“We are not here to play small. We are not here to continue to wallow in our negative thoughts. So we here to rise up and affirm ourselves.”Raven Scott
“People say I am too much. But most of the time I feel I am not enough.”
Have you felt that also? As empaths, or highly sensitive people, we feel deeply and have higher standards for how we love and wish to be loved. In today’s podcast I share how we can dispel the shame of desiring our needs and harness these emotions to be our super power.
1. Through mirror work and affirmations
“One of the things I learned when I was negotiating was that until I changed myself, I could not change others.” — Nelson Mandela
For many years as you developed as a child you were told powerful words to control your emotions. Where I do believe in not encouraging rage and overly dramatic fits of victimhood, I do know your emotions probably were not held to be able to exist. They were squished immediately and hidden under a rug.
A healthy balance of holding space for your own emotions while keeping your narrative on a more positive spin is what you needed, and what you need now as you re-parent yourself.
You cannot avoid your emotions, buy you can control what you do with them. And when you allow yourself to fee them, you will be wise about what they are signaling for you to understand.
And while you recognize these, using the power of words to rewrite the negative things your parents and teachers told you about yourself is a powerful tool to rewrite your narrative. If you really believe in these phrases you will transform and attract your super power.
Looking yourself in the mirror and saying:
“I am strong. I am loving. It is safe to be in my body.”
“I am a sensitive being and a mature soul. I am here to feel. I am here to break patterns.”
“I am strong. I am capable. I am worthy.”
“I will protect my energy around draining people. I can feel my intuition. I say “no” with confidence, and nurture myself.”
2. Self Compassion
Our thoughts are powerful and they shape and mold who we are and our. So continue to set your intentions for choosing love, for choosing self-compassion for choosing pleasure over sacrificing yourself, to chase after someone else who doesn’t really want to invest in you, who really doesn’t know how to love you.
Have compassion for yourself. I understand this can be really hard because we are our biggest critic. The key to develop compassion for yourself is to remove yourself from the me mode from the me, myself and I; the ego state, right?
The toxic part of our ego. I truly believe our ego, when balanced, is a healthy thing. I don’t think the ego is the enemy. I also don’t think that the ego is the end all be all right. The ego is, however, what prevents us from progressing and growing. The growth mindset allows our ego to step aside and allow it to be curious versus the fixed mindset of judgmental, or defeatist attitude and mentality.
Stoicism states that you can only control your choices in your scenario. So stop fixating on your abuser, but understand that they are hurt and hurt people, hurt people. Intend to have self-compassion for yourself and then in turn, have an overflowing compassion for others, even your abuser.
3. Tree wisdom the mother meditation
This magical kind of advice brings us back to nature. Go outside, find a large tree that calls to you and looks strong and wise. This tree is a conduit to stop your busy brain and allow you to listen to yourself and your inner knowing.
Walk up to the base of the tree. Touch it, lean against it, sit under it. Look up and wonder at the leaves. Be still and ask, “What should I do?” or “What do you need to tell me?” and pause and listen.
This is one of my favorite things to do. My intuition and my tree, have never let me down.
4. Draw powerful boundaries free workshop
Being that you are an empath/people pleaser. You must work on your boundaries with narcissists, toxic people and energy drainers.
This really is a wonderful time to start right now. For the next seven months Mars will be in Gemini. The warrior and action taker is in the zodiac of the talkative twins. This allows you to harness that energy to speak up, share what is hard to get out of your mouth. And for you to focus on strengthening your boundaries, self development and inner authority.
When you tap into who you are and your strengths and your sensitivities. when you lean into your self love and self worth practice, you then will master your boundaries.
You’ll know what boundary you need, because you will have listened to yourself. You will be able to envision yourself saying no. And then you’ll develop that courage to say, “No.”
Grab your free workshop to do all of the above. There are beautiful exercises, including meditations, journal prompts, and releasing exercises.
5. Go into nature have alone time
This does not need to be an unattainable camping trip. Going into nature is walking outside amongst the trees in your neighborhood. And it can be as simple as going to a park in your neighborhood; as long as you’re around growing green things.
Having that alone time allows you to ponder. It allows you to observe. It allows you to really understand how to tap into yourself. Tap into how you feel. What do you think? What are your values? And tap into your self sovereignty and who you are, and that will allow you to embrace yourself.
6. Self love exercises loving yourself not sacrificing tapping into pleasure
Cheers to pleasure! Are you the last to pick food or you eat leftovers in your family? Do you consider others feelings over your own when considering an invitation? If so, you may be sacrificing your pleasure so others are happy.
Focus on simple love practices first. Because one spa day every so often will not help. Put together a really delicious meal for yourself versus just eating the leftovers. It can be a simple acts of kindness for yourself, like affirmations, reading a book in a hammock, and taking a bath and relaxing and listening to some music.
Self-love exercises are also putting up boundaries. Right? Stop talking to someone who is ignoring you. Block somebody who’s invading your energy space with their hate and anger. That’s also self-love because whatever you allow in your sphere is telling yourself, “Hey, this is what you deserve.”
You are worth so much. You, my dear empath, are powerful. So do not let them confuse you and do not let them snuff your power out. All of these self love exercises allow you to rise up in your power, rooted like a strong wise tree.
7. Say No
Embracing your empath feelings is also understanding that you don’t need a people please all the time. And you can say no to invitations. You can say no to certain duties, um, favors that just don’t feel right to. That you know, are gonna put you in harm’s way, emotionally and or physically saying no is actually an act of self love.
When you embrace that, you are powerful. You own that you do not need to people please for love. Because you are an empath and that’s not a bad thing. Then you regain your power back by saying “No.”
8. Tune into your body’s responses
I love this one because our brains justify everything. When you are in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do, which is not just me who said this, many of our guests on the podcast have said this, is tune into your body.
Your brain makes excuses like, “oh, he just said that because he was really mad” or “she did this because I pushed her buttons.” In an abusive situation, you, the empath are mistakenly taking responsibility for the maltreatment, and not the other person taking responsibility for their actions.
So as you do this over and over, and maybe you’ve done it through childhood and carried it into a romantic relationship, your body starts to shut down. You are numb, but when you suppress a symptom emerges.
When your abuser says I love you, and you feel tears welling up, that is your body saying, this is not real love and I am not safe.
When your abuse hugs you and you recoil or stiffen up, that is your body saying, this is not real affection, I am not safe.
So listening to your body is key. And the only way that you can start really listening to your body is to look at the signs. Sometimes it manifests in your body through certain types of indigestion issues, IBS, things like that can manifest into muscle cramps, CPTSD, or different autoimmune diseases.
When your body is in constant fight or flight, “during chronic stress, this chemical cocktail turns toxic, as our cells are exposed to it for much longer than is healthy, causing physiological problems.”-McEwen, Bruce S. 2017 Neurobiological and Systemic Effects of Chronic Stress.
If what you can do to start to listen, to be honest is meditate. Studies have shown meditation is extremely beneficial to the body. In addition “sound vibrations. (of singing bowls) They activate the parasympathetic nervous system, also know as “rest and digest mode”. This allows you to relax and reconnect with your inner peace, potentially profoundly improving important health parameters, such as lowering stress hormone cortisol levels, lowering your heart rate, and reducing anxiety.” — Brummel-Smith, K. 2008 “Music and the Meditative Mind: Toward a Science of the Ineffable.
You can access the meditation playlist on Raven Scott YouTube channel. And practicing just listening to singing bowls for 2–5 minutes a day will start you on a tremendously transformative journey.
9. Cultivate hobbies
This is a great and healthy way to cultivate love and time for yourself. In some cases it is time spent out in nature. And in other cases it is time spent indulging in arts. I cultivated a wonderful practice of gardening. To be honest, when I was in my abusive relationship, I had a black thumb. Well, it’s only because I wasn’t paying attention to it because I was so much in the survival fight or flight mode. But I truly believe we do all have a green thumb if we just pay attention to the plants and we pay attention and take time.
Find what lights you up. What floats your boat? It’s giving you something to tune into with mindfulness and slowing your mind down. And enjoying fun, meditative process.
10. Healing exercises such as the Inner child meditation and EFT tapping
I have found that healing exercises such as Inner Child Meditation and investing in what your inner child wishes to do that day are highly helpful in owning your empath power. They are a conduit for relieving all of the guilt, the shame and the burdens from your unhealed, ancestors, parents, and society.
This is why I included all of the healing exercises that worked for me in my book Empath & The Narcissist: How to Overcome narcissistic abuse, and recover from PTSD, codependency, gaslighting, manipulation.
I’ve included EFT Tapping, Healed Ancestor guided meditation, Ho’ o pono pono prayer, and more!
I am giving out a free gift of weekly support in your inbox. And a live workshop. So when you buy your copy, we will immediately start sending you a year of sparkle reminders. Every Saturday. I will email you a powerful affirmation and musing to help you boost your self esteem and emotional intelligence.
Plus receive your free ticket to an exclusive, how to embrace yourself. Live workshop October 18th. Heal from narcissistic abuse. Rise up in your power and own your worthiness for abundance. There’s just a few steps to follow.
And remember, always keep your unique light shining!
Share your thoughts and what resonated.
Preview the book here
“Raven’s personal story is an amazing journey of growth and discovery through darkness to light. Woven into each chapter you will find threads of astrology and human design, plus my favorite part — the Gifts from the Emotional Toolbox. Those gifts are fantastic practices including meditations, journaling, audio recordings, and a whole lot more. Such a wealth of great resources that accompany each part of a fascinating narrative and exploration of what it means to consciously navigate through life.” — Cynthia Jolicoeur Rood
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