I can send you the link too. Did you find it?
Raven: I found it. Yeah.
Raven: Yeah. Okay, so what My arrows, which arrow is my digestion?
Jessi: So hers will actually be, just scroll down to the bottom right and it’ll actually tell you what your digestion is. Oh, you’re hot. Okay. Yeah.
Raven: I’ve been craving soup, like I always love soup. That’s like always my mission to eat soup. And I’m married to an Asian, so that’s perfect. There’s always eat Pho
or he, you.
Jessi: Yeah. So for you, even like lukewarm is, is okay, but you don’t ever, you don’t really wanna be bringing in colds and, and it’s not meant to be so lemony that you’re like, you can never have ice cream or something. But, but you just know, like, like the way I would interpret that is if I was gonna have some ice cream and I had hot digestion, I would make sure I took a lot of enzymes with it or something just to kind of, I, it’s the awareness of, okay, this is a little bit more challenging for my, my body to break down.
Doesn’t mean I can’t. , but I’m just gonna support my body in the process of it, ? But on the whole, like, maybe like 75% of my diet is gonna be warm to hot food. So even in the summer, ,
Raven: prefer a hot latte with, with whipped cream versus ice cream. I would choose that over the ice
Jessi: Yeah. And that’s, that’s so wonderful. So having that insight, for anyone that’s listening, it’s a really easy thing to do. I’m a big fan of Jenna. Zoe actually trained through her program for human design, but she really breaks him down and makes it less. Complicated cuz human design can get really nitty gritty.
Jessi: love that about it, but it is a lot. So she makes it really simple. She also has an app that’s like fantastic. So it’s my human design.com. I’m just, anytime I can talk about her work I do. But yeah, that way you can find out your digestion and so much more, too as well, obviously with human design.
Jessi: that’s a fun little rabbit
Raven: Oh, I love that. I love that rabbit traill. Thank you for that. That’s gonna be a great tool for everyone listening. And going back to. Programming. We talked about the programming and how that wrecked my brain and then my nervous system and having to, , take this digestion journey of, I would say probably evened out around 10 years.
So just everyone have hope. It’s not gonna happen right away. But what is your, what is your story? Let’s backtrack into that, and do you have some experience about maybe emotional suppression or narcissists in your life?
Jessi: Oh yeah.
I mean, doesn’t every sensitive at this point
Jessi: Yeah. So, okay, let me begin from the beginning. Beginning. Yeah. So I always like to kind of talk about just coming into the world cuz I personally have come to believe that we. , our free will starts even before we enter into, , the womb. So I’ve come into. The acceptance that I chose. My parents and my precious parents are the most lively, playful people. They’re young spirits. And I am an old, old spirit Like I’m an 85 year old woman in my 34 year old body. It’s, it’s old. So I came into their lives, I think, to learn a. and to also learn how to be lighter and more playful.
But right off the. I was a surprise. And so when I came into their lives, my mom was really young. My dad was, they’re both in their twenties, , which now we would consider that young back then, maybe not so much, but, but they hadn’t really experienced much of life. And so I, I was their first big responsibility I would say.
And, I was a challenge to them. And so, , it’s, it’s been a journey because my first zero to eight years were really challenging. They had a lot of stress in their lives, and I took that on right off the bat, especially as an old soul. I really, even, I think in the womb, my parents were under a lot of stress, and they’re both really, to speak human design.
They’re both manifesters, which I am too. So this is super.
Raven: rare. All three of you
Jessi: all three of us. And for anyone listening that knows anything about manifestors, we’re strong spirits
Raven: Yeah. Yeah.
Jessi: So to have two manifestors? Yeah. Yeah. So like, think, , astrology wise, like really intense Aries type energy. Yeah. Which I am. And Aries, so the two of them were, had a lot of.
Strong personality. And so when they were first married it was a bit tough and I was in the womb during that time. So I really, I think, took in a lot of that. So my parents were really strong spirits and I really absorbed that in the womb I feel. And so when I came out, I right away I was a crying baby. My parents always talked about how I would scream, like scream. And so that also was imprinted on me of my parents talking about how I was a really challenging baby, right?
So, , that’s fun. But right away, like whether they meant to or not, I received the message that I was a burden, that I was too much. And so I shoved everything down. And like I said, my mom to this day would describe me as like a really happy child that had these random meltdowns and. As a young kid, I lived in constant fear of disappointing, and so I was always, always trying to be good.
, in elementary school was like I had to get the best grades. I had to be the teacher’s, pets, like every adult had to adore me, and if they didn’t, I was emotionally wrecked, like crying, thinking the world was coming to
Raven: Oh my gosh. I can relate. Anyone else, listen, thing can relate.
Jessi: Oh my gosh. Yeah, I, and growing up I did a lot of theater. So basically my whole, from like eight to 18, I did theater.
And as much as that was a beautiful experience, that I’m very obviously comfortable talking and being in front of people and stuff, the audition process really wrecked me because, My parents, I think, , there’s a lot in their own lives. They had a lot of trauma. A lot of trauma themselves, and so they were very kind of critical naturally.
And so I, , again, trying to be perfect and then having criticism met, in a situation like an audition where you’re being judged, I would just lose it. I’d go into what I call, sensitive stage fright. It’s a term I’ve made up because I, , literally would lose access to anything and everything.
So this happened even in school, anytime I was being judged. Critiqued. Whether it was knowledge that I had or my own natural gifting of singing or acting, whether it was having to remember something I’d memorized, I would know it perfectly five minutes before and then lose full access. It’s like I lost the key to my mind.
Does that make sense? And it was such a challenge. I always joke that it’s like, I know it’s there, but I just like can’t unlock the tour. And it was maddening because I, I knew I, I had it, but I couldn’t access it. So that was a big part of it. And then I would immediately feel like a failure, , and all these things. So growing up it was a lot of just feeling like I wasn’t enough.
I wasn’t enough. And there was, , I haven’t really talked about this much, but my mom and I had a really close relationship and it was unhealthy because she had a lot of trauma and, I was a sensitive that was, would do anything and everything to be loved and accepted. And so she, again, not knowing what she was doing, basically made me. and started treating me like a friend. And I took on the responsibility of my mom’s life, took on the responsibility of my parents’. Marriage took on the responsibility of our family’s everything. And again, my mom’s not an empath. My dad’s. I think is , but my mom is not. So she had no conscious awareness of my ability to absorb everything.
So I’m now, I used to be very angry at her, but now I’m at the point where I can see that she didn’t have any. she just didn’t know what she was doing. But I fully merged with her, is the term I use. And, there was massive codependence and I literally, like, if she was even the slightest bit sad, I was deeply sad, , I magnified her emotions and I had to fix it.
Like I, so I would perform, or I’d play music or I’d sing for her or I’d dance, or I’d tell her that something amazing happened or I’d go and do something, , or I’d, and she, of course, she loved it. Because who doesn’t love someone that can feel every little bit that’s off with you and can make you feel better?
And so I think we developed this kind of unhealthy, addictive relationship where, , and , I, I don’t know if my mom would identify and she probably would not wanna receive the term narcissist, but I think we created that kind of relationship where,
Raven: gonna say, you don’t even have to be diagnosed with it. That just sounds like a dynamic of what happens. And sometimes the person in your life may not be N P D, but they certainly are emotionally crippled to the point where you just develop that addictive, codependent relationship. Yes.
Jessi: exactly. And I think one thing too, I’m, I used to like use that term liberally, but I’ve started to realize I think it’s being used too much. And so now I don’t, I don’t label anyone with that unless they choose to receive the label themselves. But I do you. There was a relationship there that was very unhealthy and I was very much too dependent on her emotional status.
Like that determined my value. And so we eventually, , came apart when I was in probably like 15 when I started to drive and I started to have some independence and I started really getting to spend time with other families. She started panicking because, , she was losing me, or at least I should say, losing the old.
Jessi: I was starting to realize, oh, I’m a separate person. I have like other dreams and ideas of the world that are different. Like we don’t see everything the same way. And it was both exciting and terrifying. And also it was, there’s a lot of grief involved because my mom didn’t know how to process that and she, she received it as rejection and then so she turned around and rejected me, and so I received it as this intense.
If you aren’t who I want you to be, then I reject you. Which she may or may not have meant to do that, but that’s how I interpreted it. And so I immediately took that as like, oh, if I’m not exactly who people want me to be, they’re gonna reject me. And that became a huge program that I then took forward into my adult life.
Right. And that. , case in point, people pleasing
Raven: yes. We all can relate to.
Jessi: So the rest of , my, my teens and twenties and early thirties, , were all spent like just managing everyone’s expectations of me and just if I felt even the slightest bit that someone was disappointed with me, I. Cleared everything from my life and just steered in and focused on them and gave them my everything to the point of my own health detriment.
But, until they were like, good again. And then it was like, okay, I could relax. Right? Like it, there’s just this intense, like, I must be accepted and I can’t ever do anything wrong.
Raven: Can I ask you a question in your chart is your solar plexus is open or defined?
Jessi: it’s defined.
Raven: Interesting. I always like to ask that question because this is certainly an, an issue and an easy problem for open solar plexus, but this sounds like a conditioned sensitivity versus the natural innate. Yes. Okay.
Jessi: Yes. And this is a little like. I dunno why the word came to me. Quibble, . I don’t even know if that’s a real world . I make up words all the time, so I have to double check. But , when we talk about, like a lot of people in human design assume that if a center is defined, that it means that you’re not sensitive or if it’s open you are sensitive.
And I actually have some thoughts on that because, if you’re a natural sensitive, you’re sensitive all across the. . And so I would say even on your human design chart, I don’t know, I’m still, this is a. A concise conclusion. , this is in process, but I don’t feel like I’ve been able to determine quite yet through human design, like where natural se sensitivity shows up because I’ve, I’ve had access to so many sensitives and it’s just not clear.
But I would say for me, even though my solar plexus is defined, I’m open in my, sle. And the spleen carries a lot of emotion, specifically fear. So what I’ve come to realize, I’ve, , since learning that I’ve really observed, like, okay, what is it that I’m picking up from other people as an empath?
Okay, so it’s not necessarily like, , , the solo plexus is general emotion. I pick up on people’s fears a ton. I pick up on people’s thoughts cuz my mind is open. I pick up on people’s opinions cuz my and is open. I pick up on people’s intensity and drive because my root is open. I pick up on, , just this like all like I’m open everywhere else basically.
So I pick up on all of that from other people. So I. two. With MPAs, we assume that it’s just emotion we’re picking up, but we’re not. We’re picking up on anything that we could step into. And so for me, I do have a little bit more of a strong. Awareness of my emotion in my authenticity. Right? Cuz human design shows you your true, authentic self in that chart.
So you’re right, I do have a layer of condition or developed sensitivity based off my relationship with my mom and other people in my life that has caused that to, caused me to look like an open solar plexus. So as I clear that, , I’ll be less, , attuned to that or less. It’ll affect me less dramatically, but I’m still very open, specifically in the emotion of fear and then all the thoughts and opinions.
So it’s interesting to kind of be able to, these are very nuanced, , observations.
Raven: I feel like this is like human design, advanced, but, but it’s, it’s really interesting because that is the thing I always get stuck up on like the boxes of, oh, you’re an open solar plexus, or you’re a defined solo plexus. But you’re right. It’s like, what else is
at play? Yeah. What else is open?
And then the conditioning, you can still condition a defined center. It’s not like a defined. is defiant. I mean, sometimes they can be, but , not always.
Jessi: Yeah, and I, so for anyone that has a defined solar plexus that maybe has been in the human design world and been confused cuz they’re like, wait, does that mean I’m not an empath? Or does that mean I’m not as sensitive? No, that’s baloney. Like if you, if you are picking up on stuff like you, that’s it.
Like only you can really know you. Now what it may mean is that as you heal, you may notice that you’re not as like sensitive. All the emotions. It may be like something specific like with me, like fear or you’re like, gosh, I can just always tell when someone has an opinion. ? And I know what their opinion is.
Like I’m very sensitive to like getting, , easily persuaded or, I receive other people’s ideas all the time and I think they’re mine, but they’re actually someone else’s. And like, so it’s, it’ll show up in different ways. But I think that’s a perfect example of like how our world is always trying to box us in, ?
And even. Systems. Like no system is perfect too. So use it in a way that helps you. And if you find that it’s trapping you, like for me, my energy is a manifestor. And when I found that out, I was like, honestly, I was horrified. , it’s like, wait, manifestors are supposed to be these like terrible people, , that’s like Hitler and whatever.
But then I found out like, oh, well that’s in Unhealth, , that’s, but
Raven: the unhealthy they always have to showcase. Just like everything up the negative always gets way more newsfeed than . The
Jessi: I was, and also when I found out I was in Aries, I was like, what are these intense energies? Like I don’t relate to this at all, but it’s, you always have to dig into the systems too, , cuz I’m, I’m a six two emotional Manny, and I’m super open and I have my, my cross is all about healing and so I actually have a very projector vibe to me, which is
Raven: And yeah, you do. And six two is, role model hermit for everyone who doesn’t know what six two means. Yes.
Jessi: Yeah. Yeah. So like teacher introvert, introverted
Raven: Yeah, that’s me too. I’m a six two.
Jessi: Oh, you’re saying too? I love it. Yeah. Yeah. So it’s, , and even with the Aries, it’s like, oh, but I have like, , mercury and Pisces and like I have, so there’s so many other layers that you’re like, oh, and my risings Capricorn. And so it’s a very muted Aries.
And so you just can’t take things and be like, oh my gosh, like. Let it ride. Learn more about the system. And again, if you don’t like it and it doesn’t bring forward your best self, then just dump it, , or just release the part of it that doesn’t feel like it fits and, and bring in the other things.
It’s, it’s all meant to be helpful and not a hindrance. , we don’t wanna, even the label of empath or sensitive, like if, if that’s trapping you. , like let it go. And then when it feels good, you can bring it back in. Like, I play with it all the time, ? So don’t feel like you have to fit into these things.
Like they’re just meant to be supportive, right?
Raven: I love that. Yeah. That’s the thing is don’t let it box you in and don’t box other people in because you think them based off of their system.
Jessi: tempting . Oh my gosh, I love it. It’s
Raven: calling people narcissists when they’re not diagnosed.
Raven: what Ev? Every time, the answer always is, it doesn’t matter what they are, if they’re mentally diagnosed or not, if they’re not treating you right, if they’re manipulating you, if you don’t feel good around them, then they shouldn’t be around you.
Yeah. Put up a boundary. Doesn’t matter what they are.
Raven: , my husband was just joking last night. He was like, what? When I was younger, they were just called assholes and now people are calling them narcissists.
Raven: Who cares what they’re
Jessi: Let’s return, let’s return to asshole. I like that better.
Raven: me too.
Jessi: narcissist is too clinical. Like it’s just Yeah, they’re just an asshole. No, they’re just, yeah. It’s, it’s, so I think, and I think too sometimes, like when a label becomes big, whether it is empath or sensitive or narcissist, like. It. There’s people that then get upset where like we’re using it too liberally and it has to be this specific measure.
Like it just doesn’t matter. Like use it to help you if , especially when you’re in that healing journey where I find that labels are really helpful when you need to like get out of something. Right? When you, when you’re in that point of cracks where it’s like, oh my gosh, I’m waking up and I’m realizing, and sometimes you get a little aggressive about it, ,
Raven: Yeah, like I did last year. , you were listening to the podcast.
I burned a few Bridges,
Jessi: But that’s a part of the healing process. And when I, when I see that in myself, cuz I still absolutely do it. When I see that in others, I have, I now have this awareness of like, oh, they’re, oh, they’re awakening. Okay. Then they’re going to kind of like go to the, it’s like one extreme to the other.
Like in order to get out of one extreme of dependency, you have to go to the other extreme of massive independence. Right? And, and that takes sometimes a lot of rebelling. And then you eventually come into the. because I personally think the middle is where health is, right? And so you, you sometimes swing that pendulum a couple times, , and then you eventually get a little closer to the center.
And that happens for every single layer. So say you did that for one part of who you are, it doesn’t mean you’re not still gonna do it again for another part of who you are, right? . So it’s just give grace to yourself. And I think the more awareness you have, you’re like, oh, I’m being really extreme about this.
Right? . Like for me, I start to use a lot of like never and only like I use these really intense words. My husband’s so sweet. He always calls me out on it. He’s like, never. Huh? That never happens. I’m like, okay. Okay. Okay. But. That’s when I know like, okay, I’m being extreme about this right now, ,
but it’s, that’s, sometimes you need that because it, especially as sensitives, we don’t have a lot of self-confidence in the beginning and we need that, like our, like
Jessi: grit to like get ourselves out of these situations.
Jessi: You eventually come into that grounded place of, of ease and peace, which is ultimately what we want. But yeah, sometimes we get a extreme. And I’ve, I’ve seen that with myself. I’ve seen it in family members, I’ve seen it in friends, I’ve seen it in clients. I’ve watched it in clients, which is really fun.
Cause then you’re like, oh, okay. Oh, okay. Y that’s cool. You be really into that right now and then I’ll see you in six months and it’ll be here, , But it’s like, it’s so important to not clamp down on that because if someone. . If you push back on someone that’s in an extreme situation, I’ve found me too.
They’ll just make a stronger stance and it’ll take longer for them to get to balance. So just like, listen, if someone’s in that extreme stance, just listen. Let ’em talk it out, let ’em verbalize because that’s helping them process. And even maybe by the end of that conversation they’ll have arrived at balance.
Jessi: getting it out.
Raven: Yes. I love that that’s now you maybe just pretty much describe the whole healing process. And we have one, guest, doctor Debbie Silver recently talking about. She has these different, stages of healing from post betrayal and that’s exactly what you’re describing. Like to get unstuck, to get from three to four, you have to.
GD your loins and like be like a warrior and be like, screw everybody charge. I’m getting at ’em here. And then you swing and you soften and you discover new things. And stage four and stage five is kind of, I feel like what you’re describing where we’re at, where it’s like, call ’em what you will calm an asshole.
Doesn’t matter to me. They’re not in my life anymore. Or I’ve put up boundaries and now they don’t get to do this in my life anymore.
Jessi: Mm-hmm. .
Raven: Oh my gosh. I feel like we could talk for hours. And this has been so, just such a wealth of information. Let me make sure I have all the things we talked about that Is there one last life-affirming advice that you can give a empass slash highly sensitive person
Jessi: Oh my gosh. One thing. There’s so many things. You are enough. You are enough just as you are today. You don’t need to heal anymore. You don’t need to fix anything. You don’t need to become someone. You are exactly who you need to be right now in this moment, and that is acceptable. That is actually glorious. And yes, there’s gonna. Years and, and layers of healing that come forward naturally, whether you pursue them or not.
But you are not a better person. You don’t have more value just because you’re more healed. Your value stays the same from when you first came into this world to today to when you die. And so this healing work that we’ve been talking about, whether it’s body emotional, all the things, those are bonuses, and it’s really about being able to enjoy this life on this earth more wholly, more authentically. It’s not about improving or enhancing your value. And I think that’s really important to remember cuz it’s easy to get caught up in all the spirituality and all of the, , the gut healing in all of that stuff. And to forget, because we never wanna be pursuing all of that from a place of feeling inadequate.
You are more than enough right now and. Gosh, just being yourself leaning into who you are in this moment is such a gift to the world. You’ve been given such amazing talents and special, special abilities, that are needed more than ever, and so healing in all of that is just allowing you to be a better. A greater impact on this world, but your value doesn’t shift. You could sit on a couch and do nothing with your life and your value will stay the same. So just remember that.
That’s the biggest thing.
Raven: Thank you for that. That’s so empowering. Thank you.
Jessi: Yeah. Thanks for having me on, Raven. This is such a treat,
Raven: being here. Yes. Where can people connect with you and dive a little deeper?
Jessi: Yeah, so, meir wellness.com is my website. It’s M e r f e F L E U R, wellness. And on Instagram, I’m Meir Wellness as well. and yeah, I, you can connect with me on either of those places. I as typical manifestor, I’m on Instagram and big spurges and then I come off because I’m over it. So , if you get on there and I haven’t done much, just wait.
Or , it’s, yeah, you can go to my website. I have a lot of information there. I have, my biggest thing that I’ve created last year was my method. It’s called the Authentic com method, and it’s basically what I do with one-on-one clients. Packaged up into a little system. Not a little system, a big system, but, there’s three layers to it and it all that it’s doing is empowering you to heal yourself and to return to who you’re always meant to be.
There’s a bit of human design in there. There’s a lot of nutrition in there, there’s a lot of, just. Body awareness and so many tools. So if you’re interested in that, if you like what I’ve been talking about here, like everything that I am is in that
Jessi: check it out. But yeah, that’s, that’s my little, my project and my, my resource.
So yeah, if you need any support, that’s a great place to go.
Raven: Thank you so much. Thank you for that. And thank you for being such an amazing guest. Thank you for being here.
Jessi: Oh, my pleasure. Thank you for having.
Raven: Mm-hmm. I hope that this information was helpful and useful to you to live narc free.
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