Betrayal by a trusted person, whether it is a family member, friend, or lover, can be one of the most shocking and heartbreaking experiences in life. 

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“When the pain of where you are becomes greater than the fear of the unknown, you jump.” 

— Dr. Debi Silber   S5 Ep 2

Facing betrayal can be shocking and heartbreaking. Learn how to move on and cope with the pain through this article and podcast episode on surviving betrayal with Dr. Debi Silber. This episode will cover the three stages of healing and different methods of dealing with betrayal, as well as provide advice on the five stages of healing and how to move on and cope with the pain it brings.

Betrayal by a trusted person, whether it is a family member, friend, or lover, can be one of the most shocking and heartbreaking experiences in life. This episode will cover the three stages of healing and different methods of dealing with betrayal, as well as provide advice on how to move on and cope with the pain it brings.

Accept and Recognize the Emotions You Feel.

After experiencing betrayal from someone you loved, it can be normal to feel a range of emotions such as shock, anger, sadness, numbness or even relief. Allow yourself to accept and recognize these emotions, regardless of how overwhelming they may be. It’s natural for someone who has been betrayed to feel angry and frustrated but also sad at the loss of what could have been. Acknowledge whatever emotion you are feeling without judgment or guilt.

Understand Your Grieving Process.

Understand that grief comes in stages and it’s important to take the time to process what you are feeling. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed — talk to friends, family or even therapy if needed. Allow yourself time to cry, scream, yell or journal your feelings if it’s helpful. Process the hurt and eventually build an understanding of how the betrayal has impacted you and how you want to move forward.

“post-traumatic growth, it’s like the upside of trauma, how that trauma, whatever it is. Death of a loved one, disease, natural disaster, whatever, leaves you with a new awareness, insight, perspective that you didn’t have.” [8:11 S5E2] —Debi Silber 

Allow Yourself Time To Heal. 

No situation is the same so there is no set time frame for you to work through your feelings. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into moving on too quickly. Take care of yourself and be patient while you go through emotional healing. Spend time with those who can give you support, engage in activities that bring you joy or peace, reach out to a therapist if needed, practice self-love and compassion and most importantly forgive, not necessarily the other person but yourself.

Debi was so personally betrayed by her husband that no book was going to heal her. She decided to go get her PHD and found three discoveries.  

Her First Discovery from her studies :

 Betrayal is a different type of trauma.

“And what happens is not only do we lose trust in the person we trusted the most, we lose trust in ourselves” — Debi Silber [10:37 S2Ep5]

Her second Discovery: 

There’s this collection of symptoms, physical, mental, and emotional, so common to betrayal. It’s now known as post betrayal syndrom. 

“80,000 plus people have taken the post betrayal syndrome quiz.

78% constantly revisit their experience. 81% feel a loss of personal power. 80% are hypervigilant. 94% deal with painful trigger. [13:32 S5E2] — Dr. Debi Silber

78% are overwhelmed. 70% are walking around in a state of disbelief. 68% can’t focus. 64% are in shock. 62% can’t concentrate. So imagine you can’t concentrate, you’re exhausted. You have a gut issue. You still have to feed your kids like you still have to work. That’s not even emotionally.”

“Emotionally. 88% experience, extreme sadness. 83% are really angry. You can bounce back and forth between those two all day long. 82% are hurt, 80% have anxiety. 79% are stressed. Just a few more. Here’s why I wrote my book. Trust again. 84% have an inability to trust” — Debi Silber

Her third discovery:

“If we’re going to fully heal, we’re going to go through five proven, predictable stages.” [17:36 S5E2] — Debi Silber

“And what’s even more exciting about that is we know what happens physically, mentally, and emotionally at every stage, and we know what it takes to move from one stage to the next. Healing is entirely predictable.” — Debi Silber [17:40 S5E2]

Find Supportive People Around You.

“The worst of it happened already. You owe it to yourself to move completely through the stages. Uh, because at this point we know staying stuck is truly a choice. And I know people get so aggravated at me when I say that, but it’s so true. It it is so true because it is predictable how to move to four and five anyway.

If you’re willing to let go of the small self benefits, grieve more in the lost bunch of things you need to do, you move to stage four.” — Debi Silber [23:34 S5E2] 

If you don’t already have a network of supportive individuals around you, start looking for people who are open to listening and understanding. Find a support group, such as my newly launched Empath Healing Community, or talk to friends and family who understand what you’re going through. 

Join the amazing Empath Healing COMMUNITY at Founding Member price NOW only for month of January 2023 only $8.25 per month on Patreon

It can be comforting to know that other people have been in similar situations and can provide useful advice on how to cope with betrayal. They will also remind you to focus on the good things, celebrate your accomplishments, and better manage your emotions.

Reflection For Learning & Growth From Betrayal Experience

Take some time for introspection and reflection about what happened in the betrayal. Learning from the situation can help you to gain an understanding that will bring closure, allowing you to move on. Reflect on the triggers of pain such as lost trust and determining how to prevent yourself from being exposed to trauma in the future. 

We’ve all heard time heals all wounds.

I have the proof that when it comes to betrayal, that’s not true. We count on time or we count on a new relationship to heal it and it doesn’t work.” — Debi Silber [12:58 S5E2]

Additionally, focus on the positives by recognizing what resources are available to cope and how it has increased your resilience.

The fifth stage of healing

“The fifth most beautiful stage and this is healing, rebirth and a new worldview. The body starts to. Self-love, self-care, eating well exercise. We didn’t have the, we didn’t have the head for that stuff earlier. We were surviving, you know, now we do the, the mind is healing. We’re making new rules.

We’re making new boundaries based on, uh, the road we just traveled. And we have a new worldview based on everything we see.” [29:27 S5E2 

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Raven Scott

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Debi is the founder of the PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and is a holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert, the author of Trust Again, and is a 2-time #1 International bestselling author of: The Unshakable Woman AND From Hardened to Healed. Her podcast: From Betrayal to Breakthrough is also globally ranked within the top 1.5% of podcasts. https://thepbtinstitute.com/

https://instagram.com/debisilber

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