The Emotional Burnout Antidote from Toxic and Narcissistic Relationship | S3 Ep 55

The Burnout Antidote from an Enmeshed Relationship with a Narcissist

“There is a grieving period. Because your whole body remembers in order to stay safe, you need to make sure this person is happy.”

– Anne Berube
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The Burnout Antidote from an Enmeshed Relationship with a Narcissist

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The Emotional Burnout Antidote from Toxic and Narcissistic Relationship | S3 Ep 55 – transcript

Hello and welcome to the Raven Scott show and the Empath and the narcissist podcast. My guest today is Anne Berube. P H D. Hay House author and spiritual teacher, and is a powerful teacher with an uncommon ability to share her story and insights in a way that awakens the inner wisdom and others. She helps people free themselves from the societal and parental conditioning that is holding them back from realizing a highest calling of their soul.

Her book Be, Feel, Think Do was published by Hay House in May, 2017 and leads, transformational seminars and workshops around the world. Through these, she has helped thousands of individuals discover inner freedom and a connection to their own unique source of sustainable happiness. Signature workshops include embodied leadership.

Come home to your soul revelations, Lemurian Huna. And this the last year seasons and the happy sessions, the celestial sessions and the happy sessions in 2007, driven to share her experience with others and co-founded soul tribe live a social entrepreneur. A social enterprise that aims to amplify the voices of inspiring emerging and accomplished thought leaders, creatives, and healers, and support, healing, and transformation by gathering people to share inspiring content through live experiences.

Her work has allowed her to share the stage with many of her heroes, including bestselling authors, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Elizabeth Gilbert, Julie. James van prag and Morgan. Gabrielle Bernstein Neale Donald Walsch, Dr. William Davis MD and Gregg Braden, a lifelong seeker of wisdom. Her hunger for learning has led her to earn a bachelor of education leadership focus, a master of arts literature from Queens university and a PhD in comparative French and French.

Kofoed literatures from the university Bordeaux three and France. In addition. Formal education and has studied Vedic wisdom with Dr. David Simon and Deepak Chopra at the Shope breast center in Carlsbad, California. She was initiated into Huna by Hawaiian kahuna, Laura Kia LOA Yardley. She received certification from Luis, LeBron as a certified well a w w E L systems Institute, facilitator, and completed a course in.

Psych code deontology life coaching. Under Dr. Amanda Wintink at the center for applied neuroscience. She certainly is a wealth of knowledge. She lives with her husband and two children and Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.

And I’m really excited to get into this conversation with her, see where it leads us in our healing journey. As we, as empaths are navigating this life through such highly sensitive emotions and feelings. So let’s get into it.

Oh, hello, Anne. Thank you so much for being here on the podcast. 

Hi Raven. Thank you so much for having me. It’s such a pleasure to be here and to get, to have a conversation with you. 

Yeah. I’m looking forward to getting to know you more. Um, I just read your bio, um, and the audience heard it. It’s just so extensive.

It’s amazing. I’m very impressed with all of your credentials and schooling. I’m like you sometimes I always wish, oh, I wish. I could go back and do this, but then I just don’t have time. And then I would be burnt out like your book that’s coming up. 

Exactly. Exactly. We really don’t need more certificates.

Uh, we’re good. We, we have everything we need. 

Um, I wanted to ask you a few questions, um, about your background. Um, How in the world did you get to be on stage with a Deepak Chopra obviously popped out. Cause he’s so huge. Plus you got to study at his facility. 

Yes. Yeah. Well, um, you know, in my previous life, I see my previous life because it’s when I was in my twenties.

I was in, yeah, it feels like another person. Um, I, uh, I was in academia and, you know, I was, I just really, uh, very driven by my intellect in the sense that, uh, I understood who I was when I could. You know, show my identity to the world that someone who’s capable, someone who’s smart, someone who’s intelligent and I’m mostly lived in my life from, you know, my head.

I actually below the neck, I didn’t know there was like anything going on down there. Um, I, um, But, you know, one of the things that I really love about academia that I got inspired by was the, the conferences. Like I loved going to conferences and sharing your insights, and then having conversations with people to kind of push the boundaries of your own thinking of your own research.

But what happened midway through writing my PhD is. I realized I didn’t want to write about old French literature theories anymore. I didn’t want to speak about, uh, you know, like just kind of dull, critique books and stuff like that. And I wanted to talk about real things cause I was going through a healing process myself.

So I wanted to talk about spirituality and I wanted to talk about what connects us and what makes us. You know, uh, kind of grow and expand and transplant. And so I started to do my own little conference. It was very small. It was called the ideas festival here in Nova Scotia. And I had local, um, and Canadian like stars, you know, like wellness stars.

And it was, it was small. We had about a hundred people who would come and, um, It was great. But after the second year I thought I didn’t want a big name. I want, I want someone who’s going to, you know, for, for Halifax, Nova Scotia, where I live, and I know I’m really far from you, right. Cause aren’t you across the country and.

Yes, I’m in California. 

So it’s dialogue, diagonal, as, you know, as you can be. Um, I wanted to bring that to my, to my province where I, where I was living. And so I, I call, you know, I emailed called up different people like the Dalai Lama’s office, like even like bill Clinton’s office at the time, and just reaching for the stars, going for it and really deep, actual prep.

Um, the first one that gave me the time of day, his agent, you know, uh, she replied and she said, okay, um, I see that you have a bit of experience with conferences. Like how many people show up at your conferences? And I’m thinking, okay, exaggerate a little bit. And then like 125 people. And she’s like, oh, well, Deepak doesn’t speak for less than a thousand people.

And then I, I, you know, I was, I was late twenties. Like, I don’t know why I said that. I said, yeah, no problem. I can do it. And, and, and I did, and we had like 1300 people who came three months later to see Deepak. And, and then after that, um, we just, you know, I just kept working with know. Wayne Dyer. And I worked with Gabby Bernstein and anytime where Johnny, and then eventually my friendship with Wayne Dyer turned into me publishing my first book.

And so, yeah, that’s, that’s kind of the origin story of how I ended up hanging out with some of these people. So 

cool. And you didn’t, you manifested maybe this, the confidence of been in your twenties, but I think also that’s part of it. Like you have a vision. You can manifest it. You’re like, sure. We can do this.

And of course the name probably attracted a lot more than just small. 

Yeah, absolutely. But then, you know, I had no experience in event production. I didn’t have like a degree in that. And I had been a student my whole life I’d never ran a business or anything like that. So there was definitely doubts from the people around me were like, are you sure you can do this?

But I don’t know. I might be. You might relate to that Raven, like when you, when you’re younger, when you’re a child, you already do these things that you’re going to do when you’re older, but you do them in a different context. So they’re like in a different way. And so I was bringing all the kids in my neighborhood together, um, you know, uh, to, uh, we would do plays a redo races and we, you know, have ceremonies with metals and like, I just loved having, uh, bringing people together.

I think, I think it’s, you know, it was just in me, 

natural talent. Exactly. 


So, cool. I love that story. So just shows to everyone listening, but you know, when you reach for the stars, you know, you’ll, you’ll land upon a little planet maybe. And then that, that planet obviously grows. And it gets bigger and bigger and yeah, it’s really, that’s really 


Yeah. And I really think that when you feel inspired to take an action or to do something, even if it makes no sense to your intellect and it makes no logical sense in the, on, in the course of the life that you envision for yourself, but you feeling really inspired and really curious and enthusiastic about it, you really should follow.

You should follow that breadcrumb because it is taking you somewhere. You might not see it, but it’s taking you to where your soul wants to be. You know, where there’s a real congruence between how you’re living and your soul. And I think that that. That’s a way of living. We weren’t taught in school. Like we weren’t really shown how to live from intuition and from our hearts and from our soul.

And so it takes, it takes time to really implement that. But once you do, your life is magic. Which I’m sure you have experience with. 

Yeah, absolutely. And it’s scary to jump out into the unknown. It’s also scary to do something that yeah. On the outside you have no credentials for, but you had that natural talent to pull people together.

And, and then for everyone to be doubting you and asking you, are you sure about this and not really being in your corner? I get that. I feel that so much, like with, with my book that I wrote and this whole show. Nah, I was doing like this lately different than your, you know, then your degree. But I think we can, you have to follow those breadcrumbs and it’s, it’s, it’ll be, become something someday.

We just don’t know what it is and continue to do what you love and we’re multifaceted people. So you can still do what. You have your degree for and do what you’re passionate as well? 

Absolutely. And I, I think the idea is that, I mean, one of the biggest. I guess, you know, fear that I would have would be to arrive at the end of my life, you know, like I’m 95 celebrating my birthday and I don’t want, I don’t want to say, I wish I did.

I wish I tried that. I think that would feel awful. Like that would be the worst thing. And so, and it is one of the. Top five regrets of the dying that Bronnie ware talks about in her book. The top five regrets of the dying is I wish I’d lived a life. That was my own design, like my own life instead of the life that other people wanted me to live.

And so if, if, if we know that that that’s one of the top regrets, then following those breadcrumbs is the way to. You know, to, to actually celebrating on your 95th birthday and going yes, that was awesome. 

Yeah. I think I did do something right this lifetime. 

Yes, yes, yes. I followed my, I followed my heart.

That’s so inspiring and I love, you know, leaning into that. Doing, what other people expect you to do is the quintessential people pleasing, right? Not really listening to your own heart. And we talk to that a lot here, because if you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, toxic job, honestly, or even something that possibly is an abusive relationship, you are just enabling and pleasing the other person.

And. You’re wasting your life by continuing in that cycle, in that rut. Right. And to, to gain the strength and the self-worth to follow those breadcrumbs out of it, maybe you need to release it because let’s be honest, you love this person, like deep in your core, but are they really right for you or is this job really right for you?

And are you afraid of what’s you know, on the other side of that darkness, Versus, yeah, just being kind of comfortable, stuck where you are. 

Yes. And I think a lot of us on the spiritual path or the awakening path are here for service. Like we feel strongly that we are here to help and to inspire and to, um, you know, create and, and be part of empowering people.

A lot of us have a weird definition of what service is. And we think that giving everything we’ve got or burning ourselves out, you know, or having porous boundaries as part of being a good spiritual person and. And I think that’s what often keeps us in these relationships, including relationships, squid, our family, which, you know, we feel, oh, I have to stay in this relationship.

It’s family. Well, no, you don’t. Because what you’re doing is you’re kind of modeling to everyone else around you, including perhaps your kids or even your clients that. It’s okay to betray yourself and to negotiate with your soul. Um, you know, when it’s family, so it it’s okay. It should never be okay. It should never be okay.

As soon as we start to betray ourselves and, and negotiate with ourselves, we know we’re not in a healthy relationship when we know we’re not in a healthy, um, we don’t have a healthy boundary with this person. And so it’s time to it’s time to move away. 

And thank goodness that the planets and the energies around us help us in, in facilitating that, you know, sometimes we may feel stuck, but for me, like I listened to all these different astrology updates.

And it’s like, the time is now to break free from whatever’s holding you back because you know, Jupiter and Mars and all this stuff, I’m like, yes, this is it. And you feed it. If you don’t know, when you don’t follow that, there’s something within you that you feel correct. Like that’s pulling you towards the right.

Absolutely. And I think we haven’t really learned how to listen to that voice. We are more adept at listening to our ego, our fears, our concerns, or worries, and also other people because that little voice, sometimes it’s a little quiet, concise. You know, it’s just, it’s like, do you remember me? I’m right here.

I’ve been with you this whole time, but you’ve been so busy and you know, you haven’t been paying attention, but I’ll keep knocking. I’ll keep coming back. And then, you know, one day we just ended up in a place where we don’t have a choice either. We, you know, we got sick or we lost a job. Wanted to keep or the partner, or we just like hit a wall emotionally.

They’re like, okay, now, now I’m ready. I, I have to, I have to take my cues from a different place. It’s not, it’s not working all of these conditioned patterns and, uh, Pental beliefs and societal beliefs. They’re just. And then, you know, and then we ask ourselves, who am I? Where am I really 

totally. Yeah. You feel lost?

Oh my gosh. I remember when I left my relationship, I was so, um, conditioned, which is normal and well, you know, uh, what is the right world? Well giving, right? Like conditioned to my family structure. We all are. And then in my relationship, I was also conditioned to be a certain type of person that. Him because that’s, that’s really what made him happy.

And I was always trying to make him happy so that there was peace. And when I left, I was lost. I was like, who am I? How did this happen? Like, I felt like I was Alice in Wonderland that fell down the hole and like pop back up in the earth again. What literally just happened. 

Just happened. Yeah, exactly. And your sense of identity gets a hit and then you put everything in question.

Yeah. And it sounds like we’re talking, um, I can relate when I hear your book that you’re, um, you know, that you can show us the burnout, right? What’s it called again? So 

for now, antidote, I love that. So the subtitle is a spiritual guide to empowerment for empaths over givers in highly sensitive people. Oh my 


Hoover givers. That’s awesome. Yes.

related to narcissism and it’s so funny that I heard it. You know, my, my news podcast that I listened today, it’s like, it’s becoming so mainstream Hoover. And it’s like, well, what does Hoover? When I was in being hoovered, I had no idea it was called hoover. 

Oh, wow. I haven’t heard that word. Tell me about 


Oh, it’s, it’s a huge keyword in the narcissist community when you’re talking about narcissism because it’s right. The hoovering is from the vacuum cleaner company, but essentially. The narcissist sees that you’re fed up, that you see the reality of the abuse that they’re starting to lose you and lose control of you, or you’ve actually tried and physically moved.

And then they Hoover you back in, right? They suck, you Hoover you back in with love bombing and their empty promises. And they’re, you know, apologies that never really are true. They’re just all manipulative. And so all that nice stuff starts to happen too. When you back over. Um, and then you get settled back into with them and then the abuse cycle again, repeats.

Sorry. It’s 

again. I am glad I know that word now. Thank you for sharing that. It’s a great, that’s a great word. Yeah. Yes. I think when that happens, you need a village. You really need your tribe to be able to help you remember why you’re leaving. And how much freedom enjoy. There’ll be on the other side, even though it’s hard right now, I think we need our soul sisters at that time to help us remember that.

Absolutely. And that’s always been my goal with my book and path and the next. To aid in just knowing that you’re not alone. Like, that’s it. That’s all I want. I don’t, I don’t really want anything else. And so tell us more about your book. What was, so I told you about hoovering. So what was your identity with hoovering before I told you what it was?

Well, I have a family member who is a narcissist and someone that I, that was close to me from very, very, very young. And, um, it’s. You know, when you, when you have that in your life at a young age, it’s hard to see where you start and where they end. And it’s hard to see who you are without them being, without you being something to them.

So their love is conditional. The love is transactional. And so, you know, what happened to me is I, what I realized is. My burnout, even though I was doing what I wanted to do, it followed my intuition. I was having the career I wanted, I was still burning out, but I realized that I wasn’t being of service to my community because it was this pure desire inside me.

I was being of service because I was, I needed to be needed. And that came from that narcissistic relationship where. This person needed me from the moment I was born and I was someone to them before I was something to myself. And so then you grow up and you become an adult that doesn’t have healthy boundaries.

We have poorest boundaries because we think it’s normal to. Let people take everything we’ve got, we think that’s love. We think that’s being a good person, but what’s happening is that we lose our power. We lose our voice, we lose our energy as well. And so when I was finally able to, to realize that and say, I am.

I’m actually not going to answer texts or calls from this person at all anymore. Well, there’s a grieving period because your whole body remembers that in order to stay safe, you need to make sure this person is happy. Yeah. And, but that was the most profound healing journey for me is to allow my body to thought literally thought from the freezing response of being in this person’s presence for a few months, and then.

Just accessing deeper, deeper levels of healing and transformation within myself when the fight or flight reaction of receiving texts or calls or emails from that person was gone. So my whole body could like relax and breathe. And so. That, that was really powerful for me. And that’s why I wrote the book.

Um, because even when we are on our paths, we can still burn out. Right. Because it becomes, it’s like an existential burnout. It’s at the level of meaning and at the level of identity. Um, and so I do talk a lot in my book about, um, the cluster B personality, uh, you know, the personality disorders in psychology, which includes narcissism.

And it’s, it’s not that they’re not beautiful people inside. It’s not that they’re not souls that deserve love. And, but it’s not a hard job to, to, to be the, the light supplier. You know, never ending desire for your light. 

That’s not our job. That’s really interesting. You bring that up because, um, we talk a lot about this and that whole light supplier, and, you know, they’re attracted to you because you have light.

They, they are beautiful and they are souls almost seeking for that. Um, They’re seeking something from you and you’re seeking something from them, especially when it is someone who is in your life from day one, because that is forming your identity and, and understanding of what love is. I love what the Dalai Lama talks about as the mother is the most important role, because they’re the ones that show true compassion.

Now, if you have a narcissistic mother, like a lot of people seem to be expressing nowadays, then yeah. Your, your viewpoint of compassion is skewed, is an mashed is porous. Yeah. And so that, that light kind of interaction and seeking and giving and too much, and this is, is very, um, it’s like just like kind of this loop.

And if you don’t remove yourself from the loop, which I love that you said you absolutely have permission to which I, 100% support and say, yes, you have permission to go, go, not go, no contact. To just do what you need to do family or not. You know, blue blood is thicker than a water is something that I was taught, but that blood always seemed to be a bit toxic.

I’m like, but everyone that has a water in there over here, like they’re supporting me and they’re loving me. And they have really healthy boundaries. And every time that I try and interact with the blood. It just is so painful. 

Yes, exactly. Exactly. And you know, and I talk about this in this book is that there is a very intelligent reason why we were born in these families and that, you know, the, what we didn’t get as a child is our gift to the.

And so what we, what we came here to teach and share and inspire, we decided as a soul before we were born, that we would experience the absence of that so that we could really know that that. Of it and then claim it for ourselves, ask for it, you know, ask for that unconditional love, receive it and experience this descent and rising in a way that’s so authentic.

So then when you’re sharing it with people, it’s not just a theory. You read in a book, your whole body went through it, your whole, whole psyche went through it. And so your words are real and they’re contagious and they’re inspiring because. You’re now embodied with that condition, unconditional love. And to me, that’s the big difference is that a narcissist.

Is this embodied it’s hurts too much to be in their body. It’s too painful. And so when they seek the light, it’s not connected to their light. They’re not connected to their intelligence, their brilliance, their wisdom. They’re operating more up here at the level of the Hugo and that the level of the heart, the heart is really closed.

And so. If I’m in a conversation and I’m embodied them, I can really ground myself in my power, but if the other person is not, then they’ll just kind of get a little hit and get a little hit. And so if you don’t feel grounded enough in your own power to be able to, to stay empowered in their presence, then the only solution is to, is to take time off from that person.

But we all know the difference between. Being in a conversation with someone who’s disembodied and you can start to feel your energy drain really quickly. You know, you become almost lightheaded because it’s like, what is happening. It’s like, they’re just like just taking it. Um, and getting a little hit.

They’ll need to come back next week because it doesn’t really stay. It’s not lasting, it’s not sustainable. And then. Being in compensation, but someone who was embodied, it was like owns their own emotion and not projecting anything onto you, but they’re empowered by their own life and their own presence and that the reference, right?

Like holding the other person in reverence and then do, and then, you know, they’re doing the same thing for you. I mean, that is life-giving. Expansive that just allows for so much creativity and healing and joy. 

Um, yeah. I love that. I’m like envisioning all these different interactions I’ve had with people.

I’m like when, like, when I’ve interacted with someone that you’re calling does embodied, right? Yeah. Not grounded connected, like looking outside of, you know, as a source of self-worth or validation or. It is always so like, that was the weirdest interaction I’ve ever had. Like yeah, like talking and they didn’t ask me any questions.

And then all of a sudden they were gone and I was like, wow, 

weird. Like, you were not part of it. You’re just observing it. Then you’re not, there’s not this connection. And there’s a lot of people like that. There 

are a lot of people like that. And I do remember that. Because this person has been in my life.

There’s actually multiple people, but these people have been in my life for ever. And so like before I had that reaction of this is a real, that was a really strange because I was very grounded before. I was also similarly looking outside of myself to lift my self worth up. And so it was like a battle, like a competition.

Like they would say something and then I would like chime in and say something. And I’m like, I don’t walk away from the conversation that I think she heard what I said and I’m sure the person thought the same thing. That was a really great conversation. I think she heard what I said and then transforming out of that.

Like, yeah. It’s so funny. I just sit back. I don’t, I don’t compete anymore. I just listen. And, um, then I walked away. I’m like, that was really odd. Yeah. 

Yeah. And I don’t think I need to see this person again. I don’t think I need to, to, you know, to, to be in those environments anymore. There’s not, it’s not necessary.

It’s not, it’s not what my soul craves, right? 

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It is so draining. And so that is partly. When do you think the burnout, like a lot of, I think also it’s associated with work or maybe online, especially businesses. How do you, um, do you address that in your book or is this mainly about, uh, relations.

So the book is about a crisis in meaning, so it’s whatever, you know, whatever. Um, however you identify, you identify, uh, burnout. Um, if, you know, if you see it as something that is not intelligent, and that is actually your fault in that. You know, you get hard on yourself and you are, you know, thinking, oh, I don’t it’s it’s because I’m not good at time management or it’s not because I, you know, I I’m able to, I’m not intelligent enough or I, you know, I haven’t figured it out.

Like all those things are. And so I think sometimes burnout is seen as this thing that you can fix with, you know, time management and you can fix with a planner or you can fix with, you know, a hormone replacement or whatever. I don’t know, like diet pills. Exactly. But when the core reason of why you’re burning out is not addressed with.

What I seen is that it’s eliminating belief about. Who you are and what you do in the world, how you show up in the world. If that core belief is not addressed, it will continue to take your energy from anxiety. It really does because it’s keeping you in fight or flight. It’s keeping you, um, Protective like protective and a protective stance since.

So you’re never really thriving. You’re never really in creativity mode. You’re in protection mode. And like Bruce Lipton says in his book, the biology of belief, you can’t be in protection mode and in growth mode at the same time. So the cells in the body are either. Protecting themselves or they’re growing and healing and transforming.

And so you can’t be both. So when we try to keep at bay, like all the negative emotions we don’t want to feel and all the baggage from our past, we don’t want to feel, we also keep at bay the good. And the bad, like we’re not actually able to receive and to experience the good. Um, and so when we connect with the inner child, that is the source of this belief, right?

Cause in the child needed to protect herself to survive her environment. So when we can connect with her and love her and hear her and face, this hurt that she has. And she’s finally loved unconditionally. She’s loved by you. Um, in the way she’s always wanted. Then these patterns, Davis appear these beliefs, they go, they surrender.

And then there’s this tremendous amount of power that comes back into your body because you no longer have to be vigilant and you no longer have to have your walls up and protect yourself. Um, you, you know, you’re safe and you know, you’re powerful. It’s um, so that’s how I see burnout is that it’s the, the book is a spiritual solution to burnout because.

To me, that’s the root he can address the, you know, the, the symptoms of all the routes. But if you don’t go to the route, you will, um, you’ll just have to do it again. 

Uh, that was one of the most powerful meditations that I ever discovered. The inner child meditation. I actually discovered it through Danielle LaPorte and also I have EFT.

That I do, um, in the meditation playlist on YouTube that I discovered from Gabby Bernstein. So I was like all these beautiful people. They’re bringing all of these tools, almost like for a, like, I feel like I’m younger than like, I’m not the next generation younger. I’m like in the middle of somewhere.

Like, and then hopefully I’m then passing it down to the younger generations. God, like that was so powerful. And I’ve done it multiple times in a small circle of, um, people. Um, and some of them, I know, specific a very close friends, she had a very traumatic, abusive childhood and. It’s so triggering for me to do that, but I’m like, if you just push through just a little bit further, and then she did, and she was like, oh, I feel so much better.

Like all of that weight is lifted. All of that expectations and the fears, right. That get passed down from our parents and their grandparents. Yeah. It’s so. And I wanted to talk to you about inter um, generational trauma and things like that. Cause you mentioned that also in your bio that you’ll have to talk about now I had, there’s like this debate because my husband’s like, well, you know, and he has a psych major as well.

He’s like, this is just part of the person’s psychology is this and you can’t, um, blame your parents or your grandparents for the flaws that you have. You just have to only control what you can control. And I say 100%, I get that. But I do believe that there is a subconscious thing at play, right. An energy or whatever that has literally been passed down from multiple generations, depending on where in the lineage there was trauma or pain in your ancestry.

Absolutely. And actually science is showing that now, uh, in with autopoesis. And so, um, you know, an auto poetic approach to psychology says that your genes are. They can be turned on and off depending on your environment. And so what happened then that gets transferred from generation to generation. So if there was, if someone lost a baby, a child, two generations before when you’re pregnant, it’s going to come back.

It will. And, and, and when I, when I see that from a spiritual perspective, I know that we come in a lifetime to heal something, either it’s from a spiritual lineage or an ancestry or both. And usually that it’s both connected. And so it means that we are here to heal that at the genetic. And we have all the tools that we, that we, um, that we need to do the work now that we know that.

Everything that happens to us as wired in our body. And if we access the body as the instrument, the biological processor of energy and information that it’s designed to be, then those patterns can go really quickly. And that’s, that’s mostly in my first book is that you can do years and years of talk therapy and get some incremental changes, but you can go in the box.

Deep breath and attention in the sensation of where things were wired in the first place in this lifetime, in a past life, in your ancestry, and actually in a quantum moment, completely rewire your body. And now you’re not passing it down to your children. It’s really it’s changing everything. Um, this new biology.

I’m going to have to share with him. It is science now, science 

it’s science, and, and there’s a few, there’s definitely a few books that are out. Um, I don’t have it here, but there’s a few books that are out about that later. Some kind of, you know, serious psychiatrists who are saying, okay, now this is real.

And sometimes I feel like for me, um, with the narcissist in my life, it was almost just a, kind of similar to yours was like, that was kind of what you all are always new. And I don’t think I can really say that my family is, but. You know, it’s L it’s lineage. Like there have been people in the family in the past and maybe there’s traces and traits of it that have been watered down.

Um, and I think that’s maybe what a lot of people are experiencing is in their life. If they’re, you know, have an interaction or multiple interactions with the narcissist. Uh, lesson for our soul either. It is something that you need to heal generationally or it’s for your, your soul. Um, 

and you know, sometimes, often I see, like if you look back and you do past life work, you usually see that.

The roles were reversed. That’s some point and you’re learning. Yes, please, please. No, you totally see that. Uh, yes. I’m learning from this side now. 

Yeah. So I like kind of a little bit hard to admit, but yes, I’ve done some past life regressions and I was not a nice person in some patterns lives. Maybe either.

I was very, um, like I just wanted whatever I wanted. And I was not really like super, um, empathetic or caring towards the women. And this is like back in the 17 hundreds that I could see. And yeah, I just felt like, gosh, like, this is almost like my reverse karma. Like I I’m, I experienced it on the other side.

So now I, I know what both sides are feeling and that’s how sometimes I feel like I have a unique way that I haven’t really, I don’t think properly expressed yet in my speech. It’s like, I have experienced that bad side. I have experienced the other, you know, if people want to call it victim side, but really like, there’s, there’s a combination there that both people are applying and yeah.

Yeah, it’s trippy. Isn’t 

it? It really is. And it makes sense to me, right. Because we being human is, is all of it. Right. It’s all the facets. So there’s no, there’s really no judgment at that soul level. And so we could see like, yeah, I needed to experience all the sides, like every side, you know, in every angle, because.

As souls were really, you know, it’s a very unique time in history where we get to come here and experience. Our light in the depths of the three-dimensional world and lose ourselves in it so that we can remember and come through nowhere else in the universe. Can we do that? So it’s actually such a gift to ourselves that we did that to our souls, that we, we decided to, to come here and to experience all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly Sylvia.

You know, we can actually support people going through it as well. 

Yeah. Yeah. And this all is the premise. If you’re like, what is she talking about? All these different soldier and he’s is for me when I read the book, um, the journey of the soul, it just is that, that mindset and the premise. We do have multiple lives here on earth and we have past lives and we kind of like regroup.

We have soul groups and we kind of figure out like, this is my main sole lesson and I failed this last life. So let’s try again and like, let’s make this new setup and, you know, you choose your family. I think it’s interesting. I always was raised that, you know, we don’t choose our family and we’re just stuck with them.

So this is, we need to just love them, right? Like all these different myths, like blood is thicker than water and you don’t choose your family. And I’m a black sheep who now believes like, um, I totally chose you for this reason. I get it now. Like this one, this was all a set up. 

It was all orchestrated.

Yeah, it was all orchestrated. So that’s where the premise of where we’re coming from. If you choose to believe that I want to investigate further, you can read who is the author of the journey of this. I feel like I’ve talked about another podcast with somebody. I can look it up and I’ll reference it in a description below Lincoln.

So one other thing I wanted to talk before we concluded, um, was about this really peaked. Okay, where was that to find it? Oh, the, um, you were initiated into Huna by the Hawaiian kahuna because I love ho upon, upon prayer. I love all of the ancient indigenous practices. And so I was like, I need to ask her about that.

How was that in what. 

So when I, you know, when I kind of made the journey into my body about 20 years ago, and I had this huge awakening, I was so excited by what I discovered. Um, and so, and, and now I wanted to learn. And at the time my teacher, she was teaching Huna because she she’d learned it in Hawaii from a few teachers.

And so at the same time, my husband and I, we got married and we wanted to go on, um, on a honeymoon. And he said, why? And, you know, the spiritual work was all new to us. And he said, why don’t we go to Kauai? Because it’s supposed to be the. Um, epicenter of the Lemurian continent. And I had been reading about the Miria had been really relating to how people live back then.

And so I said, yeah, let’s do it. And it was kind of out of character for him. Like he’s spiritually. It’s very rational too. So I was like, yes, I will take it. Let’s do it. And so we decided to go camp for 10 days on the island. And I asked my teacher, do you think you could give me the name and phone number of the woman who is on Hawaii that taught you?

And she said, she gave it to me. And, and I share that whole story in my first book landing. Um, feeling like I finally arrived home and then meeting her and her telling me, telling us everything about Miria and how we used to live and how we were telepathic and how we relate beings. And it was just like, just listening, like thinking like where have you been my whole life?

Like, yes, yes, yes. And then she gave us a session, a hands-on the mirror and who knows session. And, um, and I was hooked like. I went back three times to do two week programs with her. So it’s actually a mentorship program. So you it’s just me and her. And so, you know, I, I get up in the morning, I go cook breakfast with her and then we would just meditate and she would teach me in the morning.

And then we do that for two weeks. And. It was like, I never wanted to go to leave. And one time my husband and I did go with my, our two kids and we stayed there for five months and we almost didn’t leave. And, um, and so, and then the, you know, I wanted to come a fourth time and she said, Nope, now you’re ready.

Go, go and teach it. So I do teach a program on Kauai. Um, And, uh, but I also incorporated in all the, the workshops that I do, but the one I do on quiet is, um, you know, just Huna and. And it’s not the Huna of Ganesha in Hawaiian it’s delivery. And it’s the Huna often the Marian of which came from the play days and the stars.

And, and so this real light ancestry and this memory of your lights, see your light, core, your life being, and then all the people that you shared that experience with, um, back, back in the Lemurian day. 

Oh, that sounds so fascinating. I have not heard about that. So I’m excited to learn more and look into that on your courses there.

Yes. Yeah. It’s my very favorite thing to do. Um, it’s very, uh, energetic and experiential, so, um, it’s, it’s not okay. I’m going to teach you about Huna now, grab your book and your pen and you know, it’s like, we’re all immersed in the wisdom. We feel it. And then we go from there. It’s really. It’s something else.

Yeah. That’s amazing. That’s incredible. Well, I really appreciate this conversation today. I really appreciate you sharing your wisdom and show us your book one more time so we can lock that. 

Yes, the burnout antidote, a spiritual guide to empowerment for impasse over givers and highly sensitive people.

And it has a little re uh, quote from Deepak on the front. Oh yes. And you can, you can find it anywhere online. It’s it’s it’s available now for shipping. 

Okay. Yes, it’s available now. Perfect. So grab your, go grab your coffee. Yeah. copy.

Thank you so much for having me, Raven. It was great to meet you and to be in conversation with you. 

Yes, you as well. Thank you so much. It’s great to meet you and share. Thank you for sharing all your wisdom. Remember everybody to keep your unique light shining.

Get Empath & Narcissist paperback on Amazon

How to master your boundaries:

  • Envision yourself saying NO
  • Feel the power of your self sovereignty
  • Dream of yourself saying NO
  • Step into your courage, pushing through fear, and taking action to say NO.
  • Be detached with the others emotional response (which may be like a child’s temper tantrum)

Raven’s Book

Over the past decade Raven Scott has first, exited an abusive relationship, then found her healing and renewal through the very tools she shares in this book. This “incredibly relatable story is a healing guide that weaves a story of an empath growing up, struggling with codependency, and loving a narcissist. It guides you in transforming yourself from low self esteem, PTSD, emotional abuse, to a strong, confident, and renewed soul.
PLUS! It includes a bonus chapter on the basic overview of Human Design -Your soul’s unique blueprint.
Grab your copy of this book on SALE today! available on Amazon NOW!
Don’t take my word for it. Listen to this 1 of many reviews:
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when you are controlled by a narcissist you will never reach your true potential as a beautiful human being. There is hope though! You are here to elevate the collective and evolve in your souls journey. The dark egoistic people are drawn to your empathic light – like a moth to the light.

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Raven Scott

With personal experience of being her family’s black sheep, she has embraced her solo path and dominates breaking toxic ancestral patterns. 

She is an Ambassador of gain your sparkle back after narcissist abuse. 

And Coach helping empaths heal from their black sheep wound through her transformational program. 

Through grounded and heart centered teachings she elevates the spiritual journey and concepts that you are uniquely magnificent and contrary to your doubts, you are here for a purpose. 

Her unique approach to addressing the souls journey v the ego’s protection mode, gives men and women hope and clarity of their themes they are meant to grow from. 

As an international author, narcissist abuse recovering coach, Podcast host of Empath & Narcissist and creator of Embracing your Black Sheep Program she is dispelling  the  narcissist power one soul at a time. 

Published by Raven Scott Nguyen

Raven Scott Nguyen is a passionate advocate for self-empowerment and authentic living, dedicated to helping individuals break free from the chains of narcissistic abuse. With a profound understanding of the human psyche and a deep commitment to personal growth, Raven is the author of "Empath & The Narcissist: Overcoming Gaslighting and Manipulation." This groundbreaking book offers a transformative roadmap for survivors of narcissistic abuse, guiding them towards a life filled with happiness and authenticity healing PTSD, and Trauma from abuse. Drawing from extensive knowledge of Human Design, energy healing, and empathic abilities, Raven is also the author of "Empath's Guide to Rising Strong" a powerful guide that delves into the intricacies of Human Design to help empaths harness their unique energies for self-empowerment and healing. As an empath who has journeyed through the depths of narcissistic abuse, Raven is deeply committed to empowering fellow empaths on their healing journey. With a profound understanding of the emotional landscapes empaths navigate. Raven is the host and producer of "Empaths Rising: Healing with Human Design" This podcast serves as a beacon of hope and transformation, offering practical guidance and insights for those seeking to reclaim their lives and live authentically. Raven is a passionate advocate for shadow work, self-care Moon rituals, and Human Design, and is dedicated to guiding individuals towards a life of self-empowerment and inner peace. With a compassionate heart and a wealth of knowledge, Raven continues to inspire and uplift others on their path to healing and self-discovery through her blog at

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