This is a good time empaths to strengthen the four ways of self healing and growth in order to set powerful boundaries with the narcissist and toxic people in your life.
“Being that we are empaths, people pleasers,… we need to work on our boundaries with narcissists, toxic people and energy drainers. This is a wonderful time, starting today for the next four months for us to really focus on strengthening our boundaries, our self development, and our inner authority.”– Raven Scott
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Four Ways to Have the strength to Set Powerful Boundaries with the narcissist and toxic people in your life
Four Ways Empaths Can Set Powerful Boundaries with Narcissists | S3 Ep 54
Saturn is the responsible energy. And it is going retrograde today for the next four months in Aquarius. Ms Zodiac. Of social.
to the Empath and the Narcissist podcast.
where you regain your sparkle back after narcissist abuse.
Being that we are empaths, people pleasers, we need to work on our boundaries with narcissists, toxic people and energy drainers. This is an auspicious. If you want to call that a wonderful time, the next four months for us to really focus in our. Ourself development. And our inner self, our inner.
Inner strength and emotional intelligence. To have a renew. Renewed sense of vigor with our boundaries. Saturn’s influence here. We’ll have you looking at your routines, restructuring and revisiting and the retrograde. Different aspects of your responsibilities. And if a responsibility is unsustainable.
It will begin to reveal the damage stress burnout.
Anxiety. Frustration. Your relationship with your body is also up for review. As you learn which structures and routines best support you. It’s not a good time to be neglectful of your needs. And your emotional and physical needs. It’s not an option anymore. And with a recent new beginning in this area of your life, major patterns have been.
Been set and is already underway. For. For you to gain strength. Resolve in your boundaries.
You can serve this ability. To draw boundaries by giving both yourself. And your boundaries, your physical needs, your emotional. Needs. Some thoughtful consideration. Take more time to meditate. Take more time to journal, find it daily. Ritual. That strengthens your emotions.
So thinking back. To what was the dominant. Theme in your life in 2018. 18. This is when this interaction happened.
Back in 2018. Saturn in Aquarius.
In regards to your responsibility.
Your creativity, your relationships yourself. Your mental health.
And even possibly relationship with your children. This seriously is a transformative time. And transformative energy. Four. Your process and to setting boundaries. So I’m going to get into how to set boundaries. If you have not yet started or need a review in this area.
Okay, this is a really cool one new harbinger.com. States there are three steps. Take a for a stronger boundary. This actually helps to reinforce your boundaries, which is perfect for the retro grade in Saturn.
1. Know your needs and limits.
Write a list of everything in your life. That you feel resentful about every relationship and every aspect of your work and social life, your chores, your home responsibilities. Everything. And then spend some time. Contemplating. Where you need to say no. And set a boundary.
I do we have trouble setting boundaries in the first place? Well, As an empath. You’re not just aware of the emotions of the people around you. You can also have trouble distinguishing other people’s emotions from your own. Especially when you have an open solar plexus center in your human design. Chart that is the triangle down to the right. And.
It will be white if it’s open or undefined more specifically opened as if you have zero number gates defined as well. So when this is undefined, you are amplifying other people’s emotions. And if you’re not conscious about it, you will not understand what is your emotion and what is not. And when you don’t understand that all you’re doing.
To try and relieve the pressure of that negative emotion in your body. Is to do whatever it takes to get it away. Right. It’s like a river traveling through and it hits a block of rock. It’s going to start carving through that. Finding a way around it to continue to move forward. And water also flows with the path of least resistance and that’s exactly what you were doing when you’re people pleasing.
The path of least resistance in conflict. To relieve the emotional pressure from your body. And so once you become conscious of that and realize that. You then can put a wall up and say, Nope. Nope. That’s not my emotion. So therefore I don’t need to give in or people please. Because it’s not mine to fix. It’s not my pressure to relieve. That’s their problem, not my problem. And it’s a practice of perpetual.
Not caring. You know, it’s so hard for us impasse. We deeply care. But some instances it is healthy for us to not care. If someone’s feeling anxious about something around us and it’s not that big a deal. Deal, but they’re kind of blowing it out of proportion because they have that defined center. You need to be able to just not care it’s okay. What’s the worst that can happen. The EFT tapping helped me a lot with that process because I was able to within myself,
No, that my big emotions were not life or death. And so the other person’s emotions are also not life or death. Therefore, I didn’t feel guilty when I didn’t care about it because I knew that it would resolve itself. Within time if I didn’t feed into it. Does that make sense? So also, if you have an open we’ll center,
That’s a little tiny triangle, just down to the right of your throat center in your human design chart. You are amplifying other people’s. Agendas other people’s will to do something you always wonder like, oh, why is this such intelligent person? Speaking. For all of these conspiracy theories and being really passionate about it, or why is this.
Very, you know, kind hearted person. Pushing this, you know, And tie you, like, don’t say gay law, like that doesn’t make any sense. These are really nice people. Okay. Well, they could be amplifying an agenda of someone else who has the hate inside them, who has the fear inside them. And they’ve bought into the BS. Like this is a really.
Good sign also like if you have a. Uh, undefined white will center, do not ever say yes to a multi-level marketing company, which you probably have and regretted a couple of times, right? There will to sell. They’re will to spread the company and the promise of the products across the world through social interactions.
Is so infectious and you’re amplifying their excitement and desire that it puts you in a really bad spot. So be careful of that.
This is why I love talking just briefly about human design. So, you know, your types, you know, your energy centers and you know how to safeguard yourself and what signs to look out for. In , being pulled into these different agendas. And also how your brain processes it, your head center and your Asana center have a lot to do with that, where you can really hold on tight.
To a certain belief that may not be true or founded in any facts, um, as this is how misinformation can be spread. And you lock onto it because you have that defined. Head center and you kind of get fixated on one side. Versus having a nice balance of perspectives. I’m investigating and all the things, right. So we can easily be persuaded and manipulated by the narcissist.
So how can we draw powerful boundaries empaths??
I go back to the list I have here in my notes.
1. You need to identify your own needs.
And again, take an inventory of what you put up with. Identify. Things in your life that are non-negotiable. And if the scenario you’re in is negotiating those non-negotiables. And that is a huge red flag for you to know that this person is not respecting your boundaries. So how to do this, you journal and think of events before that have happened. And take a trip down memory lane and identify what works for you.
And what doesn’t.
2. Check in with your intuition before committing
You want to pause to check in with your inner authority before saying yes. And again, you can find your inner authority in your human design chart. I am a huge advocate for knowing about your human design chart. I get a little bit squeamish when I start to go too deep into any concept because I myself have a defined head, a national center and I can get really locked on and almost dogmatic about and certain beliefs.
So I find myself, um, pulling back from talking about human design, but knowing that I need to just to give everyone like a informational summary, right. But be careful about creating just yet another tool for yourself development. Into something that is. Dogmatic. That is again, another box that you’re putting yourself in.
Rules or ways to justify you not developing and evolving as a soul. But the great thing is you do have this human design tool. To help, you know, what your, your inner authority is. And sometimes it may not always be exactly this. You know, your intuition talks to you in many different ways. So that’s really all this is saying.
Uh, I’m saying is check in with your intuition. So, if you have that sacred authority, your intuition comes from your gut. It comes from a feeling and asking yourself yes or no. Not always, but most of the time. Your intuition. If you have the emotional authority comes with you, feeling it out, how does it feel in your body?
Get excited about it. Ride the wave, find the neutral. Ask yourself again. Ride the wave of feeling really down about it. Scared, anxious. And once you regained back to that neutral position in your emotional cycle again, Ask yourself, does this feel. I feel right. Is this the right decision for me?
Whereas, this is what this person is saying. Fact does it feel right? Let’s check into that versus just blindly believing. And of course, as we’ve talked about in the past episodes, um, with a few of our guests, is when something in your body. Reacts the opposite of what the person is saying verbally. Let’s say the narcissist.
Um, you know, they may be saying, I love you. I want to make it up to, or they may be, you know, trying to love bomb you. If your body is. Tightening up and pulling back and restricting, or you feel like you’re want to cry because it hurts. When they say, I love you. Because they’ve been neglecting you so much or emotionally abusing you.
That there is your intuitions and your body screaming at you and saying don’t trust this Wolf in sheep’s clothing.
3. SHIFT Your Perspective
How to draw powerful boundaries is to shift your perspective. And when you’ve checked in with your inner authority, you know, you can confidently. And unwaveringly feel good about saying yes or no to a boundary or situation? You have the ability to shift your perspective. Now, shifting your perspective is huge. And this is really what’s helped me.
Ah, get over the hurdle of feeling like, oh, but they’re gonna think that I’m a bad person or I don’t care. Or the, all of the different excuses that we use to people, please, and to put ourselves last. So consider how it will make you feel rather than how they will feel about you. Or your actions, how they will judge you, how will the, they will talk about you, how they possibly will treat you in the future.
That’s not really under your control, nor should it be a concern. Um, and if your identity is linked into another person, And their approval and how they act towards you and how they love you. That brings me into a really another big, deep consciousness shift for you. That’s a red flag. And I want to talk a little further about that.
So when you’re able to deepen yourself, love. To free your identity from being codependent on the narcissist on. Um, you’re a toxic parents, a toxic family member, or a toxic lover or friends even, or a social group. Um, when you deepen yourself, love and gain different perspectives and tap into your inner authority and start developing.
And cultivating your garden. That you have within yourself and healing your inner child and doing all of this work.
When you do that. Your identity becomes free from the shackles of everyone else. And all of a sudden, you just don’t care. You draw a boundary. You’re like, I don’t care if you don’t like it. This is what I need to do for me. Right. You do you. I do me. And so all of a sudden you have this light bulb go off.
But it takes a while because as a child, if you experienced emotional dismissal or abandonment due to a strict ideology, Or a wounded parent. Or a narcissistic parent. You were not fully heard, you were not fully seen or known. Phone or nurtured to develop your healthy sense of yourself. And a healthy way.
That a child learns a strong sense. Of theirself is when a parent gives them attention in a healthy way. They’re interested in what you know, hobbies they have. They listen to how their day was. They listened to their concerns. It listened to their stories and they encourage their strengths without judgment without.
Saying, you know, oh, that’s shameful or that’s wrong or that’s weird. All those really negative words are very powerful to our child’s self identity. And to your inner child self identity. Talking to yourself to. And so what happens when you connect like this with yourself and, or as a child with a parent?
This helps that child know that they matter. No, that their identity is exactly who they feel. It is. And they know that there are enough just as they are, because there’s no measures to meet up. There’s no religious dogma to, to meet up against there’s no, um, parent. To strive to be perfect for, because they’ve already had their emotional needs fulfilled. And this is part of the narcissist problem.
Is, they don’t have this in their childhood. And so they go on this whole negative spiral and attack others outwardly so that their identity is boosted. So as much as we may be dependent on our self identity, being outside of ourselves, That is how the narcissist is operating as well. So you get this.
Horrible storm of insecure children. Trying to get emotional needs met by each other. And, uh, when the narcissist lashes out, because that’s how they’ve coped and reacted. It’s very painful and traumatic and hurtful. So.
As we move forward and understanding as a child, like you are enough, right. Even as an adult finally realizing I am enough just as I am. And those of you who have chased after other’s approval, you may need to recognize that you did not get that emotional, nurturing, and freedom. That you needed as a child in your childhood.
And as a child, if you questioned or felt like an outsider in any way of your family’s beliefs. Their systems, their structures, their culture. Which some of us are born with in our charts Mo probably most all of us, but I don’t have your charts in front of me. And you’re meant to be different. So yes, we’ve always felt different and alone in the black sheep.
And you didn’t feel seen, you didn’t feel known or heard even if your parents tried and they just didn’t have the tools. To do so. You may betray yourself convictions. As a child growing up through your teenage years, and even now as an adult to fit in and to gain approval of your family or social circle.
You then overly focus on others outside of yourself. And be who they need you to be to verify their beliefs. Therefore neglecting your own beliefs, spending little to no time on your self development and self identity to know what you need and want and desire to be able to even know where to begin, to draw a boundary. So you see how important.
It is to gain perspective outside of the social circles and families that you’re in. And all of this impacts your adult relationships because you’re approaching them. As a child. So as the narcissists they’re approaching them and a very traumatic wounded. Hateful childlike way. so as you enter into adult relationships, you can imagine. You’re entering into them wounded. And it probably will be toxic because you’re used to toxic type relationships. Um, and keeping toxic family relationships in your life that constantly push you over and over again, your boundaries.
You blur the lines of ego. Of who you are and who they are, you blur the lines of what your true soul wants and what your ego is protecting you to do to stay safe. Your ego really is kind of like your tiny inner child. And you’re just pleasing the crowd. And you changed depending on who you’re with.
And some may have the fortunate. Um, circumstance that you have somebody in your life to call you out on. Your shape, shifting attitudes, who’s consistently with you all the time. Um, but yeah, it’s, it’s hard for ego, always defense. Us and saying, oh, well I just drew, it was just doing the right thing. I was just being nice when they’re trying to call you out and say, Hey, you’re changing when you’re around those people. You’re not like that when you’re around me or when you’re at home.
And due to this lack of self identity and self autonomy. What you’re doing is you’re seeking yourself fulfillment from those who are outside of yourself. And you’re easily tricked into falling in love with a narcissist because they play into that hand. So well, Those who are healthy will not give you the emotional high, like a drug that the narcissists do.
And you typically will kind of be bored of them or not really like him. So there’s your responsibility side that you need to take? Hold of. Is that real healthy love. Doesn’t give you euphoria. Right away all the time, whatever. There can be a moment of it. But typically a healthy person is pretty stable within themselves internally, so they don’t need you. So they are not going to love bomb you because again, okay, well, she doesn’t want to hang out. That’s fine. That’s cool. And then.
You know, you don’t get a text or a call for like 24 hours or more and you’re panicking. You’re competing. You’re panicking because your self identity and worth has now been placed into this person who you think is going to me, giving you all this attention. So, and your outward attention seeking. Really is to identify yourself as loved am I loved? Oh, let, let me let, let you know, test here. Tested there.
You know, the love bombing phase makes you feel extremely loved. But it’s not real. And we’ll more than likely. Attract that another person out that he was seeking outside identity as an unhealthy source as well. Therefore the empath and the narcissist and all it is, is like, what Natasha was talking about is like a leaking wound that is like magnetically drawing together and latching up towards each other.
But when you heal these wounds and you plug up all these holes in your energy, you’re able to. Be confident and calm in yourself. And detract all the toxic and really kind of cut them all out of your life. And when conflict arises when you’re in. This. Internally unstable situation with. In other unhealthy person, right? A toxic person. When the conflict arises, you both shift into your toxic coping mechanisms.
And then hurt each other. Your self identity seeking in others. Has you doing this through gaining validation approval and attention from others? This is such an interesting example. Does that sound familiar? What just happened? In court in front of the public eye. Met Johnny Depp and Amber heard. There is so much wounding, childhood wounding toxicity and bad coping mechanisms that they both brought to the relationship. So your desire and hope for these needs. Makes you tolerate emotional abuse. Because you think that that’s the only way you’re going to get these needs met at a very emotional high. You tolerate toxic relationships.
You accept less than you deserve. And chase after love from those who lazy. Wouldn’t give it to you in the first place. Because it all feels better than being alone. Let’s face it. The real harsh truth is you haven’t sat with yourself alone.
Long enough to love yourself enough to be able to be alone with yourself. And since you never had the chance to know and love yourself as an independent human being growing up, you weren’t nurtured those developmental tools. Now it’s your turn as the adult to do it for your inner child now. Through meditation, inner child healing.
And all the work. On the meditation’s playlist and in my book and path and the narcissist.
So all of that to say, number three is shift your perspective away from yourself, seeking. Love and attention from outside of yourself.
And start to shift into a more Zen. A more loving and a more balanced. Side of yourself. And when you do that, Again, when you draw boundaries, you all of a sudden shift into, I don’t care if you don’t like this boundary or not. This is what I need for myself. For my sanity for my piece. And if you have children for my children,
4. How they react is not personal
See their reactions as a litmus. Miss test. I always say you can’t control the other person’s reaction. But it sure does tell you if they really actually love you as a healthy human being. Or not. The health of your relationship. And their investment in you as a person or even their ability to love you unconditionally, or the tools that they have.
It will show how healthy or unhealthy they are. And their reaction. To your boundary. We’ll tell you. If this person is just someone you need to cut out all together. Because they’re toxic and they’re, you know, starting to manipulate you Gaslight you turn all of this back on you and get really upset and throw a temper tantrum, like a child.
Or are they healthy? And they say, oh, I see you. I hear you. I respect your boundary. Right. And then you can have a conversation about how can we meet. You know, how can we get together in a different way that you would feel energized or invested in, you know, and they’ll, they’ll start to see that you, you need something you’ll be able to open up. because you are safe and tell them what you need. Right. But you can’t.
Tell them what you need until, you know, for yourself, what you need. Which therefore involves self-development and alone time. Right. Um, reflective time with your journal. And meditation.
And. When they react. You’ll see, are they really someone to continue to work on that relationship with and invest in? As a person. And they’re willing to invest in you. Or is this person just using you as a tool to make them feel better?
So the last point is the litmus test. I think that’s the most powerful tool you can really. Place. And I’ve experienced that in real real time. Drawing a boundary for, you know, safety of myself, safety of my children during this COVID pandemic and finding out that.
That is not a value to the, some people in my life. And I’ve had to just be able to. Realize that they don’t, they don’t care for me as much as I care for them. And litmus test one. They don’t care to find a place to meet in the middle. They really didn’t want to invest time in me, otherwise they would have, um, and I needed to stop chasing that relationship, which was never going to be reality.
It never was a reality. But in my head. I had made it. Into a reality. And it was really difficult because it was a blood relationship. Just say, Hey, this is what I need. Can we do it this way? And they’re like, Nope, not budging. Not at all, going to compromise. Then it just, yeah, you just assume you assume that. Blood is thicker than water. But in the truth, when you test them with these boundaries, it’s not.
And I’m still young and I have still a lot more to learn and that part of my life. With Saturn being in my third house of siblings.
So that’s it. My empaths of how to draw powerful boundaries.
Thank you so much for listening. I truly hope that this has served you. If you gained empowerment and wisdom. And encouragement from this podcast, please take a screenshot and share it to your socials and tag me at Raven Scott show. And make sure if you’re new here to rate and review this podcast, so others can start receiving this message that I have to provide healing and to gain your sparkle back after narcissist.
And remember always keep your unique light shining.
How to master your boundaries:
- Envision yourself saying NO
- Feel the power of your self sovereignty
- Dream of yourself saying NO
- Step into your courage, pushing through fear, and taking action to say NO.
- Be detached with the others emotional response (which may be like a child’s temper tantrum)
Over the past decade Raven Scott has first, exited an abusive relationship, then found her healing and renewal through the very tools she shares in this book. This “incredibly relatable story is a healing guide that weaves a story of an empath growing up, struggling with codependency, and loving a narcissist. It guides you in transforming yourself from low self esteem, PTSD, emotional abuse, to a strong, confident, and renewed soul.
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