How to Heal Trauma From Narcissism Using Shadow Work

“If you’ve been programmed by a narcissist, they’re leaving all of those wounds wide open. So they could just come back at any time and press that wound, and boom, you’re triggered, and boom, you’re triggered. The key is deal with the button. Because if you can deal with the buttons, now you are in control.” — Steven Twohig Ep 111 Empath and the Narcissist podcast

We’ve all been there before. Whether it was a childhood experience or something more recent, we know how painful it can be to deal with past traumas. But if you’re stuck in an abusive relationship, it can feel impossible to heal from the pain.

Photo by Zoe on Unsplash

But, shadow work is a powerful tool that can help people overcome emotional wounds and move forward in life. It involves working on healing old hurts by looking at the parts of yourself that were damaged during the abuse.

In this podcast, our guest Steve Twohig will show you how to use shadow work to help you heal trauma from narcissism.

If you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse, you might find it difficult to trust anyone again. You might also struggle with feeling worthless and unlovable. This can make it hard to form healthy relationships.

How to Heal Trauma From Narcissism Using Shadow Work

Here are the Key Takeaways 

The Root of Narcissism

[6:44] The root of narcissism is trauma, pain, and suffering. But when those of us that have been traumatized by narcissism, the problem is there’s some part of us that desires to fit together like pieces of a puzzle.

The line in the movie Jerry McGuire, “You complete me.” is a complete lie. 

The twin flame mythology is also very dangerous, and models the belief of finding love in relationships. You believe somehow you need something outside of yourself to complete you. What is out there is way less painful than what’s inside. And the danger is, the narcissist’s shadow, at some level, is calling out to another’s shadow and they come together with immense magnetism.

Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash

Shadow Deflection

[8:34] People always question. “Am I the narcissist?”

That typically is the narcissist’s game. DARVO 

Defend, Attack, and Reverse the Victim role upon the Offender. 

But just recognize that the behavior you feel ashamed of is in your shadow, and if you already are asking, then you are not the narcissist denying it. And there is hope and action that you can heal it. 

The reason that a narcissist will leverage that doubt of yours, is because a half truth is more dangerous than a full on lie.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

How the Mind Works

[12:22] All of the stories and all the meanings that you made up are what form your reality in your world.

By default you navigate through trauma with the narrative of: “I’m trapped, or I’m not.” Now the problem is that is survival based thinking. 3.5 million years we have been thinking in survival mode. 

The National Science Foundation suggests that 95% of your thoughts are repetitive. And 80% of your thoughts at a minimum are negative. They are attack thoughts, awful-seeking, and negative biases. There are 24 cognitive biases that the mind deals with to try to make meaning in this outside world. And they are rooted in navigating this formless void that we found ourselves in.

And the problem is most of us have been hobbled before we even knew we could walk.

The mind wants to take meaning. The core design of the mind is built to make meaning of its surroundings.

“I was trapped in the basement by my step monster. She beat me, she starved me. She pulled my hair out, like it was torture for a length of time.

TRAUMA was baseline for my thoughts and reality.” — Steven Twohig

Related Article

How to Heal the Narcissistic Mother Wound and Release the Pain
with best selling author, Courtney Hanson

And so the mind subconsciously sees the meaning that you’re trapped. And trauma knows no time. It is rooted in the past, but it can reappear and remember in the present and be feared it will continue in your future. 

Photo by Slavcho Malezanov on Unsplash

Now years later, Steven is older and no longer in that basement. But when he is talking to his wife about what they are going to have for dinner, thoughts and frustrations crop us such as: “How come I always got to pick?”  

You see it’s rooted in that trapped trauma, like she’s trying to trap him with a decision. And his shadow thinks, “Why are you trying to trap me in this “basement”?

And the same behaviors play out from your beliefs rooted in your past trauma into your relationships. Therefore creating patterns of pain.

Why the Narcissist Lashes out

[15:21] So you see why the traumatized narcissist (and empath) will not let you anywhere near that pain is:

“And not only am I not gonna let you near that pain, I’m gonna keep that pain behind me, and then it’s gonna come outta me. And then I’m gonna project on you that you’re trying to trap me, and then I’m gonna react out of that.” — Steven Twohig

And when the narcissist reacts out of that, you filter it in your mind as, it is your fault. You filter it through all of your beliefs, so by the time it gets processed, it doesn’t look like a little boy trapped in the basement. It looks like a man screaming at his wife.

It looks completely different on the abuser’s side because you’re not seeing the three year old little boy trapped in the basement. That’s not who you’re looking at.

We are all Empaths

Photo by Dyu – Ha on Unsplash

[16:22] I think we are all empaths at some level. The problem is that most people are not conscious of it. And so when you are not conscious you are feeling somebody else’s feelings. Now you are feeling a feeling that you think is your feeling. But it’s not your feeling, it’s theirs. 

And so now you have this charge in your body, the mind then has to make meaning because that’s what it’s designed to do.

So you are feeling something, and then the mind goes, “What does that mean?” And you look through the lens of that pain to try to find where it is at. And you will always find something. — What’s wrong is always available. So you are looking through this meaning and now, what happens is you see the little boy/girl. And then you see the little self is not getting it. And then you conclude, “Oh, that is because I’m not good enough.”

Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash

“Am I coming from Fear? or Am I coming from love? “Better to deal with the demon that I know, than to let go of that demon and then find another demonn to come along, and do the same thing to me, and go, see, I told you it wasn’t them. It is me. [48:28]

Related Article 

Raising Your Vibration To Heal from a Narcissist
with Jaguar Womban

Your Suffering is Sacred

What that means is, when you go into the places where you feel constricted in order to connect with the shadow part of you. You gain ability to heal and navigate your world from your heart. 

We are taught not to do find answers within. We’re taught to solve them out in the world. But give yourself permission to sit in your suffering. And what you find is the faze of Source / god/ Universe.

It’s about letting go. Softening and healing, versus hardening and retreating. Open you hands to receive. Healing through your shadow work is about opening up and letting go of whatever story your ego has created, so that you may receive healthy, true love.

And remember. Always keep your Unique light shining. 

Boundaries workshop

Free Workshop
How to Set Powerful Boundaries Free Workshop How to et powerful boundaries with the Narcissist and Toxic People. Claim…

And remember. Keep your Unique light shining. 

@ravenscottshowRaven Scott

Follow and Subscribe and leave your thoughts. 

Get an email whenever Raven Scott publishes.

You may also enjoy reading 

What is Coercive Control? How is it Orchestrated by the Narcissist?
…and these abusers, what their goal is, is again, to strip us of our autonomy. So as we keep giving, They keep taking…

How to Manifest Anything you Desire
In the simplified version manifestation is the intention of bringing what your imagine and desire into reality.

Awakening the Inner Goddess & Claim Victory over the Narcissist
“When we remember that this power to love is a gift that we can best give others by first giving it to ourselves, we…

Rise up and embrace your authentic soul self in this avatar body. You are strong, wise, and powerful, and nothing can stop you from shining your unique light out into the world.

This Masterclass will transform your negative patterns or experiences into alchemy and gold! By activating your DNA and connecting your Soul to your body here on Earth.

This Masterclass also includes Four BONUS spiritual activations valued at over $888 including :

Bonus #1 : EFT tapping , Breathe work, Reiki healing, & Aura Activation to dissolve the discomfort, ease anxiety and connect to your soul.

Bonus #2: Your DNA Activation to shift into a NEW IDENTITY

Bonus #3: The Cheat Code for the MIRROR-VERSE — learn to view the world through your souls lens outside of the matrix

Bonus #4: Just in time for Christmas — A New tradition- 12 Days of the Zodiac to improve your relationship with each sign and meditate on the artistic symbolism of each zodiac

Claim your seat to gain your DNA Activation Soul Integration for only $223 until 11/23/22 at

Empath and Narcissist Guest – Steven Twohig Bio

Steven Twohig is the Founder of Mastering Change. He has committed himself to mastering the art of transformation. While seeking to heal from trauma inflicted while just a toddler, Steven was introduced to the practice of shadow work in April of 2000, leading to a lifelong study and what he believes is a path to enlightenment. Steven spent a decade working for and studying under the world’s leading business and life strategist, Tony Robbins. Currently, he is studying the impact of shadow work on psychedelic integration. He focuses on bridging the gap between traditional plant medicine and the western mind.

Published by Raven Scott

Raven Scott is an Empathic Spiritual Healer, Intl. Author, Podcaster, and Narc Abuse Soul Healing Coach in her Empath Healing Membership Community with the use of somatic healing exercises, Moon Rituals, Tarot, and Astrology & Human Design Reading.

5 thoughts on “How to Heal Trauma From Narcissism Using Shadow Work

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: