Trauma Bonding in Relationships is passed down through ancestry. Learn how to Heal Yourself, Heal Your Inner child through a Holistic Approach.
“I will remind you that you are incredibly powerful + hold space for you to heal through your own Source connection. It’s time to unleash your authentic soul frequency to the planet. ”-Amanda Monnier
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You Will Never Believe This Bizarre Truth Behind Trauma Bonding In Relationships.
Today I share one of my favorite energy cleansing rituals to dispel the negative energy Today I share a conversation with Amanda Monnier is a Holistic Healer, New Earth and trauma of narcissistic abuse.
Here are some key moments:
You Will Never Believe This Bizarre Truth Behind Trauma Bonding In Relationships.
[00:00:00] welcome back to the empath and the narcissist podcast. The mission of this podcast is to bring you education, inspiration and empowerment through relatable conversations, empowering information. And self care and healing practices
[00:00:19] Last night. I had a huge clarity awakening. And realized I need to look at where my Pluto is because , as you my fellow empaths. Have such. An imbalanced. Relationship to how I relate to others, how I feel, what love I received from relationships, what expectations I have from relationships.
[00:00:45] And that relationship can be anything with a romantic partner with my family, with a sibling, and even with a friend. And looking back at. All of my relationships. It’s always been a struggle [00:01:00] to find balance and keep really long-term relationships. And so I looked at Pluto, Pluto is in Libra, and then it says, as I’m researching, it says, those who have Pluto in Libra have a really difficult time, with balance.
[00:01:15] They’re up, they’re down. There’s explosions. There’s deaths, there’s divorces. There’s all these things. And this is exactly what I’ve experienced and what it was saying was the whole point of Pluto being in Libra. The, Zodiac partnerships and balance, is for our soul. To learn. The life’s lesson.
[00:01:40] Of balance to have healthy attachments versus enmeshed attachments to have healthy boundaries versus being bonded. Through trauma bonds or through intense experiences. And we’re talking today about trauma bonds with our guest, Amanda Monnier. And I’m excited for her to share that with you in just a minute, but [00:02:00] I wanted to just bring this relatable topic back to what’s happening right now in the energy.
[00:02:06] If you have Pluto in Libra, which if you are half of the gen X-ers you do. So a lot of those who are around the age range as I am around 38, we’re also experiencing our North Node. Just being activated last year. So there’s a whole bunch of stuff drumming up. But this week in the cosmic energy,
[00:02:30] I just want to remind you to be gentle with yourself because Pluto is aspect. Some really big, deep, expansive planets. I believe it’s Jupiter and Saturn and there’s just a whole bunch of storms going on. So you’re going to feel even more intense, highs and lows in your emotions, especially related to your relationships because your Pluto is in Libra.
[00:02:53] So I’m preparing myself for this, this week. I’m going to be gentle with myself and with others around me. And [00:03:00] if you listened to the podcast yesterday, You heard that? I had a huge argument with my husband. And I’m, I’m sharing with him that I need your help to be behind me. With these really deep, emotional imbalanced feelings and he doesn’t get it. He’s like, well, first off you hate your family. Now you love them. Like, he’s like pick one. As I’m not like that. I don’t.
[00:03:21] I don’t know what you want and what camp am I supposed to be putting my foot in. And I said, I just need you to love and support me with whatever my journey is. And that’s something that we’re going to be working on together. And that’s what Pluto in Libra is wanting us. To learn, wanting us to experience and evolve.
[00:03:41] And to, find balance. It’s a journey, right? So. Without further ado. Let’s get into the conversation with Amanda.
[00:03:52] Raven Scott: I am joined today with a very special guest.
[00:03:56] Amanda Monnier and I’m so excited to have. [00:04:00] Today we’re gonna be talking about, this bizarre truth about what’s. What is trauma bonding and the bizarre truth behind trauma bonding in relationships and how we can heal holistically. Thank you so much for being here, Amanda.
[00:04:14] Amanda Monnier: Hi, Raven. Thank you so much for having me.
[00:04:16] I’m very, very grateful to be here. I’m excited for our conversation.
[00:04:20] Raven Scott: Yeah, we’re going to get into all of this, but first want to share with the audience who you are and I’m going to have you dive more into that, but I just wanted to read a quote that you had on her beautiful, website. It was so beautiful. I’m like I have to share this
[00:04:36] Her quote is I will remind you that you are incredibly powerful and hold space for you to heal through your own source connection. It’s time to unleash your authentic soul’s frequency to the planet. That’s beautiful. Amanda, you’re a holistic healer, a new earth visionary mentor podcaster, and published author and certified yoga teacher.
[00:04:59] [00:05:00] Tell us a little bit more about you.
[00:05:02] Amanda Monnier: So I, yeah, so I transitioned from law enforcement in the last year and a half and started a business so do holistic healing. And it, for me has just been, it’s shifted a handful of times, but I’m like, so, so passionate on helping people remember. Who they are at that deep soul level.
[00:05:20] And to really remember their innate gifts and their truth and their power and call that back so that they can just really be able to show up in a way that lights them up and, and just unleash who they are to the planet. Because I don’t believe life is supposed to be painful. There can be painful parts of it as we’re releasing the layers and the things that we’ve taken on from childhood ancestral stuff.
[00:05:45] Like it can be. But as, we’re unraveling these layers of all the things that weren’t us and never were, so that who we are can just come online at a greater level. And I’ve been through this process. It’s been, probably about eight years since [00:06:00] I had my awakening and consciousness, spiritual awakening, whatever you want to call it. To where I just, I always knew it since I was a little girl, that there was something more to this life and life was supposed to be beautiful.
[00:06:10] And I had just been kind of feeling all these things, these densities and things. You know, throughout, childhood that I was like, oh, I don’t think that it’s supposed to be the cyclical patterns. And so I started searching for answers, so it kind of led me to my work and now helping people do the same.
[00:06:27] Raven Scott: And so were you in law enforcement? What were you doing when that awakening happened?
[00:06:31] Amanda Monnier: I was a probation officer. So I was working, I did everything from DUI supervision to felonies. I did two years with the homeless. I did a short stint in juvenile probation before I left. So I did, I dabbled in a little bit of everything and it was, it was beautiful in the sense that I learned a lot.
[00:06:50] And I also, there were. The interventions that we were given for healing and rehabilitation simply didn’t work. And so it also led me to like [00:07:00] morally and ethically, I was like, oh, I did something. Didn’t sit right with me. I’m like, I’m telling people to go do all these things per the court order. But the recidivism rates, , basically recidivism is just people ending up, back in incarcerated and the relapse rates for drug and alcohol and just the mental health issues and all the things like nothing was actually like, I didn’t see any.
[00:07:21] From the majority of, of the population and people that I was helping. And so it was a combination of that. It was a combination of, you know, me searching for those answers for myself and what worked. And so, so yeah, it was definitely a process and it took a lot of, , I guess, strength and courage to leave because it was.
[00:07:43] This big unknown that I was stepping into into, I mean, a lot of people are like, well, what is even what’s energy healing, what’s holistic healing. And so it’s, I think becoming a lot more mainstream. And for me, it’s just created all kinds of shifts and changes in my life. And so I can at least say [00:08:00] from my perspective that it does work.
[00:08:02] And I also always preface that anything I say during this podcast, like take what resonates and leave the rest because we’re all on our own unique, special journey. And you know, it may be one thing I say maybe 10. You know, what’s best for you. Like intrinsically even if, sometimes it feels like there’s so much density and things and you don’t know, like we always, we always know what’s best for us.
[00:08:22] So I always like to preface that.
[00:08:24] Raven Scott: I love that and be quite honest there, I was just having this conversation with, , a client of mine, who I was reading their chart and it was like, you can so easily get pulled into this spiritual rabbit hole, right. Of like all these extreme. There’s extreme religion and there’s extreme spirituality.
[00:08:42] And you have to find yourself grounded in the middle, like take little pieces of what resonates with you authentically. And don’t get sucked down into these conspiracy theories or this. Intense, dark places that you, you just don’t know how to pull yourself out of [00:09:00] can, we can already do on our own subconsciously we all have our ancestral trauma and like we’re going to get into the trauma bonding.
[00:09:10] So yeah, I love that. You say that there, I really am a strong adamant about the middle ground, right? We’re here physically on this earth for a reason. We were also given lots of different. abilities to talk to our intuition, to talk the source, God, whatever you call it. So like combining the two is.
[00:09:27] Amanda Monnier: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:09:28] And, and when we can be neutral about things, then we can, we can really follow what’s expansive for us. Like I’ve, you know, I’ve been, I’ve been down the rabbit holes and things, and it also led me to some healing because I was like, oh gosh, like if it’s, if it’s something on the external, that’s a listening, this internal trigger activation or whatever you want to call it, that doesn’t feel good.
[00:09:49] I found it as an opportunity for me to. Really take a look at that and ask myself like, Ooh, what is it? Cause if it’s inside of me inside my energy field, if I’m feeling it, then it’s something I [00:10:00] can choose to keep subscribing to, or I can choose to let it go. So,
[00:10:04] Raven Scott: yeah, I love it now, am I like I have this pressing urge to ask you, like, was there a moment or a circumstance that awakened you and how did you find you being so entrenched in of the system, which you already knew was broken, how you’re trying to help people.
[00:10:21] How were you introduced to this holistic approach and energy healing? Did you just wake up one day? What was that?
[00:10:28] Amanda Monnier: It was actually, the catalyst was a very painful breakup, so kind of tie into some of the things we’re going to talk about, because I realized that, and I want to just also say to everyone listening, like, you’re not broken.
[00:10:41] You don’t need to be fixed. Cause I think sometimes when we get into these types of conversations, we can tend to shame the shame, which. You know, we just simply don’t have to do so. Yeah, it was, it was a very painful breakup that I had, and this was the catalyst for this awakening. And I, it was like, I couldn’t hide from [00:11:00] myself any longer.
[00:11:00] I couldn’t hide from this density any longer. And I look back and it’s almost like a lot of my relationships were same man, different base. It was just the same pattern showing up. And so. Again, it wasn’t my fault. It was just all the things that had happened up until this point that I had subscribed to based on my agreements and my belief systems and things.
[00:11:22] And it was a lot of it stemming from my childhood. And, my parents divorced when I was about six years old. So again, I’ll, I’ll wait to go into that cause I know we’re going to have a conversation about let’s dive into
[00:11:33] Raven Scott: that. Let’s dive into that now. Yeah, that’s a beautiful segue really, because that’s what I was gonna ask you.
[00:11:39] You know, in this whole dating around, like how did you, of course it’s always painful things that awaken us, unfortunately. And I think that’s just the dance of being a human being is the suffering and the joy is all intermingling. So you got talk to me a little bit more of like, in your awakening, out of this breakup, I know [00:12:00] there’s a whole other gamut of what you learned.
[00:12:02] You didn’t learn it right. But what was that? What was that generational cycle that you experienced for
[00:12:08] Amanda Monnier: yourself? Yeah, so I think this one, I feel like this one was more tied to like the dating patterning was tied to my parents divorced when I was about six and this my perception and agreements, because.
[00:12:22] When, when they did separate, I had this abandonment wounding from my dad leaving. And obviously when parents divorce, someone has to leave and, you know, w as children, we perceive things in a certain, through a certain lens. And so my belief was, if my dad won’t stay, like, who would stay if my dad leaves like everyone will leave.
[00:12:43] And so it was that, you know, it’s not safe to open up. It’s not safe to love. I’m too much. Like these were some of the things that I had. That were part of my belief system and that love is painful and that I can’t open up. And it was really, really tied to this. Everybody leaves abandonment wound. [00:13:00] That was like part of, I call them energetic software programs, like the templates in my energy field, that sort of thing.
[00:13:07] And so it was something that played out on repeat for me over many, many years.
[00:13:14] Raven Scott: Wow. So we keep bringing up the word trauma bonding. What are we going to define? What that is a bit
[00:13:20] Trauma bonding is a psychological response to abuse. It occurs when the abused person forms an unhealthy bond with the person who abuses them. According to medical news today, trauma bonds are the result of an unhealthy attachment. Humans form attachments as a means of survival. Babies become attached to their parents or caregivers whom they depend on. And the adults form attachments to others who provide comfort or support. When someone’s main source of support is also their abuser.
[00:13:51] A trauma bond can develop. An abused person may turn to the abusive person. For comfort when they are hurt, even if the [00:14:00] other person was the one who caused it. And according to National Domestic Violence hotline, here are some symptoms. Obsessing about people who have hurt you though, they are long gone.
[00:14:13] Continuing to seek contact with people whom you know, will cause you further pain. Going overboard to help people who have been destructive to you. Continuing to be a team member when obviously things are becoming destructive. Continuing attempts to get people to like you though. They are clearly using you.
[00:14:34] Trusting people again and again, who have proven to be unreliable. Being unable to retreat from unhealthy relationships, wanting to be understood by those who clearly do not care. Choosing to stay in conflict with others. Though it would cost you nothing to walk away. Persisting in trying to convince people there is a problem and they won’t listen.
[00:14:57] Remaining loyal to people who have betrayed you. [00:15:00] Being attracted to untrustworthy people. Being forced to keep damaging secrets about exploitation or abuse. Maintaining contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility.
[00:15:14] Amanda Monnier:
[00:15:14] yeah. And I’ll, kind of tie into those, what I had just mentioned.
[00:15:17] So for me, and again, this is just from my experience. The trauma bonding was almost my way of continuing this pattern because it was like the self fulfilling prophecy. And because my, the unconscious in the ego does everything that it can to keep us safe. And so what happens when we have, and I’ve heard this, this concept and I, and I don’t remember, there was a lady who wrote a book on it
[00:15:43] Raven Scott: the book is by Nicola para and it’s how to do The Work.
[00:15:46] Amanda Monnier: And, and one of my friends was talking about it, like big T trauma, little T trauma.
[00:15:50] And it’s like, you know, we had the, like the big T traumas can be.
[00:15:55] Raven Scott: That wasn’t your latest podcast. And I wrote it down.
[00:15:58] Amanda Monnier: Yeah, it was [00:16:00] Kevin, Kevin Carton. One of my friends who had mentioned it. And so, you know, we, we experienced these different traumatic experience, these different traumatic patterns.
[00:16:12] So when we experienced these situations and cause the, the ideal, the ideal thing is if we have just our mono personality, which is in conjunction with our higher self and we’re able to flow and live in this.
[00:16:27] Very beautiful human experience. So what happens is that when we have these experiences and we can, you know, maybe there to everybody, like a certain traumatic experience may be greater or less than it’s not even about comparison, but we haven’t experienced. And so we can have these different parts that pull off from that main personality that say, you know, let’s use, for example, my experience with the divorce.
[00:16:50] It’s not safe to love. My everybody leaves. If my dad leaves, everyone’s going to leave. Creating these identity structures around the [00:17:00] patterns and the parts that are pulling off from that main personality. And so what had happened is I this part and every time I experienced this, I kind of reinforced it.
[00:17:11] And again, there’s zero judgment in this. This is just something that, I’ve experienced through my process. And so when I started dating, I would attract men. Who would literally, and it’s sometimes it’d be a little bit of a different dance. We’d go. We would change a little bit, but it would be, there would either be, cause there was infidelity and things.
[00:17:35] So there were either recent cheating. There would literally be the abandonment, like I’m just like randomly taking off ghosting as the kids call it. And so there would be these situations to where it would just play out on repeat. And it would leave me in this state of collapse, which was the same thing that happened when my.
[00:17:52] Parents split. And so I feel that, to go back to like this trauma bonding, I had [00:18:00] this experience, it was, uh, last year. So 2021 in the middle of the year, I’d met this man. And it was like this magnetic, like chemical visceral reaction in my body. I had never felt anything like it. And it was I’ll explain kind of later what I.
[00:18:20] When I kind of learned what this was. But we had this crazy reaction and it was just like, I’ve never experienced anything like it, where it was so fast and so hard. And then within several weeks, And he literally disappeared. And so what again, left me in this state of collapse. And so it was really what it was like that wounded part of me that was bonding with this wounded part of him and creating this unhealthy attachment because when.
[00:18:53] We have these situations and we have these different attachments. It’s like if it gets pulled away, when we end up in the [00:19:00] state of collapse and especially as the feminine, when we’re, when we’re in a state of collapse, we’re literally not able to create we’re in these very painful. Like for me, I, it was like months and months, but it was actually the end of me healing this wounding.
[00:19:15] So it was also a gift, but it was also very painful. And so it was like this part of me that attracted this person. Into my life. I was continuing to recreate this situation that had happened in childhood, that hadn’t been released from the cells and from my body, it hadn’t been fully healed. And so it was a combination of two things because I feel that we can look at these things from a victim perspective and we can look at these things from.
[00:19:42] It’s like a gift in some sort of way. So for me, there were times where I like cursed his name, but at the same time, I’ve come to look at this situation as a gift because it brought all of this density to the surface. Now, when we have all this density brought up to the surface, it’s an opportunity [00:20:00] to purge it out, to cry it out, to release it and to be able to let it go because we can then choose something else and we can move into more of who we truly are.
[00:20:10] And so. It was just, unfortunately, what, what was meant to happen at that time. For me to be able to acknowledge like this deep in, sometimes it can be layers too. Like we hear oftentimes it’s like layers of an onion, just peeling back those patterns in those things, because they truly believe that that when we do have these things, it’s like the universe is doing its best.
[00:20:34] And to help us be able to identify and release these things so that we can actually again, be who we’re meant to be. And we don’t have to live in this, this, these cyclical, painful patterns. Yeah,
[00:20:47] Raven Scott: I love that. And I think it, it takes that consciousness, right? The moment of when you’re like, I’m done, like, I just talked about this on my YouTube show, Ravens about show on Narc Abuse TV
[00:20:59] it was like, I’m done, [00:21:00] it takes this moment where you’re like, I’m. And maybe you’re just done with everything, but you can only address one layer. So you really dive in and versus being cause it’s very similar to what you may experience emotional. Like, oh, like I do, I cry it out. So why isn’t anything changing?
[00:21:15] Well, you have to cry it out in a place where you’re like strengthening yourself. It’s like that, that good pain when you’re working out, it’s like that good. cry your working at all out emotional. And you’re not staying in the victim mode. You’re choosing to go, okay, I’m going to even go a little bit deeper and say, where is the first time I felt this horrible feeling and like, extract that from your psyche or write it out, release that like, just like cleanse it from your, your emotional body.
[00:21:45] Cause it’s usually from. Right.
[00:21:47] Amanda Monnier: Absolutely. Yeah. The illustration I use to describe it. It’s like when we’re we want to pull it out at the root, right? Because if we’re trimming the leaves of a tree, well, the leaves are going to grow back at some point. But if [00:22:00] we’re pulling it out at the root and extracting it in that way, and we’re going back to the original event, and that’s one thing that I’ve found to be very powerful.
[00:22:07] When we go back to the original event, we can do what is called a change history. And so we can go back to when that was tree aided and we can. Literally changed the story. We can change the script. We really are that powerful to rewire and release. So we don’t have this, this energy in our consciousness.
[00:22:26] And when I say energy, it can be the belief systems that were created. The agreements. I just finished this book it’s called The Four Agreements such an amazing book. I believe it’s by Don Miguel Ruiz. And it illustrates the power of when we agree to things, he gave an illustration in the book of this mom, she came in, she was super stressed one day and this little girl, her daughter was singing and she was singing really loud and the mom was stressed out.
[00:22:50] She’s like, stop, like stop, you have an ugly voice. And so the daughter. Like, , like unconsciously or consciously, I don’t know which one, it was agreed to this [00:23:00] like, oh, I have an ugly voice. And so she stopped singing and she never sang again. And I, I, at least that was in the part of the book. I don’t, I don’t know if she sings now, but, but it was, it just shows the power of our agreements and our consciousness.
[00:23:12] And so we actually can go back and write. Well, we’ll get into some inner child stuff at some point, but, I call it re parenting your inner child, like, so we can go back to childhood to this event and give that child what that child needed in that moment. And maybe the caregivers were in their unconscious and they weren’t able to explain it.
[00:23:31] They weren’t able to explain that it wasn’t their fault. Like for me, I didn’t really have that. And so no one explained to me that it wasn’t my fault that my parents were getting a divorce and this. Judgment on my parents. Like they were doing the best they can, they could with the tools that they had, but then we’d be, create, create our perception and these agreements about certain things.
[00:23:52] And we continue to replay them because it’s what we’ve chosen is truth. So we don’t have to keep choosing it as truth. We can, we can [00:24:00] change it and we can shift it. And it’s powerful to shift it from that root seed point. And it’s actually can be done rather, rather quickly. And sometimes. It requires the crying out.
[00:24:10] Sometimes it doesn’t, it just really depends. And that’s why there’s no one size fits all for this type of healing work in this type of work.
[00:24:17] Raven Scott: Yeah. And it’s all compassing holistically. And that really ties into that question of like, what is generational trauma? And I think you gave a beautiful illustration of that.
[00:24:28] And her mom, when she was stressed out, probably did the same exact thing that her mother did to her when she was stressed out. And I think, you know, when we talk about this, I’ve heard so many times that they did the best they could. You know, they did better than the last generation that that generation did better than the last generation. And that’s how evolution works. And I think we’re on this emotional evolution path. And so like, half of me is like, that phrase is so overused and like, so crap, but at the same time, it’s like so true, [00:25:00] you know, I’m sure like those were angry at their parents right now.
[00:25:02] They’re like, I hate that phrase. However it is so true. Cause think of yourself usually, unless you, you know, you are highly trained and educated. Usually it also takes the generational healing to occur when you have your own children and you go, oh my gosh, like now I see now I can really see how much I am like my parents or how flawed this is or, you know, whatever it is.
[00:25:27] So if you want to touch a little bit further in generational trauma, I’d love to hear your.
[00:25:32] Amanda Monnier: Yeah. So it, generational trauma is so interesting and I feel like we’re kind of. There’s a lot of things that are kind of coming to light on how this stuff works. And I do believe we have the ability to really, again, like shift all of this stuff.
[00:25:46] And I also, I hear a lot of people saying, well, it’s my job to like, heal the whole generation. And, and if that’s what you choose to do. Perfect. But also, I don’t feel like we necessarily have to look at it from that lens, because the way I’ve chosen to [00:26:00] look at it is as I choose to go deeper within myself and release these things, to me, it energetically already gets offered to my ancestors.
[00:26:08] And then I’m breaking the trauma here because I’m not going to pass any of these distortions down to my children. And I totally don’t think we can protect their children from everything. And that’s part of what they’re going to be learning. Like I, like we learned through this human experience and this human experience.
[00:26:23] Part of it is some, some density. So it is how we learn because it’s like, you, you know, with the, you got the dark and you got the light, you got the, you know, all the different polarities and things. So. Going back into like a little bit more on generational trauma. Again, I kind of explained them as energetic software programs.
[00:26:42] And I’ll give another little illustration that is helpful because let’s say for example, you had a grandfather or great-grandfather, that was in the depression, that era of the depression. And so they’re feeling. Deep cellular level, like it’s, it’s in their entire being [00:27:00] like they’re feeling like the scarcity, the poverty, they have all these beliefs around.
[00:27:03] There’s not enough or whatever it might be that they chose. And that, that was part of their experience and the cellular memory that. It can get passed down. First of all, I feel that there is like this level of consciousness that is tied to the different ancestral lines in like this kind of memory field, if you will, and then also gets stored in, you know, whatever we want to call it, the cells, the DNA of the energy.
[00:27:28] And it gets passed down because you can even think of the fact that a lot of families do things in the same way, even just habit. So it can be also, so I think when people like, oh, nature or nurture, I say both because I think that it is a combination of what’s going on in the physical reality. And then you have like the DNA genes and cells and all that good stuff.
[00:27:49] Like the, the, you know, more deeper chemical things. And so this stuff gets passed down. Our unconscious. Cause if, I think [00:28:00] statistically, they say 90 to 95% of everything’s like unconscious, kind of like those unconscious beliefs and things. And so if we’re doing things that we have been doing our entire lives, a lot of us don’t really think anything of it.
[00:28:13] So whether it be like the money habits. So let’s say grandpa has a kids, obviously, and then those, those parents have kids. And then we could be running these programs. And I found a lot in my own experience around these very things, the money stuff that have just kind of, again, been layers of unraveling, but we may be just running these things and they may be so subtle because it wasn’t something that necessarily we experienced and created.
[00:28:40] It was something that our family did and I’ve actually. I found these to be a little easier to work with and release because when it’s something that we’ve created, like our inner child, for example, my, the patterning around the abandonment and things that was so deeply rooted in my identity, the identity I created and the [00:29:00] other stuff.
[00:29:01] So there’s not such a big attachment. I found it to be easier to work with because it’s like, oh, okay. I noticed this well, okay, can I go ahead and release this? Now I choose to let it go using different methods and things. It, it just, it’s just interesting the way that this stuff does get passed down, but we can notice it in our own family, even the words we use, we can even notice it in the words we use and maybe even like patterns and relationships and divorce and the things that our family subscribed to even holiday traditions like this is, you know, on, on kind of like a lighter note from the trauma.
[00:29:36] It’s like in the collective field of the family and ancestors, but we can really, when we start to bring conscious awareness to things, we can really bring awareness to what doesn’t feel expansive. I always ask people, is it feels something that, is it something that is a 10 out a 10 your highest? Does it feel expansive or does it feel a little contractive?
[00:29:55] Does it feel a little yucky and your emotions are helpful compass’s to know [00:30:00] what is your highest 10 out of 10? And where are you saying yes, when it really is a no, and it’s not an alignment because when we get into like the energetics of heart and soul alignment, it, it allows us to really write the script of our own life and to be creating based on our own source connection, rather than in someone else’s reality.
[00:30:22] Raven Scott: And I love you address that. Cause that was my question is like, what exactly? We hear so much, but like soul alignment. Oh, go with, you know, go in the flow. And I even talk about it with my human design, like align yourself with your soul. Can you expand on, on what does that mean?
[00:30:37] Amanda Monnier: So I feel, I feel that this is the, one of the most powerful things I’ve found in my life.
[00:30:42] And so I think there are different. I feel that there are different components of it based on my perspective. So the heart and soul alignment kind of tying into what I already mentioned it. What, what is, what lights you up and what, what is passionate to your soul? Like what is, what [00:31:00] fires your soul up and what is your 10 out of 10 highest?
[00:31:03] And where are you? Where are you maybe saying yes, we’re really isn’t no, because that stuff all clogs up your energetic field. When we’re telling ourselves we have to do all these things that we simply don’t have to do. And so. When we get down to heart and soul alignment, if we’re talking about like, from a conscious creation perspective, it’s what, what end results do you choose and what are you choosing to create?
[00:31:26] Just because you would love to have it and it lights you up. And I urge you to go deeper. And so sometimes it’s like, oh, people will say, oh, I just want this, you know, this beautiful, this car. And those are all great. You know, we live in a physical reality. There’s nothing wrong with having those things, but it goes deeper than that.
[00:31:43] So level, what is it that you choose to experience in this lifetime that really just makes you feel expansive and makes you feel alive? And that’s going to be different for each of us because we all have a unique soul frequency, a unique soul blueprint. And so when we’re [00:32:00] here on this planet, it’s like, I truly feel very, a unique expression of God, .Source, Universe, this creative energy.
[00:32:08] And so we can really, when we get. Real with ourselves on what it is we truly want, because I think there are a lot of times that we don’t even ask ourselves this during my career. And when, before I left my career in law enforcement, there was a moment where I was like, I don’t even know who I am. I feel so disconnected from myself.
[00:32:27] And I know that we hear this a lot and it can sound a little cliche, but. Even just starting out by just writing down, like if money was no thing, what would I be doing? And obviously money’s a factor in this reality at this point in the evolution of our planet. Which I mean, who knows where it’s going to go, but, but if money was no thing, what would you be waking up and doing?
[00:32:48] And those are some of the ways that you can start because the factor of money really kind of pulls people into this cycle of consumerism and productivity and busy, busy, busy. But if we’re [00:33:00] so busy to where we’re not taking those pauses and tuning in with ourselves, where, where does my body want to release?
[00:33:07] Maybe some, some trauma or some density or a certain belief pattern? Where does my, where do I want to release a relationship? Where do I want to call one in like, just really taking inventory of what is because they truly believe our physical reality is just a reflection of what’s going on inside. In which, which really gives us the ability and power to create whatever we want.
[00:33:30] But it’s, it’s sometimes the first step is just taking a pause and acknowledging what’s going on and, , kind of taking that inventory.
[00:33:39] Raven Scott: Yeah. Yeah. And you say I’m on one of your posts on Instagram and you can find her on Instagram at @amandamonnier. , when we source quote unquote, she capitalized Source outside of our own source connection.
[00:33:54] It’s coming from a place of need, scarcity, lack and worthiness, et cetera. [00:34:00] And it often results in misalignment and chaos in our experience when you are aligned or when you’re in alignment with your truth, you can make choices for a place of your highest, and this vibe is expansive. So yeah, you like the thoughts that were coming up?
[00:34:16] What lights you up and nowadays with the internet, you could, whatever lights you up, you can make money off of. Now. It’s not like, you know, the 19 hundreds and like in this dating jungle and relating to sourcing outside yourself, what advice would you give those who seem to constantly be frustrated that they’re attracting, people who are ghosting them, people who are hurting them or emotionally or verbally abusing them, or just making them feel like shit.
[00:34:44] Yeah, because you say,
[00:34:45] Amanda Monnier: oh man, I love the dating topic because it’s been a wild ride for me. And one of the first things that comes to mind and one of the first things I’m guided to touch on. You don’t need to do anything to [00:35:00] me to be loved first and foremost though, you already you’re already complete.
[00:35:04] We hear that a lot too. And what I do truly believe though, is I had to actually take a break from, from dating and. I really got to the place. Like for me personally, I wanted to be super comfortable in my own space, in my own skin. Thing that I would say it’s like, there’s knowing something and then there’s knowing it, knowing it.
[00:35:27] And so one of the things that I noticed was that I would use dating as a way to kind of fill these voids and to avoid having to let these things surface. And so that was part of the reason that the way these men were showing up. I do feel like it was a gift from the universe. And you know, this is obviously, there’s a, obviously another conversation when it comes to abuse.
[00:35:49] I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about just like kind of general dating stuff and maybe like some poor behavior or, you know, some unideal things that you’re wanting and things of that nature. So [00:36:00] I would say the first thing that if I could give my younger self guidance and advice on this, it would be to really.
[00:36:08] Just pull, just actually pause the dating for a moment and to really sit with, sit with myself until I am able to really release this need for dating. Because when I got to a point to where I didn’t, and that was actually early January of this year, where I had felt this such, this neutralization in this piece, and I was like, oh my gosh, like, I actually.
[00:36:30] I don’t feel the need to date. And then several weeks later I kept like, kind of getting the nudge to get back on the dating apps. And I was like, no, no. I was actually was at a point for the first time in my life where I was like, I was feeling this guidance come through. And I was like, oh no, no, no, I’m not, I’m not going there.
[00:36:44] And then it w it didn’t go away. And so it was like when we get these nudges for things, and it’s not coming from this place of needing to outsource. So what I did. In the past, it was like, I was looking for these men to love me and to validate me [00:37:00] and to make me feel safe and secure. But the thing is, is that when it goes away, if we’re left in a state of collapse and in shambles, it’s an indication.
[00:37:11] Of the inner acknowledgment to be done in the releasing of the things. And, and, and why, why are we feeling that way? And for me, again, it stemmed back into my, into my childhood. And oftentimes it does not, not for everything, but most of the time it does, because that’s when we’re, you know, learning attachment styles with our parents and how love works and what love is.
[00:37:31] And I realized for me, I didn’t even know what love was because it was this, this trauma bonding where, when I was dating. It was these wounded parts of me that were looking for this man to make that go away. And so no one’s ever going to make that go away. It’s always going to be there. Not that you can’t grow with a partner.
[00:37:51] So that’s what I would, would suggest as number one is really just getting to the place to where you truly deeply love yourself. And you’re comfortable in your own space [00:38:00] and in your own silence. And you can sit with yourself or read a book or hang out with your dog or go do something with your girlfriends.
[00:38:08] Or, or whatever, lights your soul on fire. And then when we’re in this state and in this vibration, then we can actually, we are more able to listen to those soul nudges and the guidance to maybe get back on the dating apps, or maybe you meet someone in person because you’re in this vibration of love and expansiveness.
[00:38:27] Raven Scott: So. I was all over it. I was free and I felt like on top of the world that I was free from my narcissist and I had, I started this like little, little side horse business and I was. Not showered. My hair was up in a bun, like probably greasy and I had no makeup on and that’s when I met my husband now, I was like, and he, thought I was the hottest thing ever.
[00:38:52] So I was just glowing inwardly. You know what I mean?
[00:38:55] Amanda Monnier: I love that. And again, it goes back to like, it’s we hear it all the time, but it’s, [00:39:00] again, it’s so different when you’re able to experience it. And then when we can come from this place of like either we’re neutral to it, or it feels really, really good.
[00:39:10] Yeah. And expansive, like those are again when we’re not coming from this place of, well, my gosh, like I remember when I, the, that first breakup, when I was. Still in law enforcement, that was kind of like that catalyst. It was like, there was this part of me. That’s like, you need to get on dating sites right now.
[00:39:26] Like it’s feels so, like, it felt really icky, but it was this part of me that didn’t want to. die essentially. And so sometimes when we have these experiences, I refer to them as like kind of a dark night of the soul, because, and sometimes it can feel like a death because this part of me was dying. There were parts of me that were dying and it’s these identity structures and these things that hold the, the wounding and, and that keep eliciting the same responses from the external reality.
[00:39:57] But you really don’t have to, [00:40:00] keep experiencing this and, it’s interesting because once I did that, then it showed up in such a beautiful, organic way when I was like following the, the soul nudges and the guidance. And when I felt, you know, in the place of like that alignment, and I didn’t feel that neediness anymore.
[00:40:17] Raven Scott: And I would also say, as you were talking like this applies to anyone, who’s in a relationship now that’s committed, engaged, or married. Like if you’re not constantly feeding your soul and loving yourself and continuing to. Do your self care and stoke the fire. And the last thing I want to talk about is the inner child work.
[00:40:37] You’re just going to end up as miserable in the marriage or relationship as you are. If you’re breaking up or you’re trying to date somebody like, because what if, God forbid one of the gals I interviewed, like she is a widow. So how are you going to handle yourself then? Are you going to fall apart like that?
[00:40:56] That person is a part of you and every. Or [00:41:00] you’re going to like be sad and mourn, but still really feel comfortable and confident with yourself on your own. You know, it’s like every step of the journey, you need to feel this.
[00:41:10] Amanda Monnier: Yeah. And again, it just always goes back to connecting at a deeper level with yourself and getting to know yourself.
[00:41:15] I always say that this is just a journey back home to self this human journey, all the separation templates, all the things we’ve been told, all the things that we’ve been told to subscribe to. It’s like, again, like really getting real with yourself and learning how you connect with your higher self source, whatever you want to, whatever word you want to use to describe it.
[00:41:36] And, and that in your own intuition, And that is where the guidance lies because you, we all, I’ve been even feel like experience intuition in a different way. And so getting to know yourself at that level. So, you know, like when you go on that first date, oh gosh, this tendency feels really, really, you know, uncomfortable.
[00:41:56] I know when I started dating again, I had, there were two dates I had scheduled and I [00:42:00] canceled both of them because there was some behavior that happened in between agreeing to the date and the date that felt really off. And the old me would have gone because I agreed to. But no, there was a shift and this person was talking about buying a house together.
[00:42:12] And like, we hadn’t even gone on a first date and then mentioning that he didn’t like me talking to other men. I’m like, it’s just red flags, giant red flags. And so, and so, and then you get to the point to where you have your boundaries. To where you’re okay. Saying no. And you feel comfortable saying no, and there’s nobody that’s going to persuade you otherwise.
[00:42:34] And so it is a little bit of, it can feel uncomfortable at first, especially for us sensitive beings that don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. But when we, when we create those boundaries, then it kind of, it teaches people how to treat you because when we don’t have boundaries, Uh, people tend to, you know, spew their stuff onto you and it just tends to, it can get really messy.
[00:42:55] And I’ve been there too to where I’ve just been like a dump truck for people’s [00:43:00] nonsense. So
[00:43:01] Raven Scott: yeah. Yeah. You don’t want to be a dump truck. You want to be that open, just absorbing all that. So a lot of the audience is, working on their boundaries and dealing with that. So I love that you brought that up and it goes back to this other thought process.
[00:43:14] You said like our souls, this whole journey. We are born with our amnesia. Like we’re given an assignment as a soul, like we’re given this whole, like, this is what, how we need to grow and evolve. Uh, but now go and like, forget it all and you have to try and figure it out and discover it. And remember it.
[00:43:33] You know, popping into the gladiator ring going, uh, what am I here for again? I don’t remember, but you either have to cower, you’re either have a choice, right. Cower in the corner and be the victim, or like stand up and just figure it out and, you know, fight through it. So yeah, we
[00:43:49] Amanda Monnier: don’t have a, no one gave us a script.
[00:43:51] We don’t have a guidebook for this. No,
[00:43:54] Raven Scott: I mean, the closest thing that I’ve found is human design, which I’m so love and passionate about. But [00:44:00] it’s very vague, still, you know, it gives you like this really wise kind of guidance. Like a Sage monk would give you, but you still have to, you know, interpret what does that mean in my life?
[00:44:09] What does that mean for me?
[00:44:11] Amanda Monnier: What’s your human design. I’m interested now.
[00:44:13] Raven Scott: I know I’m a generator 6/2. So role model, hermit generator. I’m a
[00:44:18] Amanda Monnier: generator as
[00:44:19] Raven Scott: well. That’s awesome. Do you know your profile, your numbers?
[00:44:24] Amanda Monnier: Uh, I have it somewhere. I’m going to guess. I just started dabbling dabbling last year in it. Um, I know I’m a sacral generation.
[00:44:33] And what did you, what was your guess?
[00:44:35] Raven Scott: My guess would be that you’re six. I’m not sure if you’re six.
[00:44:39] Amanda Monnier: Um, yeah,
[00:44:43] Raven Scott: the role model and you plus you’ve had life experiences in your youth. Yeah. Love it. Well, I’ll have to talk about human design of your podcasts. Yes. Um, my last thing that I would love to talk about before we close is inner child.
[00:44:57] So we’ve gotten this understanding. [00:45:00] We know with trauma bonding is we recognize like what we’re doing is not the pattern we want to do. And how do we heal that?
[00:45:07] Amanda Monnier: Yeah. So I’ll just start with a little bit on the inner child here at healing and the way that I like to explain it, it’s like almost like re parenting your inner child and like loving your inner child and holding space for your inner child.
[00:45:21] And one of the things that has helped me in this process is. When these things come up, the emotional, the emotional purges and things, it’s like, well, how would I still hold space for a child? How would we hold space for a child? Because most of the time, for most of us, I feel that are listening and that are doing this type of work.
[00:45:41] If we had a little child come up to us crying, we wouldn’t be like, oh, sorry, I can’t deal with you today. I’ll I’ll deal with you tomorrow. Like, You need to sell down, but sometimes that’s what we do to ourselves, right. We’re like, okay, no, like I can’t pry right here. Like it’s not professional, you know, all the things that we’re like, okay.
[00:45:57] Bottle it up even longer. But [00:46:00] I I’m here for normalizing. Like we, you know, if someone’s physically ill, they get a couple of weeks off work. You lay on the couch. TV or, you know, you heal, but I’m here for normalizing that for the emotional stuff too, because those are just, I I’ve had bouts to where I’ve been in bed for weeks with like these emotional purges and things.
[00:46:19] And it, it, it comes out even in my physical body. So I just want to start by saying that. We can connect with this part of us is inner child. And a lot of us have experienced a lot of things that have gone on that are unprocessed. So what I mean by this is when we have the unprocessed energy and it’s still sitting in our body, our energy field, those low vibrational frequencies are still vibrating in the body and stuff.
[00:46:45] This is at least what I’ve seen in a lot of clients is this will in turn, can reflect in the physical body ailments. And so when we have this unresolved, trauma, I’ll give you an example. So guilt, shame, and unworthy [00:47:00] resonate a very low vibrational frequencies on the scale of consciousness there, I think below like a 20 Hertz.
[00:47:05] So you have like, love, joy, all those ones kind of on the higher vibrational spectrum. And then you have these low vibrational frequencies. And they also, they resonate at the same frequency level of like viruses and bacterias. And so when we have these unresolved. Energies in our body. It’s like our body will sometimes start crying out for help to whether it be a pain in the hip or for me, it was acne, literally my entire like life up until the last probably year, year and a half was even adult acne.
[00:47:37] I’m like, oh my goodness. Like, this is not fun. That’s what happens when we have these unresolved things that are just crying out in our, body’s trying to get our attention. And so going back to, what are we speaking of this? You know, we can go back and do into these events. So it, the thing is, is healing is not one size fits all either.
[00:47:58] And I never really know, like [00:48:00] I don’t prep for sessions because I never really know what the session is going to look like and what what’s going to come up and what kind of attention it’s going to need. And so, you know, we can go back to the original event and we can, you know, do the work and the healing and, and really hold space for that inner child, turn that pain to wisdom.
[00:48:19] So there’s a lot of things that, that we can do to release it from the body. And when we work with, I call this energy field, higher self. Some people call it super conscious, but it’s energy, our energy field that contains all the information on all the events in our lives and the ancestral stuff, the belief patterns, it’s like the all knowingness of.
[00:48:40] So we can tune into that field and get information on what is causing the pain and the resistance, and we can release it and we can gently, you know, clear all the density so that we’re able to just flow more easily in life. And. The way that I’ve found it helpful to do this work is [00:49:00] actually not coming from just a healing perspective, coming more from healing, a secondary, and then the conscious creation piece.
[00:49:06] So, and again, it depends on sometimes I’ll, you know, a client will come on and they’re already like in a very, very sad state. And so then we just go right into holding space and whatever it needs to come up. But when we’re coming from a conscious creation perspective of what is it that you’re stepping into, whether it be a life you love, whether it be a loving relationship.
[00:49:25] Reaching into the quantum, which I don’t think of time as linear time is a human construct. So we can actually, we can step into the infinite potentials and possibilities of anything we could be experiencing in the brain. The mind, the body don’t know the difference when we’re stepping into this versus it being here in the now.
[00:49:46] And so we’re stepping into this identity structure. something that’s already created. So the, what I mean by this is, you know, if you’re choosing the end result of soulmate, love a loving partnership that person’s already on the. It’s literally [00:50:00] just a matter of releasing the resistance and being able to take inspired action towards the thing that you’re choosing.
[00:50:07] Like you’re not actually, everything’s already created. So if everything is already created, then it’s just a matter of being in that structure, that identity of somebody who has it. And when we have the. Different structures and identities. So we have this thing that we want, but yet we have this unresolved like wounded child, myself, for example, it’s like, there were times where I was like, okay, I knew what I wanted, but this part that was still very active in my energy field.
[00:50:32] It wasn’t safe for this part to have it. And so it may show up, but then this part where it’s not safe, there’s going to be like, no, no, it’s not safe. And so that’s also gonna play out. And so we can really, we come to this place of, of the conscious creation, but then releasing. The things that aren’t, that then it just makes, it makes it a lot easier for us to just flow with life and allow these things to show up.
[00:50:58] So it’s kind of like a [00:51:00] combination of co-creating with the universe and like choosing what lights your soul up and lights your soul on fire. And then when we’re coming from the structure of creation, we’re not coming from the structure of I’m broken and I need to do 200 healing sessions to be better because that, like, for me, I tried that paradigm and I was literally just doing healing.
[00:51:20] Raven Scott: Yeah. And then you’re stuck in that cycle of like the healing cycle. And then you’re that also is a similar spiritual bypassing of being in the victim corner is you’re constantly like, oh wait, no, I can’t do that because I’m still healing. Oh, wait. Now I can’t do that because I’m still healing. Okay. Well sometimes we just need to heal through being brave and doing things and trying things.
[00:51:41] You know, getting up and experimenting and failing again and keep learning and keep, like you said, peeling away that onion is just been such a pleasure having you on the podcast, all of your links and how people can connect to you or in the show notes, just tap pictures, swipe up if you’re an Apple, to find that in the show notes.[00:52:00]
[00:52:00] Please let us know how this resonated. If you have any questions, just take a screenshot of this podcast. Put it in your social media stories and tag both of us at @Ravenscottshow. And at @AmandaMonnier at Amanda, M O N N I E R. And I it’s just been a pleasure having you. Thank you for being here. Yeah.
[00:52:20] Amanda Monnier: Thank you so much, Raven. And thank you everyone for listening. Appreciate it.
[00:52:26] This is Raven Scott signing off at the empath and the narcissist podcast. Thank you so much for listening. He also, A resource that will highly benefit you in the free Narc abuse healing guide. Is the healed ancestor journal and meditation. You can also find the full version in my book and path and the narcissist, a healing guide for people pleasers on page 129 and 130.
[00:52:54] But if you want to kind of get a preview and a snapshot and do a bit of the exercises, go to the link in the show notes and [00:53:00] download your free narc abuse healing guide. 26 page PDF for free today. And remember always keep your unique light shining.
And remember, always keep your unique light shining.
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Raven Scott is providing women, who are feeling lost and alone in their journey, a community to kick ass as we become empowered together while healing from childhood trauma, abusive relationships, or plain old life, and awaken to rewrite our karmic story. Through astrology, self care, human design, & intuition.
We are energetically clearing ancestral patterns one step at a time to find our power and potential through healing so you can live empowered the unique loved individual you desire to be. Topics covered: Self development, Human design, Astrology, tarot, meditative thoughts, intuitive message from spirit, and expert guests sharing different spiritual healing modalities.
Your host and Patreon Community mentor, Raven Scott, is a narcissitic abuse survivor, author of Empath and The Narcissist: A Healing Guide for People Pleasers. And also is a Certified Meditation Teacher. Join us on http://Patreon.com/soulcollective9