The Narcissist is Gone but you are Still Ruminating | S4 Ep 72

“You have one winding path in this life, So focusing on someone else’s path You’re lost if you’re ruminating on them not being there. Focus on your self worth and own path if you wish to feel alive again and take back the power in your life.”

Raven Scott

Listen to the podcast here this week

So the narcissist is gone, but you are still ruminating. Why? And now what? 

Have you been ruminating for years? Have you been ruminating for months? Whatever it may be, I want to tell you this is normal. It is part of your healing process. Trying to conceptualize what went wrong, and how to prevent it in the future. Listen to podcast episode.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

The narcissist has a very specific disorder that throws you for a loop. They do not have healthy interactions. They have twisted your brain up in all sorts of way shapes and forms. They have convinced you that you are only good while with them. They have convinced you that others are not valuable; that you are not valuable. And that they are the only answer to any of your questions. And then, during the abuse cycle, they discard you. They hurt you. They cheat on you. They do all these horrible things that a healthy person wouldn’t do to somebody who they love.

It makes sense that you are ruminating, because you don’t know what happened. Their thick fog of gaslighting has you wondering, what went wrong. And how this person who was so kind and loving during this honeymoon phase has changed. They’ve flipped the side of the coin. They are not Dr Jekyll anymore, they are Mr. Hyde.

 Reverse Hoovering

While you are ruminating, the number one thing you must do is not reaching out and try and process this with the narcissist. It is their expertise to fool you. It is their game to keep you in under their control and manipulation.

A tactic that they may use is reverse hoovering. They will play the quiet, ghost you, and get you feeling very guilty. They do this because they know, you -empath, you are a very kind person and you would never do this to anyone else. Since they play the victim You then feel responsible for the conflict. You start to feel like you need to apologize and do the right thing.

You will reach out to the narcissist practicing silent treatment, and ignoring you. And you grovel “on your knees” (literally or figuratively). You are begging them to explain what happened, for forgiveness, to get your dopamine “hit” of love back again. And they use your vulnerability as a weapon against you and have you apologizing without ever taking responsibility or changing their behavior.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash


 Empaths have ability to feel intensely.

Being an empath can be blessing and a curse. When you are not conscious about how your energy is manage, and how others manipulate them, the result is unresolved feelings. Do you find that you think negative thoughts that you do not deserve what you dream of? And are you chasing after the wrong toxic people who treat you like shit?

It’s time to pause and introspect. Look inside yourself to figure out why you are constantly attracting these people. 

“In the long term, someone will have to disappear in the fusional process.” — Karine Brule, Empath and The Narcissist Ep. 68 : How to Release Unconscious Patterns that Keeps the Empath Pleasing the Narcissist

How to Release Unconscious Patterns that Keeps the Empath Pleasing the Narcissist
Fusional lovemedium.com

And that person who disappears is always the empath, never the narcissist.


Make the choice to focus on your inner self spiritual.

Every action, or non-action, is a choice. It is a choice to give into your fear and remain the victim. It is a choice to change your mindset and not put up with the abuse anymore. If you are chasing after the narcissist and constantly ruminating on them, you are giving them the power over you. 

“Stop asking why they are doing it. And start asking why you keep allowing it.” @Claranaturally — IG 

You are not focusing on your self identity and self authority. And so you need to start looking at yourself versus looking to others for love and validation. At the same time, make sure you don’t lock, healthy, loved ones out. 

“Give. But don’t allow yourself to be used. Love. But don’t allow your heart to be abused. Trust. But don’t be naive. Listen. But don’t lose your own voice.” — Lewis Howes 

Why Didn’t You Leave the Narcissist Sooner?
I get it, I didn’t leave the narcissistic partner in my life for eight years! I tried seven times, but it didn’t stick…medium.com


Imposter Syndrome

Release the false belief that you are not good. It’s alot of negativity to reverse, with the narcissist constantly putting you down. But just as building up strong biceps, it takes daily mindset exercises to build up a positive belief of yourself. 

Speak daily affirmations in the mirror. Reversing negative thoughts in the moment. And rewriting your story through Full Moon Release Journaling and New Moon intention setting. These are all of my favorite ways to transformed your mind. (from personal experience.) 


Stand strong in your brilliance.

Self worth is the running theme. And it has been the running theme in all of the interviews on the podcast with our expert guests. I see this as the root cause of empaths being sucked into a narcissistic abusive relationship.

 If you don’t value yourself, you look to others on the outside to guide you in how to feel about yourself, then the result is a blank canvas for them to manipulate. 

“I chose you for that very reason. You were a perfect blank canvas, and I could create you into my own creation of a woman end quote. I stood in shock in disbelief. I thought this whole eight years together, I was pawn in your game. I was your play thing, and I was dumb enough to let you no more. I said, no more.” 

— Empath & The Narcissist: Chapter 10 Raven Scott

If you don’t believe you are worthy of having freedom, love and abundance, then you will continue to put up with the abuse. And as an empath, you have the ability to feel. When something feels right or wrong your body tells you. But conditioning, society, and just choosing the easy path without difficulties leads your brain to justify the abuse. And you justify their actions and ignore what you need emotionally. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Make the choice to focus on your inner self spiritually. This is why I have all the exercises in my book Empath and the Narcissist: How to overcome narcissistic abuse, recover from PTSD, codependency and gaslighting manipulation. At the end of each chapter.

I’m excited to share my book is available on Audible on August 10,2022. 

Free yourself from narcissistic abuse, and draw long lasting powerful boundaries Get your free workshop now at Ravenscott.show/free-workshop

And Remember. Always keep your unique light shining!

Raven Scott

  1. Grab your FREE narcissist abuse recovery workshop: It is your next step to defeating the Narcissist
  2. Buy Empath and the Narcissist Book on Amazon with brand new cover and The audible version will be available by mid August
  3. Bumped Bruised and Blessed posted a conversation with me on Narcissistic mothers on her YouTube channel
  4. I’m excited to be a part of a special event on Oct. 30th called Trauma to Triumph. There will be aware Narcissists speaking, Professional Therapists speaking, and Survivors (such as myself) sharing. And I will be leading a short guided meditation. VIP tickets will be available . 

Follow & Stay tuned for details!

Published by Raven Scott

As an international author, narcissist abuse recovering coach, Podcast host of Empath & Narcissist and creator of healing workshops. She is dispelling the narcissists' power one soul at a time.

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