External Validation: Why it is a PLUS not a MUST

with Ana Jones

@anacjones & I went live together on IGTV talking about how self work and inner spiritual practices are so important to boost your self esteem. Because all the external validation can hinder us from thriving and “your like is extra” the exterior validation that we are doing good is a PLUS not a MUST.

Here is the audio:

Why External Validation is a PLUS not a must

“What if you just do you?…” [14:32] –

Ana Jones @anacjones

Watch Live Video HERE

Ana Jones is a healer and emotional awakening coach that is here to help you peel back the layers so you can see it too.

She’s helping women un-f*ck themselves from generational patterns to find emotional freedom and live a life of ease and joy.

External Validation: Why this is a PLUS not a MUST Special Podcast from a candid LIVE IGTV with @anacjones

1. You will start to invalidate yourself when seeking validation from other people and comparing yourself to others especially on Social Media. [Raven 2:48]

2. You may be stuck in victim mentality if… [Ana 3:20]

3. You have the opportunity to rise above that label or that stigma [ Raven 6:37]

4. *Hot topic (blindspot sighting!) Ana say a big influencer state that our insecurities are not generational trauma. It’s not imposter syndrome. It’s uh, white supremacy. listen to how Ana and Raven respond to this. [9:30]

5. Stop listening to everyone’s formula and “what if you just do you?” [14:32]

6. But you have to do what’s right. And in alignment for you. And that’s when people will resonate with you. [Raven 16:27]

7. This life is a journey. So it’s not about succeeding in this formula or that formula. It’s about the journey and what you’re learning in the process and how you’re enjoying it. If you’re not enjoying it, then stop doing it. [Raven 17:41]

8. Do you feel guilt and shame? to desire? or to be? [22:20]

9. ” I am. And because I am I’m everything and I am everything that exists. I am you. I am me. I am. I’m just everything.” [Ram Dass & Ana 25:52]

www.instagram.com/anacjones

I am Raven Scott. I am a certified meditation instructor, and spiritual mentor reading human design charts and running the thriving intuitive membership.

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Transcript is below.

[00:00:00] Ana: Hello. Hello everyone. Today. I am having a chat with Raven. gonna talk about external validation. 

[00:00:11] Raven: Welcome to the thriving, intuitive podcast. It is my goal to bring community awareness and healing to your mental health. I do that with the thriving, intuitive membership, my book and path and the narcissist and this podcast. This podcast is for you. If you are ready to dive deeper into your spiritual journey and self-development.

[00:00:41] To learn about the thriving, intuitive membership, my book, the healing guide for people pleasers and all that I do go to www dot the thriving, intuitive.com. Raven. Hello. 

[00:00:59] Ana: How are you? [00:01:00] I’m doing great. How are you? 

[00:01:02] Raven: Ah, really good this morning. 

[00:01:05] Ana: Awesome. Yeah, some bells going on on your end. 

[00:01:10] Oh, you can hear my dog eating out of her bowl. 

[00:01:14] It was like, uh, like the, like the ice cream matters. Something like in the, in the good old days.

[00:01:23] Raven: Uh, she’s just worried all the crumbs from her bowl. 

[00:01:26] Ana: Okay. All good. 

[00:01:28] Raven: I’m good. I’m good. Good. I just got back from a walk this morning. Every morning I take walks and I listened to different like chakra clearing meditation, some I’m ready. I’m ready to dive deep with you. 

[00:01:41] Ana: Nice. Perfect. We both already that our meditations where get to go.

[00:01:46] Um, okay, so let’s talk a little bit about you and I have been like going back and forth on what we wanted to talk about and all these things. So I’ll let you start off with what, you know, just the topic, right? External validation. Why, why [00:02:00] it’s a plus not a must. I’ll let you dive in wherever you want to start.

[00:02:05] Raven: Yeah, I think this is huge and it’s exceptionally much needed still because we are here on this platform. Right? That’s the first, any social media platform is you’re going to first, if you haven’t dealt with yourself and your fears and your self-love and really finding that core validation like I’ve got you.

[00:02:27] You’re doing awesome. I love you, even when you’re failing, right? You’re telling yourself all of this and you’re that grown adult for yourself. You’re going to be lost on social media. You’re going to be comparing yourself to maybe someone who has more numbers or someone who has a prettier feed than yours, and you’re going to feel inadequate and you’re going to start to invalidate yourself, let alone.

[00:02:48] Seek that validation from other people. Um, and this was just pure yourself interacting on social media versus we can get into a whole topic about relationships and how that can really [00:03:00] be toxic for you. But I just wanted to address this here because we’re all entrepreneurs here at watching we’re all on Instagram.

[00:03:06] And I think it’s important to have that mental health while we’re here supporting each other versus comparing. 

[00:03:14] Ana: Yeah. Yeah. I agree with you. I think that a lot of the times we were so stuck in that victim mentality. We don’t even know it and it happens to all of us, right. Whenever we automatically think that just because someone else’s feed is, um, nicer than us, nicer than ours, whenever we think that somebody else had like, their life is better than ours.

[00:03:39] We’re feeding that victim story. It’s like, oh everyone. Except me. Everyone is having an amazing time. Nobody’s going through a rough time. Nobody’s going through this or that. And the truth is we don’t. Right. Even if they do say something on social media, we never know what goes on behind closed doors. We never go know what truly goes on [00:04:00] with people.

[00:04:00] So, I mean, I’m very, I try to be as open and honest as I can about my stuff on social media, but there are days when I just want to, I don’t want to show up and I don’t want to tell people what I’m going through and I don’t want to share what’s mine. And I don’t want to share who I’m dating or, you know what I’m doing with my nephew.

[00:04:17] I actually. I actually try not to post any videos or pictures of my nephew because he’s two and a half and you know, what am I to like, you know, invade his privacy at such a young age. So anyways, those are some things like, just because you follow someone. Doesn’t mean that you know them, unless you’re friends with them, unless you have, unless you’re there your coach, unless something’s going on.

[00:04:42] So I think that when we start creating this idea of, oh, this person is being validated by everyone else, why aren’t I, that’s where that’s where this issue comes up. Right. Um, and, and, and I’m, and I’m gonna go, I’m [00:05:00] gonna go into like a, a little bit of a darker area. I see this a lot with minorities. And I can say this because even though I look white, I’m Mexican.

[00:05:09] So I, I actually I’m like the chameleon that goes in and I hear people complain like, oh, well I didn’t get this job because I’m Latina and I’m a woman and I didn’t get this job because I’m gay or I didn’t do this because. Whatever you are looking to validate if you don’t, if you’re going out into the world and thinking like, oh, people don’t love me because I’m gay.

[00:05:36] straight, whatever, like man woman non like non binary, whatever it is that you have in your subconscious and whatever, you’re constantly telling yourself every day, that’s exactly what you’re going to do. So I think that if we really took more responsibility of giving validation to ourselves, it doesn’t really matter [00:06:00] who we love, what we do, what we don’t do, what matters is that we love and accept ourselves.

[00:06:05] And we are, are there to forgive each other, forgive ourselves over and over and over again, regardless of what has happened or what will happen in the future. So that’s, that’s. But I’ve been thinking about a lot and I don’t know what, what your thoughts are on that. Or if you want to add something, I know I said a whole bunch of stuff, but I feel like I really wanted to go in there because it’s very easy to just put it on someone else, but it’s like, well, what am I doing to participate in this reality?

[00:06:35] Raven: Right. And that, that gives you the opportunity to rise above that label or that stigma. And yes, it might be a little bit harder and yes, people don’t 100%, you know, know how it feels to be a minority going through that, but that’s just where you get to rewrite, you know, those thoughts to rise above because in the end, this, the culture is shifting [00:07:00] towards love is love.

[00:07:01] People are people, we all have the same blood. So let’s start to really, love ourselves and act that way. And then for those of us who, haven’t honestly sometimes a little bit easier, um, to step up and to stand up and to lift up those who maybe are struggling with that mindset or who are overlooked because of their gender or their race, you know?

[00:07:27] Say something stand up. Um, so I think that’s, that’s important, but it does start with ourselves internally, right? 

[00:07:35] It 

[00:07:36] starts with you. If you were going into a relationship, right. You really will attract who. You feel like you’re worth. So if you are really thinking that, no, one’s really going to love me.

[00:07:49] I’m kind of subpar. Like I’m ugly, I’m this or that. Then you’re probably going to attract someone toxic. Who’s like, oh yeah. She’s prime candidate to like just, or he to really [00:08:00] manipulate into whatever, you know, I want her to be because she’s easy. Cause she’s, she thinks that she’s already ugly. So perfect.

[00:08:06] I can say she’s beautiful. I can say that. Oh, you know, just put on this makeup and you’ll be fine. So those are all external things. To make you feel beautiful inside, but your own work with yourself. Like I love the inner child work is huge because you really loving yourself and you’re dropping all those expectations, right?

[00:08:26] You’re dropping all the baggage of your ancestors of your childhood to be able to be there for yourself and to love your. And you’ll approach you’ll approach relationships, you’ll approach life in such a more empowering way versus like, oh, well, I don’t really deserve a bonus or like, I really don’t, I’m not working harder than her, so I’ll just continue to get like subpar pay versus stepping up and asking for it.

[00:08:53] Or I don’t really deserve love. So I’m just going to settle with the first guy who was interested in me, [00:09:00] like not a good dating strategy and you’re going to end up heartbroken. You’re going to end up, you know, not in a 

[00:09:08] good situation. 

[00:09:10] Ana: Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s really interesting to, to, to continuously bring back, bring back, bring back because, um, you know, I’ve been.

[00:09:22] Watching just certain things that people with like large following are posting about. And I saw this one woman say, um, it’s not, it’s not generational trauma. It’s not imposter syndrome. It’s uh, white supremacy. And I’m like, I don’t know if that’s actually it. Like 

[00:09:44] Raven: What was she referring to? 

[00:09:47] Ana: Uh, just like all of your insecurities, like the reason why it’s not imposter syndrome and it’s, it doesn’t have anything to do with that,

[00:09:55] Raven: but, but everybody experiences it. Not just white people. 

[00:09:58] Exactly, 

[00:09:59] Ana: [00:10:00] exactly. Yeah. And I, I also got, um, like emails from this woman and then in her, in her emails, she wrote about generational trauma and how that was such a big deal. And I was like, okay, somebody not your assistant or like your copywriter or something are not on the same page.

[00:10:18] So I think that that’s really important. Like when you’re following someone don’t even me, like, even I even tell my, my, my clients, I like the people that follow that question. What I say, I’m not, I’m not a fucking guru. Like, I am sharing my experience with you. And I don’t want you to think that I’m your guru, because then what happens?

[00:10:37] I say something, people do it. Oh, Ana told me to do it. No, like, I didn’t understand the lack of responsibility that people have until I moved to the U S and started seeing the labels, like, you know, like don’t swallow the whole. Uh, bottle, he seems logical or like, [00:11:00] you know, like poison, like do not eat unlike why would somebody eat like cockroach spray?

[00:11:05] You know, like stuff like that, that I’m just like, I started noticing that we, we truly live in a, in a country because I live in the states right now. We live in a country where we’re constantly having. Protect ourselves, protect ourselves, protect yourself, protect ourselves. And so it’s very easy to fall into this space of like, well, um, I’ll only let my guard down.

[00:11:26] If you show me that you appreciate me, or if you show me that you see me, which is, which is a beautiful thing, right. To be seen by others. But I think that we’ve gotten to a point where a lot of people are so desperate to be seen that when I saw that whole like white supremacy thing, It’s actually not.

[00:11:47] We’re so multi, like there’s so many layers to us that if you think white supremacy is the, is the whole thing I got, you know, I got bad news for you. It’s not, it’s so much [00:12:00] more than that. It’s so much more. And I don’t know if there were confusing that with like patriarchal, um, with a patriarchal society and patriarchy doesn’t affect women, only it affects men.

[00:12:11] You know, 

[00:12:12] Raven: I just feel like, that sounded like a really big, it’s just offensive to me. That sounded like an excuse, like do your inner work because it’s not this, it’s not that it’s not, like we’re saying it’s an exterior label. Take responsibility for your 

[00:12:26] own shit. 

[00:12:26] Ana: Yeah. It totally is. It totally is. And I mean, I, I really do my best to like, not, not ever say like, oh, that was so rude because.

[00:12:38] That’s just who they are, that this is probably just a phase that they’re going through. And you can tell like when certain people are following or training with certain coaches, with certain things, like it’s very, especially younger people to just believe everything someone else says because they’re, they have a different perspective or whatever, but really just take what people say with a grain of [00:13:00] salt and then see, see if it resonates with you.

[00:13:03] See if that is something that you want to internally validate. 

[00:13:07] Raven: Yeah, that’s something I always talk about is checking in with your intuition. So another huge passion of mine is human design. So do you know your inner authority? Is it immediate? Do you have this knowing, is it something that you have to check in with your gut?

[00:13:20] How does your gut feel when someone says this and then, or a lot of us, the majority of people have an emotional authority. So your intuition is guided by your emotions. So you might be like, yeah, Ra ra right. And then an hour later you’re like, oh, all the way on the bottom. Like I’m so embarrassed that I even cheered that all, and this is horrible, you know, and you have to find your cycle and then get to that middle neutral zone and be like, do I really agree with this or not?

[00:13:45] And you can check in and your intuition will tell you. 

[00:13:48] Ana: Yeah. Yeah. I definitely agree with that. And I think that’s something that, I mean, I I’m 35, so I know that that’s something that I’ve learned with time [00:14:00] and as I get older, but also because I’ve been very intentional of, you know, just like, okay, I don’t want to just put stuff out there.

[00:14:08] Like it’s the absolute truth. And if people don’t do it, their lives, their life is. Right. And I think a lot of people do do that sometimes. And it can get overwhelming when it’s like, oh my gosh, I’m not doing this and this and this and this and this and this because there’s always a three step guide.

[00:14:28] There’s always a seven things you can do. There’s always like this. And it’s like, What, if you just do you, like, what have you just turned off social media for a day and, or several times a week? Um, I’m getting into the habit of doing it once a day, once a week. I wish once a day, um, at least a couple of hours a day.

[00:14:49] And, uh, and it’s been amazing. It’s fabulous to just disconnect and just really, like, what do I want to do today? And, you know, I, I ended up going to like the skating [00:15:00] rink or like those big trampolines that is just like you were saying, just like being with my, my inner child and starting start really getting back into that place of play because the happier I am, the more joyful I feel, the more I I’m able to just be like, you know what, this is who I am, and this is the good, the bad, and the ugly are all part of me.

[00:15:22] Hmm, the, the beauty, the mess, the everything, there’s no right or wrong in terms of me in terms of what has happened to me and for me. So, um, I don’t know what you have to say about that is any of your clients, or you have experienced just like moments where it’s like, oh, I did this wrong or I did this.

[00:15:41] Right. And it’s more like the. 

[00:15:45] Raven: I think there’s a lot of formulas out there that a lot of, and everyone’s saying, right, everyone’s always trying to be an expert is now quoting the experts. It’s like, who really is the expert? Like you just have to go, like you say, be, you obviously ask a lot of [00:16:00] questions and go along with your strategy of your human design, but.

[00:16:04] It’s this feeling of like, oh, well I failed because this formula didn’t work. So let’s try this formula. Oh, that failed. Cause that’s only didn’t work. It’s like, it’s all external and you’re not actually resonating with anybody as you. Cause you haven’t, maybe you have done self-discovery but you’re ignoring it or you haven’t done self discovery and you’re just trying to do like the next best formula.

[00:16:27] But you have to do what’s right. And in alignment for you. And that’s when people will resonate with you. That’s when people are like, oh yeah, I see her. Like, I really connect with her. And it’s all energy, even though you don’t realize it is like all these, there’s all these formulas it’s energy. So you just have to, like you said, be you is exactly that.

[00:16:47] Find your authentic. Look internally, do your inner work, love and validate yourself and be like, you know what? I tried that rate, like, let’s talk about real. I tried that real. I got like a hundred [00:17:00] views. That’s okay. My, maybe my goal was a million. Okay. Check in with your expectations. First, second, you know, viral, isn’t something that is like.

[00:17:09] Overnight. I was just, I just had a, um, Chinese astrology reading. And the other thing I want to bring up is this timing, right? It’s you have to surrender to the fact that you just see the do like, to be more than. And wait for the timing. Maybe your, your luck is not going to come in until your, your later, like in my chart, my sat until my late forties, I was like, okay, I’m patient.

[00:17:32] I can wait. And I’m just going to continue to touch one life at a time now, you know, in my younger years and. practice. This life is a journey. So it’s not about succeeding in this formula or that formula. It’s about the journey and what you’re learning in the process and how you’re enjoying it. If you’re not enjoying it, then stop doing it.

[00:17:53] Right. It’s not worth. 

[00:17:56] Ana: Yeah. Yeah. And th the beautiful thing about like, [00:18:00] uh, I’m going to use the word manifestation, which I know is kind of like chopped up a little bit, and almost like buzzy, which it sucks because I really like it and it’s real. But, um, one thing that I have noticed as like, you know, you’re, you already saw your chart and maybe the reason why you got your chart read.

[00:18:17] Was so you could just release it, trust, divine timing, and then that timing speeds up. Yeah, because, because the Universe doesn’t understand the hours and minutes and seconds, it understands like energy, like you were saying, right. It understands like the fun, the excitement. And it’s like, oh, Raven’s having a lot of fun.

[00:18:37] All right. I wanna let’s let’s speed this up. Let’s let’s, you know, let’s get quicker to Raven because she’s having so much fun. We, we just want to be with her. So I think that that’s also something. I personally struggle with like just the releasing and trusting and everything, because I’ve always been very.

[00:18:58] Hard worker like [00:19:00] grew up very, very with that masculine mindset of like, yeah, like no, like work to the bone and this and that. And I ended up learning it both from my mom and my dad. So it’s been this really interesting phase of, of I’m actually, when you said that, I was like, oh, maybe I should get Chinese astrology readings.

[00:19:17] So I didn’t just sit the fuck down and calm down. Cause it’s like, I’m always getting messages from the universe. I’m always getting these little nudges and these little pokes and it’s like, it’s, it’s great. But there’s always like this part of me. That’s like, hi, go, go, go, go, go. But it really does come back to that.

[00:19:37] Space of like, you know what? I love myself and the more I love myself, the more I’m able to enjoy things. And the more I’m able to do things, I, I post them, my stories, uh, these like botches that I have all over my skin. I have them like in my inner thighs on my belly and like right underneath my chest.

[00:19:56] And I was fighting it for the longest time. And [00:20:00] I. A lot of things. I can’t say everything because if I would’ve done everything, maybe it would have, it would already be gone. But like yesterday I was taking a bath and I was like, what if I just accept them? What if I just love these botches? What if I just say, you know what, right now you’re a part of me.

[00:20:20] I don’t know how long you’ll be here, but I’m just going to love you and accept you. And it’s like, You’ll leave whenever you need to leave. And just that it was, it was such a, like, like a relief. Like there’s nothing wrong with me. There’s nothing, you know, like idea that I had to fix something that I had to erase or get rid of these botches.

[00:20:48] And I’m like, wow. You know, so I it’s, it’s really questioning. And for me, that’s what it’s been, just questioning the status quo. [00:21:00] Like, oh, you need to be this size or you need to look like this when, you know, um, you, you go out or even like makeup or whatever. I don’t have any makeup on, I just have red lipstick, but I do it because I like it.

[00:21:14] You know? So I think it’s just a matter of like, what are the things that you like, what are the things that you really, really like, and that make you feel good about yourself. And even if someone came in and said, he looked like crap, you can just be like, that’s not me. That’s. 

[00:21:33] Raven: Yeah, 

[00:21:33] exactly. That’s their opinion.

[00:21:35] The word that keeps going through my head, the Sanskrit word is Parigraha. And that means surrender. So what you’re talking about is surrendering to accepting whatever situation you are in right now. Okay. You want, you know, you want these rashes to go away so badly. Great. But are you surrendering to the divine timing of when that.

[00:21:58] Are you surrendering [00:22:00] to questioning? What is this telling me? You know, like checking in with your intuition, what are the signs? You know, what is this telling me and accepting that you don’t have to be physically perfect all the time. It’s 

[00:22:13] part of you. That’s beautiful. 

[00:22:15] Ana: Yeah. Yeah. And I think, I mean, I, I know that my.

[00:22:21] You know, that’s, that’s one of the main reasons why they reach out to me because they’re like on a, like, I just feel like I feel so guilty. I feel so ashamed. I feel so this, and so that, and it’s very, very common, right? It’s very, very, very, very common to feel this way because we do live in a society. In my perspective, that’s broken, but because we big, but because we think that everything outside of us is perfection.

[00:22:46] We can’t help, but think that we are the ones that are broken, that we are the ones that have to become molds. And yet, you know, like fit into these boxes. I’m like, how are we going to be able to [00:23:00] fit like, into these boxes? Like, that’s fine. I don’t have a problem with. Okay. Like, we’re born into like, you know, uh, men and women, but then it’s like, do whatever you want to do, you know, do whatever you want to do.

[00:23:13] I think it’s just like, make it easy for people to have like certain like structure and certain, you know, like concepts of like, okay, this is how you, I don’t even know, like put lotion on or whatever, right? Like I’m just giving you a simple, like, teach them the basics, but then it’s like go out there into the wild and figure out what you want.

[00:23:34] Figure out what it is that you want. So you can constantly come back home to yourself and just be like, Hmm. You know what, like, I, I may, I may not, may I am different than this person and that person, even in your family, right. We’re not going to be saved just because we’re blood. So really accepting and embracing that.

[00:23:56] And like you were saying that divine timing for things. [00:24:00] Yeah. 

[00:24:02] Raven: I think what you’re talking about is kind of stems from conditioning. Even if you had a loving family growing up, there are expectations. There are labels. There are maybe ideal. Religion, the way that they disciplined, all of these things may make you feel like the love was conditional or the, you know, being in existence was conditional.

[00:24:26] Acceptance was conditional. And I really truly think that a lot of us, probably 99% of us have had some extent of that or the other. And now what’s our journey as an adult to become our own parent. Again, that’s why I love the inner child work. Cause you, you get sick, just drop all that, drop all these labels, drop all the expectations and just be truly you and who you are.

[00:24:52] Um, and that way you can, you can heal all of these different, the guilt, the shame, again, all this [00:25:00] is external, like we were talking about and you’re able to really listen into yourself and say, I don’t care if you think my hair is ugly because I chopped half of it off and I left the other half, like I’m totally rocking it and I love it.

[00:25:14] So that. Bye. You know, you can just go away, don’t care what you think about whatever 

[00:25:22] you’re doing, right? 

[00:25:23] Ana: Yeah. Yeah, no, I love it. And I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I saw a post from Rom Dass. I don’t know if you follow him on Instagram. Um, he’s he, well, he was, he is in spirit, but I think his wife still runs his, uh, his account or something.

[00:25:39] And he had this beautiful one that I, this beautiful, uh, post that I sent you actually. And it was just like the concept of like,”I am.” It’s like, it’s not about saying like, I am enough. I am worthy. It’s like, I am, I am. And because I am I’m everything and I am [00:26:00] everything that exists. I am you. I am me. I am. I’m just everything.

[00:26:05] I am the person that’s doing construction outside. I am the person that’s parking their car. Like I am. So I’ve really thought about like this concept. You know what, and it’s not, and it’s not so much like throw people off, but it’s like, we’re so multifaceted that to really put ourselves in a box of like, um, I like to think of this, that my mind goes straight to light, or my brain goes straight to, uh, like, um, uh, sexual preferences.

[00:26:32] Like why do we, why, why is there even like a thing on the, on the paper? What like what, uh, what, uh, gender, or excuse me, your sexual preference. Like what does it even matter? You know, why does it even matter? And I think that a lot of times, um, like I, for people like, oh, no, Monogamy, so screwed up because this and that we’re not.

[00:26:54] And I’m like, it’s because you think that monogamy is a prison it’s because you think that being with [00:27:00] one person is that you have to be perfect for them. You know, externally, I always talk about like the inner perfection, but being with someone like sharing your. Someone can be so sacred can be so special, can be so magical when you open yourself up to them.

[00:27:16] When you are constantly showing them little pieces of who you are, and you don’t know if they’re going to hit the ground running or if they’re going to stay. So I understand why a lot of people are like, well, no, A lot of people that I work with, a lot of people that have come to me and that haven’t signed up yet because they aren’t ready to make that step.

[00:27:35] You know, it, it really is like they don’t talk to their spouses. They don’t tell them how they feel. They keep on sacrificing job opportunities, um, personal development, growth, uh, opportunities. And it’s just like, how are you expecting this to work? You’re not being real. If you’re not being honest with yourself, the person that you’re with.

[00:27:57] Raven: Yeah. That is interesting. Yeah. If you’re not [00:28:00] vulnerable with the person you’re supposed to feel safe, if I’m the most vulnerable and I mean, do more inner work for yourself because that means that you yourself are hiding that stuff, you know? Yeah. And you’re afraid to, maybe you don’t share it with them because you don’t want to hear.

[00:28:21] I don’t know if they’re not taking it. I’m kind of the opposite where I might not share it because I’m afraid that they’re going to say no, and I really want to do it. But if you’re afraid and you don’t do it, maybe that you think that they’re going to say, yeah, take it. That’s encouraging or yeah, take it.

[00:28:34] We need the money or whatever, but I mean, ultimately it’s still your decision and it’s something that you talked through with each other as a couple. I mean, that’s the thing that’s hard, right? External validation. Maybe a signal of codependency. So are you feeling like you can’t do it? You know, like there’s this interdependence like, oh, if I do it, then that’s going to affect them.

[00:28:59] Well, you [00:29:00] guys can have your own separate careers, your own separate passions, and still come together and share a beautiful connection and time. I mean, that’s the healthiest way to have a relationship versus being so intertwined. 

[00:29:13] Ana: Yeah. And I, and into this, because this is like my, this is my area, right?

[00:29:19] There’s other people that focus on other sorts of, um, relationships, but this is something that I I’ve actually, uh, again, like I said, with clients and people that have come by and everything, and of course with me, right. I feel like I also, in the past have done certain things that I’m not necessarily proud of.

[00:29:40] You know, I just didn’t have the inner work as you’ve been saying over and over and over again. And I love that you are, because I think it’s really important for us to repeat and repeat and repeat until we actually becomes part of our vocabulary and part of our thought process. Like, are you doing the inner healing?

[00:29:58] Are you doing. [00:30:00] What you need to do in order to stop blaming people outside of you and take more responsibility. Not that you’re going to blame yourself, but that you just like, bring it home, bring it in home and just. Hm. Yeah. I didn’t realize that I was actually depending on you to do this. And, and I think we fall into these roles into these dynamics with friends, partners, family members, that it’s just like, we, we are, we’re looking for that love.

[00:30:29] We’re looking for that validation and it sounds cheesy. But when you start to look inside, when you start to really look inside yourself and see, wow, like, look at all the things that I’ve achieved in life, look at everything. And got all the people that I’ve helped look at everyone that I’ve supported friends, family members, if you’re an entrepreneur clients, like we rarely go back and appreciate what we have done for ourselves or we, or what we have done for other people.

[00:30:59] So I [00:31:00] think that that’s also something really, really important for, um, for self appreciation and validation. 

[00:31:09] Raven: Yeah, absolutely. 

[00:31:10] So if you do struggle with feeling. You had, you didn’t do enough or I just didn’t make the mark. Right. I didn’t get enough followers or I didn’t get enough people to talk to her. What everything are is I don’t have enough clients.

[00:31:25] All these things is you’re operating in this state of lack. And so journal journal of how many people you’ve helped journal, how many people you’ve talked to. And to be quite honest, even if it was one person and they were really grateful and you touched their lives, that’s a win. So don’t be down on yourself.

[00:31:43] Ana: Yeah. Yeah, it’s a really, really big deal. So we are up to, we’ve already passed the 30 minute mark. Um, so I just want to start wrapping up and whatever you want to tell people, like just [00:32:00] maybe a way that they can start going inward instead of looking for that external validation. And , why going inward is a must and the external validation is a plus.

[00:32:15] Raven: Yeah. It’s like that one real audio, you know, I wake up. I, I like myself. Right. And you’re like is extra. I think that it’s trending or it was trending. And I used it and one of my real, I was like, yes, absolutely. And that’s where we all need to be. And I think it’s really hard to get there because we’re first looking.

[00:32:36] I know I did it first looking outward you know? Oh, do they like me? Do they like this comment? Does this person at work? My coworkers, you know, this guy, I’m going to go on a date. Does he really like me. Great. But do you like yourself first? That’s the most important and for me it goes all the way back to childhood.

[00:32:57] So absolutely. It is something [00:33:00] that starts with the inner child work and I have a free guided meditation. If anybody wants it, you can just comment below or DM me inner child . And I can send that to you. It’s free in a Dropbox. And it’s really, really important to practice that if you haven’t yet, because it allows you to drop all of the external expectations that have been placed on you as a child, knowingly or unknowingly, and you get to heal and you get to listen and you get to play and you get to just be in the magic with yourself.

[00:33:31] And it’s something that you should do if you haven’t ever done. Do it like a habit and do like an intensive, like do the meditation every day for 20 days, and then maybe just do a maintenance once a month or once every couple, depending on what you need. And you’ll, you’ll see a transformation in how you see yourself and how you start to operate, you know, and looking for external or internal.

[00:33:54] But it’s important because you’re going to be dragged down so many different roads. And [00:34:00] paths that you’re going to regret because you’re looking for the external, that’s why the internal validation first is a mess. 

[00:34:06] Ana: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I think, um, what I would suggest also is , if you know, cause I know a lot of people are like, oh, how long is the meditation?

[00:34:17] I don’t want to do it. Blah, blah, blah. It’s like fine. If you don’t want to make 15 minutes or 10 minutes out of your day, then just put your hands on your heart. Yeah. There’s really no excuse to, for, for pausing, except you’re you’re not pausing, but just really finding a moment, even if it’s on your bed at your office chair, even in the bathroom, when you’re sitting on the toilet, whenever, wherever it is, and just close your eyes for me, I like just, I am just like I am.

[00:34:48] I am. For me, that’s the way to just connect with the universe with just everything that’s around me with everything that is me, which if I can see it, [00:35:00] then it’s part of my reality. It’s part of me it’s uh, and that’s, that’s just my perspective. So, um, I hope that these tips are helpful for people, 

[00:35:10] so if anybody wants to reach out to her, you can send her a DM and, you know, connect with her and ask her anything that you want. So, um, thank you so much, Raven, for being here, uh, for giving me your time and your energy and, um, yeah, I really, really appreciate.

[00:35:32] Raven: Thank you. I appreciate you too. 

[00:35:34] Ana: Thank you so much. I’ll see you later.

[00:35:36] Raven: Bye 

[00:35:37] Ana: bye.

[00:35:39] Raven: 

[00:35:39] Well, that’s it for today. My goal is to always keep it empowering bite-sized and helpful. Remember to take a screenshot of this episode, tag thriving with Raven onto your social media feeds or stories and share the love. Thank you so much. Have a beautiful day and remember, [00:36:00] keep your unique light shining.

[00:36:03] Bye. See you next time.

Published by Raven Scott

As an international author, narcissist abuse recovering coach, Podcast host of Empath & Narcissist and creator of healing workshops. She is dispelling the narcissists' power one soul at a time.

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