How to Deprogram Yourself from Narcissistic Patriarchy | Ep 114

with Monica Rodgers of The Revelation Project

In this article I’ll teach you how to deprogram yourself from narcissistic patriarchy.

“Because when we’re taught to abandon ourselves our whole life and choose belonging over ourselves. It creates a really messy situation.”

– Monica Rodgers Ep 114 Empath and the Narcissist podcast

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

We live in a world where we are taught to think that men are better than women. But if you really want to change things, then you must start thinking differently.

The way society teaches us to view gender roles has been around for centuries. It’s called “patriarchal narcissism” and it’s rooted in our culture’s history of male dominance.

This article is my 100th on a Holiday that is mainly gaslit the history from our conscious of the autrocities and disrespect that was done on the indigenous people and the land. What better day to discuss the white colonization narcissistic patriarchy than on Thanksgiving. I am grateful for what I have, and the freedom living in this country, but I also revere and solemnly remember the innocent who were erased from their land because of greed. 

In this article and episode on the Empath and the Narcissist podcast, you will gain empowerment and information on how to deprogram yourself from the narcissistic patriarchy and awaken your divine feminine.

Today I share a rerun conversation with Monica Rodgers. 

How to Deprogram Yourself from Narcissistic Patriarchy with Monica Rodgers of The Revelation…
Mm. That’s enough of you ruling the world, like a little boy who’s tantruming. That’s enough of you desecrating mother…player.captivate.fm

Stop complying at your own expense


The term “narcissistic patriarchy” refers to a system in which men dominate women by controlling access to resources, power, and status. This system has been used for centuries to keep women down and prevent them from achieving equality.

It wasn’t always like this, women were worshiped and revered. When jealousy, power, and greed clouded the reverence, the divine power in women was extinguished, oppressed, and shamed.

“ Stop complying and do what feels true to my heart and true to my path.” 

— Monica Rodgers Ep. 114 Empath & the Narcissist.

The first step is to recognize it.

Photo by Radu Florin on Unsplash


Recognizing narcissism is the first step towards changing your experience in life. It’s not easy because the narcissists trauma and ego has persuaded you to think they are special, unique, and perfectly flawless. But the irony is, once you start studying narcissism, they ALL follow the same behavior patterns. 

The narcissist believes that their opinion is the only one that matters. They also believe that they should never apologize or admit when they’ve made a mistake. These beliefs make them feel good about themselves, but they’re actually destructive. They cause them to become arrogant, selfish, and a bully.

“I work with this concept that I call the trance of unworthiness. I really look at how we’re socialized. How women are convinced we are the problem with the Adam and Eve story. …I remember as a little girl, like looking around like indignant, like everybody, like, and looking around in the women’s. Standing there with their eyes wide open. And that’s what I started calling “The trance of unworthiness.”

Photo by MK Hamilton on Unsplash

We go to sleep within ourselves or actually abandoned ourselves in that place. Because part of what I’ve really come to realize as well, is that, as women, there’s a way that we actually abandon the body because it becomes emotionally uninhabitable to live inside of our body in this culture.” — 

Monica Rodgers Ep 114 Empath and the Narcissist [15:14]

Then we need to understand why narcissism exists.


If you want to stop being pulled into the narcissistic vortex, you must first understand what makes them behave that way. You need to recognize that you’re part of a system as well. You exist in a society where people are valued based on their ability to meet other people’s needs and to shove your needs down. And, as a female, adopt the role of pretty, pleasing, and polite. This system is called “narcissistic patriarchy.”

Growing up, you probably were never included in family conversations about our autonomy, or small decisions to empower us as children. It was, “be quiet, go along with it, make sure everyone’s happy. Give people the benefit of the doubt.” And then all of a sudden you’re wondering, Why am I experiencing narcissistic abuse? It is because we’ve been trained to. And as women, even men, you have been conditioned to be in that trance.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

“I call it death by a thousand tiny paper cuts. It’s that idea of over time being programmed. They seem inconsequential when they’re happening. It’s just a little message here and there.

But then when you actually start to recognize the accumulation of the messages. It’s like, nobody gets out of that un-awaked. But it deadens you over time.” — Monica Rodgers Ep 114 Empath and Narcissist podcast [18:57]

Finally, we need to find ways to overcome it.


Once you’ve recognized that you’re part of this system, you can start to work towards changing it. One way to do this is by understanding why you act the way you do. It’s easy to blame others for our behavior, but the truth is that we often act out of fear. We feel insecure because we believe that we aren’t good enough. We also tend to act selfishly when we feel threatened.

“We train the world how to be in relationship with us. So we get what we tolerate.” Monica Rodgers [27:03]

Shine the light on the ugly truths. Sit with your uncomfortable feelings. Release them through transmutation. Heal somatically, and start drawing boundaries. 

Fill yourself up with radical self love so you alone are enough to satisfy yourself. And 

“ When women are in touch with our own enoughness, the interesting part is then we start saying enough, that’s enough of you on the couch with your potato chips.

That’s enough of you ruling the world, like a little boy who’s tantruming. That’s enough of you desecrating mother earth. That’s enough. And when women have had enough, shit starts to change.” 

— Monica Rodgers [32:07]

It’s not easy

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash


It’s not easy to break free from narcissism because they tricked us enough into thinking they will change one day. They’ve pulled on our heart strings, and attached chords so we feel ripped apart when we try to break free. 

But in order to break free and shift the situation in your life, you must know you CAN do it. 

No more saying “I can’t do this.” Yes say that to finally get out. But for your own work, to stand up for your own power. If you have a womb, you birthed life! You can do anything! 

Learn to become the safest person in the room for yourself. Radical self love and self approval will transform you from the stuck victim of narcissistic abuse, to the valiant warrior creating the life of your dreams. 

Stop being so tough on yourself and self shame. Learn through failing and don’t worry about getting it right the first time. Accept the mess and know the mess is what makes you powerful. Because you pick yourself back up again and rise stronger and defeart the darkness. 

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

I said just a minute ago it is not easy to leave the narcissist. But at the same time it is so easy! Once you awaken to the truths, and awaken to your unique self. You can widen your perspective and see that you have been trapped in this tiny fish bowl, and you belong in the vast great big ocean! 

And when you are ready, it will be as easy as telling yourself “stand up.” And then press your feet on the floor and stand. (If you are experiencing a malignant narcissist it can be dangerous to just leave, proceed with a plan, professional help, and caution.)

In conclusion, the way to deprogram yourself from the narcissistic patriarchy is first, to stop believing the lies. Second, start saying “enough”. Third, and finally radically love yourself up, heal through somatic practices, and rise as the valiant warrior goddess you were born to be. 

As soon as you love yourself magic happens. Believe Monica and myself. We both have been through the dark and come out the other side stronger than ever. 

And remember. Always keep your unique light shining! 

With love, 

@ravenscottshow Raven Scott

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The Revelation Project is 🥇𝘼𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙒𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩 🎧 w/ Monica Rodgers. Sacred Feminine Rites of Passage Practitioner, Leadership Coach, Author. jointherevelation.com

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Published by Raven Scott

As an international author, narcissist abuse recovering coach, Podcast host of Empath & Narcissist and creator of healing workshops. She is dispelling the narcissists' power one soul at a time.

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