As the scapegoat, you get blamed for everything that goes wrong. Your abuser projects, their own bad behaviors onto you.
The verbal abuse never stops. Your successes and achievements are downplayed. I know that personally, the abuse is ignored by others. Those are the triangular views of the co-conspirators. You then in turn become the scapegoat for the other victims in order for them to save themselves.
You may not feel it, but you are stronger than you think. Because you are holding on for dear life emotionally, while they are, metaphorically, clinging onto your back on the life buoy pushing you down.
Now adays it seems as though there is a narcissist every time you walk around the corner. Here are the three main areas that you may experience being the narcissist’s scapegoat; the family unit, the workplace, and in religious and public service.
The Narcissistic Mother
The Narcissistic mother is the tragic, childhood trauma inducing, woman who can’t love. She targets a child because the child could be very strong and intimidates her, or is very similar to her it scares her. So she strips them of agency, or the child is considered awkward or different and therefore becomes problematic in terms of her viewpoint. Remember the Narcissist gauges their perfection on outward appearances. Any behavior or appearance that threatens their ideal outward projection to the world is a threat. So then she shifts the blame back to the child. Then occurs the triangulation, the mobbing, the co-conspiriting with the sibling(s). And because the sibling(s) do not know what is going on, they may not have language around it, but they know they don’t want to be in that outcast space. So they are willing to work with the mom and please the mom. And the scapegoat is the one that remains at the bottom with no utility.
The Narcissistic Boss
The Narcissistic boss at work makes your life miserable because work is a space they can wield power. And aside from your bed, work is where you spend the majority of your time. They will find flaws, they will nitpick, ignore your vacation requests. And, in general, they will not see their employees as humans with emotions and needs. For instance, if a school’s audits come back and they were not in compliance with the state/city, a teacher(s) would be alienated and blamed. There are many ways the narcissist makes you feel the performance is your fault. Discriminating, focusing on dress code, tardiness, and small things that do not add up to the end result, while ignoring the good performance when it is performed. Even though you know it wasn’t your fault, because of your many years of experience and high evaluations, the narcissistic boss makes you take the blame.
There can be mobbing due to the boss gossiping and talking bad about an employee behind their back to other employees. This creates a toxic environment where your coworkers turn on you. The culture can result with them laughing at you, awkward silence when you enter the room, and you know they have been gossiping about you, criticizing your outfits that fit within dress code, and asking questions about your personal life to use as weapons against you.
This type of boss that breeds toxic culture in the work environment, at their core are very jealous, racist, and intimidated by your excelsior performance. And as time goes on, they start to become paranoid that you are strategizing to take their job.
“ At the end of the day, we experience internal rage and how do we appropriate that? If we can’t, then we misappropriate it to someone we think will take it.” — Gina Dobson, Empath & The Narcissist S4 Ep 66
The Narcissistic Civil Servant
Pastors, Clergy, and alternative spiritual “Guru’s” all have the power to either help facilitate healing or traumatize their followers for life.
I have heard a dizzying amount of stories of perverted narcissists hiding under the cover of good spiritual service. The narcissist is already charming, and now the “earned” title of religious leader gives them armor to hide behind, and people place them on a pedestal. Therefore further blinding the public to their toxic behaviors.
There are so many cults in the world claiming to be the enlightenment, yet are in reality manipulating, isolating and blackmailing kind hearted people. And in June 2022 the FBI has opened an investigation into sex abuse going back decades in the Roman Catholic Church in New Orleans. Be careful, guard your minds, and hearts and practice loving yourself enough to use your analytical skills, because they prey on the most vulnerable who are open to finding the answers and feel unloved. Be wary of anyone telling you they have the solutions to all your problems, because no one truly does.
Against what we want to hear, there are many politicians in the local and national segment that are racist, narcissist and ignorant to how most people live in the United States. Speaking as a priviledged white woman, I know I exist in a bubble. I recognize, and now see, I am treated differently than my Asian husband who stands right next to me. This white supremacy, which is rooted in narcissism, is still strongly infused in our country, and is written in our laws, and protected by certain public service offices.
After recently watching the documentary The G Word on Netflix Produced by Former President Barack Obama. I learned how many amazing programs the Federal government has available for free. Such as the weather service, WIC, some medical facilities, water, technology that invented Alexa, our smooth roads and highways, funding loaned towards Tesla, and the military that keeps us safe. I can’t help but see that budget cuts, program cuts and laws being overturned are all due to the narcissist who has no empathy for how those programs were helping Americans in need, not to mention employing 300,000 Americans. And since we are conditioned to drama entertainment as reality, a Narcissist who showed a track record of a failure with handling big structures and business, with four bankruptcies filed by former President Trump, became the leader of our sadly misguided country.
He cut multiple programs that would have had us prepared to handle COVID, he fired all of the employees on his staff that questioned him, and then ran smear campaigns against these people trying to stand up for the People. He then used his words and influence to stoke an insurrection and turning over our votes that voted him out. Do you see the sign in the picture above? of a typical person who has bought into his lies that all the votes were not counted. And on top of that false belief, she has added a reference to what the Lord has spoken about justice. This perversion of Biblical quotes mixed with a selfish lies fueled by the charisma of the narcissist is ridiculous to the logical brain.
These all sound like a grandiose narcissist trying to shape democracy into a dictatorship. If you’ve experienced a narcissist you can see this plain and clear, if you haven’t I understand you have doubts and are charmed by his charisma.
And I rest my point, that is the definintion of a narcissist, charming and cruel.
Unhealed Scapegoat Trauma Manifests As:
- Inconsistencies — fear of dating, not able to hold down a job, or friends
- Pushing others away — self isolation
- Low self esteem
- Awkward social skills
- People pleaser
- Enmeshed with sibling or parent
- Sacrificing own needs for others
Ironically the scapegoat mirrors the behavior of the narcissist because of the pushing others away and low self esteem, not being able to unite their family and causing more divisions in them manifesting isolation. They lack healthy intimacy and healthy connection with their children, lovers, and family.
How to Heal from being the Narcissists Scapegoat
Do not base your healing on whether the narcissist changes and gives you closure. You may wait your entire life and still not get closure.
“Putting your hope in something outside of yourself, you’re always going to be disappointed,”-Raven
How to heal:
- Practice Yoga
- Spiritual disciplines
- Reading books
- Listen to expert podcasts
The key is being able to know you are worthy and focus on your self to grow – and not expect the other person to.
All of these will help you get rid of, and slough off all the things that brought you to an abused space.
It’s important to always reflect. You as an empath already do this, otherwise you would not be reading this. You are stronger than you think, you are worthy of the love you desire and you deserve to live freely as you choose. The bigger goal of this blog is to dispel the power of the narcissist in our families, partnerships, and systems one soul at a time.
If you wish to feel alive again and take back the power in your life, then gain your FREE Access to How Empaths Draw Healthy Boundaries today.
And remember. Always keep your unique light shining!