Healing from Narcissistic Parents | Mental Health Tools For Your Twenties with Anna Rodin

“Just because you are guarding from certain people doesn’t mean you have to guard for everybody.”

– Anna Rodin

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Healing from Narcissistic Parents Healing Tools in your twenties

Personal development tools for your twenties when you in the biggest change of your life is so important. Healing from narcissist parents at any age is a transformational shift in your spiritual journey.

Healing from Narcissistic Parents | Mental Health Tools For Your Twenties with Anna Rodin | S3 Ep 57 – transcript

Welcomed Raven Scott show, 

and

to the Empath and the Narcissist podcast.

where you regain your sparkle back after narcissist abuse. Today, we have Anna Roden on the podcast. I’m so excited to share her with you. But first I wanted to tell you a little bit about her. Anna is an author. She’s a student, a yoga teacher. She’s a friend, sister, and daughter, and she works to bring awareness to the need for self care and developing certain personal development skills as a young person.

After going on her own mental health and wellness journey, she aims to share her tools and support her book for your twenties will be published in January, 2023. And we’ll have a link to how you can get in touch with her and know when it releases. Thank you so much for being here, Anna. 

Thank you for having me.

I’m excited to be 

here. I’m excited for your book. It is so needed. I wish I had your book when I was in my twenties. 

Yeah. I wish I had it when I was going through everything I was going through. 

I know. So tell me, um, what was the motivation behind writing this book? 

Yeah, so I never have pictured that I would be writing a book, but, um, I.

Went through my own mental health struggles. I had always kind of struggled on and off. And I hit a really low point, um, about a year ago now and was forced to face things head on and really my whole identity shifted and I had to face and deal with things and trauma and heal and going through that, um, I came out the other side.

Tools and new lessons and basically a completely different person for the better. Um, and I just really found that what I said was resonating with friends. It was resonating with people in my life. They could see the shifts that happened, um, with me internally and externally. And I figured why not share it?

It seems like it’s so needed for young people. We have. There’s so much noise in this world. So I feel that really connecting to yourself is just so important, especially now. 

Yes, I love that I’m picturing, right? Like this is going to help so many with the social media age, the technology, um, I didn’t grow up with social media, but I still thought myself worth was in the gutter.

So I can’t even imagine. Feeling like you’re nothing. Uh, and on top of that, like having everyone else to compare yourself to, or all these perfect filters are, and that’s just, self-esteem, that’s not even like real, like life healing that you have to deal with. And yeah, that, that’s, that’s huge. The mental health.

Right now is huge. And I think that the future is our next generations. Like the only thing that gives me hope to be honest with everything going on. And we just talked about a bit of a polarizing, you know, Republican Democrat. I don’t really call myself either, but people assume we were one or the other, right.

This whole stupid two party system is like the future is these next generations will, that will not tolerate this anymore. That are going to fight for their rights and their autonomy. I just that’s my only hope honestly, is the future. That’s all we got is the younger, younger generations who are stronger and wiser.

So this book is perfect to help them. 

Yeah. And, you know, touching on the social media point, we are the generation that’s grown up with it. We’ve had it all of our lives. And I, I do see pros and cons. I think, you know, The comparison is real. And like we logically know that social media is a highlight reel.

Like we know that, but it’s very hard to internalize that. And remember it when you’re looking at everyone’s, you know, best hair days and like cool vacations and everything. So it is, it’s hard to get that through your mind when you’re consuming it constantly. But I also think. In terms of the future, we are having conversations much more openly.

And I think from a much earlier age, just because we have all the access to all the information from such an early age. So, you know, there’s no kind of, there’s no hiding. We know what’s happening and we’re gonna speak our mind. 

I love it. That’s so true. Like I’m having conversations. I like with my girls that are not even in their teens yet that I thought that I’d be like addressing these questions when they were teenagers, but I’m like, I’m ready.

I’m totally willing. And I don’t really shelter them cause I was overly sheltered. So I kind of went the opposite direction, but it’s important to have those conversations. You, you absorb the information and then you need to evaluate. What is true? What is this really mean? What is this in general, but to, you have to have a safe adult to be able to process that with.

And I know that that was one of the topics I want to talk about is, um, you know, you’ve I guess, finding out, or when did you find out that you were raised by narcissistic parents? 

I would say pretty recently, that was part of my healing that I needed to do. Um, it, it, it. You know, when you’re, when you’re a kid, you, you just jump into whatever role you’re kind of expected to play.

And it’s not until later on, when you are, can kind of remove yourself that you can look back and see what actually happened, and you have a different perspective. And for me, that was, um, a kind of a rude awakening. Um, you know, I. My parents were kind of opposite ends of the spectrum. I had one that was pretty emotionally unavailable and the other that was extremely anxious and, um, pretty intrusive.

So kind of two complete opposite parenting styles. And it was interesting, um, growing up in that way and. I have one younger sister. So I kind of took on a mothering role from a very young age. And that’s just how I was, you know, you didn’t, at that age, you just do it. You’re expected to do. And it carried through and you know, then I went to college and I left home and I kind of took a step back from that role and, um, learned, you know, The, I guess just the, the nuances that you kind of carry with you unconsciously and subconsciously, and it’s just, it does stay with you until you dig it up and you really go into it.

So for me, that was part of the work and it was really, um, looking at the patterns that have stayed. Because of that and because of how I was raised, that just aren’t serving me anymore. And also learning now how to have a relationship that benefits everyone in the family. 

Yeah. That’s so tricky where there’s like signs or was it just that you removed yourself, you went to college and realized like, wow, like this was really unhealthy where I was living.

There were definitely signs. I mean, Even talking with friends, I could tell him my situation was different. Um, and just in terms of how we spoke to each other, um, what, you know, I would say I didn’t have the typical childhood experience. And that was, you know, when your friends are talking about their family and or you go over to a friend’s house and you see how people interact with.

That’s when you realize, like, you start to think, Hmm, maybe this isn’t normal or healthy, but it’s just a thought because you don’t really know anything different because that’s just how that’s the environment that you’re in. And, um, yeah, so for me it was, you know, there were little signs and I think that my mental health struggles, I, I had depression on and off since I was 11.

So I was in therapy and, um, A big part of that was just all of this anger that I had deep down that I could not address at the time, um, that, you know, carried through until today. And it’s still something I deal with. But, um, one thing that I’ve talked about is that when I was in middle school and in high school, I was aware of.

How I was raised the situation with my parents, how they are, they are, um, just personality wise, but I was just in survival mode and I was just so focused on like getting through it, getting out that was like my end goal. And it wasn’t until after, you know, I kinda saw my whole mental breakdown as kind of an opportunity and a sign that I was ready to.

Dive deep into the healing and really uncover some of the things that I, that I was aware of, but I just could never 

face. Yeah, you, you couldn’t address it because you were not safe. You weren’t in a safe space to address it because it does take a certain safe space and vulnerability to be able to unearth those things.

Cause it may take a couple of days. It may take a few hours and you need to have nobody. Manipulating what you’re saying, like how you’re feeling it has to all be you. Or if you have like a therapist who is gentle and is not judging. Right. Because that’s the difficult part is when you’re interacting with that toxic person, especially a parent, it’s all about their ego.

So if you say anything, they’re immediately going to go into defensive mode. They’re going to. You know, put down whatever you’re saying, they’re going to twist it around and be like, how could you do this to me? You know, I’m your mother, I’m your father, whoever he’s like that, doesn’t give you any right to like, not listen to me to not hold space for my emotions or have any empathy for me.

Right? Yeah. 

Uh, how I took it was okay. Now I’m never going to share anything because this is the reaction that I get. So for me, a really big. Hurdle that I had to get over was, um, I was just so shut, shut down for so long because I had learned, because that was the reaction that I got when I shared something vulnerable or, um, you know, a bit of a touchy subject or whatever it was.

And so I learned that the safe thing for me to do at that time was to shut down and become kind of, I was just, I was physically there, but I. Didn’t share anything. I was never vulnerable. And that carried into relationships with friends and with everyone in my life at that time. So a big part of it was unlearning that, which is hard when you, when that’s all, that’s it you’ve been kind of training yourself to do for years and years.

Trust me, like I’ve been out of my relationship with my partner for 10 years, and I feel like just recently, I’ve been able to. Be really vulnerable about things that I would hold in. Like, Ooh, he’s going to like, judge me, like with my husband, he’s going to judge me or he’s going to think I’m like weird for thinking or saying this it’s a process.

It does not happen. Like overnight. It doesn’t happen after a year. It is, it is. I think that’s what our souls are here for. Right. To learn that lifelong process. So. Yeah. And you will constantly be triggered into your anger and resentment and dealing with that, you know, a lot. So it’s like a wave. I, this is why I love to follow astrology because I’m like, okay, when am I going to be triggered?

I’m going to be resentful towards my childhood. And let’s just, you know, do a, do a lot more yeah. Plan for it. Yeah, it is. It is such a journey. So I, and I keep thinking you’re a yoga teacher. So you also like, was that where you in that community, when you have this awakening, and I also want to ask you, was this around about your Saturn return?

If you know, 

I do not know actually, and I don’t know why it never occurred to me to 

a few years before you’re 30. I won’t say this. 

No. I’m like a while away. 

Yeah, very cool. Okay. So it’s not your Saturn return, that’s it? That’s typically around 28 to 30. You like really get responsible and serious about your life 

a couple 

of years till then.

That’s good. God, you’ll be ready then it won’t be something tragic during your because you’re already healed or at least on the journey to healing. Yeah. 

I mean the yoga part I found. During my awakening. So I have, I had kind of, um, you know, dabble, dine taking yoga. I wasn’t, you know, super serious about it before.

Um, I honestly thought it super boring at first. Like it was not my thing at all. And I 

like sleep at the end of class. Oh yeah. 

Oh yeah. I remember my first time I was sitting there, like at the beginning, they’re doing the, you know, opening meditation. What am I doing here? This is so not my vibe. I was always the person like, go, go, go very busy.

Um, never sat still. I think part of that was just cause I was always on the move and I always kind of running, um, based on my upbringing, but 

you’re numbing. Exactly, 

exactly. Exactly. And sitting with myself was so scary. Um, I found it both, you know, it was challenging, but also so enlightening to do when I was at such a low in my life.

I think, um, I signed up on a whim for the training and I, cause I had, I had dropped out of school for a semester. So I was back home in the triggering place. Um, for, for. And I had a kind of no plan for those four months. I was like, I need as someone who is so used to being busy, I was like, I need to have something to do.

Um, even though I knew that I needed time to focus on my healing and I thought that this would be a good, you know, I was, I I’d be able to focus on my healing through it, but also learn and, um, come out on the other side with, with kind of, I don’t know, an achievement, I’m very achievement driven. Um, so. Um, yeah, I signed up on a whim, had no idea what to expect and, um, it was all on zoom at that time.

We were still in the pandemic and the community, I think for me, was so important. And, um, I was able to, that’s really where I learned how to take some of my walls down and be vulnerable was through that training and through my community that I had in that. Um, and just accepting, you know, some of the things that I was, I wasn’t willing to accept before through turning inward and kind of taking a pause.

It was very, um, I think relevant for that time of my life, because it was a time where I needed to take a pause from everything. So learning how to kind of take a pause on the. You know, constantly busy brain that I normally had, um, learning how to quiet it and find some sense of groundedness. Like within myself was, um, very appropriate for the time I was in.

That’s so helpful. Yeah. That was, that was a beautiful kind of like present from the universe that it gave you that safe space. No judgment. And it forced you to really sit with your feelings and sit through the uncomfortable parts 

ya it was just 

what I needed. I discovered yoga. I can relate during actually when I was in my last relationship and my, it was a Pilates teacher and she, I think she could tell because I’d come to Pilates on what day?

Actually, I have no idea. I feel like it was during the week, I would come to Pilates drunk, like hung over from being drunk because I became an alcoholic as well as drank, to be fun for my partner and have fun. And also no mouth. Like there was like a lots of reasons why, and I think she saw that I was always like lagging behind and hung over and like super plastic, like white.

And, um, so she invited me to. And I loved it. I like when I walked into the studio, I felt like I was back home and loved it. I swear I haven’t discovered it yet, but I think in a previous life, I probably was, um, you know, some over in, in, yeah, like born in India, had a life in India cause I, I am super attracted by and to, you know, Indians, as friends as clients and, um, the yoga studios.

So like it’s just home to me. And I think it may be it’s either because they already make it so safe like that, or it could be a little bit deeper. Who knows? Yeah. I remember like taboo 

like that. No, same. I totally, I remember, you know, it’s funny cause I’m remembering now I there’s a studio in my hometown that I that’s where I started that took my first class and started going to, and um, w as I went through high school, I started going more often.

Got a little bit more into I’d go like twice a week instead of once every other week. Um, but I remember like I, there was like a week. This is a stupid example, but it is, it is a good example. There was a pro like a solid amount of time where I had this. Ridiculous. I Twitch that would bother me so much.

And I would like in school with my friends at home, like it, it just was constant. And the second that I walked into the yoga studio completely went away and the second I walked out, it was back again. And I was like, you know, it just, I think in that moment I was kind of like, Hmm, maybe there’s something here.

Yeah. Yeah. 

Yeah. I actually just recently had an eye Twitch and my body was telling me something. It was telling me like, you’re going too hard, too fast. It’s like, you have a lifetime to do this. You don’t need to get all of this done in one month. Yeah. Now our bodies are always talking about signs. I feel like I’ve had a conversation with another guest about that, but I can’t remember.

So I can’t really source you to which episode that is. Sorry, you just have to scroll through. So what else? Um, Let’s see. So I really want to talk about maybe how we can help our listeners know what to do. Let’s say they’ve kind of maybe have a hunch that their parents are narcissists or there’s some traits there, or it’s not a family member, maybe it’s their boyfriend.

Um, so learning to set boundaries is something that you wanted to talk about, and this is key, not feeling guilty doing so I’m 100% guilty of feeling guilty. Yeah. So tell us more about that. 

It’s, it’s hard. Like it’s a very hard thing to do. And I think when you’re dealing with someone it’s easy to kind of fall into the trap, you know, you fall back into.

Um, the S the patterns and, and kind of the reactive state in dealing with someone like that, who’s going to be so defensive and, um, pretty aggressive in how they, in their reactions to certain things. Um, I found that distancing myself, not necessarily physically, if you, I mean, I think yes, if you can, but if you’re.

Then no, but working on emotionally to emotionally distancing herself. And, um, I do think kind of guarding was the right move for me. But what’s important for listeners to know is that you don’t just because you’re guarding from certain people doesn’t mean you have to guard from everybody. So learning to.

Not completely shut down, but also being aware of who maybe you’re sharing with, who you’re opening up to and thinking through, um, is this the right person that I want to be sharing with and like getting really vulnerable with and if there’s hesitation, um, then probably don’t just for now until you can.

Look further into it. Um, and I think that when you’re in the right place to heal, you will, I’ve found that even with people, especially people my age, sometimes you’re just not at the place where you can look into it. Like for me, I was in survival mode for a certain amount of time. And during that time, I could not go deeper into anything that I might be aware of or, um, you know, have a hunch about.

Uh, my body and my mind was not ready. So I think accepting where you are, maybe you’re not at that point yet, but you see, you might be close and you might be almost ready. So being open to starting to be open to what comes up in yourself, I think it’s, it’s important to listen to that and to, um, respect and accept.

Now, if you can’t say anything, you don’t have anyone safe to talk to is like, what did you do to not like, hold it inside and kind of create more like anxiety or poison? What did you do? 

Aye. Aye therapy. I, 100% recommend if you can. I know that’s not an option for everybody. Um, but that helped me immensely.

Um, also. Finding, um,

I found distractions, honestly. I healthy distractions. Um, there’s a clear distinction there. Um, I, you know, invested myself in my friends and, um, kind of my social life and that extra curriculum. That would really get me out of the environment that was toxic for me to be in. Um, and you know, there was downsides.

I was definitely tired and like kind of running myself ragged because I was always on the go. But ultimately I do think that that was better than being surrounded by people who were uplifting in, even though they didn’t know my situation and, you know, Have deep conversations or anything, but being around people who were healthy and more of a positive, um, energy to them was better for me ultimately than being around those toxic people.

So even if you’re not necessarily, even if you don’t have anyone to open up to about it, trying to surround yourself with more positive people. And the other big thing for me was building a connection with myself. Um, When you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic parent or partner or friend, whoever it is, it is so easy to lose respect for yourself and lose, um, any connection with yourself because you’re just so lost and consumed by that relationship.

And I, for me, um, Re it was, it was kind of a reconnection, you know, I was this little girl once and then she got lost and it was kind of finding her again and listening to what she had to say, because building that connection is going to be painful. If you haven’t done it, if you, if it’s not something that’s been in your life because, um, you’ve been.

Pushing her away for so long. So things would come up. But, um, once you are able to build that connection, you know, that you’re, you’re safe with yourself. You have this inner, inner, um, environment that you can kind of turn to and like turn, when you turn inwards, it’s not going to be this chaos that stresses you out even more.

It will be, um, a calming place for you. Um, in the midst of the chaos that you might be in. 

Oh, so it sounds like you’re saying tending to your inner child is almost like becoming the parent for yourself. So now internally you are safe. If your parents outside are not safe. Yeah, exactly. I love that. That’s one of the most powerful tools.

I have a healing inner child meditation in the meditation playlist here on YouTube. That was my single most powerful. Thing that I ever did that I do over and over that I still do to this day. Sometimes when I feel like the outside world is getting too overwhelming. 

Which happens a lot. 

Nowadays happens a lot, happens every day.

It’s happening constantly during us as Pluto return. So stressful. Yeah. So playing with your inner child, I love that you said listening to yourself cause that’s part of the exercise is like asking your inner child, what do you need and what do you want to do? And usually the answer is something fun, something safe, like something not adult and responsible.

So when we did that, right, 

So important. I think even for young people who are, you know, still considered young and you know, you don’t maybe have responsibilities yet or as many responsibilities as you will, but we’re still just, just like the world we’re in. And aside from the toxic relationships, just this society that we live in, um, is.

Just chaotic and stressful. Um, so toxic relationships aside, you’re already probably stressed out when you add that to it. It’s just makes it all the more important. 

Yeah. And so the inner child work actually takes you back to when you’re like innocent, right? So like between five and six. So if you’re 12, 13, 10, like you can practice this cause you’re already double that age and you need it.

So, yeah, it’s one of my most favorite, favorite meditations. So try, I think if I have any other questions for you, my dear, um, in your book, why did you title your book for your twenties? I mean, I’m assuming it’s your experience in your twenties, but what are you aiming for? Through this book, I 

think, um, well, one of the other reasons I wrote it is I I’m super into personal development and that’s where kind of like my desire for growth comes from.

Um, but there’s not most of the advice given is from people older than us. And, you know, there’s the thing that wisdom comes with age, which I do believe is true to a certain extent. There’s something of value in hearing, hearing from someone who’s kind of in it with you and going through it with you. So, um, that’s where a large part of this came from, but as someone in her twenties, I think I have a unique view of this generation and, um, also, you know, people in their teens, my sister’s in her teens, um, and.

Very appropriate, um, for that age as well, but just, we have dealt with a unique set of challenges, I think, um, in our life between social media, what’s going on in the world, the pandemic at this specific time in our life. Um, and it’s made it hard to. Build that connection with ourselves. Um, so that’s my goal here is to open up a conversation about mental health and which, which.

Becoming more common, which I’m very happy about, but, um, from someone who is also in her twenties, so you can hear, um, from someone who’s not 20 years older than you, and I’m not claiming to have all the answers, I’m still going through it. So I’m right there with everybody. But there is something of value in that I think.

Oh yeah, no. And I think that your generation gen Z and all those. Honestly, you’re born all just a little bit extra evolved and smarter and wiser. And so you don’t have to be 40 to be like, I know I’ve experienced this and I can tell you my story. Like, absolutely you can do it while you’re in the journey and you’ve already experienced it.

And that’s also something that a lot of, it’s funny, like a lot of, um, older, right. Um, people are waking up to what even narcissism is. And childhood trauma and you’re like, yeah, I know. Been there, done that. And I’m only telling me, like, you guys are so far behind where you guys have been, where has your head been in the sand and probably, yeah.

So I’m excited about your book. It’s really, really powerful. I remember trying to find a book like yours, but I ended up finding how to. In high heels or something like that. And it didn’t help at all, but I was like, I really was trying for it to help because I’m like, I don’t know how to be an adult. I don’t know how to be a woman telling me I should do this.

And it just doesn’t seem quite right. And I don’t ever remember getting any like education on this. So what do I do? And it was mental 

health, 

right? Well, it’s like a time you’re trying to, since like you’re dealing with so much change. That’s a big theme that I talk about in the book is that. Everything is changing constantly.

You know, you’re, you start probably your twenties in college, maybe, and then you’re moving away. All your friends, you kind of like go separate ways. It’s just like a lot of change. You’re moving cities, you’re changing jobs. You’re changing relationships constantly. And change comes. Well, one fear, um, and also uncertainty and the uncertainty is what brings that fear on.

And we need to learn to embrace the change and learn to kind of just surrender to it because there’s going to be changes that there’s change, that we will kind of bring on ourselves, but then there’s change that. We can’t do anything about like the pandemic, you know, like it’s just, we have no control over certain things and.

Learning to just let go of the control a little bit and surrender. I think learning to do that from an early age will only will only help us in handling things that come our way in the future. 

Yes. And you are going to handle things in the future. You are going to eliminate the two party society, me exclusivity, and the, you know, laws against the autonomy of your bodies, because you are the ones coming out.

You are the ones wanting to gender affirm at a very young age. Like that was nothing that my generation, especially those lawmaker generations ever were able to do. Right. Well, what is, what is, um, Chris Jenner became, what is her name, Chris? Uh, oh my gosh. I’m totally blanking on her name. She was able to do that.

She’s their generation, but she did it like in her sixties. Right. And crazy. But if she was born in your generation, she would have done it, like when she was probably 10 or 12. Right, exactly. Yeah. Uh, I believe, I believe in the evolution of the mental health I do. So, um, I wanted to do something kind of interesting and fun.

We have a bit of time. 

Okay. Hey guys. So I just had like this amazing inspiration to pull up Anna’s chart or human design chart and kind of go through it so you can see how this can impact yourself development, your self discover. And we’re just gonna kind of go through this and as a gift for me to you, and I’m just gonna present to you this, cause I think this information can be really helpful in your evolution of your self development journey.

You’re welcome. So anyway, all of you watching, you can pull up your free human design chart at jovianarchive.com or mybodygraph.com or geneticmatrix.com. And, um, you will see that you will have, uh, you know, you enter your information and then your type comes up, your profile, all this fun stuff. So I just want to say congratulations.

And, Anna, you are a manifesting generator. And so what that means, there’s about 36 33 something in the 30% range of the population are this type. This type is the visionary and doers. You have a combination of two types combined. So this is why you may have a. Um, books open, like I saw one of your posts on Instagram.

You had lists of five books. I imagine you’re reading them all at the same time. She’s not going book by book. You guys. She is sharing all five of the books on her coffee table stand. Yeah, you have lots of different projects and ideas already. You’re a yoga teacher and an author. That’s already two careers into one.

Um, and you’re just really exceptional at multitask. So, um, you have the profile of two, four, so that is the hermit opportunist. So what that means again, this is great. And why you were so good at collaborating with the publishing house for your book versus self-publishing like, for me, I self publish because I’m a hermit.

You do also have this too, is the, um, Um, but you have the opportunist. So what that means actually are like a perfect description of a yoga teacher and an author because too is like, you need your quiet time. You need your meditation time. You need time to reflect and your solitude because life can get really overwhelming out there.

Right. And the four line is the line of just most manifesting generators are really great. When they have this they’re really great entrepreneurs, business people, I definitely would say like study into more on different like business licenses or maybe like something like marketing oriented or something like that to really give yourself a leg up and all of your entrepreneurial ideas and projects that you haven’t going, and you’re going to have as a marketing major.

So, 

oh my gosh. Perfect. So your opportunistic already. You, um, it’s funny because this whole, like two for this essentially says that you’re an introvert and an extrovert, but it’s all like on the right timing. So you have the ebb and flow that for. Loves to connect and social and networking when the timing is right.

When you have that motivation and the drive to get whatever project that you want to get going. And like, you can see how like the resources can come in this way and that way. And then you also, when you’re like, okay, I just need to take a break and chill because down here is this route center that governs your adrenals.

When to get things done. So let’s say you have a couple of projects going, you have a very, like, like a clock, like a cyclical energy surge of when to get things. So your two line is going to tell you, Hey, like, let’s go read some books, let’s go have some quiet time. Let’s go do some yoga. And that’s your quiet time in your adrenaline cycle.

And then when you’re like, yes, let’s go and push, let’s get this done. You’re out there networking, getting your book written, like just doing all the things to get the resources to come in. So you have that consistent cycle of motivation. How does that feel? 

That makes a lot of sense. I was always a little confused, you know, when people would ask me if I’m an introvert extrovert and this makes a lot of 

sense, now you’re an omnivorous.

I think that’s actually a real term. Like you’re both. Yeah. So, um, the thing about when to make like the right choices, I’m sure you have the emotional authority, which means here this. These all these centers kind of align with the chakra system. So this right here on the right is called the solar plexus shock run.

It’s directly related to your emotions. You again, have a consistent cycle of emotions. You set the tone of the emotional environment in the room. And it’s like the tide, it kind of, it goes high. It goes medium. It goes low, medium. It goes high. And you could journal if you want to track your cycle because it’s consistent with everybody, but it’s different.

Like, so not, it’s not like all of the colored in emotional solar plexus, people are always low at the same time. It’s not like a national clock. Everyone has their own specific timing, but it is considered. Within yourself. So you could journal, like when you’re feeling really great about things, when you’re feeling anxious about things and like to put the time on your journal stamp, maybe do that for like 28 days and see if there’s a pattern there.

Yeah. And so that relates back to how you make decisions, according to your, like your souls best right. Choice versus your ego. And then regretting it. So if you make, if you say yes to something that someone presented right away, because you’re really excited about it, more than likely you have regretted that yes.

When you’ve gone into your low point in your emotional cycle, 

Yep. Oh yeah, this is spot on. 

Yeah. It’s like that. Um, my friend made an amazing meme one time where it was like, how you feeling tonight? And she was like partying. She was like, yeah. And then like two seconds later, it was like, I am not feeling good.

And that’s it. So before you say yes, you just have to wait the whole cycle. Think through the worst case scenario, work through your fears and anxiety. And when you come back up to the neutral point, if you’re still excited, it still feels good. You want to ask yourself, how does this feel if it still feels good than it is the correct thing?

And you say yes, if it doesn’t feel good, you can just guilt free. Say, Nope, not for me. Yeah. 

It’s interesting. Cause like some of the most, some of the big decisions that I’ve made. Like have initially felt not great or like a little scary. And then once you, once I sat with it and like, I really thought it through and was able to, once I, this is after I learned to kind of listen to that gut or that intuition or whatever it is.

Um, that’s when, when I listened to that, even though the decision might be scary or might not be what I envisioned, it always turns out to be the right decision. Yeah. 

Yeah. And well, I’m sure as the yoga teacher too, you’ve already practiced the art of sitting with your feelings where a lot of people don’t have that practice.

You don’t have that, you know, so it’s always nice to share with them. Like this is why, especially for those who have the, the colored and solar plexes learn the meditation, it doesn’t, you don’t have to sit there for forever. Especially you manifesting generator, you get antsy. You’re like, I got stuff to do.

I gotta be busy, but just, you know, take your time to feel that process. Yeah. Yeah. So cool. Um, where’d my share to your type. So again, it’s going to relate to your generator type more, and they’re getting this from your chart by this particular shock route it’s called the sacral center.

And since that is colored in and defined you, I mean, you just already told us so much, like you were always busy, that was part of your, your numbing out, but also like, you felt probably like useless if you weren’t busy. Oh yeah. And that’s part of like that generator, Bonnie engine sacred, like the energy to do things is within you, you are the drive.

So if anyone around you has this. You’re giving out that energy that they can amplify and be motivated to get energy from. So your strategy is to wait to respond or just respond in general. So responding to different, um, projects, really, this means like doing what you love and, um, you can share it with the world.

Um, informing is your second part of your strategy because you have those two parts. So you say like, you really love to write, right? You’re writing your story. So you are informing people. This is perfect for your book, your cause it’s not out yet. So you’re informing people, Hey, I’ve written a book it’s releasing in January and then you’re continuing to do what you love and talking about it and maybe sharing clips from it.

Um, sharing, just pieces of wisdom, the tools that you, that help you. And all that will generate response things for you to respond to. So someone might invite you onto their show, or someone might ask you, where can I buy your book? Or someone might just start a conversation with you about how they had narcissistic parents too, as you’re constantly responding, doing all the things you enjoy, and then following those breadcrumbs to lead you on the right path of your, you know, your soul’s path.

Yeah, that’s amazing. 

Yeah. So when you’re trying to push, push and initiate only, then you might, you’re going to hit some blocks. It’s important to make sure you, you say, Hey, this is what I’m thinking, or I really would love to do this almost like the way you manifest with the universe as you vocalize it, but then you don’t push for it.

You just kind of like separate. Do what you love, do what you’re enjoying and then the universe will bring that to you. 

Hm that’s what’s been part of my learning recently as learning to let go was what is, yeah. 

Yeah. That’s good. So if you don’t and you find yourself frustrated, that’s, you’re not self themed.

So whenever you find yourself frustrated, just know that you’re acting outside of your energy. Strategy. So that’ll kind of give you a signal, like, Hey, your ego’s taken over step back, you know, go back to following what your strategy is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so all of these other centers are, you’ve got your head center on the top that is white, meaning that it is technically, this is open because you don’t have any gates to find as well.

So that means that you receive inspiration from source and just ideas in a inconsistent way. So you get them all different ways. You may hear them, you may see them, you may feel them. There’s not just one particular way that you receive those ideas. And with the Oschner center here, that’s how you conceptualize things.

So you do have this undefined with one gate. So this is, um, as it’s undefined, you have a very, um, diplomatic way of thinking. You see both sides, you understand so many different solutions are possible, not just one way to get something done or accomplished

your throat here. The sun, the square is defined. That means you have a consistent way of speaking. Um, it can be very powerful and influential if channeled properly and not used with your ego can be very sharp and harsh and cutting if your ego is taking over and you’re manifesting, right. And this is a center where we manifest things.

So again, because you have that type of the manifesting generator, informing first is really going to be powerful for that manifestation to happen.

And then, so this is called like a circuit where it’s connected from one center to another. That’s just a personality trait that strong within you. And those are keys that you can take. We can pause and take a look at to really like hone in where your energy probably naturally already goes towards, but really know that that’s, that’s defined within you.

Your G center here, the yellow is your identity center. So you have a very solid, um, like knowing of yourself identity, you don’t really, um, you don’t really feel lost about who you are. Like you’re very, you have a very strong identity. Now your will center, this tiny triangle. It is, um, undefined and it’s actually opened with no gates defined.

Those numbers are gates. Gates are traits. So like personality traits. And so here I would caution to really use your inner authority because people will come into your life. I mean, you’ve already experienced it. You were born into that life where their agenda, um, And you amplified it and you swept get swept up into the people pleasing real easily.

Sometimes you morph your beliefs just so that you like go along with their agenda, but it’s there. It’s just not yours. You’re just, um, yeah, amplifying is the best word, like consider your a radio receiver. And they are like, like you’re a speaker and they are the radio waves out. So their agendas. Out out, out, and you’re receiving it and you’re kind of like blasting it into the speakers, but you can mute it if you put up certain like empathic guards and shields, and just continue to go back to your, you know, your strategy, go back to your authority to say, this is really feel like it’s mine.

Does this really feel okay for me? And then that will help. Hello, I’ll help you with, you know, like buyer’s remorse, that’ll help you with regretting going along with a certain friend or person in their agenda. Yeah. You can kind of, when you get carried away, you start to feel a little bit like regretful.

Yeah, definitely. That’s I think part of my awakening was learning that and, or at least being aware of it now, um, and more, yeah, more aware and that happened. 

Yeah, and this is, you know, all of these centers are just areas for you to know, like which ones to put your guard up, which ones to really understand that area of growth of this is me or this is them.

And so all of the white centers, this is where your boundaries come up. Right? We talked about you knowing how to draw healthy boundaries. So being able to use your authority and say, Hmm, do I really want to buy this car? I don’t know, I’m really excited. Like this person’s really got me going about this new car.

Let’s say like a new diet, but let me, let me sleep on it. Always, always with your emotional authority, sleep on it never say yes right away. Yeah. And some of those who have really strong, defined will centers who are really good salespeople. They will get you like, oh, I don’t need to sleep on it. Like, I’m totally confident, but always sleep on it.

Good advice. 

And the last center I haven’t talked about is the spleen over here. The spleen is about survival intuition and your immunity. Um, it’s really all about kind of like the knowing circuit and evolution. This is, um, undefined for you. You have one gate to find, this is kind of where also like our fears reside, our fuse reside here and in our throat and in our head.

Um, so with this being undefined, you just, you’re actually super sensitive to how your body feels. Like, if you feel like a little bit of a cough coming on, like, oh, where’s my emergency. Like, let’s take a nap. We’re all good. Right. And then you don’t really ever get really, really horribly sick. Whereas if someone who has this defined, they ignore it and then they get really, really sick and they need medicine.

So that’s a good thing for you. Like you’re very sensitive to that, but at the same time, you feel a lot more and you may appear to be sick more often, but you’re just like, Ugh, it just feels like I’m sick, but other people would ignore it, you know? And your intuition here, because this is white, you’re receiving intuition and in an inconsistent way.

Um, and you can really like tune in to things a lot more, like have like a sixth sense. So if you keep practicing and meditating and honing into your intuition, um, plus you have that also with the, the white head center, you know, you can be very. Um, it, depending on how much you practice, very telepathic, you can visualize, you can smell things.

You can hear things to really send the message, um, that you need to send. Now, the, these aren’t connected the head and the spleen to your throat center directly, right? There’s no color connecting to it. So it’s going to be kind of frustrating and difficult to get. Up into your voice. Like, you know it and you feel it, but you can’t quite express it.

So find other ways to express it other than maybe your voice. So if that’s art, Neo yoga, some other way, um, journaling, and then you’ll be able to kind of express it differently.

Okay. So that’s probably all I’m going to share with you. So you’re not overwhelmed. 

I’m taking it all in. 

I can hear the wheels turning in your head.

I’ll email this to you. So you have it. And then I’ll also email you your incarnation cross, which is your life’s theme. It is. What your whole soul’s purpose, like kind of like a theme of what you’re here to do. You can do lots of different avenues out of it. And it’s a pretty big theme. Like for instance, mine is dominion.

So pretty much everything I touch, I kind of dominate. So I get to choose wisely what I’ve done and what I do, but also being gentle. Like I can also push people out and become the leader and, you know, so like learning how to. Use your theme for the good and being conscious about like just your energy.

Yeah. It’s really cool. So your right angle cross of the four ways, and I don’t have all this memorized, so I have no idea what that means. So I’m excited to see and all that to you.

Yeah. It is crazy how much that resonates all. Like it’s just, it always shocks me how things like this are so spot on most of the time. 

And I also want to clarify for everyone watching and listening and for you that you might find yourself justifying certain actions that need to, you need to grow on like maybe some personality, crutches.

Oh, well, that’s just because like, let’s say your defined route, those people can appear lazy sometimes because you have a cyclical motivation you don’t always have to do. Do do. So you might say. I’ll get to that when I get to it, like, let’s say you’re married later on. I’ll get to it. When I get to it, honey, I have a defined root center.

Like don’t push me. Okay. That’s not the way to use your human design chart. Agreed that just like recognize your energy. You have. Tell them that you will get it done. I promise by the end of today or something. So you don’t feel or make them disappointed that you’re not going to do it right away. Cause let’s say they have that route.

Why? And they’re like, I don’t understand why you can’t clean up, like right now. Like everything that you do as the white route center is now, now, now. And so, yeah, so it just helps you when your relationships, but I don’t use it as a justification. Just like anything just, you said as a personal growth tool.

Very helpful too. 

Yeah. Good. Okay. I hope, and I can’t wait to hear. How you feel about it after I email you to cause so many people I could just had my friend, I read her chart and like weeks later, she’s like, you have no idea how much that changed my life. So I, maybe it wants it all, but you know, who knows?

I, so I’m thinking like I can already feel it. 

Yes. Yes. That’s always the delayed gratification with reading someone’s chart.

Oh, good. Well, thank you so much for being here on the podcast and sharing with us about your book and your mission and your experience. I know it’s really hard to talk about narcissistic parents because they’re always linked to us and they always get really mad at when we talk about stuff like this.

So a nice shield of energy around you. But they don’t find this show and you’d be good.

Yeah. Thank you for having me. This was great. I always love these very enlightening conversations. So 

yes, me too. And I know all of our listeners did too. Um, where, where can we connect with you? I know Instagram. I found you where else? Yeah, 

Instagram, my handle is at, this is for your twenties. So definitely reach out DMEs.

Active and respond. I love to hear from people. Um, that’s really the main place. You’ll find me. There’s a link in my bio there, um, to my website, but that is where the both of, all of my stuff 

is I’m so hip I’m also mainly on Instagram. I’m not,

I had an SEO person. Um, I was looking for my husband’s business. You need to be active on Facebook page. I’m like zero people ever talk to me ever on Facebook page, what you’re talking about, but I’ll do Twitter, but that’s Instagram. Why Instagram? You say Instagram anyways. They’re not hip like us. Yeah.

Instagram’s where it’s that!

Uh, it’s been a pleasure to meet you and talk to you. And I thank you so much for being here and remember everybody always keep your unique light shining.

How to master your boundaries:

• Envision yourself saying NO
• Feel the power of your self sovereignty
• Dream of yourself saying NO
• Step into your courage, pushing through fear, and taking action to say NO.
• Be detached with the others emotional response (which may be like a child’s temper tantrum)

Raven’s Book

Over the past decade Raven Scott has first, exited an abusive relationship, then found her healing and renewal through the very tools she shares in this book. This “incredibly relatable story is a healing guide that weaves a story of an empath growing up, struggling with codependency, and loving a narcissist. It guides you in transforming yourself from low self esteem, PTSD, emotional abuse, to a strong, confident, and renewed soul.
PLUS! It includes a bonus chapter on the basic overview of Human Design -Your soul’s unique blueprint.
Grab your copy of this book on SALE today! available on Amazon NOW!
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when you are controlled by a narcissist you will never reach your true potential as a beautiful human being. There is hope though! You are here to elevate the collective and evolve in your souls journey. The dark egoistic people are drawn to your empathic light – like a moth to the light.

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All those who’ve I’ve help with this have told me what freedom they have now that they know their design and strategy.

“I salute the Divinity in you.”

– Indian brotherhood

With personal experience of being her family’s black sheep, she has embraced her solo path and dominates breaking toxic ancestral patterns. 

She is an Ambassador of gain your sparkle back after narcissist abuse. 

And Coach helping empaths heal from their black sheep wound through her transformational program. 

Through grounded and heart centered teachings she elevates the spiritual journey and concepts that you are uniquely magnificent and contrary to your doubts, you are here for a purpose. 

Her unique approach to addressing the souls journey v the ego’s protection mode, gives men and women hope and clarity of their themes they are meant to grow from. 

As an international author, narcissist abuse recovering coach, Podcast host of Empath & Narcissist and creator of Embracing your Black Sheep Program she is dispelling  the  narcissist power one soul at a time.