“when you first awaken to what your childhood was and everything, the rage.…it was never about what happened to me, the abuse, it was about how I was made to feel.”
-Kelly Yeager 6:09
Does your church leader really have your best interest in mind? Learn how to spot the signs of spiritual abuse and narcissism in the church with this guide.
Spiritual abuse happens when someone uses spiritual or religious beliefs to hurt, scare or control you. It can involve someone forcing you or your children to participate in spiritual or religious practices when you don’t want to.
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Does your church leader really have your best interest in mind? Learn how to spot the signs of spiritual abuse and narcissism in the church with this guide.
Spiritual abuse in the church can be difficult to detect, as it sometimes masquerades as pious “help” from a trusted religious leader. If you’re concerned about a preacher’s behavior towards you or other churchgoers, this guide will help you identify signs of spiritual abuse, narcissism and even cult-like tendencies.
Spot Abusive Behaviors and Tactics.
Some common signs of narcissism, spiritual abuse, and cult-like control in a religious organization include insisting that their way of doing things is the only “right” way; blaming members for their own suffering or mistakes rather than offering redemption; refusing to allow questioning authority; and using guilt or shame as a means of control. Be on the lookout for emotionally manipulative behaviors and tactics such as these, which can help you recognize early on if your church leader is not someone you can trust.
Look for Dysfunctional Consulting Patterns and Conflicts of Interest.
Dysfunctional consulting and conflicts of interest are often indicators of spiritual abuse in a church. For example, if the pastor or leader is taking an unnecessary and expensive fee from members for their “services”, then this could indicate an ulterior motive. Additionally, if you notice that one person or group of people are consistently favored over others, this can be a sign of prejudice or power trips. Be aware of any patterns of behavior that immediately stand out to you; these could be signs that your church leader is not someone you should trust.
Recognize Unhealthy Dependencies in the Group’s Perceptions.
Unhealthy dependencies in a church group often stem from the congregation’s dependence on their leader for spiritual guidance and validation. If people in the church defer to or idolize their leader at the exclusion of other perspectives, then this could be a sign of spiritual abuse. It’s important to remain open-minded about ideas within the church; if these thought patterns become skewed or marginalized because of a particular leader’s views, then it’s likely that something isn’t quite right. Be aware of any pattern of behavior you may notice in your group dynamic, and don’t be afraid to speak up if anything feels off.
“we are in the habit of suffering. We’re in the habit of thinking that we are not worthy.”15:32
Understand How Fear is Used to Control Members by Preachers with Narcissistic Tendencies.
The manipulation of fear is one of the most common tactics used by preachers with narcissistic tendencies. Fear has a way of silencing members within the church and it can be difficult to stand up against a cult-like leader in such a situation. Fear can be used as a tool to control members into doing something that goes against their values, or staying silent about something disruptive happening in the church. Look out for signs of fear being used to keep members in line, and encourage everyone to practice active listening when someone speaks up about something concerning.
“there is no hell.. The only hell there is is between your two ears.”
20:02
Highlights
- Signs of Spiritual Abuse and what is it? [7:35] “ generational spiritual abuse. It is literally an attachment to a person’s soul, their aura,”
- You are a generational curse breaker. [31:53] “you’re a generational curse breaker and it requires digging into your background and being brave enough to see”
- Acceptance is key. Shame guilt flees from love [33:26] “Talk to them, respond to them as if you were talking to yourself.That, that person that you see in them, that you love, talk to ’em like that. You will receive a response that either you won’t receive a response because they’re guilt. “
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About our guest
Kelly Yeager is a fellow narcissist abuse, survivor and spiritual warrior. Was raised in a fundamentalist cult. And is slowly rebuilding her life and embracing the magic.
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Transcript:
21. How to Break Generational Curses and Spiritual Abuse
Raven:
Welcome to the Empath and the Narcissist podcast, where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse. I am your host Raven Scott,
a trauma informed spiritual mentor, certified meditation teacher, and human design expert. I’m empowering empaths three times a week in recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse, childhood trauma through human design, self-care, mindfulness advice, and expert interviews. This is season five, episode 21. When the preacher is a narcissist spotting, spiritual abuse in the church and or cult..
Kelly Yeager: you don’t have to have shame for your emotions, people call them demons. It’s not cause I guarantee you can’t even figure out what emotion it is you’re feeling. Cuz as an empath you’ve been feeling everyone else’s because they’ve been protecting it onto you. spiritual abuse, For me is more the vampire, where you are deliberately sucking the life out of somebody cuz you know that they’re not awakened and you’re,
Does your church leader really have your best interest in mind? In this episode today, we’re going to speak to our guest who experienced being raised in a fundamentalist cult.
Kelly. Kelly Yeager.
is a fellow narcissist abuse, survivor and spiritual warrior. Was raised in a fundamentalist cult. And is slowly rebuilding her life and embracing the magic. Eric of the here and now. She is an author on medium. So, if you love to read articles on medium the app, or you can.
Find her@medium.com. Forward slash. At. At K Y E a G S 75.
And of course I just, as a disclaimer, This episode is nothing against.
Jesus God, the church body at large, it is specifically pointing out when your preacher is a narcissist or. Or when you experienced spiritual abuse. Abuse as a child being raised in a cult.
And the reason why we’re talking about this today is because spiritual abuse in. The church can be very difficult to detect. As it sometimes masquerades as pious help from a trusted religious. Leader. The guilt is very covert in the.
Manipulative tactics are very covert. So if you’re concerned, And about a preacher’s behavior, or maybe you have no idea. And maybe this episode. We’ll wake you up to some of the things you experienced as a child, and maybe that’s why. Let’s say, talking about. The G word or going to church is very triggering because you experienced.
The spiritual abuse. So it learning about. It hearing about it. It all. All helps us heal and to be able to move forward. Into a. A better way. And a healthier relationship With A higher Higher consciousness
So let’s go into the conversation.
Raven Scott: Welcome, Kelly to the Empath Narcist podcast. Thank you for being here.
Kelly Yeager: Thank you for having me.
Raven Scott: I, read your email and it was blown away. Said we need to have her on because I know so many people maybe have not experienced as an extreme and traumatic experience as you, but certainly can relate to it in micro doses, and that’s the danger, right? A lot of us experience it in micro doses versus being slapped in the face with this overt controlling and domineering type of culture they were raised in.
Kelly Yeager: Yes.
Raven Scott: So as we open, just to get a feel for where you’re coming from, we’re gonna be talking about how to overcome surviving spiritual abuse, which I think is really key and important. This is like a big giant monster we have yet to unravel and there’s so much control in the. religions and people. Can you tell a little bit about your backstory
Kelly Yeager: I was raised in a very legalistic, fundamentalist, non-denominational, which means they don’t fit into any category. They are, their own thing. So very special, cult, I mean, a, anything can be defined as a cult, but that’s what we were classified as. Their main principles were. No medical intervention, trust in God for everything.
Raven Scott: Mm,
Kelly Yeager: Women are subservient and it very, very much, based in dualism and it’s, story as old as time, as old as the Bible, right?
Raven Scott: yeah.
Kelly Yeager: Like there’s no pants. Women couldn’t wear pants. Women stayed home. You had, you were there to procreate and just like a movie that, except we weren’t raised like the Amish on a farm.
We were raised in the middle of a city.
So you had all of that exposure. So it was definitely an interesting background.
Raven Scott: I know that there’s so much brainwashing and control that’s needed for everyone to comply with these very extreme rules in a very modern time.
So I can imagine even more so being in the middle of a city, a lot more brainwashing and like daily rituals, like daily things just to keep you in that fog.
Kelly Yeager: Um, in a way though, if you compare it to something like the Amish where they do not intermingle at all,
it couldn’t, I, I can find it positive in ev anything. I’m such a Pollyanna. It’s ridiculous. It, it did give you a little bit of a background so that you could segue. of the religion, you know? So there was exposure to that instead of thinking, like, what is that M Knight, whatever that movie is, the village where it was kind of like that.
Where, the worldly, worldly, worldly. And now I have a completely different, you know, once you start to expand your consciousness and you understand there’s dimensions and everything’s, the brain, the mind, you take on a whole new meaning of being in the world and not of it. So you could, as, as when you first awaken to what your childhood was and everything, the rage.
The rage, and then, then you have to go back and unpack it. And I just kind of adapted the same attitude that I had about what happened to me as a child. That it happened to me and it made me who I am. And it was never about what happened to me, the abuse, it was about how I was made to feel. So when they tell you, we never forget how we were made to feel.
And that’s, that’s what builds our empathy even more. Because I, I firmly believe everyone is born in empath. And, and the more you dig into the Bible, the more you dig into narcissism, everything, it’s you, you have a, a deeper understanding of what the spirit is. It’s the fuel for this vessel. The vessel is a holy temple.
And the soul is always there. The soul is your innate. And children come out and they are soul-based living. And then the trauma happens. Cuz we all know what the world’s like.
And the spirit comes along and it says, Hey, this is just a game. I’ll give you all the tricks to navigate this plane. You just have to give me your soul.
Yeah, or maybe better put, trust me.
Kelly Yeager: I do believe everyone and everybody can change. and especially in religious, Cultures, it becomes that generational spiritual abuse. It is literally an attachment to a person’s soul, their aura, whatever you want to call it. And I, I really try not to focus so much on the fear.
I, I wrote a poem where about the devil And I said, the devil I never knew was the devil I lived cuz what’s devil backwards lived
Satan sleeper cell. A holy temple craves, somatic release.
No need for anxiety to increase. I made the devil cry. looked him straight in his dead flat lifeless eyes. Through him right to the floor. Uh, weapon shiny and sharp on metallic bore. I needed the chest. Look at this mess. I know that, you know, I am blessed.
You create chaos and war. That’s not who we are at the core. You think, I don’t know me. Open your heavy lids. Now you see. Take a look, I pack my own wings. Look, no strings fire hooves, prancing on the mental inside disapproves. You said my birth was a curse. Spit on me, a Bible verse. Paul’s side a thorn, a sheep that was shorn angelic horn.
Uh, frequency, divine blast. Leave the past in the past. All shadows must flee to the light. Just go surrender, give up the fight. For my God has love grounded in Gaia. Powered by most high above. Three times three bundled as me. Salvation was always mine. I only needed to grow a spine. Freedoms and dance. When you grant love a chance.
I found my twin ancient archives buried deep within. Every day is. Win win. Win. My body, my voice, my choice. No more red spelt. A new foundation has been built. Oh, hypnotic devil seek eternal rest. We’re letting love do what is always known best. Divine hands on the wheel revelation, reflection and heal.
No more joy. We’ll use steel.
Kelly Yeager’s. December 27 entry. Medium poem.
Kelly Yeager: why did we come here? We came here literally to experience human emotions and we can’t handle it. We’re afraid of emotions. Like look at, look at any man you’ve ever talked to.
There’s like three things they’re afraid of. The mafia, their mother and their. Like, it’s, it’s like serious. I mean, I have to laugh sometimes cuz I’m just like, I can’t, I can’t. Who wrote this story? Like, oh my goodness, I
don’t have a choice but to laugh. Right? Like it’s, we come, right? And, and that’s the whole point of the journey is you come completely back 360 to Oh, I was right as a child, I stood up for myself.
I didn’t and I question why. And as parents and, and I watch it, I watch it every day in my own children’s lives. And there’s no greater pain than watching your cycle play out in your own children’s lives. And I tell my daughter all the time, do not have children unless you are prepared for a mirror.
Because anything that you have not resolved or recognized in your own childhood, it’s right there. It’s in your face. And, and I mean, it’s hard. It is hard. We do work on it. My children are
Raven Scott: grown adults.
Kelly Yeager: Yes, yes. But we’re all healing and,
Raven Scott: Yeah.
Kelly Yeager: and my son had similar trauma and, and that I, my reality shattered cuz all I ever wanted for my children was to never have to live. And I’m not saying that I didn’t have good memories on that. Like I, I have 15 siblings and the love that I have for them.
, there are no words. And that’s part of your healing process. Like for me, what made it so much easier was when I finally, the mirror concept is a really painful one. Cuz when you’re in a throws a heel and you’re like, oh fuck. Like, no way. I’m not, and then that’s the whole point of the game is they make you like them.
So then you do things so you can understand their shame. We can look at it from a million different aspects. Like, oh well you have a shadow. No, that shadow was projected onto you.
Raven Scott: yeah.
Kelly Yeager: in a higher power. I do. I don’t believe that we’re born broken, but It is what it is. , and the, one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn to accept was my son is gay. And when the protests were happening at the military, funerals for a guy that was gay, I was angry. Of course I am, I’m a mama. Barely. And it was a military guy who said this to me. He said, that is their right though. He’s like, I went to fight for this country so that people could protest. And I didn’t like the message when I heard it, but it made me stop and think, and that’s kind of how I am healing with my father.
And I always kind of had like, I don’t agree with it, but I can see the fundamentals. Cause he is a change man too.
Raven Scott: He’s changed since when you were A child.
Kelly Yeager: he’s still like the same but. Since my mother died. He is, his soft side is more prominent. And he always had a tendency to answer me. He didn’t say, cause I said so he would try to answer me, but I asked really hard questions when I was a kid. And people don’t like it. We don’t, I mean, I didn’t wanna, I don’t know why I do it.
I just do like, it just, it just, it’s, it’s the easy way. It’s why people stop shadow work. It’s exhausting. It’s like, I’m like, when is this going to end? Like, what else? So I have to flip the narrative on that too. But back to what I was saying about my father and the church that I was raised in, it’s like that is their right to believe that way I can view it as spiritual abuse.
It is, but they don’t know it. They don’t, people don’t have that deep level cuz they didn’t go through hell like you, survival is going through hell. , you have no hope.
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: , I think of the ver Jesus swept When you realize that everything that you, the physical pain, the all of that that you endured was for, well, everyone has their own interpretation.
What it’s for. , I divided into two camps, even though I hate to even say the word division, is you have those who think life is the game and the other us, I think when we have officer, we realize it’s a school. Don’t graduate to learn all the lessons and then you can play the game.
And I think that’s where a lot of the awakening and paths are realizing as we’re, we agree to this role, to be light workers, we have to anchor in the light where the forerunners were the way show like, oh, yay. Yes, good idea. But,
Raven Scott: We get the most bombardment right from the evil to try and keep us down. So that’s why I’m always sharing with the audience to keep your unique light shining, cuz you’re here for that. Stop letting that, immature narcissist keep you down, because that’s just another tactic. And also
Kelly Yeager: of the game.
Raven Scott: Yeah. It’s another lesson to remember why you’re.
Kelly Yeager: But as we’re going through this, like, it can get really icky with what people’s definitions of ascension are. And everything we’re grounding in the light is now we’re awakened and other people go back to sleep. Cuz it’s kind of how the karma, the wheel of fortune, whatever you wanna call it, works out.
Can you still be that empathetic being that you’ve always been now knowing what you know? And that is a true test cuz now it, it actually gives me empathy for the people who played the roles in my story. Like, dear Lord Kelly, you were asleep for 47 years and, and the bottom line is you become, and I don’t even like the word addict, change your, we we’re all realizing that words tough love doesn’t work and words mean everything.
It’s a.
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: we are in the habit of suffering. We’re in the habit of thinking that we are not worthy. We’re in it. So, and you’re so in the throes of it, because that’s all you learn. And I think a lot of us forerunners way showers are, now waking up and realizing I don’t have to suffer. I am worthy.
Like, okay, I agree to ground in this life, but I don’t have to be poor. Money is not evil. What people do with it is evil.
Raven Scott: Yeah, that’s definitely, there’s so many false narratives to keep certain people poor and just speaking about money and other people keeping to hold onto the purse strings of the majority of the money. But once you break through that narrative and anything in life, abundance is all around you. You just have to open up and allow yourself to feel worthy enough to receive it, and it’s right there.
Kelly Yeager: and you, you define what’s abundant. Like people would look at my lifestyle like, oh, you’re mooching off your kids. No, I’m, I am taking a sabbatical. My body, I could barely even walk down steps. I, the, the health conditions that I don’t even go to doctors anymore. I’m completely off medication. I, I have a healer that I work with and I would recommend to anyone to do energy healing. And now , I do a special type of therapy, which is custom, when you view your body as, cuz we’ll look at it like anything cuz we’re so desperate to stop the rumination. We’re so desperate to stop the pain.
Raven Scott: Yeah. And your pain, you feel was, was that from all of the years of trauma?
Kelly Yeager: I feel like I went to like a convenience store. You know how you order from a menu and. , whether it was all me or other people, adding on it was like, eh, eh, eh, pick everything.
And , when I started awakening, I had really supernatural experiences.
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm. . And when was this? When did you get out of cult?
Kelly Yeager: I got the vaccination, my body, it wrecked my body.
I am very, very sensitive to prescription. I’m sensitive to everything. And people could say, oh, it’s cause you read it or it’s not. Cuz I would start looking after I had the symptoms mm-hmm. ,
Raven Scott: you were raised without any medicine, correct?
Kelly Yeager: So our pain threshold is very, very high.
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: Wasn’t until I started reading about the body keeps the score, understand that everything is all emotions trapped.
And then I started, ever since I was a kid, I was always really, really interested in family history. and I would just be like, dad, tell me more. My mother very rarely talked about her family.
Raven Scott: interesting.
Kelly Yeager: They, were a huge, huge part of raising us, my aunts and uncles, but she didn’t really talk about her childhood. But,
Raven Scott: were your parents raised in the cult?
Kelly Yeager: my mother wa her parents were, and they left and they had four children in the hospital, and then they came back when my mom was about like 12.
Raven Scott: Oh, okay.
Kelly Yeager: My father was raised in it. Yeah,
Raven Scott: Oh, okay. Just asking regarding, because there’s a generational trauma, generational things that pass through epigenetics.
Kelly Yeager: yes, yes. DNA
Raven Scott: you were, you were
Kelly Yeager: my my life changed when I had my DNA n a tested and I found some things out about our family background
Raven Scott: Mm.
Kelly Yeager: and all of this happened before I became aware. , there are those of us who think life is school and others who think it’s a game. And it just, , I have to laugh at myself.
I’m like, oh my God, I wasn’t even blonde then. Like, how did I not, I mean, they say the game of life, Kelly, like, how did you not put this together? It’s, I was such a Pollyanna. and I did really horrible things in my trauma responses. And then, and I had to get through the rage of that. Like, well, this didn’t happen to me, this, and it’s just like, it’s a never ending cycle and I just can’t, I can’t stay there.
Like it’s not,
Raven Scott: Yeah. That’s the complicated thing. I wanna talk too. Just before you move on , you say, you know, you did horrible things in a response. And I think that’s where it gets people stuck is like, well, I did this horrible thing. I raged in response to my.
Like, but you can’t be perfect. Like nobody is perfect and no one can just receive it like Jesus on the cross. Like I don’t know why that’s always a standard , because we’re conditioned to think that’s the only standard in the only way, but we’re you’re human and emotions are normal, anger, rage, weeping, crying, that’s a healthy response to when someone is mistreating you or you feel like you don’t have any autonomy.
Kelly Yeager: .
Well understanding , when you take the word sin out of the equation, cuz when people are trying to heal, they think, oh my god, I’m damned to hell. Number one, there is no hell.. The only hell there is is between your two ears
Raven Scott: Yes,
Kelly Yeager: the brainwashing that you were given. And it is literally hell when you’re trying to piece together what the happened to you.
And no one will tell you the truth because they’re too riddled in, they’re shame. And I get it because like I said, the things that I did as a response, I’d rather go to my grave than ever say out loud so you can understand it. And, and I appreciate that lesson. I really.
but
take the word sin out of the equation.
Understand that we came here to experience emotions. And you don’t have to have shame for your emotions, but you learn it’s not about control, it’s about mastering your emotions. It’s about accepting them, understanding where they came from. People call them demons. It’s not give it a name. Give it a name cuz it go, go all the way back to the first time you felt that emotion.
Cause I guarantee you can’t even figure out what emotion it is you’re feeling. Cuz as an empath you’ve been feeling everyone else’s because they’ve been protecting it onto you.
Raven Scott: Yes.
Kelly Yeager: And once you start like, wait, how do I feel now? That’s not how I feel. That’s, that’s my mother or that’s my, and you learn to start doing that type of therapy.
But I, I don’t call it sin, I call it earning your moral compass. I cuz you, when you start understanding what the soul is, the soul is your heart. How did it make you feel? And it comes down to like, my mother had the basic things and ever again, 360, what are the golden rules of life?
If you wouldn’t like how it made you feel, don’t do it to someone else. And then when your healing journey, it comes back to applying that to yourself. Apply the golden rule to yourself. And just even look at, you go through your marriage, you go through your whole life and compare everything, and you’re like, I just sacrificed.
Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. But the thing is, most people don’t understand about We are the scapegoats. We fought tooth and nail, . So it wasn’t just until you just got tired of it and you just did like, all right, this is what I’m supposed to do and this’ll make them love me.
And now we land here where I, I have no desire for a relationship, but if I ever did again, the, the dynamics would. No, it’s a hundred, a hundred. It’s not 50 50. Like times have changed. It’s not. And people wanna be needed. I can’t stand being needed.
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: There’s a huge difference. Like it’s, it’s not, and and especially when you have sexual abuse in your background, you think that is what defines how somebody likes you.
, and you’ll notice in your healing journey how even that changes cuz you don’t need validation that way.
, and you understand, we were taught that sex is so bad and it’s so awful. It’s not, it is a beautiful spiritual act.
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager:
And when you’re, when you awaken you, , some people call ’em gifts. I like to say that they’re innate abilities that we always had all along
Raven Scott: They are abilities. Yes. Yes.
Kelly Yeager: And they’re upgrades. You receive upgrades, the further your consciousness expands. Cuz I, I don’t like the word gift and I don’t like the word race cuz it puts this whole spirit of competition into it.
And that’s part of the reason why we are here. Like, no, I, I’m not special. I’m unique cuz I have a unique purpose. But everything that I have, you have to,
Raven Scott: Hmm. Yeah.
can we go back to everyone’s listening and really resonating and we’re all agreeing with you, and thank you for saying all of those things about the empaths because it’s very affirming. Whoever , we are with whoever is interacting with us, that’s making us frustrated, depressed, holding us down.
They’re saying the opposite and, and I really appreciate you affirming the audience that. Can you share with us a bit about, we talked around, about the way about spiritual abuse. What are the signs that you would say to a friend or somebody, this is happening in your life, you’re being spiritually abused.
Like, what are the signs of spiritual abuse?
Kelly Yeager: Well just understand narcissism as a whole. You are a vessel, a spirit. I don’t believe in Satan or the devil. I believe a spirit is. And if you give a spirit a name, it is an emotion. What I learned when you’re talking about spiritual, How does it make you feel?
Is it triggering something in you? when protection is not evoked around you, I guess would be the right word, you are open, especially when you come from a family that’s a very spiritual family and very spiritually evolved
Raven Scott: Because you could be brainwashed to think that that’s normal, right? That that religion and way of life is normal.
Kelly Yeager: Everything’s brainwashing to a degree. We, we pick and choose what we, everything’s hypnotic. We, and that’s why our words are so. Our words are witchcraft.
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: So if something spiritual abuse, what I consider spiritual abuse is the deliberate act of crushing another soul.
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: So even the narcissist is experiencing spiritual abuse because you’ll find that narcissists have a completely different perspective of the same story that you both lived together.
They don’t remember. And that’s when I started like, what the hell’s happening here? They literally don’t remember because they are disassociated and checked out. I started like, wait a minute, they’re literally saying the same exact words as something that was said when I was a kid.
it’s that spirit working through them. All of your relatives don’t go on. We’re taught in religion that you just go on to heaven and you, you don’t, there’s different planes. If you didn’t pass the lesson, you pass the baton onto a child or you’re just waiting to come back because there is limited, bodies here on the planet.
But spiritual abuse, For me is more the vampire, where you are deliberately sucking the life out of somebody cuz you know that they’re not awakened and you’re,
Raven Scott: controlling.
Kelly Yeager: yes.
Raven Scott: Yeah.
Kelly Yeager: Some people call ’em tracker. Some people call it like it is. I I have found it’s mostly with the people that awakened and chose to use their rage that way cuz the, the people that I was raised with, I don’t think that my parents hated me. I don’t think, like, do you know what I mean? Like, it’s not, there’s, there’s a difference.
Like they believed the way they believed and they tried to teach it in a manner that they did and they had their own trauma. They did. But the experiences that I had when I left home, I I read a lot on Holocaust survivors and I stick with what they say. You have to live with what you did, and it’s not my business. That to me is spiritual abuse. When, when you knowingly do something
Raven Scott: Yeah,
Kelly Yeager: deep, deep, deep, dark side
Raven Scott: it is. It is.
Kelly Yeager: It’s so hard to forgive. And what , I’ve learned is it’s mostly forgiving yourself for forgiveness , in the Christian meaning , it’s wordplay. and I realized that what a lot of men would do, like where they’re like, oh, when they discover spirituality, like, oh, live in the now or just have a one, a, no, no, no, no, no, no. That’s word play. There is consequences for sleeping with people. There are consequences to your action. Are you being a negative in somebody else’s life?
What you do when you awaken determines your next role.
That’s karma. So forgive, forgive, forgive. They shove it down your throat and then you’re, you feel guilty because you have feelings, because you were morally wronged.
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: And I, I’ve really struggled with this, like, how can I help someone else when they’re under the throws of it is acceptance.
You forgive yourself for not knowing better and accept that what was was, and you can’t change it. And you have to, you know what was, was what is. and tomorrow’s a whole nother day. Like it’s not for you to worry about. Like, and, and, and then you come along further and realize that what is will be your tomorrow.
So you become a sifter, a conscious sifter. And I stopped reading about narcissism and psychopaths. Another because you’re, I’m just attracting it into my vibration.
You know, like I, if there’s, if it keeps, when rumination is my, my brother took a gun and, and ended his life in August
Raven Scott: Oh, I’m
Kelly Yeager: and yes, and I know why and I didn’t know how to help him then.
And I had to accept, it’s not my fault
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: cuz I think everything’s my fault. That’s what us empaths do. like our
Raven Scott: epaths are always trying to help others and we feel guilty if we can’t. , but you’re right. It, each individual’s path. We can only shine the light. And , if that is gonna be helpful, great. But we can’t be feel responsible for everybody, right?
Kelly Yeager: but I didn’t, I didn’t fully understand the Claires then, cuz I was just awakening to what I had as a child. And my brother was a very clear audience. And what they will tell you, that they will tell you you’re, you’re paranoid schizophrenic. And he, he’s just trying to piece his life together , and the voices that he heard is how I started to piece together your lower astro plane.
That’s part of the reason why I don’t do marijuana. I won’t touch alcohol. I now know how to protect myself. I leave my body a lot. I’m really good at it. And that’s part of the healing journey is staying in your body. Some people call spirit walkers. It’s, we’re just multi-dimensional beings and if you don’t know how to protect yourself and stay grounded by, but you can still go home in your head.
And we didn’t know any of that. So he. Wrote, I wrote a poem about it on media. Mm-hmm. And I feel, ’em, I’m not afraid of,
Raven Scott: Yeah.
Kelly Yeager: It’s just part of the journey. And , that’s the spiritual abuse is deliberately triggering someone’s traumas versus inadvertently like, they say the road to hell is pav with good intentions. And we all know that when we wake up we just wanna share everything. And it offends people. It scares them and it offends them.
And well that’s why we do shows like this cuz we’ve been outsiders our whole lives and times are changing now, but. At the end of the session, he pulled up a chair and he said, we need to talk about your salvation. And I was like, what? Don’t tell me I don’t want, geez. Like, what? Like, and that’s what it was.
It was all a ploy. And then I put the pieces together, who, that spirit and what that spirit was. Then
Raven Scott: That’s an
interesting concept and I keep, you keep bringing it up. So I’m gonna dive in a little bit deeper. So, Let’s say, you know how people who fall in love with narcissists will break up and then they like fall into the trap again. So you’re saying possibly the concept is that same spirit, , let’s, because the spirit world we’re light beings.
are you saying that there are dark beings following us in each scenario to try and continue to trap us
Kelly Yeager: You can look at it as a trap or , it’s attest to what you have learned
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: look at, people as you made this contract before you came into this life. It’s a lot easier to forgive when you look at ’em like, they’re doing this to test me because we agreed to this.
Like, your best friend is gonna be your arch enemy in this lifetime or something. It’s like, now they say, like, the grandfather, like , I started to piece it together when a lot of things that my mother did weren’t my mom, it wasn’t her, it was my grandfather. It was different. And you see it in yourself, like with , you’re a generational curse breaker
and it requires digging into your background and being brave enough to see that and, and like I said, put the name in the face in it.
I mean, but there’s literally like the same exact lines that people have said to you when you were a child. Some of these men would say to me like, I was so naive. I started dating after a divorce after 23 years of marriage. Yeah, I was married at 18 and. I, well, you’re talking about being gullible, like the, all the scan, like, I can’t, I can’t even, I’m like, one day I’ll laugh about it, but it was very expensive lessons.
But,
Raven Scott: Yeah. Yeah. And that’s my main theme for 2023 is discernment hone
Kelly Yeager: that’s no one, no one tells you that that’s, that’s part of what no one tells you what dis discernment is. They say test the spirit, test the spirit.
If it makes you feel good and warm and you have clarity that is coming from source, anything else, if it makes you feel fear, if it makes you feel that’s
ego, that’s
Raven Scott: right, rushed. Urgency, fear, guilt, shame. , obligation.
Kelly Yeager: Yeah. Yeah. Like I realized, I would always think people remind me of somebody. Pay attention to that. That’s really important.
Raven Scott: yeah.
Kelly Yeager: Very important. Either it’s a past life, like they’re, I can look at a picture of somebody and they’re eye, like I’m big on eyes.
Raven Scott: Well, the eyes of the windows to
the soul.
Kelly Yeager: They are, and people that won’t make eye contact with you. There’s something there. There’s something there. And, and it could just be anxiety, but I’ve realized a lot of it is I’m very telepathic and , I’ve been that way since a kid and people think you’re crazy. And I’m like, did you just think or say this? Am I, , I’m at the point in my life where I don’t care if it sounds crazy or whatever. Like, this is my experience, this is what it, and people try to understand it. They wanna apply psychology. Your healing journey is everything. It’s religion, it’s spiritual, it’s, it’s, we were told. It’s all or nothing.
You can’t cherry pick. Well, that’s what y’all did. Every spiritual practice out there is cherry picking and that’s the part of the journey is you pick what resonates with you. And I tell my father all the time, like, you want us all to be together in heaven. We’re all going for the same def destination.
We’re just taking different paths.
Which one works for you?
Raven Scott: Gosh. And for that, and it’s like a very fixed mindset for the fundamentalists or for very religious people who you may have in your life. They do not have the mental openness or capacity to understand that there are different paths to the same journey, and every single person has their own unique path.
Kelly Yeager: It’s fear. It’s fear-based. It’s a fear-based cuz it has to be this way because it’s what works. Because when you realize the shadow that you have. You’ll run to the Bible, you’ll run to a church because it makes you feel safe. It gives you a set of rules. I am not a rule follower. I mean, I do now, I know what to listen, but , I never liked the system.
Everything felt wrong. I just,
Raven Scott: Yeah. You’re not a system rule follower. You are a spirit, soul, rule follower,
Kelly Yeager: Exactly, and that’s the part of the Way show and the Four runners, religion might give it a different definition, but we’re it, it is literally to break the system. Like, no, you don’t have to have a nine to five job. You can take time and relax. You are a self-Love is not narcissism. It’s just a label.
Like just be yourself. Be weird. Like, , that’s what we are, , we’re the weirdos. And I love it.
Raven Scott: Yep. None of us are perfect, and as long as we’re authentic with each other and we’re apologizing and we’re real, that’s what matters. Right? Yeah. It’s when you start, like what the narcissist does, when you start to put the mask up and I’m perfect and no, I didn’t say that. That’s when that big barrier comes into play.
That’s when abuse starts to happen because we’re all smart enough. We know emotionally that is not correct and you feel
Kelly Yeager: you wanna know how to identify a narcissist. But there is a way, talk to a narcissist as if cuz an empath has a gift.
Raven Scott: as if they’re a four year old.
Kelly Yeager: Yes. But your gift is you fell for them because you saw their inner child.
Even though they were presenting the shadow to you, you saw their inner child because then inner child is, you we’re all the same inner child. We’re all part of the same soul
Raven Scott: Mm-hmm.
Kelly Yeager: If you’re trying to figure out discernment Talk to them, respond to them as if you were talking to yourself.
That, that person that you see in them, that you love, talk to ’em like that. You will receive a response that either you won’t receive a response because they’re guilt, because they know they’re playing a role and they’re doing their guilt will get to ’em. So no response is, is a response. or the response that you receive will be pure rate, just like the Wicked Witch.
And, wizard of Oz, I’m melting. Nothing melts hatred. Now hatred will flee. Shame will flee. Everything comes from shame. It will flee in the presence of love, or it will leave you so bewildered. , now you know better. So you know what it is. Okay, thank you. I have my confirmation. I earned another badge and discernment.
I was right all alone. And then you’re not creating karma because you’re responding in love. , and they will, they’ll respond in the most absolutely insane of my You’re like, what the f
Raven Scott: Yeah. Like totally not normal.
Yes,
Kelly Yeager: yeah, yeah.
Raven Scott: But if you’re in it and you feel like it’s normal, because that’s all that’s another thing is
starts Yeah. Ch Yep. The Devil you know., and check. Check in with your gut, but also, Just start asking people or start researching or listening, like, what is a healthy relationship like for me, I didn’t know for a long time , and then I was like, oh, oh, this is really healthy.
Right? Because I feared, like I was still in an A relationship that was toxic, but it was just because I wasn’t used to it. I was like, this feels really foreign. I don’t know, because I was used to the toxic and abusive relationships, so,
Kelly Yeager: Well, part of what tipped me off when there’s someone’s playing a role I realized were boys watching TV shows as children and they think it’s funny cuz you, as an empath when you emerge, your sense of humor completely changes.
Gas lighting’s not funny. It’s not funny to me. at all cuz the damage that it does on and, unearthing all of that. Like it’s not, funny.
Raven Scott: Yeah. But that’s what brings that light and that healing is the love, like you said, the love is the litmus test, and the love is the remedy for yourself. So perfect.
Kelly Yeager: I recommend to anyone on their healing journey, if you wanna make sense of what happened to you and who you are, is, I think you do human design
Raven Scott: Yeah. Human design with astrology.
Kelly Yeager: but astrology, I, I did it myself, but get your full chart and I unpack that thing. And every single thing that you were made to feel shamed for and made fun of, that’s you right there. You’ll figure it out in your chart.
Raven Scott: Yeah.
Kelly Yeager: like it’s, my emotions, like I, I didn’t understand like why movies, why people like go into funerals.
I would feel it so deeply. I didn’t know what I was, I had no, I, I have six water signs in my chart outta
12 houses. Like
Raven Scott: Where’s and where’s your moon?
Kelly Yeager: My moon is Scorpio,
my son is, hi. My, everything is like, all the major, are all like water signs. I am a nuclear ti like I’m just, and then,
Raven Scott: Emotional being absolutely.
Kelly Yeager: what we, are you a water sign too, or No?
Raven Scott: I am, no, I’m an Earth. Earth sign. Virgo, sun, Libra Airine, moon, and then Virgo Rising.
Kelly Yeager: Which is,
Raven Scott: of, I have a telium in Sagittarius, so I have fire there too.
Raven Scott: . Well, thank you so much. Anything you wanna share with us that you’re working on before we conclude
Kelly Yeager: Just poetry right now. Like,
Raven Scott: Poetry on Medium, correct.
Kelly Yeager: I do, I do just, yeah, I really shy away from most social media. I. Not had, great experiences on it. So
I just kinda, I shut down bright foot poetry has been a release for me.
Like, okay, I have these feelings. How can I do it? How can I tell a message that might be around for years and it’s too crazy for people to accept now, and it’s, , it occupies your brain because you have to think of like double innuendos and, and
double, that’s double right there. There’s a message. It packs, it packs a punch, and,
Raven Scott: Yeah. It’s beautiful. Maybe you’ll put them together in a book,
Kelly Yeager: one day. Yes, yes. Yep. It’s, it’s amazing not working, just trying to heal, like how your days fill up, don’t they?
trying to do the body work and. and
I’m very thankful for it. But any one that thinks that they can’t do it, that you’re not worth the time, your needs will be met. God higher source, the higher power, divine source, whatever you wanna call it, you deserve it.
And the world needs you. We really do. We need your light codes, we need your love and , you can do it. , I don’t care if it’s writing a list of one thing that you find joy in, do it.
Raven Scott: absolutely. Absolutely worth it. Thank you so much, Kelly, for being here.
Kelly Yeager: Well thank you for having me. I appreciate it very much.
What a powerful conversation and a new friend. So I have some points for all my note takers out there. Fella. All of our gross talking about spiritual abuse, we covered the signs. What is spiritual abuse and generational patterns. And how to be the curse breaker.
You empath. R a light worker and you are a star seed here for a very special reason. And your human design chart and astrology can help you gain clarity on your purpose. And of course I can help you in your reading to find your incarnation cross and life’s purpose. .
We talked about signs of spiritual abuse and dark spirits that are at play acceptance and forgiving yourself with love. Shame guilt. And all the negative flees away from love. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure that you take a screenshot, share it to your socials and tag me, Raven Scott show.
And subscribe.
To not miss out on the next episode to help you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse. Don’t forget to grab your free copy of my book on audible. And to answer the question. Have you experienced spiritual abuse and the empath healing?
Support Facebook group. . All these links are in the show. Who knows. And remember. Always keep your unique light shining.