with best selling author, Courtney Hanson
“The most life changing conscious thing I did was, when interacting in my relationships, I would ask myself ‘Am I answering from love? or fear?’ “ — Courtney Hanson [22:57]
How to heal the mother wound and set boundaries with toxic family members will allow you to release the pain bottled up inside. And you will start attracting healthy women into your life. We all desire connection and love, and you can experience that when you heal your core mother wound from a narcissistic mother.
Today I share a conversation with Courtney Hanson a best-selling author of Within, podcast host of The Sweetest Little Life, yoga instructor, reiki master, and trauma-somatics healer.
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Here are some key moments:
[8:27] Sometimes you adopt a victim identity to fit in
If we experience childhood trauma, sometimes we have been disappointed by our parents in some way. It may be that you were raised in a cult. For others, it may be you had a narcissistic parent. Others, you were abandoned by a parent through divorce, adoption, or another situation.
For Courtney, she shares her story that her mother shape shifted and married all the wrong men, in her youth. This led to her being molested by one of her step dads, this resulted in her being removed from her mother to live with her father full time. She shares her experience and hardship with this experience as she aged.
[10:25] You may carry blame from the wrongs your parents did
“I carried all this blame of I’m not good enough.” -Courtney Hanson
When you have narcissistic parents, everything is your fault. So the gaslighting was normalized, you were conditioned to take the blame for the adult’s faults. This shame and blame is extremely detrimental to the child’s psyche.
Growing up the child will hold onto the this blame. Self punish, self gaslight, and try and fix everything and everyone around them.
Unhealed childhood trauma manifest as :
Fixing others, people-pleasing, codependency, external validation needed, prone to addictions, living on high alert, fear of abandonment, need to prove themselves, and attract narcissistic partner.
Did you check any of these off? I know I did. And so did Courtney.
[17:19] Generational Trauma
Now we are awake to the facts about mental health and narcissism, I have to point out, this abuse did not just start. This is a multi – generational trauma and pattern of abuse. I hate to say they did their best. Maybe they were unconscious, maybe these were malicious. Whatever the case, we can still hold them accountable and have compassion for them at the same time.
Science has proven trauma is passed on through genetics in epigenetics in the womb. And if we do not somatically heal the trauma out from our body, it gets passed down. Or if we do not rewrite our mirror neurons, and patterns of behavior, it gets passed down through our actions and the child picking up the habits by watching. We are growing and conditioning this trauma that we don’t even realize it is happening.
[23:47] Somatic Healing moves it out of your body
Courtney shares in this episode that she started healing her mother wound, after being highly toxic relationships and addicted to substances by somatic healing.
“ …really tapping into where in my body was I storing this because so often we wanna. First go to the head and the thoughts. And really when we’re healing this deep of a trauma, it’s physiological.
And so to listen to our emotions and to listen to our body responses is such a practice within itself. And when I realized this and I was able to separate. My thoughts from my emotions”
Somatic healing is healing through the body and emotions.
“somatic therapists guide patients to focus on their underlying physical sensations. From there, the mind-body exercises may include breath work, meditation, visualization, massage, grounding, dance, and/or sensation awareness work.” what-is-somatic-therapy-5190064
[25:18] Get comfortable with the uncomfortable
You must feel it to heal it. This keeps coming up here on the podcast. And I am contemplating writing a book with that title.
If you keep shoving down your emotions that are uncomfortable, it is like placing a fresh apple in a box under the counter. After awhile, just as the apple in the box, that feeling starts to mold and rot. Then when it is too much to bear a practitioner, or circumstance triggers you to pull it out of the cupboard. And now it is stinky, moldy, and scary to look at.
When the emotion comes up, it is important to feel it and see what lesson is it trying to teach you before it gets moldy in your body. This is the beauty of shadow work, reiki healing, journaling, and meditation practices so you can heal it and cleanse it right away.
[42:15] She share 3 exercises to release the pain
This exercise is in her book with many others, Within.
In order to release the pain, you write 3 letters.
- Write a letter to your offender out of kathartic rage and anger. Let it all out. Share all your thoughts towards this person in this letter. Then burn it and transmute that to the Universe.
- Write a letter to your offender that you really would write sharing your emotions and their actions intelligently. Then burn it.
- Write a letter back to yourself as if you were the offender. Gain perspective of what they experienced during that time in their life. And gain empathy and perspective.
Follow and leave your thoughts.
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And remember. Always keep your unique light shining.
Courtney Hanson is a best-selling author, podcast host, yoga instructor, reiki master, hypnotherapist, trauma-somatics healer, and inspirational speaker. She helps women remember their soul’s purpose and return home in their bodies. She is a wife, mother of three, fur mom to three, and successful entrepreneur. Her journey through life is the framework that has led her to serve others. She has overcome pain and trauma that she has used as lessons and stepping stones to mold her into the woman she is today, helping others reach their goals physically, mentally, and spiritually. Let Courtney help you break through barriers, step into your purpose, and become the Divine Goddess you were destined to be.
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